The Living Paradox
Project: Cupid!
Project: Cupid!
Chapter 10 : The Living Paradox
“And finally for the first time since we first air Project: Cupid!, the Eunsun team lost! Congratulation for the Yoonhae team for their first success in matchmaking Eunhyuk and Sunny!” happily announced the lead MC, Leeteuk as he clapped his hands. His enthusiasm effortlessly infected his fellow MCs and the audience. Soon the studio was filled with claps and excited shouts.
“Finally?” said Sooyoung.
“Finally,” copied and affirmed Hyoyeon.
“The more awkward the couple is, the more they got favored. The audience nowadays surely has a weird preference,” mused Heechul.
Leeteuk nodded in agreement. “Now, let us see an excerpt of the teams’ commentaries. We’ll start with the losing team first…Sunny-sshi!”
The camera zoomed in to the flat screen behind all the MCs and a video was played. The MCs looked up at the screen while the VT Operator played on the footage focusing on Sunny’s commentary.
The close-up, recorded image of the aegyeo-filled girl appeared. The white and pink logo of Project: Cupid!’s show decorated the background behind her. It was a video recorded a few days after the Tango’s shooting and the girl was questioned several inquiries by the unseen narrator.
“Sunny-sshi, more audience has voted for you and Eunhyuk-sshi together these past few days. How do you feel about it?”
Sunny cracked out an awkward laugh. “I don’t know. I mean, I really don’t understand why they will vote for us, really. Eunhyuk Oppa and I are…not exactly comfortable with each other –although of course, I always respect him as my sunbae.”
“Only as a sunbae?”
She contemplated for a quick moment. “Well…as a person… he’s a good man.”
“And you only ‘respect’ him?”
She almost fell into the trap. But attempted an ambiguous retort. “Yah, what are you all expecting me to say anyway?”
The interviewer gave a small laugh before his deep voice let another question rose. “Alright, and what do you think about your opponent team? In the first few episodes, you sounded very certain that they were easy to deal with and that Yoona-sshi and Donghae-sshi will fall with each other shortly. Are you still on that particular opinion?”
Sunny’s nervous laughter commenced once again. “…Well, I’m not so sure myself now…”
“The thing is… there is nothing extraordinary about Yoona’s treatment to Donghae Oppa, and vice versa,” Sunny elaborated to her teammate when the later questioned her about her aired commentaries (Eunhyuk hadn’t had the chance to watch it). The Eunsun team was inside the pastel-colored, children daycare room –waiting for their shooting’s turn. Jae Won and his staffs were recording the Yoonhae team’s part at the moment. The screen writer, Mi Ran, had given the ‘children’ theme for their shooting that day. Unlike the usual challenge though, the four idols were not required to give each other ordeal that time. Mi Ran had told them earlier that all they needed to do was to take care of a four or five year old kid.
Eunhyuk glanced at the way Sunny held the four-year-old Dae Hyun in her lap and he couldn’t help but to think she looked good with kids. Despite her young age and her dubbed “Aegyeo Queen” name, Sunny let out a certain motherly aura he rarely saw in such girl. The sudden stare Sunny gave immediately reminded him of how he was expected to give a commentary to her earlier remark.
Clearing his throat, Eunhyuk then grabbed the Gundam toy and spoke, “Well, I can’t seem to disagree…somehow.” He concentrated more on the toy rather on his partner, partially because lately, he found the urge to avoid Sunny’s gaze. “They are good friends to begin with. It’s always difficult to level things up if you start on that base.”
Sunny gave a pleasant laugh as she started tickling the young kid she held. “Well, Oppa, I don’t really want to lose, so we have to think up for something to level up their relationship.”
Eunhyuk sighed. “It won’t be easy…”
“But don’t you agree that Yoona would be the right girl for Donghae Oppa?”
“She would,” Eunhyuk nodded. “But the thing about Hae is…” he paused, not really sure whether he had the right to continue or not. He was very close to Donghae and the later often shared his secret with him. This included a couple of revelations of his failed relationship to a certain SNSD’s Ice Princess and how he always had a hard time moving on.
“Yes, Oppa?”
“Hyukjae is a loyal man. And he gets into some problem because of it,” Eunhyuk finished. It was not that he could not trust Sunny to keep a secret, but he just respected Donghae’s privacy.
Again, Eunhyuk fooled himself to ignore Sunny’s penetrating gaze.“Cut!”
With one word from Jae Won, Hye Su, the five-year-old girl Donghae and Yoona were supposed to babysit, ran from Donghae’s embrace back to her mother. The Super Junior member exhaled a disappointed sigh. He really did like children, although he admitted that he was often more favored by young boys rather than young girls.
“Okay, we’re going to shoot Eunhyuk and Sunny’s part now. You guys may take your break. We’re going to shoot materials for the next few episodes afterwards,” announced the PD quickly before he instructed a half of his staffs to take break and the other half to prepare the shooting for the Eunsun team part. The past few days had been very stressful as they all committed to film materials worth of several episodes. They had finished filming the “Paintball War” episode (with the major highlight of Eunhyuk’s attempt to protect Sunny from Yoona’s attack only earned the guy bruises) and the “Fishing” episode the day before and had the schedule to film three episodes worth in the next two days.
Such intense schedule indicated just how frequent the stars met. After the semi-confession in the hotel’s balcony during SME’s formal dinner, Yoona had feared her relationship with Donghae would be awkward. She was relieved though, to see how natural she was besides Donghae. The reason was pretty obvious to her: it was just a harmless, simple crush that she had occasionally felt with her other co-stars. Nothing more, nothing less.
Funnily, it was Donghae’s reaction though, that she deemed to be pretty awkward. She knew he was pretty much a shy boy to begin with (yes, despite all those gentlemanly gestures and flirtatious acts, she still considered him as really a timid guy inside), but his reactions to her the past few days had been rather… distant. As a professional, he did not show it on camera, but once the camera was off, he got rather fidgety around her.
Yoona had not realized this at first, but eventually, her senses told her that something was wrong.
She planned to settle things right again.
“Donghae Oppa,” she called out to him just when he was about to stand up.
The said guy stopped his action midway and returned back to his earlier sitting position. “…Yes, Yoona-sshi?”
She pondered on the best words to say but in the end, she just decided to be truthful and confront him about their rather awkward relationship in the end. “I… kind of notice how…weird we’ve acted towards each other these past few days,” Yoona started and noticed the uneasiness in Donghae’s gesture. She actually acted casual around him, but she supposed using the pronoun ‘we’ would make him feel…like they were on the same position. “And…well, it’s pretty obvious that the trigger of such situation is my…” she shrugged. “…so-called confession.”
His dark brown eyes looked up to see her lighter ones.
So I was right, Yoona thought as she studied Donghae’s response. “I’m so sorry, Oppa. I didn’t mean to say that to ruin our friendship,” she smiled. “Perhaps I just got too carried away with the job, that’s all. I mean…I think I kind of did that in my previous dramas and other variety shows. Perhaps I just got into the role too much. And it’s not like I want anything more from you or something, so you don’t have to be afraid. Just treat me like the usual and…” she let her words hanging as she examined Donghae’s reaction.
His reaction was nothing like she imagined. Donghae looked honestly confused, flabbergasted even. “You…thought that I was afraid of you?”
She blinked. “Aren’t you?”
“What, Yoona…” he cracked a chuckle in disbelief. “I would never think that way of you.”
Her eyes must have shown utter puzzlement, because he explained himself more. “I am not afraid of you. I…admit that I’ve acted rather… uneasy lately, but that’s not because I am afraid of you.”
Her doe eyes were locked to him. “Then…why?”
“Ah. That…” Donghae suddenly averted his gaze and unconsciously played with the teddy bear that was placed near his knees. “…There’s a reason to that. It’s…fear, but a different kind of fear. Not the way that you assumed…”
He did not even look convinced with his own words, but Yoona trusted Donghae to be an honest man. At the very least, the Im girl was relieved that he did not think of her as a morbid fangirl who would ruin his life. As for the real reason why he still had a certain kind of fear…
“Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.
He gave a weak smile. “Probably not yet, Yoona-sshi.”
“Oh,” she nodded. “Okay.”
There was an awkward silence between them. Donghae probably felt rather guilty about it, so he tried to shrug off his personal uncertainty and gave her his usual bright smile. Standing up, he then offered his hand to help her on her back on her feet. “It’s break time. You want to grab some ice cream outside? Eeteuk Hyung said there was a good new ice cream store nearby.”
As the ice cream melted, so did their awkwardness.
They were walking back to the children daycare building after having bought the ice creams previously. Fortunately enough, the walk to the ice cream store only took five minutes, and thus they could avoid being spotted by people or fans who would scandalize their simple trip to the store. Project: Cupid! might have been a show created to arise the scandals, but none was needed on the reality basis.
“Their lost is really something that must be cherished,” said Donghae in between of his strawberry-flavored ice cream. “You know, even the other Super Junior members are having suspicion that Hyukjae really had a thing for Sunny-sshi.”
“Seo Nyuh Shi Dae tease Sunny a lot too. At first it was always me who initiated the teasing, but lately, they all joke about her and Eunhyuk Oppa even without my cue. Ah, the girls have really been on low stock of good teasing after Seohyun and Yonghwa’s series in WGM ended. ”
“Have the other SNSD members teased you about me?” he asked with a casual grin on his fair face.
“Not really,” Yoona replied in all honesty. She was pretty perplexed with the lack of reaction herself. She had thought that her girlish crush would somehow be apparent, but it turned out to be the negative. Yoona started nibbling on the cone as she continued, “Even if they have, it’s a trivial joke and the topic will always somehow shifted to Sunny again.”
They had reached the children daycare building. Donghae handed one of the staffs a plastic full of ice cream cups for them all to enjoy, before the two then moved to the next room where the shooting for Eunhyuk and Sunny’s part was conducted. Choosing the position on the back of the room behind the staff, they leaned on the wall as they watched the shooting.
“They will get more votes this time, for sure. Sunny is really good with kids and babies. She is the most motherly one among us all,” she commented, her mind drifted momentarily to the filming of Hello, Baby! That SNSD did a few years backward. A smile made it to her lips. “I like children too, a lot. But I’ve never really been appealing to children, I suppose. I’m not really a motherly figure,” she said with crisp laughter.
Donghae smiled. “I think you’re going to be the type of mother who treats your children as if they are your friends. That’s a good quality too.”
Yoona shrugged. “Yul and I think we will be quite careless mothers. Well, at least we aren’t as bad as Jessica Unnie when –“ her words immediately died on her tongue and she cursed herself for being way too obvious.
The guy beside her gave a small smile. “It’s okay,” he said as he leaned back to the wall. “You’re right. She is very awkward with children. There was even one time when she made one of SM staff’s kid cried.”
She did not really know how to react, so Yoona only nodded cautiously.
Donghae sensed her anxiety that still lingered and finally decided to do things he had been planning to do to Yoona since some time ago: opening up. With how friendly they had become lately, he kind of owed it to her anyway. It surely was painful to talk about his past love experience, but he somehow wanted Yoona to know that she had his trust.
He spoke in hushed tone and they stood in a good distance away behind the other staffs who were filming Eunhyuk and Sunny. But his voice sounded clear and the message resonated inside her easily.
“Jessica was… is… my first love,” he began. “And first love is the kind of love that you would never be able to completely forget. And not that I want to, anyway. She is… different in my eyes. Never thought that I would actually fall for that type, but in the end…” he chuckled. “You cannot really choose who you want to fall in love with.”
Her head slowly looked up at him, her ears listened attentively, her mind digested the information, and there was a slight clench in her heart.
But she understood. Yoona might not have been there in Donghae and Jessica’s storybook, but the Im girl could picture it vividly in her mind. She felt like nodding to every words Donghae said, simply because she believed it too. Jessica was different in her eyes too and at first, Yoona had never thought that she would actually bond up well with her (with all her bored attitude, blunt words, and detached personality). But now, Yoona could firmly say that she cared a lot and loved Jessica too.
“You choose the right girl,” Yoona replied without any hesitation.
A sad smile made it to Donghae’s face. “I do. But that does not guarantee anything. Our relationship is a prime example.”
Genuine curiosity was built up inside her. She knew that Donghae and Jessica had been going out until a few weeks before SNSD first debuted. She never knew, though, why the seemingly compatible couple just part ways like that. However, Yoona was still doubting whether to inquire this to him or not. Donghae noticed her unspoken question and told her to just say what she wanted to say. After a minute of hesitation, she slowly asked.
“May I ask… why did you two end your relationship?”
He gave a long sigh. The sudden pained expression made Yoona wanted to retract the question immediately, but Donghae’s words already flowed out first.
“Feelings changed, I suppose. Hers, not mine,” he clarified absentmindedly. “It’s not that we are on bad terms. We didn’t fight a lot. Well, I even could not recall having any lover’s quarrel with her. We compromised lots of things. I adapted to her, she adapted to me. But perhaps, that was where things had gone wrong…”
His eyes looked at the sight of laughing Sunny, but Yoona was sure that his mind was travelling back to the bittersweet page of his past tale.
“Perhaps not entirely ‘wrong’,” he corrected himself. “But… we got into the comfort zone and suddenly she…didn’t see our relationship in a romantic notion anymore.”
“But you still did,” Yoona concluded. “No. You still do.”
He did not voiced out any answer, but his head nodded eventually.
Yoona heaved a sigh too. “Donghae Oppa…” She did not really know what to say. She honestly wanted to help Donghae (See? Her crush was something insignificant compared to the value of friendship for her), but on the other hand, she did not exactly know how. Throughout the years of living and working together with Jessica, not once had she seen the older having the indication of wanting to fix her past relationship. Perhaps Yoona herself was not being too sensitive, or perhaps Jessica just hid her emotions well.
The Lee guy bit on his lower lips without realizing it. Talking about Jessica still felt painful even after all these years. The breakup had happened more than four years ago, yet he still could not move on. It was not that he did not want to. He tried to move on, actually. There were some casual dates and flirting (that he did only when he was feeling very secure of himself –which was not exactly often), but in the end, Donghae always refrained himself for getting deeper. Something inside of him…just could never let go. “Pitiful, eh?” he asked cynically.
“Not at all, Oppa,” Yoona quickly defended. To her, there was nothing pitiful about someone’s determination in love. True, that might not always end up beautifully, but Donghae’s sincerity only affirmed how much she respected this man to begin with. “You’re an admirable person, Oppa. It is one’s gift to be able to love someone that unconditionally. You’re a selfless person and one day, I’m sure, you’ll get back what you already gave,” she spoke, earnestly hoping that her words could comfort the seemingly broken man. “…Perhaps not in the way that you expect it to be, but in a better way. Who knows?”
Her optimism was infectious, he concluded inwardly. There was an essence of reality in the hope she was infusing him. Donghae looked back to her and felt that it was her being the sincere one. His hand moved on its own accord to caress her long, brown hair. “Thank you, Yoona.”
She offered him a smile.
His hand sneaked back into his jacket’s pocket and he suddenly remembered how funny the situation really was. “Now that I think of it, it’s pretty weird, right? Here I am telling, sharing a story about my unrequited love to a girl that claims to have a crush on me. Will that change your opinion about me?”
Yoona’s eyes twinkled mischievously. “Oppa, how exactly do you want me to see you as?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know.” He presented her an innocent, sheepish grin. “It will be nice if you continue having crush on me,” he shrugged. His eyes lit up with something she could not exactly pinpoint.
“Ah, here goes your flirtatious side again,” Yoona muttered as she hit Donghae’s shoulders. “Aish, Oppa. How can you make me the object of your teasing? Have mercy on the poor me, will you?”
“How could you be so sure that I was teasing you?” he inquired. Mirth was present on his eyes.
She smiled as she shot him a threatening gaze. “You don’t get me fooled. You seriously expect a girl to succumb for your infamous pick-up lines after you confessed your deep love to another girl?” she laughed. “You contradict yourself.”
Her laughter was something pleasant to hear. A smile easily graced his feature. He was tempted to blurt out the truth: that the reason why he had actually avoided her after her so-called confession was not because he was afraid of her. Yes, he admitted that he had been afraid. He had been afraid to even catch the glimpse of her pretty, wavy brown hair; he had been afraid if she got too close to him; he had been afraid to admit how her words, her personality, her smile…affected him.
He feared his growing attraction to her.
Yoona did not need to know about that though.
He watched her go when one of the staff called out for her. Her slim figure soon disappeared behind the door but the image of her twinkling eyes and her wide grin was perfectly engraved to his mind.
He muttered to himself, “Perhaps, you’re right, Yoona. I contradict myself.”
To be Continued
A/n: To be honest, I found it really hard to write this chapter. Sushisoju perhaps still remembers how long it took me to finish Chapter 10. But a YoonHae FMV "Beautiful" by this chapter. But a Yoonhae FMV “Beautiful” by TsukiKanae8 truly made me inspired. So thanks to her.. :)
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