Special, special, special thanks to itssasa because she helps me as the beta-reader for this story!! You're really nice girl. Folks, you really should check her fanfics if you haven't. She really has great fanfics! 

Project: Cupid!

Chapter 14: The Easy Way

The "Courage Test" episode had not been aired, but Yoona was certain that once the episode had finally aired, votes would go directly to the EunSun team. She thought that victory would taste so sweet, but for the past few days, the feeling that filled her heart was a purely content state - especially when she looked at a certain unnie, whom lately somehow always appeared to light up whenever she received a new message on her cell phone.  

However, all thoughts of a probable pairing of Sunny and Eunhyuk evaporated once a big hand shot out of nowhere and proceeded to ruffle her hair rather fondly. Startled, Yoona looked up to see Heechul grinning down at her. They were in the middle of a break from the shooting a special episode of Family Outing Session 2: The Reunion. The November day had been at its chilliest. The crew and other stars spent the break vying for some warmth in the cottage - Yoona and Heechul were no exceptions to this chance.  

"I've seen the recorded version where you and Donghae attempted on scaring Eunhyuk and Sunny. I must say, his hug was quite an unexpected development, eh?" Heechul suspiciously commented as he took a seat next to one of his closest dongsaeng. 

Yoona shrugged, "To be honest, I didn't expect that either. But it's... nice." 

A strong arm came from behind and was suddenly slumped around her shoulders. A loud, distinctive voice greeted her eagerly, “Yoona! What were you talking about? What’s so nice, huh?” Within moments, the very same strong arm was shoved away in a playful manner.  

"What's nice is for you to stop surprising me like that, Taecyeon Oppa!" 

Taecyeon's grin suddenly disappeared as his eyes shifted to the person next to Yoona. The awkwardness was more than obvious due to the very well-known fact that Heechul and Taecyeon were not exactly on the best of terms with each other. However, to Taecyeon’s relief, the older guy’s piercing stare slowly turned normal as he casually greeted the him. Inwardly relieved, Taecyeon took the chance to formally bow his head in return. Before either could begin to say anything, the 2PM member was suddenly beckoned over by the director, much to Yoona's relief and Heechul's indifference. 

Yoona studied the way Heechul’s stare lingered on Taecyeon’s back even as he walked away.  

“You still haven’t forgiven him?”  

Heechul shrugged, “I don’t know. He’s okay, I suppose. It’s not as if he is the only bastard around.” 

“Oppa!” Yoona immediately scolded him for the choice of words. She had always reprimanded him for his reluctance to repair his relationship with Taecyeon. Despite her efforts, Heechul just wasn't having any of if - as much as he cared about Yoona. He was in no mood to hear rambling advices, nor was he ever in the mood to bother with such a troublesome task. Instead, he opted to ask her some questions instead.

"So, Hyukjae and Sunny only needs some more pushes, but how about you and Donghae?” 

“Wha –“ 

“Hyukjae’s love life is not the only thing that’s progressing, is it?” 

Yoona chuckled in disbelief, hoping that it would fool Heechul to consider the notion as impossible. Still, she chose the wrong person to try and uphold a disguise with. Heechul may not be the kind of person to care for much that does not involve him, but the flower boy was always sharper than a dagger when he chose to be. So, she settled to cast doubts on his analysis, hoping that he would drop anymore questioning. "What do you think is there between us? Oppa, stop pretending like you care!" Yoona sniggered as steadily as she could.  

He glared at her incredulously, “Ouch.” 

“Oh, come on -"  

“Fine, you're right. But, whatever happens between you two isboth of yours problem. There isn't nothing going on, it seems reallyfishy.”

“You’re being delusional, Oppa.” 

“Not completely incorrect, though, right? Why don’t you give it a try? You know the managers are okay if you have relationship within the company,” he acutely pointed out. 

She could have told him of all the clichéd (but not entirely false) reasons, which included: her busy schedules as a musical artist (leaving no time to date anyone) and the unwanted scandal that could influence her band's image. Despite all reasons she built up in her mind, in the end, betrayed her in order to speak the truth of her late worries, “I don’t want to have a relationship with someone who’s still unsure with his own feelings.” 

“Is that why you try to pair him with Jessica, again?” 

She stared at him with immense shock. She had made sure to conceal Jessica and Donghae’s meeting as best as she could. "H-how do you know?” she stuttered, still recovering from Heechul's uncanny knowledge.

“Jessica is bad in controlling when she’s drunk,” Heechul replied casually.  “Don’t worry. I was the only one who heard her little confession.” 

Yoona took a deep breath at the news. She was itching to find out what Jessica’s thoughts regarding the talk with Donghae. Yoona could not decipher anything, for Jessica continued to act normally, preventing Yoona from analyzing the outcome of their meeting. She had been restraining herself to ask the question directly to her unnie. Yoona would like to consider that as their privacy, but on the other hand, she was sure her other reason included her own fear.  

“You want to know how their meeting went?” Heechul teased good-naturedly,” She made a mouthful of drunken confession.” 

"No. It’s fine, I don't have to know,” she replied after almost a minute in deliberation.  

“Why are you doing that though, Yoong?” 

“They still have a chance together...” 

“You have your chance too, right?” 

“No. It’s impossible,” she opposed quickly. “And even if I do, I don’t really want to.” 

“Why?”he countered demandingly. 

“I don’t want to fall in love with him for real. I’m stopping myself before it gets to that level. Matchmaking them is one method for me to cope with everything.” 

“I don’t understand the way your brain works, sometimes.” 

She chuckled darkly hearing his cynic remark, “Coming from you, that’s a compliment.” 

Shooting Project: Cupid! the past few weeks had been such a dreadful thing for her. It amazed her how adverse it was that even without seeing him for a period of time, she lost more and more composure. The thought of encountering Donghae continuously scared her. Yet, at the same time, she wanted to see him all the more. She wanted to steal a glance, but she was afraid of how obvious her feelings would be. She had never been that transparent in her entire life.  So, Yoona chose to avoid him because she did not know how to react in front of him. 

Ironically enough, just when she thought of having lesser contacts with him, he did the opposite. At first, she thought that it was only because they were paired up in front of the camera, that interaction was inevitable. However, Donghae had been taking the initiative to approach her even when there wasn't any filming occurring. No matter how much she had been telling herself that it was only his normal reaction (he was shy, alright, but she had learned how he hated to be left alone too), she couldn’t deny how it had been rather too obvious of him to initiate contacts with her.  

Stealing glances at her, smiling sheepishly when she caught him staring at her, and usually ruffling her hair - his actions were driving her insane. What was wrong with her? These things had never mattered that much to her before. Things had changed. Her feelings for him grew. 

Yoona buried her face on her propped up palms. “I want this show to end soon,” she blurted out, “Why?” Sunny questioned curiously. The two of them were sitting together in the studio where the Project: Cupid! would be filmed in a couple of minutes. “I kind of - like to this show.” 

“Easy for you to say, Unnie,” Yoona replied as she lifted her face up again, "You enjoy spending time with Eunhyuk Oppa lately.” 

“What the…“ Sunny muttered as she hit Yoona’s shoulder. The blush was evident on the shortest member's cheeks. “W-well, it’s not like you don’t enjoy it too…” 

“I don’t,” the other girl answered. “I don’t enjoy it lately.” 

Sunny’s eyes showed confusion. “What? How come?” 

“Never mind,” Yoona brushed her question off. As much as she cared for her unnie and as much as she trusted her, Yoona did not need more people to know her conflicting emotion.  

Sunny pouted. “You’re such in denial, Yoong.” 

“I am not.” 

People in denial definitely would not admit that they had growing feelings inside of their heart, but Yoona an exception to the mainstream. To herself (and to some others – namely one Lee Donghae), she lived with the truth that her “supposedly” harmless crush had developed into a deep, ardent affection.

That was the problem, to her at least.

What else can she do when the person - she wanted to be with more than anything – happened to still be in love with someone else? Despite his growing attraction to Yoona (forgive her absurdity and arrogance), Yoona knew that Donghae’s feelings could never develop further than it already had.

She had never fallen in love in her life. Although Donghae could, perhaps, soon be the first exception. To Yoona, first loves are irreplaceable. No matter how many relationships built up over time towards anyone, at the end of the day, it would always return to the first special someone.

Yoona was sure she was not his special someone, or at least tried to think that way. It would only hurt her more if she forced herself to believe otherwise. 

Fortunately, Jae Won called for them to begin the filming again, saved her from Sunny’s upcoming questions. The two girls stood up and approached the set together. The shooting that day would be a talk show with the commentators. Yoona was glad that Heechul could not be present that day. She did not know what that eccentric person would have oh-so-accidentally blurted out if he had been present. 

The talk session finished without any meaningful incidents. However, Sunny and Eunhyuk would easily disagree because of the continuous taunts throughout the duration of filming. To Yoona, the entire 30 minutes of the talk flew without any realization. She couldn’t help but busy herself with her own thoughts. Luckily, Donghae always spoke up whenever a question was directed towards them. 

“Are you alright?” he questioned once the filming ended. Donghae’s little inquiry was spoken casually, but Yoona had been too enthralled with her thoughts that she involuntarily jolted up in alarm when he spoke. 

“Ah, y-yes. I’m fine,” she responded weakly, looking all around her as they sat beside each other on the studio chairs. The other couple left and Jae Won, as well as his staff and a company representative, gathered for an emergency meeting. Yoona’s eye widened, “What happened?”

Donghae followed her gaze and shrugged, “I don’t know for sure. But I think they’re discussing for the possibility of Project: Cupid’s next season.” he paused for a moment before adding, “Hyukjae overheard from our manager that our season will end soon and they’re planning to use new teams.” 

Yoona’s eyes widened in turn, “Really?”  

He chuckled, somehow rather sarcastically, “You seem… rather pleased to hear that.” 

She blinked in response. Had she been that obvious?

“Well, I mean it’s rather inevitable now. With the progress of Sunny and Eunhyuk’s relationship, our team’s win is guaranteed. This show will end once one group wins, right?” 

Donghae stared back at her with an unreadable expression, causing her to once more advert her gaze somewhere else.

“Well -” he began again, “- perhaps we should gear up the competition then? So, that our victory would not be so obvious?” 

She masked her suddenly rapidly beating heart with a casual query, “Why should we do that?” 

“So we can be together in this show longer?” 

There must have been something in her expression, something about the way her lips parted open and the shock evidently shown on her eyes that made Donghae spoke again, “What? You don’t want to be together with me in this show anymore?”  

Yoona’s lack of response only posed more questions in Donghae’s mind.

“Is that true?” he asked in disbelief. 

Now, her only reaction was to look at anything other than his suddenly piercing gaze. She shifted her body away from him uncomfortably.  Donghae frowned and moved to sit closer to her, “Are you avoiding me, Yoona?” 

She really wished that she could provide him an answer that would cast away his doubt, but words did not come out. Only her actions had affirmed his guess rather effectively. There was a longsilence and for the rarest time (however, occurring often lately) Yoona did not know what to do. Her eyes frantically searched the room for help. She hoped that Jae Won would suddenly call her, or that Sunny would be back to break the awkwardness that was building effortlessly. She needed distraction. She needed Donghae to stop staring at her like that, to stop his silent determination. 

Despite her wishful thinking, none every happened. Suddenly, Yoona’s hand was taken in Donghae’s grasp, causing her to flinch away. Instead of politely letting her go, Donghae held on tight, making sure that she wouldn’t escape.

“Yoona.”

“Yes?” 

“Look at me,” he said. His tone was authoritative.

Reluctantly, she turned her head to look back at him.

Although she badly wanted to look anywhere other than his face, the shock that overwhelmed her was enough to keep her eyes observing the intense gaze that Donghae gave her. That very gaze is something she had never witnessed him give her in their entire relationship. Her stomach churned with anxiety and panic bounced off of the walls in her heart.

“I -” he began. “- really like spending time with you.” 

She tried to act normal. She really did try, “I-I also like spending time with you.” 

“And p-perhaps, I’m attracted to you too,” he confessed.  

If it had not been for the chair, perhaps her knees would give up and she would stumble down to the floor. Her ears couldn’t have fooled her right? And Donghae would not be that cruel to say such thing as a joke, right? 

“W-what?” she replied speechlessly. 

He bashfully grinned, “Yeah, I think that’s why I don’t want this show to end yet.” 

She was not in denial of her own feeling. But goodness, she wanted to completely deny his confession! Something was not right. This was not how things were supposed to be. He was not supposed to be with her.

“What about Jessica Unnie?” 

She dared to ask. Yoona finally voiced the sole devastation that had been troubling her mind. She had forbidden herself to ask Jessica, to ask Donghae, and to ask even Heechul about what was going on between those two. Yoona had been too afraid to find out the answer, but she at last supposed that the answer would be her only defense now. 

Donghae looked genuinely confused with her question and with himself as well. His hand unconsciously left hers and he suddenly averted his previously intense gaze. “Well, whatever my feeling for her is, it won’t affect the fact that I still love to spend more time with you, right?”  

His eyes dressed themselves with guilt upon saying the line. Despite his unsettling reply, she was inwardly grateful - grateful that his honesty (as harsh as it was) would give her reasons to set things right again, to change things to what they were supposed to be.

With a newfound calmness, she took a deep breath and let the logic (and denial) took part. “No, it affects it, us, greatly. I’m thankful though. Your feeling to her reminds me that this entireshow, that we, are not meant –“ 

“I feel for you –” he interrupted. 

“But not as strongly as your feeling to her,” she cut him off rudely, “I don’t mind though, Oppa. It just gives more reason of why this show should end soon, right? So, that you can be with Jessica Unnieafter this.” 

He was on the brink of defeat, but he still chose to utter out his last resorts, “I know that maybe now I cannot be a man enough to determine my own feelings. And perhaps I’m selfish. But I don’t want to lose you too, Yoona. I don’t want this show and us to end just like that.” 

Yoona chuckled darkly, “That’s easy for you to say.” 

Her newborn emotion (her irritation or her disappointment) was enough to silence Donghae.

“That’s easy for you to say,” she repeated. “This whole, this whole… damned showis easy for you because you don’t feel my fear, Oppa. You don’t have the fear that your own feelings towards me will grow. You don’t have the fear that your infatuation with me will be doomed. You know why? Because you are still deeply attached to Jessica Unnie. No matter how this show will make you, say, attracted to me, your own feeling to Jessica Unnie will always refrain you from falling deeper.” 

“Yoona –“ he tried to stop her. 

Frustration got the best of her and she stopped his attempt to calm her down. “Me, Oppa? Lately I cannot sleep well, I cannot eat well, I cannot think right because as each day pass, I realize that I can only fall more and more to you! And nothing can hold my feeling back. And I will fall into a feeling that is impossible to begin with!” 

Frustration led to despair. She felt something hot prickled on her eyes, but she wiped them away before the first drop could even fall.  To no help, Donghae’s expression became increasingly puzzled.

Her voice cracked when she spoke again, “Yes, you may have a crush for me, but you still love Jessica Unnie. That’s a great difference between your feeling to me and my feeling to you. And that’s why it is easy for you. It’s not fair. You won’t feel hurt. Me? Not so lucky.”  

She stood up from her chair. It was painful to be near him and she needed to escape.  

So, she walked away without another glance, leaving Donghae to stare after her.

To Be Continued