It would be an understatement to say that I avoided all Prefects, including the Prefects Office, in the weeks that followed.

Second quarter gave way to third quarter. And much too sooner than later, Junior year was drawing to a close.

Everything had changed. Everything about me at least.

I only ever hung around friends if Yixing was there to keep me talking. Baekhyun had magically formed ties with Chanyeol and Kyungsoo - that owl-eyed cook who also turned out to be a soulful vocalist - and his time with us had marginally diminished. Tao was mostly quiet, basking only in his self-proclaimed gorgeous face in front of a pocket mirror, and thus, didn't provide much of a conversation.

Jongdae was my primary problem. He remained as lively and cordial as ever but I could barely stand goofing around with the guy whose girlfriend possibly authored every single scheme against me. Not to get me wrong though; I had nothing against him and he was still my troll funky friend. I was just, well, being human I guessed.

Lichen - and I eternally felt sick that I ever suspected her - seemed wary of her surroundings. She occasionally approached Yixing and vice versa but she appeared less disclosed, more reserved. I wondered if she sensed the apologetic air I'd always exuded whenever she was around.

And Yang Sojin. She had become my greatest source of strength and sorrow.

After her shocking revelation, she had said it was only a theory. She didn't have tangible evidence. But when I had asked her why, she had refused to speak. I knew she knew something - saw or heard something at least, but she wasn't telling. It became clear that until she got hold of anything 'tangible,' she was never going to sing.

I also knew she wasn't being stubborn. She simply didn't want to say more of her assumptions unless they'd been fortified. By freakin physical proof.

But it wasn't the horrible truth of Jimin's involvement that so much as rattled me. It was the nagging feeling that maybe.. just maybe.. Sojin were to cease tumbling into traps if I stopped associating myself with her.

And I did.

It was never easy, keeping my distance to keep her safe. It was a continual, conscious decision that involved sleepless nights, bouts of starvation, an aching chest and a haywire brain. It was plain torture. But I managed to stick to it simply because I loved her. I had come to treasure her more than my comfort, which was to stay by her side, to be there with her whenever, and to abandon all explorations at finding out if she ever returned the feeling - if I could ever make her return the feeling.

I guessed I wasn't in for an easy, flowing-with-the-current romance from the start.

No. Of course not. It wasn't just romance to begin with. Love was always dwindled down to mean just romance, when in fact true love would only just begin to sprout when all sense of romance faded. It didn't back itself on fleeting feelings, because feelings were strong but trivial. Feelings were unstable; they relied solely on wavering sensations. They were never lasting.

But love, it transcended time. And pain. And suffering. It didn't remove the oppression but it made everything worth fighting for.

And Sojin was worth fighting for. Even at the expense of my own happiness. Yeah, it's cheesy - heck, it's even nauseous. But hey, everyone held their share of dorkiness at some point, right?

My labored efforts, gratefully, did not run futile. I deemed Sojin safer than ever. I'd lingered around her on the last day of the festivities, and a few more days after that. But it was during the Prefects advance examinations in January when I'd finally put my agonizing thoughts into action.

Sojin noticed of course. Who wouldn't? I wasn't exactly being discreet when I started drawing myself closer to her, when I opted to be more open, to finally connect with and relate to her like a regular person and friend - like a swooning hopeless admirer. And when I shrugged at her and curtly left when she asked how I did for my exams, it was all pretty obvious. Sojin was sharp. And clever. She picked up on everything. And I wished, in all her brilliance, that she'd come to the realization that I was doing it all for her.

To both my strife and solace, Sojin hadn't expressed any form of protest. She hadn't raised one prying question regarding my sudden fascination of ignoring her, but if she had, I wasn't sure if I could've handled explaining to her without shattering my resolve at the same time. I could already picture her stubborn demurral at my aim of her protection, so I figured it was safer that she didn't.. care.

Then yet again, I wasn't so sure either how long I could last swallowing her mutual decision to just leave me to myself, as I did her. It's almost like I'd rather she make a scene than retreat to indifference. And indifferent she indeed was.

Nonetheless, Sojin had not bereaved me of her casual small smiles whenever our eyes met. It was so painfully sweet, her slightly curved lips, the sincerity engraved therein. The friendly gestures, however, were short-lived, because in the months that followed, they had diminished to mere looks of recognition. We would pass each other in the corridors and in the brief moments that our gazes met, there were no more traces of intimacy nor filial piety registered in her eyes. They had become distant and detached. Unknown and unreachable. Her walls were thicker than ever.

Or rather, my walls had added up to the impassable barrier rising higher and growing thicker between us.

By the final quarter of our Junior year, Sojin had ceased her string of side comments in class altogether. I would've sued her for it, for depriving me of my last and only access to hearing her voice. Her voice that had once brought me to slumber despite the ottoman's unaccommodating features in Yixing's room.

Regular exam weeks, wherein Prefects were tasked to patrol around classrooms, had become my secret fountainhead of unobstructed mirth. I could marvel tirelessly at Sojin without the risk of being told off. I could once again indulge in the richness of her beauty; of her delicate hands her answers, her curtain of jet-black locks framing her ashen face, her lazy but piercing eyes scanning the questionnaire with feigned interest - either she found them too easy or she decided they weren't worth wasting her time and hurried on to the next item.

She was simply the embodiment of lovely.

But exam hours flew by too quickly and it didn't help at all that she nearly always finished way ahead of time; it had abated my extended moments of regarding her.

Chemistry lab sessions were nothing short of agony as well. With our manner of vocal interaction, or rather, the utter lack of it, Sojin and I would've been easily mistaken as mutes. Seriously. I couldn't even imagine how we were able to correctly conduct our experiments without speaking. Perhaps the mutuality between us stemmed much deeper than I'd thought, like we could actually make our brains function as one if we wanted them to.

I wondered idly if - by any miraculous chance - our hearts, if I may say so, could share, if I may say so, the same betrothal.

It was Wednesday after Finals week. I was trudging along a dank pavement on my way to school for the year-end rankings. Dark, low clouds blanketing the skies seemed to sympathize with my dispirited bearing.

I chuckled at the silly notion. At least the clouds knew how to cry, and whenever they did, it didn't go unnoticed.

I had cried in secret to put it mildly. There was no way I could expose my tears to my friends. Not that they'd be laughing at or teasing me. I just didn't think they could ever fathom my pain. Not even my closest peer Yixing. He had broached Sojin-related matters once or twice, but he'd had the mercy to not pursue the subject after I'd tersely shrugged it off.

It was maddening. Just like the unfinished street sign that I passed as I veered right. It was round and mounted by a pole, but the surface was barren; its specific purpose for traffic aid had not yet been decided.

I surveyed introspectively. Was I like that? Barren? My purpose yet to be defined? Did I just stand in mere existence, pleading for an identity?

But I knew who I was. Lu Han. A Chinese native who had ventured oversees to pursue education. A man determined to emerge from high school with flying colors. And my purpose was to live. My current way of life may be pure torture but at least I was living. In fact, I had never felt more alive. Suffering but alive. After all, pain was as strong a proof of one's subsistence, wasn't it?

And I was going to be alright.

Distractedly, I tried to convince myself that Sojin, on the other hand, was better off without me. I hadn't found her in the midst of quandary since I had kept my distance. Her glass-shattering and wood-breaking pastimes had not altered, and they didn't seem to leave Sojin's list of few hobbies any time soon. But other than that, she hadn't been in any grave danger.

It justified my decision; that keeping away was for the best. It also confirmed my presumption; that it was I who had constantly put her in harm's way. Most importantly, it broke my heart; that I was in love with her and the only way to show it was to maintain my distance.

I neared the entrance gates and heard dragging footsteps closing in. It irked my ears. Always, whenever I sensed steps, I looked around in the hopes of finding Sojin only to discover that they were just random non-Sojin humans.

I ignored it, refusing to take in any more frustration, and headed straight for the Juniors lounge.

As I had intended, fellow Juniors were already swarming the cork boards when I entered. I didn't know why the school still used such an antediluvian manner of announcement. I mean, with the growing digital progress. It could be they were only trying to preserve the atmosphere of physical connectivity. In the end, it always felt nicer to have your friends and classmates sharing your joy and bearing your woe, even if it were just over your scholastic performance.

"Well, well, well," Baekhyun announce