“I spilled cereal all over myself this morning. After I got dressed, I even had my tie on. Then I had to pick up a call before I could change and by the time I was done I had the grossest, stickiest things drying on my chest. There goes my love for Chocopops. ”

“I like my job. Not a lot of people are lucky enough to say that. I like dealing with words and the many meanings that lie behind them. But these days I like my job a little more than usual. It’s refreshing. And exciting. But sometimes it’s hard working around so many people when there is that one person among them all that you can’t take your eyes off.”

“Floofy peed in my rose plant again today. Sometimes I wish I can strangle that smug little bastard but then he does this little -wriggling, whining, puppy-eyes things at me and I just want to say ‘Go ahead. Here, pee on my plants forever even when you have a thousand more in your own garden. Here, pee on the Chrysanthemums. And on the Rosemary. And my welcome mat too.’ Why am I such an idiot? Why is he so cute!!!!”

“I don’t understand. I really don’t.”

Kris wishes that the tone he was hearing was more angry than resigned. Anger is always easier to deal with than disappointment.

“You have been in the industry for a  little over a year now. I know they rushed your debut and all before training you properly but still I don’t understand. People who are meant to stand on that stage are not so….so…mediocre.”

Kris flinches but manages to bow low in apology. Mediocre. Me-di-o-cre. Mediocre. He squeezes his eyes shut against the ring of that word in his ears as he packs his bags. He has Yoo Inna’s Volume Up to get to.

It’s true. He had never been much of a singer, or a rapper, to be honest, and his dancing skills had appalled Yixing in the beginning. He had barely been in the country for 2 months when he had been approached in Myeongdong by an agent with analytical eyes and a neatly printed business card. He had accepted the card just because his friends had told him it’s a one-in-a-million opportunity and he had wanted this stranger to stop looking at him like she was breaking down him into tiny little bits and pieces that she can convert into money in her head. He hadn’t known then that he’d be into the spotlight with a debut mini-album that people said had sold more for its photo book than its songs. He hadn’t known then that in 6 months he would be brushing shoulders with members of TVXQ or that there would be girls reaching out for him desperately every time he stepped out of his apartment. He hadn’t known that after all that he would be mediocre.

He doesn’t realize until he leaves the room that Luhan had been in there with him: Sitting in a corner fiddling with a Rubik’s cube that he always seem to have with him. Luhan is silent like he usually is when there is nobody else around the two of them for him to entertain. Kris isn’t entirely sure whether he heard but his chest constricts at the idea. Nobody wants people to be around when their failings are pointed out and laid bare.

They pass by a harried Kyungsoo on the way who stops momentarily to punch his upper arms. He seems to be in an unusually foul mood today.

“I wrote the most perfect song for your new album last night.”

Kris manages to smile at him. “Really? That’s great.”

“Yes, but I’m going to have to just throw it away.”

“What! Why?”

Kyungsoo shrugs. “There’s no way on earth that you can actually manage to pull off that song. It’s not exactly… in the range of your vocal abilities.”

Kris knows that Kyungsoo can sometimes be a little caustic when he is stressed and under pressure. He knows that Kyungsoo tells things like this to him almost every week that he doesn’t actually mean in a bad way. And he knows that he is supposed to shrug jovially and comment back jokingly about being the best vocalist in SME. But today Kris thinks his face might not manage another smile so he bows in apology to a startled Kyungsoo and speed walks away to the waiting van.

“KRIS! KRIIIIIIS OPPA!”

“KRIS! HERE HERE!! LOOK THIS WAY!!”

“KRIIIIIS!”

“OPPAAAAA!!! OPPA!!”

“KRIS LOOK AT ME!! HERE!”

Kris struggles to make his way out of the throng of people gathered outside company building. Manager hyung is trying t