dis·clo·sure

The action of making new or secret information known.

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December 24 (Monday)

A month had passed since the announcement of Gongchan’s and Min Jae’s romantic relationship, and in that period, snow had begun to fall. The wintry paleness covered the streets like soft blankets, making it both a time of joy and sadness. For the younger ones such as children, they delighted in the makings of ice-cold creatures like the snowman and palaces. For Han Kyung Mi, however, Christmas Eve only served as a reminder of a lost tradition. And so, it was indubitable that the bespectacled girl fell into the latter category. Her body had automagically wakened this particular morning, perhaps having remembered the usual routine that would take place. It frequently begun with her best friend coming over to her place at breakfast time, and they would have fun at the shops afterwards. Basically, it was a bonding time that was unique for the pair. Now, things had to change, as the eighteen year old would soon find out.

Even so, it did not mean that the younger sister would not sight Gongchan that day. Having wandered in the kitchen — maybe in a want to obtain some succulent food or fruit — the male had spotted her with the use of the kitchen window. He grinned, waving to his special friend from outside the house gates. He placed his hands strategically around his mouth to amplify his voice but that was useless anyway unless the girl decided to open the kitchen window. With a smile she tried to suppress, the girl flung the said window open.

“Yes?” half-yodelled Kyung Mi cheerfully. She must have been feeling the Christmas spirit.

“Oh, do tell me that Min’s ready,” chuckled Gongchan breathlessly. “I reminded her yesterday night with a call that we’d be hanging out for a bit today.”

Kyung Mi felt like she had been impaled. Right. Gongchan Shik had a girlfriend now — and it ended up being her sister. Min was what the male affectionately referred his partner as, and the eighteen year old realized that he didn’t speak of anything after those words. Had he forgotten about the times when they would run along the frozen streets, racing each other to see as to who would reach the shops first? It was extremely painful to think of such depressing possibilities. And he looked so happy, really, with the way his eyes lit up; the manner in which his mouth tilted upwards. Why — was that faint hue on his cheeks due to his exhaustion from running or anticipation? She really couldn’t tell. At last, her cluttered brain had the sense to nudge her to answer the waiting nineteen year old male.

“Ah, um,” began Kyung Mi lamely, sounding more convincing in the next few syllables after hearing someone descending the stairs rapidly. “I believe she’s coming down quickly to see you…?” As if to confirm her assumption, the bespectacled girl took a swift turn and descried her pretty sister. Min Jae was wearing a beige scarf that was wrapped loosely on her shoulders, accompanied with a thick dark coat and she was about to put on some brown boots. The older sister smiled upon sighting her younger sister.

“Kyung Mi!” uttered Min Jae brightly. “I’m about to go shop for some things, so feel free to call if you need anything!” Behind clenched teeth; the eighteen year old only returned the smiling favour and nodded with much effort.

Since the kitchen window had been left opened, Gongchan grinned at hearing a portion of the exchanged colloquy.

“Han Kyung Mi!” yelled the male afterwards in a meaningful manner. “We’ll have a wonderful dinner together, alright?” Then he smiled so sincerely, it made the aforementioned girl feel undeniably warm on the inside. It wasn’t right to yearn for another, that Kyung Mi believed intensely, but it was not like she chose to. Surely, in due time, she would be able to let this feelings dissipate. She was certain. But it might prove to be a considerable hassle, since her supposedly best friend was horribly dense and honestly unnerving at times.

Sure!” mentioned the spectacled female, waving them off with a silly grin. Her sister, after all, had already met him by the house gates and they were already greeting each other heartily.

As Gongchan acknowledged her reply and turned his attention to her sister, nonetheless, the expression melted away from her face eventually.

“… I’d love to,” were the words she held back from yelling earlier. It was so difficult to not feel envious of Min Jae, in Kyung Mi’s opinion. Especially when the male pointed out something about their unplanned matching colours, and the way he decided to halt in their footsteps just to fix Min Jae’s scarf. Then he had laughed with an emotion that the tinted spectacled girl sensed to be adoration. Even if she had not heard the current melody escaped from the crevice of his windpipe, she could have imagined it. It must have been spellbinding.

To the eighteen year old’s own shame and horror, tears were starting to roll down her cheeks like tiny rivulets. She rubbed them away hastily, thinking of herself to be extremely foolish. Kyung Mi promptly planned out her Christmas Eve morning as she shut the kitchen window firmly. There was no other past-time that would outdo painting, at least. With great determination, the bespectacled girl hurried to her bedroom, changing into clothes that were suitable to be dirtied in the worst case scenario and climbed up the rope ladder nimbly. At the end of it, she stepped carefully, noting that she was now in the attic’s quarters. The wooden ceiling was now her wooden flooring, which was something that amused her endlessly. Blinking intelligently, Kyung Mi searched for a box of matches to light up a certain wax candle.

It was a task easily accomplished, and the girl began to set out her framework. The canvas was settled comfortably against the easel, and the girl silently took up a palette of paints with a paintbrush. Then she stared, unfortunately recalling the horrors of that fateful Saturday morning in the month of September, when she tried to paint without her best friend’s assistance. This time, however, she didn’t intend to run away.

“He’s not going to be here all the time anymore anyway, so you might as well get used to it,” thought Kyung Mi chidingly. With a heavy heart, the female hoped her passion for art would live up to her expectations. If only she had known that a single of the brush that morning would be the most lethal move she had ever done.

About midday, a certain boy decided to drop by the Han’s residence. Oh Sehun had been obedient to his morning shift at the gas station, and now treated himself to a little jog. Perhaps most would find him ridiculous to be jogging at such an hour, but this boy was never quite so normal, really. He had been mindlessly rounding the verdant park when he recalled his precious bespectacled friend.

“Ah,” uttered the eighteen year old slowly, halting in his footsteps. He blinked, looking at his surroundings clearly for the first time that day. It was Christmas Eve, he supposed. Should he steal her away for an hour or two? That sounded like a sane notion, really. With much mirth, he had paid a visit, believing that if she was at home, it would be a perfect reason to drag her out. He did think that his classmate would adore snowflakes.

Politely, he stood outside the house gates and called out for his friend.

“Han Kyung Mi!” shouted Sehun, which was totally out of his character as he pulled on his own lime scarf. “I don’t suppose you have any plans, do you? I’d like it if you could go somewhere with me, actually.” Then he paused, absolutely aware that he was speaking in such a mien to the first friend he had in a long time. Why, she had the capability to cause his ears to burn fiercely the other day too. He felt abnormally outclassed. Identifying a subtle change in the crisp air, the unblinking eighteen year old’s head jerked upwards to meet the aforementioned girl’s mother. The lady had taken quite a liking towards him as well, though his visits were so excessively limited.

“Sehun!” greeted Mrs Han joyously. “It’s so nice to see you today. As for my daughter, you can come and fetch her yourself.” It would be evident for one to see that the male felt that such actions would be too farfetched, but Mrs Han was rather immutable at times. Nearly sulkily, the eighteen year old undid his shoes and took off his gloves, keeping them in his coat pockets. His steps were calculating, perhaps wanting to make this unnecessary occasion — the entering of the Han residence, that is — as brief as possible. With high perspicuity, the male frowned, noting the lack of the girl’s presence in the living room and kitchen respectively.

“Mrs Han…” began Sehun with a tone of displeasure. He was one who didn’t really fancy petty jokes like these. Just what did she intend to implicate on him?

The lady smiled most faultlessly, looking apologetic at the same time.

“I’m so sorry; I believe she’s still busy at her bedroom then,” remarked Mrs Han thoughtfully. “I just left her lunch at her study table twenty minutes ago. You might as well go up then.” Satisfied with her own response, Mrs Han actually walked away from her young visitor. Sehun was almost horrified. What if he had been some two-faced thief? Certainly the dwellers of this place would be destitute of their prized possessions soon enough. Nevertheless, the male shook that incredulous thought out of his head and ascended the stairs. The pathway leading to the tinted spectacled girl’s room was hindered by a mere door. For some unknown reason, the eighteen year old felt his skin prickling. Just for safe measure, he decided to knock before entering.

“… Kyung Mi, it’s Sehun — I’m coming in now, by the way,” mused Sehun aloud after knocking. Only then did he open the door, in spite of having no response. That triggered his worried state instantaneously. It was reinforced when he noted the untouched meal.

“… Han Kyung Mi,” mumbled the boy under his breath, making it sound almost like an expletive. “What have you done?” He spontaneously resolved to climb the ropey ladder. He did. And what he witnessed had the power to immobilize him. In the girl’s excessive drive and desperation to paint, she had not realized that the wax candle had gone out. Some light rays had seeped in through random cracks, perhaps reflected by the many mirrors as well and so maybe the girl had not realized the difference. Since the air was bad in the attic, the candle was necessary to indicate the sudden drop in oxygen content. The male shuddered involuntarily. When he touched the base that held the wax candle, it was deathly cold. It could have only meant that it had gone out for a great deal of time already.

Sehun proceeded to check her pulse. At least, his fear of meeting a corpse was over. However, the male knew that something had to be done immediately. Her shallow breathing was not a good sign at all. Taking a good look around the darkened room, the picture of this macabre incident was skewered into the depths of his mind. The paintings made him angry, even. Taking a deep breath, Oh Sehun allowed the loudest yell to ever materialize from his vocal cords.

Meanwhile, Gongchan and Min Jae were blissfully unaware of the incident that took place. They were, after all, enjoying each other’s company. The nineteen year old girl was being constantly teased by the other, really.

“You know,” began the male innocently. “I was thinking of giving you a love letter today, but I was rendered speechless.” He grinned at his girlfriend who was shooting him a sharp look.

“You don’t convince me, actually,” retorted Min Jae quite seriously. “I’ve known you as the one who played with words skilfully for a few years now.” He allowed himself to blink deliberately before a flat expression devoured his countenance. He turned away to look at the snow-covered shop lots, eventually taking out a piece of paper from his coat pocket that had been neatly folded.

“You might as well see the proof of my efforts then,” said Gongchan melodramatically.

The paper fell into Min Jae’s hands, starting to unfold it most determinedly. Once it was fully opened, there was a large reaction to it. At first she had been stunned, and then a light shade of red coloured the nineteen year old’s cheeks. Having noticed her sudden halt, the male turned around to face her squarely. The male had the audacity to smile in an impertinent manner, horribly tempted to inquire. However, it was the candid response that he was looking for. Finally, Min Jae’s gaze lifted to meet his.

“Gongchan, you…” uttered Min Jae with a tinge of petulance. “You’re such a liar.” That made him laugh immediately.

“No I’m not,” stated Gongchan with a grin, peering to look at his piece. “I wrote that I didn’t know how to write you a love letter, so I decided to draw you a heart instead. It’s ingenious.” He laughed again afterwards, finding the whole ordeal to be humorous.

She did not, however.

“Aw,” mentioned Gongchan after a slight pause. “I’m sorry for that then, Min. I meant what I wrote there though.” Now, Min Jae tried to sulk a little longer, but it was impossible when one’s partner had a contagious smile. Overly elated, he gave her a hug before parting. That was only done so because a phone call had arrived. If not, who knows how long he would have been hugging his girlfriend. The male answered the phone call without a moment’s hesitation.

“Kyung Mi — you wanted something?” asked the male as he smiled. That smile easily faded when he heard the next few words that were articulated by Oh Sehun.

“Kyung Mi’s in the hospital.”

Later, the said girl awoke in the sole white hospital ward. With the finite numb sensation pulsing through her body, Kyung Mi squinted slightly because she had not the darkened spectacles. The eighteen year old stared, nevertheless, the nostalgia of déjà vu overwhelming her. It was like the time she lost her normal vision and gained a monochromatic world instead. She wondered what she lost this time around.

“Oh,” thought Kyung Mi bleakly after a miserable pause. “Probably my sanity.” During her constant manner of slipping in and out of consciousness, she had a few words imprinted in her brain for further contemplation. The girl, being rather clever, had accurately assumed the current scenario. In her dedication to paint, the female had suffered a lack of oxygen when the air became bad in the attic. She had fainted, really.

Kyung Mi also noted the voices that were murmuring amongst themselves outside her quarters. She supposed that they had been worried for any long-term effects like loss of memory and impaired motor skills. At that, she nearly shocked herself. Surely she didn’t lose her nerves in carrying a paintbrush ever again right? The female forcefully sat upright with the use of her hands, at least glad that her assumptions were wrong this time around. The gentle turning of the doorknob proceeded to take Kyung Mi’s full attention in spite of her strained eyes. If it was her mother or father, she was definitely going to apologize profusely for her own carelessness. Then again, the memory of what she had been furiously painting stung her immensely as well.

Unexpectedly, as the person handed her the spectacles to put them on, it turned out to be Gongchan Shik. Han Kyung Mi was deathly certain that her face paled. Smiling kindly, the said male pulled a chair over to the edge of the hospital bed with a comfortable distance and accompanied her.

“Well, well, are you better now?” asked Gongchan quietly. His eyes reflected a plethora of genuine concern. She only nodded at first, but then spoke due to a gnawing feeling in her heart.

“… Sorry for ruining your date with my sister,” mentioned the bespectacled girl ruefully. She was quite surprised that she was actually feeling guilty about it.

“No worries,” responded Gongchan peaceably. “That kind of thing can wait. I had to make sure that you were alright, after all.” Then his eyes crinkled.

There. It was in moments like these that Gongchan was captivating, in Kyung Mi’s opinion. He was just impossible. The girl pulled up some of the hospital bed’s blanket to hide a part of her face in case it decided to colour.

“I was wondering though,” continued the nineteen year old after a while. “It’s strange that you got admitted into the hospital for lack of oxygen. What were you painting that made you so engrossed?” Unbeknownst to the older one, the girl’s eyes had dilated dangerously. Gongchan Shik had actually stepped on a time bomb, and this time around, it detonated. It began with a soft-spoken accusation.

“You have always been like this, now haven’t you,” remarked Kyung Mi with a tone of resentment. “Being dense and making provoking comments.” Puzzled, the male narrowed his eyes at her. What had she meant by that?

“Kyung Mi?” questioned Gongchan lightly. “Hey, are you okay?” She shot him a glare that made him flinch really badly. The male realized that something wrong was going on.

“Like that,” mentioned the bespectacled girl firmly. “You make seemingly harmless comments that are beginning to infuriate me. You’ve changed, now didn’t you? Or maybe I just never understood.”

The male only stared at her with much speculation. He didn’t suppose the hospital treatment caused these kinds of side effects, right? In spite of his growing bewilderment, he continued listening in silence.

“… You never told me that you and my sister got together before that dinner happened,” half-mumbled Kyung Mi. She knew it sounded petty, but she obviously had her reasons. At that, Gongchan allowed a relieved chuckle.

“It only happened a few days before, so I thought it wouldn’t have matter if— “ began the male nonchalantly when he got interrupted. That, in fact, was really scary. Kyung Mi never really interrupted anyone when they were speaking.

“It does matter,” declared the girl flatly. “You didn’t even tell me that you had a crush on my sister before this.”

Gongchan was more perplexed than ever.

“I did answer you truthfully,” pointed out the male blankly. That aggravated the girl exceedingly. “But you didn’t tell me of those feelings before I asked,” retaliated the bespectacled girl. Annoyed, the female sighed before speaking the next few words.

“Because that’s not the point, Gongchan,” said Kyung Mi coldly. “Have you already forgotten our promise? You said that we’d never have secrets between us. So what do you have to say to this?”  The older one seemed subdued after that, and the girl felt awful. Yet she had to play on the words mentioned that August day. It was a trick so cheap and low, but she had to. She had gone too far to turn back.

“And so, who broke the promise first?” questioned Kyung Mi quietly at last with a quiver. “Tell me, who did?”

The silence was deafening. It spoke so much louder than verbalized syllables.

“Gongchan Shik!” shouted the girl angrily now, exasperated. “Answer me — please.” The last word was imbued with impending regret. As he lifted his gaze to meet hers dejectedly, he answered.

“I did,” mentioned Gongchan in a hollow whisper. “I broke it.” The bespectacled girl should have been happy, for she had placed him in the spotlight of crime, but it had not been that way. No, for she had known who was the real wrongdoer in this mess. It was her.

“No, you’re wrong,” corrected Kyung Mi numbly. “It was mean of me to have done that to you. I broke the promise first, actually.” The turning of their apparent argument intrigued the male deeply. He shook his head to that.

“No, it can’t be you, Kyung Mi,” stated the male firmly. “What could you have done…?” Her own body wanted to just give up and cry upon hearing that reassurance. Just how dumb could he be?

“Are you stupid?” snapped the girl. “How could you not know that I’ve been madly in love with you?”

The world as Gongchan Shik knew it shattered upon hearing that stupendous revelation. His stunned expression, in fact, was absolutely proof that it was not he who found her unconscious in the attic. Though she wondered as to whom it had been, that was not the issue at hand at all.

“I didn’t know,” said Gongchan pointlessly. Kyung Mi looked incredibly offended.

“Yes, I was quite sure that you were completely oblivious to it,” said the girl sarcastically. Now, it was at this point that the mild part of her character wanted to halt her bad behaviour, but the sad look on her friend’s face incited her turbulent emotions.

“… Even if you knew, what could you have done?” mumbled the girl hopelessly as she tugged on the thin blanket. “Let me confess and then you become my boyfriend or something? You have to admit that the whole thing is absurd. Could you have done anything anyway?”

“… I don’t know,” admitted Gongchan brokenly. “But I feel like I have contributed a vital part to this predicament. Because you know, Kyung Mi, even though it isn’t in the same manner — I do love you. I really, really do. But because I held you so dearly and closely, I made you fall in love with me romantically. Goodness — I know that I can’t say anything to salvage this, but I do care. I always have since we were kids. I chose you over me, actually. I think anyone could have seen that.” He allowed a small smile, and babbled on.

“I guess you were right to call me dense,” considered the male with much thought. “People often asked me as to why I wanted to be a doctor. Every time I mentioned the reason to be you, they ask if I love you. I always say yes. Ah — I should have known what they meant. I really do though!” In his attempt to straighten things out, the nineteen year old was eventually mixing up his original standpoint.

Obviously, the bespectacled girl had noticed.

“… So what do I mean to you?” asked the girl tiredly, partly amused and unfortunately a little swooned by his random speech. “Just keep it short and sweet now, Gongchan…” Blinking hard, the male cracked his brains to keep it minimal. He was really trying to get things right now.

Subconsciously, he edged a little closer and articulated his heart’s answer.

“You’re family,” he whispered at last. “Kyung Mi, you are.” That answer easily swallowed the girl whole. She buried her head into the blanket with a sincere groan, knowing how meaningful that kind of title was between the two of them.

“Why do you even bother with this troublesome friend of yours anymore?” mumbled Kyung Mi quietly. “Why do you…?” Gently, he removed the blanket from the younger one’s grasp and looked at her seriously. He tried to lift her head but she had recoiled, backing away on her bed instantly. Though that kind of response was quite unwanted, the girl was listening attentively now.

“Kyung Mi, you need to understand this,” stated Gongchan clearly. “Meeting you was an accident. Staying was a choice of mine that I will not regret for a lifetime.” Then he smiled. She stared at him doubtfully.

“That makes you so hateful, you know?” commented the bespectacled girl honestly. “Having not even a tinge of remorse for becoming a doctor for the sake of another. I can’t believe someone like you exists.” She paused, and he seemed to wear an expression that appeared to say that it was absolutely his choice to have done so.

“… And I thought that someone like you would always be by my side,” concluded Kyung Mi emotionally. His eyes flickered to hers.

“Now I always will be,” he quietly uttered. And that made the eighteen year old aware of the future possibility that he would have become her genuine brother-in-law. It was very likely, even.

“You’re digging your own grave, Gongchan Shik,” commented the girl flatly with a steely countenance. “I have a good mind to not forgive you for your bluntness.” Had he not learnt at all? He was definitely incorrigible.

“That would be the most sensible thing to do,” agreed the male melancholically, noting her many uses of his full name in the past hour. Her eyes blinked slowly at that. Wait, perhaps he had changed a little after all. Their eyes met, and it amazed herself that his eyes had not crinkled at such an opportunity. In fact, they were glassy and shiny and soulless and filled with dolefulness. Then her heart relented.

“I really want to hate you with all of my might right now, but I can’t,” admitted Kyung Mi lamely. “I have to blame myself for crushing on such an endearing idiot like you.”

His eyes finally lit, having heard the message in between the lines. She had forgiven him.

“Kyung Mi, thank—“ began the male with a laugh, and he stopped abruptly because of an unexpected change. The bespectacled girl’s finger managed to catch the first tear that rolled off his left cheek.

“It almost seems as though you were the one hopelessly crushing on me,” responded Kyung Mi with a bittersweet laugh, struck by her own twisted joke. Albeit blinking, the tears just wouldn’t go away, and so Gongchan smiled instead.

“You really are a special one, Kyung Mi,” said the male softly, and he pulled her into a tight hug. “I owe you everything.” And this time, she had no need to let go.

“We’re too young to be this sad,” murmured the girl as tears began to slide down her own face as well.

For the pair, being childhood friends, had a strong relationship until white lies crept in, with the intent to protect the other from the truth. In their own attempts, they had held on just too dearly and so one had fallen. In her case, she had wanted to dissolve her romantically-inclined emotions before they escalated. In his case, he had wanted to take care of his friend’s heart, for she had not a great relationship with the sister before this. They were just adolescents, caught in the mistakes they had made, thinking that what they had done would lead to the best outcome. Time elucidated that their respective judgements had been extremely fallible. Even so, as they shared the tears and laughter that Christmas Eve in the hospital, something priceless had been attained.

The broken promise had succeeded in its purpose after all.