get trashed
Subject: Re: office romanceFrom: [email protected]
Subject: lunch?
It looks like there are some complications with the Shanghai project. Do you want to work it out together during lunch?
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Lunch?
That sounds great, President Kim!
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Lunch?
Great! I’ll walk you to the café down the street at 12. Also, you can just call me Joonmyun.
_____
From: [email protected]
Subject: congrats on scoring your date, hyung
Hey hyung, did you know, the Lee Jinki from SHINee corp that you’re meeting with today was the new girl’s ex from college? According to Luhan, they dated for a long time and new girl was really into him until he broke up with her. Just a heads up. Also, the weather’s been getting warmer, and an icicle Sehun got stabbed by a falling icicle today as he was walking in. He’s not seriously hurt or anything but he does have a really cool bruise on his forehead. Just in case you were wondering why he isn’t here today, or why he isn’t answering any of his texts. Spring time <3
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: congrats on scoring your date, hyung
It’s not a date
I think I’m going to puke
_____
You: LUHAN
You: IS THAT LEE JINKI IN THE OFFICE
You: AND WHY IS HE HERE
Luhan: oh right
Luhan: wait you’re on the board of directors shouldn’t you know
Luhan: he’s the ceo of shinee
You: I KNEW IT WAS LEE JINKI BUT I DIDN’T THINK IT WOULD BE THAT LEE JINKI
You: THE ONE THAT RIPPED MY HEART OUT AND ATE IT
Luhan: yeah, well how many lee jinkis do you know?
Luhan: also he’s not a cannibal. But kyungsoo might be.
Luhan: that kimchi spaghetti he brings in is seriously shady
_____
Jongdae: hey man, how are you holding up?
Joonmyun: I sealed the deal, if that’s what you’re wondering
Jongdae: well I knew you’d do that
Jongdae: but lee jinki is chatting w/ new girl right outside your office
Jongdae: and she’s blushing and giggling and
Joonmyun: I’m aware, they’re 10 feet away from me
Joonmyun: can you hear what they’re saying?
Joonmyun: I can see them through the glass, but I can’t hear them
Jongdae: idk man. Maybe you’ll find out
_____
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Lunch?
President Kim, I’m sorry, but I don’t think I can make it for lunch today. Something else came up. Once again, I’m very sorry, and I’ll get the complications with the Shanghai project fixed by tomorrow.
_____
To: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Lunch plans
Since our beloved Joonmyun just suffered a terrible defeat to Lee Jinki of SHINee corp, I propose that we go out for drinks today as an office. 11:30?
To: [email protected]; [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Lunch plans
My condolences, Joonmyun. It wasn’t even a real date, anyway, so don’t feel so bad.
Everybody says that they can go except for Sehun, because he’s still at home moping about his fabulous new bruise.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: Lunch plans
I don’t need your pity, Yixing
_____
Baekhyun: 10 dollars, Joonmyun will get smashed before lunch is over
Jongdae: 12:30
Chanyeol: 12:15
Chanyeol: his crush is that big
Zitao: pls take me off this list and stop texting me
_____
You: LUHAN
You: IT’S AN EMERGENCY
You: YOU NEED TO COME RIGHT NOW
Luhan: not when you’re getting reacquainted with your true love
You: LUHAN HE’S GAY
You: HE HAS A BOYFRIEND
You: LUHAN
You: LUHAN
You: LUHAN
Luhan: On my way
Luhan: you better be grateful for what I’m about to do
_____
Chanyeol: pay up, ers
Baekhyun: damn
Jongdae: lol im not even mad
_____
Jonghyun: so how did the lunch with your friend go?
Jinki: idk
Jinki: halfway though, this really pretty Chinese man ran in
Jinki: and started yelling something about President Kim getting alcohol poisoning
Jinki: she had to rush to the hospital or something
Jinki: it was really weird
_____
To: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: policy change
Due to recent events which have transpired on this floor, employees are NOT allowed to drink during office hours. If I or anybody else suspects an employee of drinking during office hours, they will promptly be removed from the facilities and sent home. Luhan, I’m not being racist against Chinese people when I tell you to put away your flask. I know there’s vodka in there, and not Kool-Aid, as you claim it is.
Additionally, I wish to remind everybody that drugs are now allowed in this building under ANY circumstances. Use of drug will end in the immediate termination of your employment. Especially for you, Yixing, I’m not going to fall for your aegyo any more. Please don’t bring any weed into the office, and please, please don’t sell any to our employees.
Lastly, I apologize for my behavior yesterday. I had a temporary lapse of judgment during lunch, no thanks to Chanyeol, and I regret it very much. I promise that it won’t happen again. Also, Jongdae and Baekhyun, please come here and get all the soil off my desk. The grass sprouted today, and I’d appreciate not having a garden in my workspace.
To: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: policy change
Lol you’ve threatened to fire me like, 9 times before, and you’ve never done it. Bbuing bbuing, motherer (。-`ω´-)
Also, you downing that soju like a champ yesterday had nothing to do with chanyeol. Getting that smashed before 1pm? That’s something only you can achieve
To: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: policy change
Are you kidding me??? Apologize???? Hyung, yesterday during lunch break was the fastest I’ve ever seen someone finish a bottle of soju and top it off with shots of tequila. You’re my role model, hyung, and I hope I take over your position as president of EXO when you eventually die of alcohol poisoning in a few years.
To: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: policy change
Lol guys remember when yixing replaced the regular brownies at the office potluck last Halloween with weed brownies?
Best day ever
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: policy change
Joonmyun, are you ok? Yesterday by the time Luhan got me back in the office, you had already gone home for the day. I didn’t think that you’d be so drunk. In retrospect, I should have realized something was off when I saw Baekhyun and Jongdae giggling in your office.
Do you need any painkillers or anything? I have some in my cubicle.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: policy change
Did you already try to clean your desk? Because we planted poison ivy :D there are various larvae in the dirt too
Haha, happy april fool’s day!
<3<3<3 jongdae & baekhyun <3<3<3
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Re: policy change
Painkillers would be nice
_____
Luhan: don’t forget, you owe me
Luhan: you owe me a lot
Luhan: do you have any idea how humiliating that was yesterday????
You: can’t be as humiliating as the time you cried
You: in the theater
You: watching high school musical
_____
To: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: the weather’s getting warmer…
…which means that it’ll be easier for me to hunt down whoever’s eating my kimchi spaghetti, put him on a spit, and roast him in the employee parking lot during my lunch break.
You think I’m kidding.
I’m not.
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