dis·cre·tion

The freedom to decide what should be done in a particular situation.

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November 10 (Saturday)

It was only a dinner. How bad could it be? In spite of Kyung Mi’s personal efforts to ease the inquietude in her heart, she was aware of how terrible things could develop. Blinking painfully, the girl smiled behind her tinted glasses and admitted her mistake. It made the nineteen year old male smile.

“I thought so,” quipped Gongchan nicely. “Now then, I think you should move before you get hit again by the door.” That kind of indication reaffirmed the fact that Min Jae had yet to enter the house. It was absolutely nerve-wrecking. Hastily getting up, the bespectacled girl hurried into the kitchen, believing that she could at least busy herself with the needed preparations and spend less time with Gongchan Shik. It was sad how their relationship had taken a bruising turn in mere months.

Han Kyung Mi felt like a burst water pipe at the thought of it all.

Eventually, dinner was magnificently prepared and the people sat themselves comfortably at the dining table. Mrs Han, being significantly observant, noticed the seating arrangement had differed this time around. Usually, Gongchan and her daughter Kyung Mi would be sitting beside each other, whilst Min Jae and herself would be sitting alongside each other. Mr Han, whenever he was actually free enough to dine at home, would seat at the head of the table. The table was meant to serve for four people spaciously, really. Oh Sehun had never exactly eaten a meal in the Han household, but if he did, it would be probable that he would be next to Kyung Mi, leaving an empty spot next to Mrs Han. Now, Gongchan was sitting next to Min Jae whereas Kyung Mi was beside Mrs Han. It was definitely a question to raise afterwards.

At their table, it was only polite to speak after thanking the master cook — Mrs Han, really — and eating half of their portion before engaging in any conversation. And so, the woman of the house actually made haste to eat considerably for she too, like her adopted daughter Kyung Mi, possessed a curious nature. Finally reaching that state, Mrs Han paused in her neat eating manners and lifted her gaze slowly.

“… It might be too unnecessary to ask, but this subject is unsettling me,” proposed the lady modestly. “Young man, have you intentionally changed your sitting position? That goes for you girls as well, by the way.” The following people glanced at each other silently, perhaps hesitant in vocalizing an answer. Kyung Mi, of course, did not want a say in this situation at all.

"… Well, speak up young people," encouraged Mrs Han. "I’m just interested to know, that’s all. If it only happened because of a mere coincidence, don’t be shy to admit so." The atmosphere remained tense, and Kyung Mi almost spoke to break it when the nineteen year old male articulated his thoughts. Firstly, nonetheless, he gave a bright smile.

"Well, I was saving this for later, but it wouldn’t be harmful to confess something," mentioned Gongchan lightly. With a determined gaze, he fixated his attention on the parents.

"Your eldest daughter is being courted," were the words he dropped, igniting sparks around the dining table. The younger sister’s countenance blanched, the older sister’s face broke into a nervous laugh whereas the parents had a mixed expression. The mother, for once, was a little dense.

"Just who is this young man that my daughter Min Jae is seeing?" demanded Mrs Han energetically. "Is he kind to her? Do you know exactly who this boyfriend is?" Realizing that the woman had not grasped the gist of it, unlike Mr Han who looked stunned, Gongchan tried to straighten things out.

"Mrs Han, I’m the boyfriend…" explained the male slowly. The lady of the house finally understood, noting the current sitting arrangement. Even so, she was at a loss for words.

"Oh…" trailed off Mrs Han rather solemnly, looking to her husband for some support. "Well, I’ve thought from time to time that it would be lovely if you got tied into the family, but honestly I had assumed that if anything were to happen, it would be between you and Kyung Mi, young man." Mr Han, although not a man of many words, cared for his children dearly and agreed to his wife’s extemporaneous speech.

"To be frank, whether you end up being either of my daughters’ counterpart, I’m sure you’ll take good care of her," approved Mr Han with much thought. "You better not break my trust, Gongchan." The aforementioned male looked pleased with their response.

"Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll take care of your daughter," affirmed Gongchan with an impertinent smile, casually intertwining his fingers with Min Jae’s. "There’s no need to doubt about that." One would be capable to witness the older sister’s face colouring due to her boyfriend’s sly ways of emphasising the point. She gave him a sharp look that made him chuckle immensely.

Meanwhile, Kyung Mi continued her quiet mien. As she ate, the spectacled girl was trying to harden her heart against the comments about their blossoming relationship. It was smothering her with each passing second, and though she wished herself away from the apparent table, it was impossible whilst she had no proper reasoning. Plus, it was an indirect insult to leave without finishing one’s portion. Her eyes stung when she accidentally saw their locked fingers.

“I must learn to relax,” she reminded herself feebly. Gongchan had not even told her personally beforehand of his new relationship status with Min Jae. The girl supposed that her classmate would have known what to do in situations like these. Wait, he probably wouldn’t.

"Ah, you two are too quick!" joked Mrs Han, oblivious to the younger daughter’s anguish. "Will I hear wedding bells in the near future?" At that, the couple turned to each other simultaneously with blank expressions. Then Gongchan grinned.

"Will we?" dared the male student, causing almost everyone to double up with laughter. This time around, Mr Han pretended to reprimand the young man.

"Now, limit your frivolous acts," said the man seriously. "You had your fun already for this hour, so we will continue our eating." Gongchan nodded most obediently, and loosened his grip on his girlfriend’s hand. They only had their first few bites after resuming their incipient schedule when a subtle knock on the table was heard.

It belonged to the bespectacled girl. With much effort, she managed to finish her meal.

“… Um, actually I forgot about today’s special occasion so I already had plans after dinner,” mentioned Kyung Mi with a grin. “You know about it, mom and dad — about those papers and stuff. Gongchan can vouch for my claim that I’ve forgotten about tonight too.” Naively, the male nodded to it while her mother wasn’t too happy about it. Mrs Han subconsciously patted her daughter’s shoulder.

“But Kyung Mi, it’s not too urgent—” began the woman when the spectacled girl rose quickly without another word. She ran out of the house after mentioning a terse goodbye and disappeared into the cold night. By then, it was about a quarter past eight.

Kyung Mi made her way to the park that was located near her neighbourhood before sitting miserable on the swings. She was beating herself up on the inside for running away from unwanted circumstances once again. It was becoming repetitive and useless.

“I just…” thought Kyung Mi hopelessly when an idea popped up in her mind. “Oh.” Promptly, the eighteen year old whipped out her cellphone and dialled a certain number. She fidgeted on the park’s swings as she waited for the aforementioned person to pick up. Unfortunately, it dived into the voicemail service.

Even so, she intended to leave a message after the beep sound.

“Um, Sehun,” began Kyung Mi quietly. “It’s Kyung Mi. I was just calling to ask if you finished your shift at the convenience store, but I guess not. If you’re free though in a little while, do come and meet me at the park. There are… things to do.” With that, she stopped talking once more. She sincerely doubted that he would call her back or respond, but it was worth a shot. Whatever the bespectacled girl intended to do after this could be executed alone as well. Besides, her feet still felt wobbly because of the untrained run.

So the girl looked upwards and admired the stars in the sky for a few minutes. They shone resplendently, in her opinion. At last, the tinted spectacled girl decided to leave the lonesome park.

“I guess he’s not coming,” mused Kyung Mi as she tilted forward to get up. Alarmingly, the metallic chains of the swings stiffened and it propelled the girl backwards. Then she hit someone, inducing a low chuckle.

“Hello,” greeted the person softly. She strained her neck slightly to tilt her head in a more extreme angle and spotted Oh Sehun. She blinked; baffled that she had failed to notice his presence. Why, he even had his hands on the chains — which caused the collision — and she did not sense it. He really was like a ghost.

"When did you even arrive?" exclaimed Kyung Mi, checking her cellphone that was devoid of any unread messages. The classmate looked amused.

"I was jogging intensely in this park after my shift and dinner," voiced out Sehun in a plain drawl. "I didn’t hear my cellphone ringing until later, really. Then by chance, you said to meet in the park. I don’t suppose you stalked my jogging schedule or something?" His last sentence was paired with an unlikely smirk. That only mortified the girl.

"That means you heard me talking to myself and all that— you know what, we’ll just go now," ended Kyung Mi flatly, and began walking in a specified direction. The smirk only grew wider on his face, but he remained wordless.

Later, nevertheless, he began to question.

“Where are we going, Kyung Mi?” asked Sehun cautiously. He was not one who feared many things, but the memory of her cracked voice relayed in his mind. She had mentioned about doing things. But what were they?

“You’ll see,” replied Kyung Mi in an odd voice. That tone and the words used did not comfort the classmate at all. He pressed his lips into a firm line and kicked a few stones absent-mindedly. When it was about nine at night, they drew to a halt by a sole house that had no gates. The male was perplexed, wondering as to who they were visiting at such an hour. A favourite relative?

Taking in an abnormally deep breath, the girl stepped forward and knocked lightly on the door.

“I hope I wasn’t too late,” mumbled the bespectacled girl cryptically. Oh Sehun found himself staring in bewilderment. Luckily, a person, although unrecognisable, answered the door. It was a lady in her middle thirties, wearing a simple shirt and a pair of long pants. The lady observed them carefully.

“What are you two doing here at this place?” inquired the lady testily. Judging from her reaction, Sehun supposed it was not a relative of his classmate’s. Besides, from what he could descry from the outside, it appeared as though the hallway was jam-packed with doors that would lead to rooms.

Kyung Mi, on the other hand, was obviously keeping quiet on purpose. She stared, even if it might be an impolite gesture, and spoke something suddenly.

“Lady Hana?” wondered the girl aloud. Those words caused her to seal her own mouth immediately with the use of her hands, but the lady proceeded to smile.

“My, you must be Kyung Mi,” responded the lady kindly. “Still going round with your nicknames, yes? It’s been a long time. Oh — is this your brother?” The lady nodded towards Sehun, who remained flummoxed. At that, the bespectacled girl laughed nervously.

“Erm, a friend,” said Kyung Mi sheepishly. “I hope you don’t mind…?”

The reply was instant.

“One more isn’t a crowd, so don’t worry,” mentioned the lady cheerfully. “Come in now, it must be cold since winter’s approaching. As for you, friend of Kyung Mi, I am Lady Chihana, but this girl is fond of eliding.” A warm pat on the girl’s shoulder was given by the woman. The classmate was still stuck outside, honestly trying to decipher the situation at hand.

“Are you coming in or not?” asked Lady Chihana stoutly. He blinked submissively then.

“… I’m Sehun, by the way,” he uttered monotonously with a sigh, walking into the place.

After Lady Chihana closed the front door, the hallway proved to be really full of doors. Some unexpectedly burst open, strangely, after hearing the arrival of some visitors. About six children of variant ages capered to the two females, with Sehun casually backing up. Unfortunately, some of them have actually taken an interest in the male. Two of the children tugged him playfully, asking for his name.

“… Help,” said Sehun lamely, quite horrified. With a laugh, Kyung Mi came to his rescue.

“Are you happier now?” asked the girl cheekily. His eyes only narrowed as he hurriedly pulled her aside.

“Goodness — I didn’t mean to ask, but I must,” asked Sehun in rare desperation. “What are you doing here in this orphanage? Are you a part-time worker or something?”

She stared at him disbelievingly.

“… Cut the joke, Sehun,” barely whispered the spectacled girl, looking doleful once more. He looked blank, however, and so she finally answered.

“Fine, I was adopted into the Han family from this orphanage,” nearly sneered Kyung Mi. “I do not have their blood. So there.” With that, she turned away and walked in the direction where the other children were. That caused Sehun to contemplate, due to his uncomfortableness around young children. He did so want to question her though.

At last, he made a decision. In spite of Kyung Mi’s subtle teasing by introducing him to the children as Oh Sehun — to which they distorted the name gleefully — he actually made his way close enough to her. Well, with random kids clinging to him.

“… Ah, I really didn’t know, okay,” quietly confessed Sehun unblinkingly. “I didn’t mean to offend.” The bespectacled girl nodded to that rather indifferently.

“It’s alright, I’m sorry too on my part,” said Kyung Mi wistfully. “I just thought that someone like you, who managed to realize that I have a monochromatic condition, would have known that I am an adopted kid…” Her mind also smartly added the fact that he and Min Jae had exchanged conversations before. It was like a poisonous form of knowledge.

Later, by request, the trio — consisting of Lady Chihana, Kyung Mi and Sehun — took a brief walk around the orphanage’s compound. While they journeyed by foot, mild statements like, “Are you two neighbours?”, “Do you call him nicknames like Hun?” and “Why are you accompanying her, boy?” were proposed. These questions were replied with sentences like, “Somewhat,”, “Of course not! That’s just plain weird — I call him Sehun, Lady Hana…” and “I happened to be around,” respectively. Aside from these things, the walk was pleasantly peaceful. Abruptly, Kyung Mi’s footwork increased rapidly and she ran ahead in excitement.

“The fields I’ve always remembered!” said the girl with immense ebullience. “Did my father used to bring me here?” That kind of information was new to the classmate as well. It turned out that the bespectacled girl was aware that she wasn’t always an orphan from birth.

Disappointingly, Lady Chihana shook her head before smiling kindly.

“Ah, I’m sorry that I have to say no to that,” mentioned the lady. “However, I have brought you here before.” At that, the girl felt partially embarrassed, for she had always assumed it to be her biological father. They resumed their walk back to the orphanage’s house, and Kyung Mi couldn’t help but to grin.

“I’ve never realized how much I yearned for the fields,” mused the girl aloud. Sehun watched her, puzzled. Was it really something to want for? He could not compute. Back at the house, it turned out that some of the helpers had told the children to go back to bed. It was, after all, a time in which they shouldn’t be awake. It was almost a quarter to ten. Feeling the silence in her bones, Kyung Mi wore a serious expression.

“Lady Hana,” began the bespectacled girl with a wavering voice. “I would like to know of my biological parents. I think you knew them.” Whether it was the truth or not, Lady Chihana had not shown any sign of guilt. She only sighed.

“I don’t think there’s a need to know if you can’t remember them anymore,” mentioned the lady wisely. “Besides, you have a family now.” Unexpectedly, Kyung Mi had been impatient on the inside, and she proved it by slamming her fist on the table. It astonished both Sehun and the lady exceedingly.

“I do remember,” revealed the tinted spectacled girl. “My mother was the lady who played hide and seek with me, isn’t it? She didn’t exactly tell me, but I think it was her. But one day, she just stopped coming to play… As for my father, I get the feeling that something bad happened to him.” The girl looked so upset that Lady Chihana had no want to evade the matter any longer. Sensing the situation, Oh Sehun decided to walk out of the room they were talking in. He gave a silent acknowledgment and exited swiftly.

“… Don’t get involved,” thought Sehun softly.

He nudged several stones with his shoed foot in an attempt to entertain himself. There was no way that he intended to play with children, really. The time crept to thirty minutes past ten, and it was then he heard the last moments of Kyung Mi thanking the lady and venturing out of the place. Her red eyes, visible behind darkened lens, dilated in excessive guilt.

“I thought you’ve gone home,” admitted the girl. “I’m sorry for being so inconsiderate, it’s just that I’ve never paid a visit since I left twelve years ago so…” Oh Sehun remained passive, his throat feeling aberrantly parched. It would have probably hurt to utter a single syllable. He merely indicated silently that it was time to get her home. That, at least, was comprehendible. Whilst they walked, the bespectacled girl decided to speak.

“Since you waited, I feel like I should just tell you what we conversed about anyway,” figured Kyung Mi thoughtfully. Feeling strained, Sehun still allowed his classmate to speak. It was only right, in his opinion.

“Well, I was right about the hide and seek thing,” murmured Kyung Mi emotionally. “My mother came every week to play with me. I was brought to the orphanage because my father passed away in a firefighting accident whereas my mother had a condition… Some terminal illness, I suppose. She couldn’t take care of me for too much longer.” She then smiled to herself, one mixed with happiness and sadness.

“Once, she told me to hide,” nearly giggled the bespectacled girl. “… Then she never found me. I guess she left on that day like that so I wouldn’t realize that she wasn’t coming back again. I was hiding behind the dresser…”

Fresh tears welled up in her eyes, and she actually laughed this time.

“Sehun — you do know that I like to paint right?” mentioned Kyung Mi rhetorically. “I actually love it so much that I gave a painting to Lady Hana before…” Sehun watched his classmate with immense uncertainty. Was she really alright with pouring out this kind of classified information to a distant person like he? Her voice dropped to a stage whisper.

“She kept it,” mentioned the eighteen year old at last with suppressed joy. “Even when I’ve forgotten about giving her the present, she has kept it for over a decade…” Then the girl laughed once again as the pair walked down the street, one that was getting lonesome because it was late. Now, the male finally spoke for the first time in that hour.

“… Are you sure you won’t regret telling me these things?” asked Sehun slowly. “Because… yea.” He actually found himself deprived of any excuse.

The girl blinked her tears away most amiably before answering. Why, she even halted in her footsteps to get a good look at him under the deserted streetlights.

“Like I said before, you are a really kind person,” stated the eighteen year old girl with bubbling confidence. “You can’t deny that even if you remained perpetually enigmatic to me. But that’s beside the point, you know?” She grinned, and that actually puzzled the male. She only plainly mentioned to him that he better remind her of something when they reached her house gates. The male was confused for the nth time that night. It was unsettling. Eventually, they do reach the house gates, and the girl could hear her older sister’s and Gongchan’s respective voices alongside with her parents. Sehun watched her wearing a bittersweet expression, but it disappeared when she turned to look at him once more. With her hand, Kyung Mi signed him to bend lower.

Blinkingly, he did so.

“Ah, you wanted to say something…?” echoed Sehun in speculation as he stooped to her height level. The next thing that happened surprised him, inadvertently earning its place as an unforgettable memory. Patting his head lightly, Kyung Mi finally whispered words that summarized her emotions that night towards her classmate Oh Sehun.

“Thank you for being here with me tonight.”