A/N : So this is goodbye *SOBS* I hate it when things have to end, especially EXO-related things, somebody sing 'Baby don't cry' to me please T_T

After a few moments of staring at his ceiling he pulls at his backpack lying on the ground and takes out the final unopened yellow letter. It’s slightly crumpled but otherwise unharmed.

Kris traces the alpaca drawn in the corner with his finger slowly.

“Why?” the alpaca stares back him silently.

“Why didn’t you ever give me a way to write back to you?” still no answer. “Why did you write again, after such a long time?”

He feels warm just by holding the letter. “Who are you?”

Kris thinks of falling in love, of missing people, he thinks of giving up and then he thinks of the feeling of fighting for something he loves. With a final decisive breathe he rips open the yellow envelope.

He reads the letter once.

And then he reads it again.

I remember the first time I saw you. It was on a TV screen in a Hongdae electronics shop. Your hair was so blonde and your eyes were so tired. ‘chicken nae style aniya’ was the first thing I ever heard you say. I didn’t like you.

That feels likes yesterday and like 10 years ago at the same time.  But this is it, the final. The last yellow letter I will ever write to you because, to be honest, I am not really sure whether you will ever want to hear from me again after reading this.

I remember the last time I saw you too. You were so close that I could feel your breath on me, I could see the want in your eyes, could count your eyelashes. We were close enough that I felt like it could last forever. But then you broke my heart.

I don’t think I was ever supposed to write those letters to you, but I did. In a way, I felt like you needed it. You were a star all along, Kris; you just needed somebody to tell you that.

At first you just intrigued me, puzzled me, got under my skin and wouldn’t leave. And then I got to know you. I learned that you cared for people strongly but unassumingly, that you worked harder than anybody else at the company, I learned that you were arrogant on the outside but quiet and shy on the inside. You were so quick to praise people but reluctant to accept when praise was returned. You were quick to get attached to people but unwilling to show it. You had the kind of bull-headed determination and strength of will to keep going even when your body hurt and your eyes were drooping. And I liked it all.

You were a star all along but you thought so little of yourself that you forgot that there’s so much more in this world than hurt and loneliness. You forgot what it really means when those girls touch you, follow you, scream your name and make you flinch. Maybe they love you in all the wrong ways, but they don’t love you for all the wrong reasons. I didn’t know it back when I stood in front of Mnet last year and watched the girls shiver and willingly starve in the cold but I know it now.

I was never supposed to write to you, but I did. I was never supposed to meet you or become your friend, but I did. I was never supposed to see you that first time and be so insanely attracted to you that I couldn’t breathe, I wasn’t supposed to be around you practically the whole day and still write something to you the minute I got home because there were so many things left that I wanted to tell you in person but couldn’t. I was never supposed to fall in love with you, it was never meant to be, but I did. But I did and now nothing is the same anymore.

He feels his whole body tremble as images and memories fly past his eyes in jumbled flashes. His breathe stutters and his ears ring. And then all of a sudden things start to make sense, so much sense.

I don’t know what to write to you anymore. I don’t know how to look at you and not want you. I don’t know how to write to you knowing you are already in love with somebody else, I don’t know how to smile at you without wondering whether you smile back like that at the person you love too. So this is it, the final.

All I can wish for is for everything to work out for you well, every single day of your life, even if I am not around to see it all.

In case you were wondering- Chen had a fight with Floofy so he doesn’t come over as often to pee in my plants anymore, and now I just miss his smug little -wiggles. Oh, and also, I really am not five years old – I was born in May 1990, I’m older than you.

He stumbles out of bed and takes a few shaky steps. His head is a spinning mass of puzzle pieces.

Small yellow envelopes almost hidden among the pink– mediocre - you are special- - You know how it is easy to talk about people you have only seen around but never really met? -  lithe fingers wrapped around Rubik’s cubes -  twist, hop, shoulder twist, step, step, pause and now follow through with your hips - You probably know a lot more than you think you do – three hours on the phone – I like your voice – deeper but softer – - But sometimes it’s hard working around so many people when there is one person among them all that you can’t take your eyes off of  - sketched alpacas and elevators that take Luhan further and further away from him - I’m in love with somebody – Luhan quit - They let 5 year olds graduate from High school now? – I’m older than you -bright yellow, bright, shinning eyes.

Then the shaking stops and Kris snatches his phone from the bedside table and takes off running. He takes off running, heart thundering in his ears but his footsteps sure, because he has somewhere important to be.

He jumps into the first taxi that comes his way and scrolls frantically through his phone to find an old text message Kyungsoo had sent him. The cab driver gives him a strange look but takes off the minute Kris rattles off the address of the place somewhere outside the main city with no questions asked. Forty anxious minutes later he pays the driver with a bunch of crumpled won notes that he unearths from his pockets and doesn’t wait to get back his change.

The air is freezing but his palms are sweaty. The neighborhood is quiet and his garden is small. He doesn’t realize that he had even forgotten to put on his shoes until he feels the pebbles from the garden digging into his soles. No wonder the cab driver looked at him like he was crazy. Maybe he is but he doesn’t care right now. He spies chrysanthemums and rosemary and daffodils in neat rows as he walks steadily to the door.

He rings the doorbell five times and still nobody comes to the door. The curtains are drawn but he can see light streaming out through them, drawing shapes on the porch floor. His hands are shivering and his eyes are stinging by the time he rings the bell for the seventh time. There is an ache in his chest that won’t go away no matter how deeply he tries to breathe. He runs his fingers through his hair in frustration and is seconds away from giving up and turning away when he hears a soft whine. He blinks at the garden in confusion and there’s another whine and a small sniff.

Kris finally spots it, a small puppy with a smashed up looking