MY SWEET STALKER

by : mad_asli

Title: [3/5] This title is commonly found around the fanfic world. You can pretty much guess through the story by it's title My Sweet Stalker. I would really prefer an original and mysterious title which doesn't let the readers know what would it be like just by the title. But, then again this title fits the story well so, three points for you.

Graphics: [4/5] Your poster is flawless but, it didn't get the feeling of the story. Well, I'm not going to judge the poster. Your layout is fine but, I personally like it better when "people talk in here but, you give a space between the text and the paragraph after and before the dialog, it's easier to read" Then you continue the paragraph here. Other than that, layout and fonts were fine.

Foreword & Description: [3/10] Okay, so it tells me that this is a sequel to the previous story which I also reviewed 'What is the Matter?' Baro still want to marry Taeyon even though Taeyon already know his secret  sentence in the description didn't even became any scene in the story. What I'm trying to say is, the description doesn't really describe your story which makes it unattractive. That's all I have to say.

Plot: [4/20] So, just like the previous one, this is still unrealistic and nonsensical. And also, the action part of the story stands out from the romance, which I think is supposed to be the main. It feels like, between all the action happening you only slip the romance between it which makes it both unrealistic and weird. Some of the action, like the parts with gangsters were a bit too weird and once again, unrealistic. And one more thing, the ending was unpredictable but, I think 'Yuhno rejected her with his arrogance' really? Can you not think of a better reason or just make him die like the other characters?

Characterization: [3/10] Charcetrs, um..once again, as the main problem of this whole story. This is too unrealistic, from the personality ( which doesn't actually show at all ) and well, everything. They didn't show any form of emotion.Some characters, like the granny was not necessary at all. Taeyeon, was still a really weird and unrealistic girl, I mean even she's supposed to be the main character, she doesn't really stand out between all the characters and action. Yunho, he's a bit confusing with his emotion and all. Sandeul,was probably the only character who I understand about (personality). Jinyoung, the mysterious sweet stalker, is still mysterious to me, he just appears, do something, and disappears. I don't understand how he ended up with Taeyeon. Baro, he just appeared in the story for a moment and then he's dead, he didn't show any emotion nor peersonality. He actually wasn't neseccary.

Originality: [4/10] I'm going to give you a half for this. Characters, plot, and others were commonly found but, I'm still going to say this. Your plot and characters are original but, they're unrealistic and weird.You are creative but, you just don't write your creativity well.

Flow: [2/10] Your flow is still too fast, you were rushing from scene to scene which makes almost every part, confusing because it wasn't described well. I like stories with detail, not to complicated but, detailed. Your story just messes all the details up. With this kind of plot, I thought it'll be a long story but, it's surprisingly short. I'm not judging by the length since I am a one-shot lover after all but, you write like you have a limit for how many sentences you should use when making it. And last, some abrupt scene change which, is utterly confusing. Example : it would be better, that instead of this : Yunho tell Taeyon about Jinyoung. Sandeul was the one who ask Jinyoung to stalk Taeyon. Jinyoung is actually the classmate of Taeyon in the high school. Taeyon smile to Jinyoung and they talk about their marriage. Years after that, Jinyoung and Taeyon get an identical twin sons. You can write about it, details. Make it a conversation. Maybe, do a flashback when Jinyoung was taeyeon's classmate. And explain about the marriage at least, a bit more. Especially on this part, the abrupt scene change and fast flow was shown.

Grammar & Spelling: [2/20] It's better than the last story but, it's still not good enough, Definitely not good enough. First, past tense. Second, choice of words. Third, sentence structure. Fourth, phrasings. There's still so many to learn. You make a lot and noticeable, annoying mistakes. One more thing, I don't like about your writing style, you almost always start a sentence with a subject which just makes everything boring to read. Yunho ....., Taeyeon ......, it's too boring. You should write sentences in a more creative way (ex: All of the sudden, the gangsters.........)

Overall Enjoyment: [0/5] I still didn't enjoy it. It's too confusing and unrealistic. Grammar and spelling still needs a lot of work. Characters emotion and personality needs to be fixed too.And last, please make your story more detailed so it doesn't come out confusing.

Bonus points: [5/5] 

Final Points : [30/100] You improved a tiny bit, in a few things. But, the improvement didn't really show, especially when your plot is unrealistic and weird. I know you're trying to be creative but, keep it real. Your grammar and spelling needs to be fixed, Characters need more personality and emotion. Last, remeber that details are always important.