SungJong

Sometimes I wish my life could be like a movie. You know, all of that stuff about my life being such a tragedy for a reason of some sort. My dad, for example, could actually turn out to be some rich CEO of a very successful company. Or, even better, I could wake up and my whole life could have been a dream all along.  These thoughts are always interrupted by the banging at the door called reality. Of course, no matter how much people insist everything happens for a reason, there never really is a reasonable reason. Think all you want, you won’t reach a logical conclusion.

People come and people go; promises are made and promises are broken. Many could call me pessimistic, but I don’t care. Truth be told, I am and there is no denying it. In my mind, everything good happens to prepare you for what the future has in store for you. Unfortunately, for me, no one prepared me for what that future, now my past, had brought me.

I stare up at the stars in the sky and wish that I could become one of them. They’re free and worriless; everything I want to be but can never be. They have each other out there, all millions and millions of each other, to depend on. I have no one. That’s our major difference.

The sound of a honking car brings me back to reality and I remember I am standing in the middle of the road. Sighing, I make my way across the street into the small café at which my shift will take place tonight. A couple sits at a front window, holding hands and giggling softly as they sip their warm drinks. Once again remembering that I am here to work, I hastily make my way into the back room of the café. I grab my nametag and go to the cash register to take the orders of a man with small eyes who seems to be struggling with what to order. The guy next to him smiles at him and slightly rubs their hands against each other.

“Just get anything,” the other guys says, “You like everything here!”

The small eyes guy nods in agreement and ends up ordering a simple piece of strawberry cake. His friend orders two cups of hot cocoa and they take their seat. After I take them their orders, I stand behind the counter until another person leaves and I have to clean the table. It’s barely seven in the afternoon and I’ll be here until two in the morning. Once again sighing, I wipe the table. The bell rings, announcing the arrival of another customer.

“Hello, welcome to-,” I halt my words when I catch sight of the newcomer.

His eyes make their way toward me and they meet mine. He smiles smugly and winks, causing me to want to pounce on him then and there. Apparently, the last time we met, I wasn’t scary or intimidating enough. But now that Hoya and Dongwoo aren’t here, I can beat him to a pulp without any interruptions.

I haven’t seen this jerk for nearly two weeks but my anger towards him hasn’t subsided. Forcing a smile onto my face – because I cannot afford to lose this job -, I make my way to the register and ask him politely what he would like. Or, more specifically in my mind, what he would like for me to poison for him.

“What does the chef recommend?” He asks sarcastically.

“Well,” I respond, sarcasm oozing in my voice, “We have an amazing chef that can make delicious kimchi stew.”

At this, his eyes pop out. “R-Really?!”

I roll my eyes. “No, moron, this is a café.

He stares at me for a second before smiling, which freaks me out. For some reason, however, I feel like smiling, too. Of course I don’t because that would only make him believe I like his presence, which I definitely do not.

“Give me…” He trails of and stares at the menu above my head, contemplating about what to order. Finally, he snaps his fingers. “Give me… your phone number!”

Groaning, I say, “Look, if you’re here to just waste my time, please go. I don’t have time for this.”

He gives up, laughing a little, and decides to stick with a simple order of black coffee, no sugar, no milk. Handing him his drink – which I decided not to poison -, I go back to wiping tables. He sits with the other two guys from before and I can see how happy he is for some reason. There is a spark in his eyes that gives away his excitement and his happiness. I smile in spite of myself. When I catch myself, I replace it with a forced frown.

Smiling has never been a habit of mine. I stopped doing it after the accident. Since then, there’s nothing really that I have to wake up and smile for. In my life, there is nothing worth lifting the corners of my lips. Unconsciously, I look at MyungSoo and for the first time in a long time, I come to envy someone. That smile, that laugh, it’s real, not forced. I want that. I look at the person he is directing his smile at and I wonder what’s so good about another being that could possibly make someone so happy. As if I had called him, MyungSoo lifts his gaze and fixes it at me. He smiles softly at me and I smile back.

After I am done with wiping tables and serving, I sit on the chair behind the counter. DongWoo had to go home to visit his mom who had gotten sick a while ago. He loves his mother so I agreed to take his shifts for him for the next few days. Somehow, though, I wish that someone else could be here so that I won’t have to be alone. Picking up my book bag, I dig out my notebook and open it to a random page.

I am so fixed on writing an essay that I barely notice when a figure comes to stand beside me.

“What are you writing?” A voice asks, a familiar one that I hate.

It still has the same effect on me. I still want to rip out his vocal cords and kick his . Note this, I have never been this violent or had such violent thoughts. Goes to show just how far my dislike for him goes. But when I look up at him, I see sincerity. Honestly, I don’t know what he is being sincere about, but he just is. Relaxing my shoulders a bit, I give him my best blank and uninterested expression I can manage. If I can’t be mean, I can at least intimidate him so that he’ll leave.

He smiles softly. “Yah,” he says, grabbing my cheeks with both of his hands, “You shouldn’t make that face.” He tugs my skin upwards. “Smile.”

Shoving him away from me, I get up. The café is empty. I check my watch and see that it is still three hours before my shift is over. Today was a slow day, that I knew but enough to leave this place vacant?

“It’s a snowstorm.” Myungsoo says, “They all left before it got too dangerous.”

“Then, why didn’t you go?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know.” He pauses, unsure, and opens his mouth to say something. He must have changed his mind about what to tell me because he shakes his head and says, “To help you close up for the day?”

Sighing, I lean against the counter. Myungsoo takes my place from behind the counter and yawns. The streets outside are abandoned and the world seems beautiful and white. I stand up and press my nose against the store’s front window. It’s freezing so I take a step back, wrapping my arms around myself.  Footsteps beside me signal that he is now standing beside me. We both stay quiet for a moment and the silence is comfortable. We don’t have to say anything but we’re both thinking the same thing.
“Hey,” he asks softly, his voice almost a whisper, “Have you ever played in the snow?”
I shake my head. “No, my mom always said that I’d get sick. We didn’t have any money for the hos-“

I pause, shocked. Was I really about to tell him about the lack of money in my family? He seems like the type of person that would spread these kinds of things around the school. I shut my mouth and ask him the same question. He responds and I sigh in relief, glad that he hadn’t noticed my slip.

“My mom used to tell me that snow was for immature children. I could never play outside as a child. It was always studying, studying, studying.”

For a moment, I feel bad for him but then I remind myself I have no right to pity anyone but myself. So instead, I walk to the front door and pull it open. The cold air attacks me but I just stand there, enjoying it. Setting one foot outside, I notice how fluffy the white substance of nature is. Finally, I just run outside, not giving a care about the world or about my health. From behind me, I can hear him shouting at me to get back inside, but I make no attempt to do so.

Now I understand what people mean when they say that this weather washes away their worries. For the first time in years, for the first time in forever, the world seems to hold hope for me. For the first time since that day, I let myself smile and laugh and feel happy. This feeling, I like it. Why have I been fighting so hard to avoid it?

But, as I said before, everything good happens to prepare you. Nothing good happens to be simply good; at least not for me. This time is different, though, because instead of prepping me, it set me up.

I am blinded by my happiness, that’s why I don’t see the truck that is racing towards me, seemingly out of control.

A/N: Hi, guyz!! Here is yet another update~ Ahh, I can't believe This Is Infinite is ending this week. I guess this just means that they will prepare for their comeback and get time to rest. Til next time, lovely readers! 

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