Chanyeol stares at his ceiling. He is home alone again. He would have called Baekhyun right now as Baekhyun is his favorite person to meet with because Baekhyun makes him feel happy and the hearty laugh from the petite male never fails to infect his heart. He takes out his phone to dial Kai or Kris’ number but ends up staring at the brunette’s contact number.

 

 

“Ham and Baekon...”

 

 

He silently laughs.

 

 

 

It’s amazing how he was able to be in this kind of relationship with Baekhyun. From the very beginning, the brunette has always been reserved and quiet. No one attempted to talk to him first even Chanyeol had no plans talking to the petite male.

 

 

But then Baekhyun laughed.

 

 

The very first time he hears that angelic laugh was the first time he felt his heart beat so loudly, he almost thought people around him can hear it. Baekhyun’s laugh isn’t extraordinary. His laugh is just like everybody else’s. Except one; it caught Chanyeol’s full attention. There’s something about it that makes Chanyeol turn his head and stare at the petite male who laughs heartily, his eyes turning into little crescents, and cheeks turning red. On that day, Chanyeol decided that this ByunBaekhyun’s laugh is his favorite kind of laugh and that he likes hearing it, a lot.

 

 

Trying to be closer to the man that interests him on the very first day of their school orientation isn’t easy. Baekhyun likes to fly solo. It’s not that he is an introvert and doesn’t have friends. In fact, he was their class president and all of their classmates were friends with him. It’s just that Baekhyun, even after a month of being classmates, still likes to keep to himself, only answers politely when asked, and only speaks when needed. Their class respected the class president’s character.

 

 

 

But Chanyeol wants more. He wants attention. He doesn’t want to be seen by the brunette just like everyone else; a classmate he needs to be friendly with and look after because he is the president. So what more strategy can he use aside from the traditional ‘Annoy-him-until-you’re-all-that-he’s-thinking-of-because-you’re-a-jerk strategy’? The glares, the curses, and even the light hits on the arm he received from the brunette class president were all worth it.

 

 

Because he gets more attention than everyone else. The class president notices him more.

 

 

Chanyeol starts deleting Baekhyun’s name on his contact list and renames it.

 

 

Baekhyunnie<3

 

 

The stupid smile on Chanyeol’s face gets wiped away as he panics to save his phone from falling flat on his face when it slips off his hand because of the vibration when someone calls him. But it comes right back when he sees an unknown telephone number as the caller ID.

 

 

“Hello?”

 

 

“Hi, Baek.”

 

 

Chanyeol was literally biting his lower lip to stop himself from exploding into unmanly squeals.

 

 

“Uh... What are you doing right now?”

 

 

Chanyeol sits up and his eyes quickly scan the room for any excuse.

 

 

“Uh, reading.”

 

 

“Oh, I see…”

 

 

“Why? Is there anything you need?”

 

 

There was a short pause that had Chanyeol biting on his nails.

 

 

“Uh...I was wondering if you have free time? Because, you know that---that promise I made to you about treating you out but it seems you’re busy—”

 

 

“NO! I’m not busy at all!” Chanyeolclamps a hand over his mouth when he realizes he just exclaimed in a hurry to inform the brunette that he is very, VERY free to hang out with him.

Well really, if it’s for Baekhyun. He’ll free every schedule just to spend time with the brunette.

 

 

“I…I mean—”

 

 

His plan of making an excuse gets cut by the angelic laugh from the other line. Chanyeol still feels embarrassed. He still does. Very. But it gets forgotten as he smiles to himself while listening at the petite male laughing heartily at him.

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

 

“I thought we’re going to have a date. Why do you have books with you?”

 

 

Chanyeol is sitting across Baekhyun in a coffee shop three blocks away from his apartment. Baekhyun chose the table beside the glass wall where they can directly see the garden. Chanyeol has a pout on his lips while Baekhyun has a pinkish tint on his cheeks, eyes wide as he processes the word ‘date’.

 

 

“I-Idiot! Who said we’re going on a date!”

 

 

 

Chanyeol pouts even more. Baekhyun averts his gaze to his untouched latte Coffee, eyes squinting because a pouting Chanyeol is definitely, definitely not cute at all. Although his burning cheeks say otherwise.

 

 

 

“Well, you asked me out!”

 

 

“That doesn’t mean it’s a date!”

 

 

“Is so!”

 

 

“No it’s not!”

 

 

“Yeah it is!”

 

 

Baekhyun then looks up at Chanyeol, only to see the giant having a -eating grin on. Baekhyun purses his lips.

 

 

“No it’s not! You have a test on Tuesday and you haven’t studied yet, have you?” Baekhyun narrows his eyes at him.

 

 

“Yeah but that’s not my point—“

 

 

“Then you will study now.”  Baekhyun isn’t going to just give up. Chanyeol needs this. He needs to study and he will make sure the giant does.

 

 

“What—wait how did you even know I have a test—“

 

 

“I have connections.”

 

 

“But we’re supposed to have a fun time.”

 

 

Chanyeol whines more, trying to test the effectiveness of his aegyo because really, studying is the next thing he hates doing the most after doing his laundry.

 

 

“It is fun studying. We’ll have a fun time together. You and me.”

 

 

Chanyeol really can’t argue to that because the times he gets to spend with Baekhyun will always be fun to him. It will always be special. Because it’s Baekhyun he is with.

 

 

He happily complies and does the thing he hates doing the most. Studying.

 

 

 

*

 

 

Baekhyun was firm about wanting Chanyeol to study. He wants his giant friend to pass his subject this time around because then that would mean another semester he can spend time with him. But then there’s something bothering him and his tongue itches to ask the male sitting in front of him and disrupt the study time he forced him in to.

 

Chanyeol isn’t naive and he isn’t the type to act like one. By the fourth time he catches Baekhyun stealing secret glances of him while sipping on his coffee as an excuse; he places his book down on the table and leans his forearms on the open book.

 

 

“Baekhyun, I know you dislike drinking coffees so stop drinking it just for an excuse to look at me. You know if you have something to tell me then just say it."

 

 

The brunette mumbles a ‘what are you talking about’ before taking a sip of his coffee again, eyes darting everywhere, feigning innocence.

 

 

Chanyeol leans further and Baekhyun, with flushed cheeks and wide eyes, had to lean back because of the giant’s face literally being shoved in front of his face.

 

 

“Or is it because you’re too mesmerized by myextremely ood looks?”

 

 

“N-no, stupid! You stupid, conceited idiot!”

 

 

Satisfied by the reaction he received, Chanyeol pulls back and sits properly with a cheeky grin. Baekhyun lets out the breath he realizes he’s been holding in.

 

 

“Then what is it?”

 

 

Baekhyun slowly places back the mug on the table, eyes darting everywhere as he exhales nervously. Chanyeol is all-ears.

 

 

“I...Well you know...the...uh…the last time...Why were you...angry?”

 

 

 

“Oh that...” Chanyeol turns serious as he stares the brunette who continues to fidget with his tea spoon.

 

 

He wonders if the brunette really doesn’t know the reason or if he’s pretending he doesn’t know.

 

 

“Because you ignored me the other day.” He doesn’t fail to notice how the other’s fingers stops fidgeting as if he doesn’t know of it.

 

 

“I’m sorry...”

 

 

Chanyeol doesn’t need to look at the petite male to know that he is sincere.

 

 

“I thought…I thought you got sick of me again...”

 

 

Baekhyun’s eyes shoots up to Chanyeol, his eyes like those of a child trying to explain to his parents of his innocence. That he didn’t do anything wrong.

 

 

Chanyeol is too weak when it comes to the petite male.

 

 

“That’s not true! I—I would never… get sick of you.”

 

 

The last part came off as a whisper but loud enough for Chanyeol to hear. It’s loud enough to make Chanyeol smile that kind of smile that extends from ear to ear.

 

 

That kind of smile Baekhyun loves seeing despite how dumb it makes the giant look like.

 

 

 

Baekhyun didn’t look up until after five minutes later.

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

It’s when they’re walking home that Chanyeol asks the question he has been meaning to ask the brunette.

 

“So… do you want to…go to school together tomorrow?”

 

 

It’s a question that symbolizes a relationship already standing tall. A relationship Chanyeol hopes is strong enough to stay forever. It’s a question that has both hearts leap. For Chanyeol, it’s because just the thought of beginning and spending every morning with the petite male makes the butterflies in his stomach flutter in excitement. For Baekhyun it is because of a more complicated reason. A reason he doesn’t have the courage to say.

 

 

“I’m sorry, we can’t...”

 

The wide smile on Chanyeol’s face fades once again.

 

 

Baekhyun grips his right arm and Chanyeol gets lost in the orbs that stare at him, asking for forgiveness.

 

“P-people…people at school can’t see us together…”

 

 

Chanyeol thought he heard the sound of his heart shattering.

 

“You don’t want to be seen with me?”

 

“No! There’s someone in school—if he finds out about us they’ll take me away…”

 

Chanyeol stares at the petite male, brows knitted together in confusion. He still doesn’t understand why he can’t be seen with Baekhyun but he nods his head although his face clearly shows his discouragement.

 

 

He was going continue to walk home when he hears the brunette say something that brings back the butterflies in his chest, although now, it’s like the butterflies are having a rampage in his chest, along with his heart.

 

 

“And I don’t want to be taken away from your side anymore…”

 

 

Chanyeol could hardly hide the emotions surging in him, his arms itches to envelope the petite male in a tight hug, his cheeks hurt from him locking his jaws to stop the stupid grin threatening to show up. He feels sad to have his proposal of coming to school together rejected.

 

 

But what he hears is enough as compensation. More than enough.

 

Chanyeol instead envelopes the petite male’s hand with his and continues to walk ahead, dragging with him a flushed and unusually quiet ByunBaekhyun.

 

 

***

 

 

 

Chanyeol proved himself to be the kind of man who gets jealous very easily. Well it should be normal because Baekhyun is a very attractive man and anyone could easily fall for him. Who knows what could happen if he sets his eyes away from the brunette for even a minute or two. Even his cousin Taemin receives a headlock when he catches him staring at his Baekhyun. Even Kai, whom he knows is head-over-heels to a certain Kyungsoo isn’t an exception from those people he gets jealous of.

 

 

He made the mistake of bringing Kai with him once as they eat out. His best friend immediately clung to the brunette when he learns about his closeness to Kyungsoo, asking questions after questions about the latter with eyes almost turning into hearts.

 

 

Chanyeol flinches as he hears the loud giggling of his friend. It’s becoming more and more irritating to hear Kai’s laugh. His laugh is always an octave higher and hurts his ears but what he really hates about it at this moment is that it is caused by the brunette who’s supposed to make him laugh.

 

 

Only him and not Kai.Or anyone else.

 

 

 

 

**

 

 

 

It’s after a few days that Kai comes running back for Baekhyun’s aid, much to Chanyeol’s dismay. But he couldn’t find the heart to take away his brunette when he sees the disheveled look of his best friend.

 

 

“You want him to stay don’t you?”

 

Kai stays silent, tired eyes looking at a distant.

 

“I know you do, even if you won’t admit it.”

 

Kai huffs and rubs his face in exasperation.

 

 

“Of course. Of course I want him to stay, god damn it.”

 

 

Baekhyun lets out a soft smile. The answer is easy and yet Kai still doesn’t know it.

 

“Then tell him to stay. Tell him you love him.”

 

“Why would I? Telling him that I love him won’t change anything. Why would what I say matter to him?”

 

 

And Baekhyun heaves a sigh.

 

“You don’t know... Maybe all this time... All he’s been waiting is for you to tell him to stay and he actually feels the same way towards you...”

 

 

Kai stays quiet, as if weighing the advantage and disadvantages of confessing to Kyungsoo. He ends up groaning and burying his face on his palm.

 

 

Baekhyun places a comforting hand on the shoulder of the sad male sitting beside him.

 

“You won’t lose anything if you try. It’s better than to regret it later, right?”

 

 

Kai looks up to him and the sadness in his eyes reaches the very core of Baekhyun’s heart and it’s infecting him.

 

 

“I’m scared,” comes the whisper from the taller.

 

 

But the brunette only softly smiles at him.

 

 

“Don’t be. Telling the person you love that you love him isn’t something to be scared about. What you should be scared about is when your time together starts running out. That one. That’s scary.”

 

 

And it’s at that moment, when his eyes meet with Chanyeol, that he finally realizes what is inevitably going to happen. That in truth, no matter what he does, no matter how he tries to change their destiny, still, what’s supposed to happen will eventually happen.

 

 

And he realizes that he's actually the one who is scared.

 

 

 

 

***

 

 

 

People said that a person becomes even more dazzling when he falls in love. That’s how he wants to see Baekhyun because if the petite male does, then that means he’s in love. And that love can possibly be for him. But that's not how he sees Baekhyun recently.

 

 

It didn’t take a day for Chanyeol to catch up, something is wrong. Something is bothering Baekhyun.

 

 

And it doesn’t change even when New Year’s Eve comes and Baekhyun invites him to watch the fireworks show together by the Han River.

 

 

“Happy New Year. It’s our first New Year’s eve together...”

 

 

Baekhyun’s lips are smiling, but his eyes are filled with sorrow.

 

 

And Chanyeol doesn’t want to act naïve and watch the petite male suffer on his own.

 

 

“It’s not a happy new year when you have that look on your face, Baek.”

 

 

Baekhyun’s smile falters for a second before it widens even more. But that smile isn’t like the smiles that always get to the very center of Chayeol’s chest. That smile doesn’t reach Baekhyun’s eyes and it makes Chanyeol sad that Baekhyun is trying to hide his feelings. That he‘s trying to hide the fact that something is obviously wrong.

 

 

They stare at the fireworks more and even until the fireworks show ended, Baekhyun continues to look up at the now empty sky.

 

 

"Ah...There are no stars tonight."Baekhyun mutters.

 

 

Chanyeol gazes down at Baekhyun.

 

 

"There is one..."

 

 

Baekhyun looks at Chanyeol.

 

 

"Where?"

 

"Sitting right beside me."

 

 

If this was some other time, the brunette would be cringing and insulting his cheesy pickup line but not right now. Baekhyun's eyes turns sadder, though there is a weak smile on his face.

 

 

There were few still moments before Baekhyun sharply inhales and exhales then, he faces Chanyeol with a wide smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

 

 

“I got something for you.”

 

 

Chanyeol follows the brunette’s gaze and watches him as he takes out a red box from his sack bag pack.

 

 

“Happy Valentine’s day.”

 

 

Chanyeol doesn’t move, doesn’t flinch. He only stares at Baekhyun, unconvinced by the wide smile the brunette is sporting.

 

 

“Baekhyun, Valentine’s day will be next month. It’s just New Year tonight...”

 

 

The brunette continues to smile at him.

 

 

“I know... But I like to celebrate things in advance,” Baekhyun tries to sound as cheerful as he can and looks straight at Chanyeol’s eyes in attempt to convince the other that there is absolutely nothing wrong.

 

 

But Chanyeol only looks at him in the eyes, transferring from one to another as if wanting to show Baekhyun that he knows something is wrong. That he knows Baekhyun isn’t happy.

 

 

“Baek—“

 

 

Baekhyun cuts him off before he could continue.

 

 

“You don’t want it?”

 

 

The petite male musters a pout as his shoulder slumps and motions to put back the gift in his bag but Chanyeol was fast to catch him by the wrist, ceasing the smaller’s action. There was a short pause as Chanyeol stares at Baekhyun with brows furrowed while the latter only stares at his bony wrists in Chanyeol’s grasp.

 

 

Baekhyun doesn‘t like it when they are like this, when there’s a deafening silence invading them, when he knows there are millions of words they can say to each other, millions of things they could be doing together. It feels like every word unsaid, every second passing, every breath he takes is getting wasted. With Chanyeol, he wants things to continually happen. For the things he wants to do with Chanyeol to fall to pieces. For them to fall into pieces that will fit together, perfectly and—Baekhyun’s heart twists as realization dawns on him.

 

 

 

When will they ever be able to say it? After all this time, would he have the courage to actually tell Chanyeol his true feelings?

 

 

He looks up at Chanyeol and he immediately regrets it as the tears he had been trying to keep in threatens to fall the moment he sees the look on Chanyeol’s face. The worried look on his face. The emotions he doesn’t like the other to harbor.

 

 

Chanyeol sees all of this; he sees the way Baekhyun’s eyes waver in his gaze, the way he bites his lower lip as to stop them from quivering and stop the sob he wouldn’t dare let out.

 

 

“Baekhyun what’s wrong—“

 

 

But Baekhyun doesn’t want Chanyeol to ask him that. He doesn’t want Chanyeol sharing the pain he has. He can keep the pain in. He doesn’t want Chanyeol feeling the same pain. Because the pain is too much—too painful for him and it will kill him to see the man he loves being in the same pain he feels.

 

 

He isn’t ready to tell Chanyeol just yet.

 

 

Or maybe—maybe he won’t let Chanyeol ever know because it's’ better that way.

 

 

It’s fine if he’s the only one hurting. At least he can leave a happy memory forChanyeol. At least in the end, Chanyeol would remember him as that person who loved him back.

 

 

The person who couldn't do anything but love him back.

 

 

 

So to stop Chanyeol from asking further, he does the thing he can think of to effectively shut up the other.

 

 

 

Chanyeol is surprised by the action. He couldn’t believe Baekhyun would do such a thing on his own accord but he can feel it right now: Baekhyun’s lips are soft against his.

 

 

The petite male isn’t his first kiss but Chanyeol once heard from Kris that a first kiss with the person you love makes you feel so happy, so complete, like the world becomes a completely different world and all you see is the person you love. But Chanyeol is nowhere near happy as he cups Baekhyun’s face with both hands. It was not just for a romantic gesture of a man kissing the person he loves but a sad gesture to wipe away the tears full of sorrow that continues to stream down Baekhyun’s face.

 

 

The kiss feels more like a good bye kiss. The butterflies in his stomach get crushed with each tears rolling down Baekhyun's cheeks and eventually touching his skin.

 

 

He is sad. The sweet taste of the vanilla ice cream they ate turns into a salty one. Chanyeol has always thought his first kiss with Baekhyun would be something magical and would have his heart bursting out of his chest.

 

 

But instead, he feels his heart twisting in pain. He shares his first kiss with the man he loves in sadness and in tears. He felt it whenBaekhyun wraps his arms around his neck before pulling away and burying his face on his chest to muffle the sob that he could not anymore keep in.

 

Chanyeol wanted to comfort him, help him, and tell him that everything’s going to be okay but he doesn’t even know what is wrong. So instead he hugs Baekhyun tight as if his life depends on it.

 

 

Baekhyun promised not to cry. He promised not to let the fear get to him. He promised to ignore everything and spend the night happily with Chanyeol. But everything reminds him of his time running out. Every second ticks away his time and soon he will disappear.

 

 

He is afraid, so afraid and as he feels the warmth of the man he loves hugging him tight, he let out the thing that scares him.

 

 

“I’m afraid,” he chokes out, voice muffled by the fabric of Chanyeol’s shirt. He shudders when he feels Chanyeol starts to caress the hair at the back of his head.

 

 

 

“What are you afraid of Baek? What’s making you cry?”

 

 

And that.

 

 

That question from the very person who will be separated from him, from the very person he wants to share his whole life with breaks him down to a point he couldn’t control. He pushes away from Chanyeol, eyes looking directly at the latter even though all he sees are swaying outlines of Chanyeol’s image as his vision gets blurred by the tears he couldn’t stop spilling from his eyes.

 

 

“This. This, Chanyeol. I’m afraid this will end. I don’t want this to end. I’m scared of everyday, counting the few days I can see you. Every day my fear of that day increases and it kills me. I don’t want them to take me away, Chanyeol.  I don’t want to—”, Baekhyunpauses to sniffle. “..Lose you.”

 

 

 

Those words hit Chanyeol like a tsunami hitting the shore with full force. He remembers what he overhears that one time he wanted to visit Baekhyun on surprise.

 

 

-

 

“So... is it final?”

 

Chanyeol stops on his tracks when he hears the serious tone of Kyungsoo who is sitting beside Baekhyun.

 

 

“I don’t know... I think so. We’re migrating back so I don’t think I can actually coax them into letting me stay.”

 

Chanyeol watches in wide eyes as Baekhyun buries his face in his arms folded on the table. He takes one step back, two steps, and another one before he turns around and sprints away with one thing registered in his head: Baekhyun is leaving.

 

-

 

 

The words Baekhyun let out about him having to leave doesn’t really surprise Chanyeol. He knew before that Baekhyun is going to leave. Although it did hurt him that Baekhyun continued to hide it from him, he still patiently waited. He waited for Baekhyun to inform him about it because he knows that Baekhyun is hurting just as much as he is. Their feelings for each other have already developed into something that both of them cannot run away and cower from. They have been way in it too deep that they don’t need to say the words to know that it exists.

 

 

That love exists.

 

 

So Chanyeol hugs Baekhyun tighter as he whispers the words even he finds hard to do without being scared.

 

 

“Then stop counting the days. Stop counting the remaining time we have. What’s important is how we spend the remaining time we have together. Let’s be happy during those moments. Let’s make beautiful memories together. Memories we can look back to when we meet again. When we find our way back to each other again.”

 

 

When we meet again…

 

 

Baekhyun wants to hold onto those words; that there will be an againfor them but he knows he’s just going to be lying to himself if he believes in those words.

 

 

Baekhyun stays still, face buried against Chanyeol’s chest to hide his tears.

 

 

He doesn’t see the tears that started to spill from Chanyeol’s eyes as he kisses the top of his head.

 

 

Chanyeol could still feel his shirt getting wet from Baekhyun’s tears.

 

 

 

That was the time when Baekhyun stopped counting the time. The moment when he tried to forget that their time together is running out.

 

 

Because he wants to make happy and beautiful memories with Chanyeol. Memories he could look back to when they’re apart from each other.

 

 

When the time comes that he has to disappear.

 

 

If only he could remember…

 

Memories are supposed to be long-lasting. But it isn’t for Baekhyun. And that kills him even more. Happy memories are painful when you can’t even keep them, when you aren’t even allowed to remember them.

 

 

That night, Chanyeol gathers Baekhyun in his arms and doesn’t stop the tears rolling down his cheeks because even in his sleep, Baekhyun cries.

 

 

Baekhyun hurts.

 

 

 

 

---

a/n: I know I said I would update everyday. I'm sorry for not keeping that promise. Your continuous speculations about the ending amuse me, tempting me to end this so soon.

p.s. is the font size too small or just right? i need your opinion.