Chapter 11

I have grown to realize, and admit, that I tend to wonder what and how it would feel like to be able to touch him.

I often wonder whether his big palms are as warm as they seem to be. I often wonder whether his broad shoulders are as comforting as they appear to be. I often have the urge to trail my fingers over his well-defined features – his sharp nose, how his eyes crinkle funny whenever he smiles sincerely at his own stupid jokes, how he tilts his chin up in mock arrogance, and how his lips curve into a small smile unconsciously whenever we’re in each others’ presence – with not even an exchange of words.

I tend to wonder...what it would be like if Yifan’s alive.

He sat by my side on the small bed, his long legs stretched forward, bolding out how different the length of our legs were. Funny how the bed nor the sheets were unaffected by him. He’s...weightless, to put it simply. He’s just there.

It’s annoying whenever I can hear my own heartbeat. It’s annoying whenever my chest heaves slightly with every breath I take. It’s annoying how whenever I am with him, I’m the only one breathing.

I tend to wonder...does Yifan think of petty things as these, too?

“That guy told me that girl likes daisies,” he suddenly broke the silence.

I turned to him, head resting against the headboard of the bed, tilting slightly closer to his shoulder. “Hm? Who?”

“Luhan said that about that nurse.”

“Ah...,” It would be scary if I were to just lean closer. My head would rest to nothing, and he’d probably be uncomfortable with my head...literally going through him. I shuddered. It would be scary to be slapped by the harsh reality that he’s not physically there. “So what are we going to do about it?”

“I was expecting you to know,” he rolled his eyes in annoyance, “what would a girl want, from a girl’s point of view? How can we get Luhan’s message across so she’d know of his true feelings? Besides, you’re the one who’s been irritating me, saying that we should in their business and everything.”

“It makes me happy that you classify me as a girl,” I retorted curtly.

He snorted, “Saying it like that just makes you seem pathetic.”

I glared at him in an equal annoyance.

And at times like these, is when I wish I could touch him just so that I can punch his dumb smirk off.

♀♂

“She was an intern,” Luhan started with a calm smile. The two of us were standing by the window. Luhan had his eyes fixated on that particular nurse, while I was staring at the ground. Despite the bright evening rays shining through the window, we had no shadows stretched in front of us. It’s quite funny, really.

“She took care of me really well. I’ve been living in the hospital for about half a year before she was recruited here,” he chuckled softly as he watched, from across the ward, her pout at a little boy who refused to eat his medicine, “I was very mean to her at first. I was mean to everyone. Because it’s unfair, you know? Life was unfair to me.