this chapter was helped greatly by this beautiful song I had forgotten about until recently  

When Soojung wakes up, it’s night time again and Jongin is twirling her hair with his finger.

“When did I fall asleep?” She groans cutely and he shrugs.

“I don’t know, I did too,” he says and holds her close. “I should go home though, it’s my day to take out the trash and Hyung might go all satan on me because I forgot to do it for the past few days.”

Soojung chuckles and rises from his embrace. “Yeah go, I need my alone time now.”

She picks up Leo's toys along the way to the kitchen and gets herself a glass of water while Jongin gets himself together.

"Leo," Jongin calls and their white husky comes dashing out of the bedroom. "Appa's leaving," he cups Leo's face in his hands and scratches him behind the ears then tops it off with a kiss to the top of his head. Leo whines and rubs up against his leg but Jongin doesn't stay and turns to Soojung. "Walk me out?"

She scoffs and folds her arms across her chest. "Okay, Princess."

He snickers and waits until she's by his side before starting towards the door. It's a bit awkward now compared to earlier when they were all tangled up in each other. Soojung follows him out quietly and closes Leo inside for any last quiet time with Jongin for the long day.

"I'll call you?" He asks and she shrugs with a shy smirk. "Whatever," Jongin chuckles. "I'll see you soon."

Soojung nods and waves as he turns away. He manages to take two steps before turning back to press his mouth against hers. Jongin pushes her slightly until her back is against the door and cups her face with both his hands with her hands clutching onto his jacket to hold him close. He kisses her until they're both out of breath and pulls away. Her cheeks flush a bright red almost instantly and he chuckles before giving her one last peck for the night.

"Bye," he whispers and she smiles before pushing him away.

"Bye, Jongin," she waves and waits until he's down the hall before turning back to leave. Suddenly, her eyes catch a figure emerging from the corner and she realizes this day has still got a long way before it ends.

 

He stands there in shock with a bag of fresh pastries in his hand. Joohyuk doesn’t say anything and turns to leave quietly but she calls his name.

“Let’s talk,” she says and makes her way to him.

He barely looks at her over his shoulder. “Are you guys back together?”

“No.” Soojung shakes her head and places her hand on his arm. “Can we talk?”

Joohyuk heaves a defeated sigh, places the bag of pastries in her hand and turns to leave again but Soojung grabs his hand tightly. “Please, Joohyuk.”

 

Joohyuk smiles when Leo greets him happily but the smile doesn’t last long and he makes himself comfortable on the couch while Soojung puts the bag of treats away. Her heart feels heavy and there’s no good way to approach this situation.

“Let me ask you one more time,” Joohyuk’s voice is full of exhaustion as Soojung sinks into the couch beside him. “Are you guys back together?”

Once again, Soojung shakes her head. “It’s complicated.”

“It didn’t look so complicated to me,” he retorts bitterly with his eyes on the ground. “Soojung, I don’t want you going back to only get hurt again.”

She sighs with her eyes on her hands in her lap. “You don’t get it.” He turns to her. “He’s everything to me. I’ve fought it long enough and fighting it will only make me hurt more.”

Soojung has never seen him so lost and broken before and it hurts knowing it’s all because of her. Joohyuk practically saved her in London and she owes him everything but there’s just simply one thing she can’t give and it’s the only thing he has ever wanted from her.

“He’s a great guy, but I can’t help but hate him,” Joohyuk confesses quietly.

Soojung turns to him and he meets her eyes softly. “You guys have a lot more in common than you think,” she tells him. “Both determined, hard working and you both saved my soul in different ways.” Soojung feels tears stinging her eyes and she turns away but he doesn’t even blink. She tries to smile and it breaks him into pieces seeing she’s now hurting because of him.

He smiles but it doesn’t meet his eyes and it’s the last straw for Soojung. “If only I had the privilege of meeting you first, Jung Soojung,” he sighs. “But I didn’t, unfortunately.”

He clears his throat and bites his bottom lip as the pain throbs inside of him. “You’re such a fool, Soojung,” his voice cracks and he turns away immediately. “You’re letting the greatest guy ever go.”

She chuckles although everything is painful. “I know,” she admits quietly with him still turned away. “And it will be my greatest lost.”

Joohyuk clutches his eyes tightly when the tears come and his fists turn white with his short nails sinking into his palms. “I’m sorry,” he croaks and dashes out of her apartment, holding his breath. Soojung doesn’t stop him and instead curls up on the couch.

 

Joohyuk doesn’t breathe until he’s a block away from her apartment. His legs eventually give up on him and he collapses against a cement wall. He can’t get the way her eyes looked at Jongin when he kissed her. She was the happiest he’d ever seen her and there was just nothing he could do about it. Her happiness is with him and it always has been even if she never admitted it to him, he knew but Joohyuk still hoped for it to be him. If only he had met her first, it would’ve been him and he knew that too but to know that she had felt the same way kills his soul. You can’t pick when you meet someone and it was something out of his reach. If only.

 

If and only.

 

A lot changed after that day. Soojung and Jongin didn’t jump right back into a relationship but spent the next few weeks relearning about each other and each day, they only fell more in love. Two days after running out on Soojung, Joohyuk returned to Busan to visit his family before flying back to London. The morning of his departure, Soojung awoke to a fresh bag of pastries and a note at her doorstep.

 

“I had said you were a fool but I guess I’m a bigger one. I didn’t want to see you one last time before leaving because I don’t want it to feel like it’s the last time for us. Looking back on it now, I’m thankful I was able to be by your side when you were in need. I’m grateful I was the one you allowed to take your hand and pull you back up. London won’t be the same without you and I’ll miss you. You’re my best friend Soojung and I wish you nothing but happiness.. I’ll see you again soon.

 

Love,

Joohyuk”

 

Sometimes Jongin spends the night at her place and sometimes they fall asleep together on the phone like how they use to in the beginning stages of their relationship. Many things have changed and a lot has stayed the same but the main thing that remained constant was their love and in the end, that is what truly mattered.

 

| two years later |

 

“I’m in Busan!” Joohyuk exclaims at Soojung through facetime. He shows her the raging beach behind her and she smiles enviously. “I wish you were here. I had once promised to take you here, remember?”

Soojung nods. “Tell your parents I said hi. I would love to meet them still.”

He scoffs and rolls his eyes at her. “No, you lost your chance to when you didn’t chose me.” He huffs cutely before coiling at his childish behaviour while Soojung is silently dying of laughter on the opposite line. “I’m just kidding,” he grins cheekily. “Ari told me Baekhyun Hyung and Eunseo are getting married th