ver·ti·go

A dizzying sensation of tilting within stable surroundings.

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October 25 (Thursday)

At last, Kyung Mi found herself desperate enough to do something about the current situation that appeared to be growing drastically. Her degree of patience has finally reached its breaking point, and it was rightly so too. It was unlike the eighteen year old to go out of her way just to do something, especially a matter that would only ease her curiousity, but she had to. It was bad enough — in her opinion, of course — that she was haunted by the feeling of losing Gongchan Shik altogether, but it was even worse that her kind yet insouciant classmate was starting to strangely disappear in a suspicious demeanour.

It was only but a few days since Monday, the day in which Kyung Mi did not know that Sehun and Min Jae had first met. The bespectacled girl was only aware that the eighteen year old male was taking more frequent walks than usual. It wasn’t like she intended to judge or stalk since that wasn’t even her best forte, but it was the fact that he never did so before. He was the predictable one, having worn that blank stare the whole day, sometimes sipping the drink she used to get for him and never actually left the classroom except to dispose of the can drink. Yet it was clear to see that he had been leaving during recess time to do more things than to just throw away the metallic item. Although the female student should have been more attentive towards the examination marks that were being handed out throughout the entire week, she could not. She felt something was going on.

That sort of reasoning was amplified when her eyes descried the peculiar sight of Oh Sehun speaking with her older sister during recess time that Thursday. It was awkward, in a sense, for she hadn’t known of their acquaintanceship. Certainly, it was formed recently, but the younger sister had no idea of it. He still looked as serious as ever, and because Min Jae’s back was facing her, she couldn’t even guess what they were discussing about. Then the boy had smiled the type of ghostly expression he often gave to her. Kyung Mi didn’t understand why she was feeling replaced, but she did. The tinted spectacled girl reminded herself repeatedly that she was not to assume strange things like she did with her increasingly mysterious best friend, but it was partly her nature to do so. What in the world would Sehun converse about with her older sister?

 Finally, with an imperceptible inclination of Min Jae’s head, the meeting of two appeared to be dismissed. They made it seem as though they had merely bumped into each other and decided to have a friendly talk, but Kyung Mi was quite certain that it was already planned. Her older sister went on her way to somewhere and so did Sehun. Her mind was undeniably perplexed and confused, trying to sort out the oddities in this matter when she realized that Sehun chose to meet her. Her eyes flickered to his, thinking it to be an opposite response if one compared with Gongchan.

“I see that you have taken a liking towards walking for today, Kyung Mi,” he began soporifically. “Might I assume that you are in want of returning home early?” Then a smile framed his countenance, and she noted that it actually differed from the one he wore with her older sister earlier. It was one that spoke of his rare teasing. In conjunction to his statement, it made Kyung Mi recall something she found to be bizarre as well. In spite of the fact that their examinations were over, her best friend remained at school even after class hours. It was apparently stated that they had tedious applications to settle, but she just wasn’t too sure any more. The spectacled girl shook her head subconsciously, believing that there was no deception in this particular subject.

Sehun, having seen that reaction, was terribly amused since he could tell that she wasn’t actually listening.

“Alright,” added the male plainly. “Then things are well as always.” At those words, Kyung Mi’s head involuntarily jerked upwards to look at him properly. There was just something that made her feel compelled to discover, at least from the companion who walked her home. Perhaps, due to his enigmatic and insensate character, he would be the most unchallenging to unearth answers. His still eyes watched her, undisturbed.

“Sehun, how do you know my older sister?” asked Kyung Mi straightforwardly. Time seemed to slow down as she felt the great need to understand, and elucidation could only be found by his utterance.

“You told me of her,” responded the male unwaveringly. Her eyes narrowed at that type of response. It sounded painfully evasive. Then again, he had often adopted that habit of speaking.

However, this time around, she was not going to yield.

“You know what I meant by that, Sehun…” continued the bespectacled girl persistently. “Who are you to her?” His eyes, they nearly expanded with unfathomable curiousity as he felt most strongly that the two best friends really had things in common. Other than meaning a lot to each other, he felt that they even spoke and thought alike. It was pity, in his opinion, that things were probably going to change. Nonetheless, he didn’t intend to be the catalyst caught in the middle. Plus, a part of him felt angered for being perpetually questioned of his motives. Yet he must not lash out like he had a few days ago — that was the tangible proof that he was feeling far too much than necessary. He must, above all costs, remain with his dreadfully robotic mien. He also played his turn by narrowing his eyes at her.

“And why must you know of it?” he replied with borderline curtness. “Must I always be questioned of my acquaintanceship with people?”

Kyung Mi was not offended, but she allowed a suspire to form anyway. Her incipient conclusion had been wronged. It was probable that this male was the most taxing of them all.

“I’m not saying that your friendship must only remain with me, but it confuses me that you can hold conversations with my sister,” she ended finally. “Min Jae’s… rather different, and unless she had found a way to click with you, it doesn’t make sense. That’s all.” At that, Sehun blinked with a considerable amount of regard at his classmate’s deductive reasoning. In presenting such thoughts, it was clearly faulty, but it had substance. Substance enough that he pulled back his cold manner.

“Then…” the eighteen year old trailed off thoughtfully. “It is best that you speak closely to your older sister. I have not said much, but I believe it’s enough.” His icy and unfriendly demeanour shattered, and a warm smile greeted her.

“There are twenty minutes left, Kyung Mi — good luck,” he mentioned mysteriously, and just like rampant wisps of smoke, he disappeared past her.

With that, Kyung Mi speedily went in the same direction as her older sister. The bespectacled girl felt guilty, actually, since she was like hunting the older one down as if she was a mere animal. However, it was the truth she was aiming for, and she would fight for it. The eighteen year old felt like she had been left in the dark for a time too long. She had to take chances before everything ended up repeating. Breathless and tired after her slight run, Kyung Mi called out to her older sister.

“Sis!” exclaimed the younger one, and the older one appeared to have not heard her. Frowning, she picked up the pace and finally stopped her in an emptier hallway.

“I believe I called you, sis…” quietly reasoned the eighteen year old, the hurt obvious in her voice.

Min Jae turned around rather blamelessly.

“Have you?” she reasoned back. “I must have not heard it then.” Then they stared, as if they knew they were both lying somehow. It was prevalent that something really drastic was going to happen. Kyung Mi observed her older sister closely, who seemed to emanate signs of nervousness, as she insistently held onto her school bag. At that, her eyes widened behind tinted lens. Maybe, just maybe, things were able to fall into place. In spite of general rudeness, the spectacled female made a slight tug at the bag, causing the other to feel distressed. Her protests of asking her younger sister to stop were not considered at all.

“Sis,” continued Kyung Mi once more. “It’s recess time. Why would you need to bring your bag around…?” Min Jae’s eyes stared back sharply at her.

“My bag got stolen recently for no good reason,” she replied rigidly. “I don’t want it to happen again.”

Unfortunately, Kyung Mi did not trust that piece of information although it was true.

“Maybe they stole it for something that you’re keeping in there,” she accused calmly, tugging at it a little harder. Min Jae was obviously indignant now.

“What makes you think— “ began the nineteen year old exasperatedly, but then between both their efforts to have the bag in their hands, it fell onto the ground; upsetting its contents. Min Jae glared at Kyung Mi warningly, but the other had not realized it. In fact, she figured that her older sister assumed that it was her fault. So she glared back. This act of déjà vu was besetting the insides of the older, unbeknownst to the younger one. Min Jae tried to clear everything up as quicker than she did on Monday during her collision with the male, but failed miserably at it.

Still having a bit of decency in her, Han Kyung Mi bent down and began picking some of the other’s belongings as well. It wasn’t like it was a sin to help or something. However, as she unwittingly picked up the same photograph that Sehun held just a few days ago, the heavy atmosphere froze. It definitely did. In spite of the fact that the bespectacled girl’s eyes had also dilated in the same manner like the insouciant male, this time Min Jae’s eyes widened as well.

“Kyung Mi…” implored the older one weakly as her hand began reaching for it. “Please don’t.” Inadvertently, the aforementioned female did not allow the retrieval of the said object. Her hands still held it, and the image of the young smiling child was flummoxing, especially accompanied with the words of apology. It was certainly written in her sister’s handwriting. Yet what was this for? A broken promise of the past? The reminder of a big regret?

Her eyes flickered to the other’s, which showed vulnerability. That look instigated her sempiternal curiousity. Just what was this weapon that lay in her own bare hands? The spectacled girl looked closer, and discovered a shocking revelation. The young smiling child was herself, perhaps about the age of six. What was her older sister doing by carrying this picture — not to forget the strange words of contrition — around? It was terribly confusing. Then recollections were starting to overwhelm Kyung Mi as she lifted her gaze to look at her older sister. There was just something about that horrified expression that met her when she woke up in a white room. Something about the outstretched hand that begged silently for forgiveness. There was just something about the fear and dread in her older sister’s eyes that reminded her of a certain dark room in which she slept in, which was often haunted by a particular spectre. Something about her sister’s biology book that made her think of the colour red, associating it with blood. Something about colours and not seeing them afterwards.

And there was definitely something buried in her household for years now. It was strikingly clear as Min Jae’s hands were already lifting up to cover her ears. She might have already guessed what was going to be said by the younger. It was almost stupid for her to have not realized it so much sooner.

“… I’m adopted,” finally echoed Kyung Mi aloud in that empty hallway.