“Class dismissed! The two of you,” He points at both Jongin and Hee Young, “Stay back starting tomorrow because practice starts then. I’ll teach you two the choreography,”

Hee Young raises her hand, “This Saturday I can’t, I have… something,”

Mr. Kang nods, “Saturday the both of you are off practice, then,”

Now not only is Jongin curious to what’s flying in on Saturday but he’s watching her collect her items, stuffing them into the bag before she slings it over her shoulder. Mr. Kang stays in his place because he has things to do but he does one thing he does well—observe.

“If I asked where you’re headed to on Saturday, would you tell me?”

I knew it. We’re bound to talk about this sooner or later.

She exhales, she tightens her grip on her bag strap and then levels their eyes together. She doesn’t know where to begin, she doesn’t know where to start—she doesn’t know how to go around this topic because for the life of her, she has never thought that the cat would run out of the bag, dash across the street and now end up lost in the woods like how their situation pretty much ended up like.

“Look, Kai,” why doesn’t she call me Jongin? “I didn’t hide it from you because I’m ashamed or anything. I did it because I thought it was the best for me—“

“Where was my say in this?” He shakes his head and tries to continue but she steps forward and tilts his chin up until their eyes are so close to each other, he can literally see his own reflection in them, “You look me straight in the eye right now and tell me you remember me,” She keeps her hand on his chin, breathes and then says, “You look at me right now and tell me what I used to call you as a child, exactly what did I call you?”

He’s searching for an answer in his mind, he’s trying to find for anything, a hint, a clue, a direction, a ing answer but nothing pops, the lightbulb above his head cracks when she lets go of him, steps back and sighs, “You can’t answer me,”

“It’s because I can’t remember,”

“And that’s why I didn’t try,”

“You could’ve at least—“

“Tell you of all the memories that I only remember? Or, tell you of everything we’ve done as a child, all the promises you’ve made with me, everything we said we’d do when we grow up and I will never forget you, only let them crash on me because I’m the only one who remembers?” She’s breathless, she knows they’re not alone and she’s somehow, partially thankful for that because it’ll make her leave easier, “I was thirteen, Jongin,” she’s calling me Jongin, “If I had someone to tell me what I should’ve done at that age,” She glances at Mr. Kang and her words change, “Even if I did, I knew that somehow you couldn’t possibly remember me and that’s why I didn’t try. I would’ve been hoping around nothing and it’ll all go wasted and I’d end up more crushed than before and at that point, I don’t know if I still would be alive,”

Jongin clicks his tongue and then he questions, “So… putting in effort to your best friend, trying to regain back their memory is a waste?”

He’s getting it wrong.

“You know what? I’ve said what I had to, I’ve told you everything I could’ve and if it just doesn’t ring a bell, it will never ing ring,”

He’s feeling a deep clench around his guts as the door opens and she exits and it closes with a click. He takes five seconds to breathe, over and over again until he’s slumped on the floor and an arm slings over with a voice he knows very well flowing through his ears, “Let me guess… she finally told you?”

So he knows…

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Jongin is asking Mr. Kang this time, turning to frown at his teacher and Mr. Kang sits on the floor with a grunt, “I promised her I wouldn’t,”

“Why is everyone taking her side? Can’t you guys see that it’s me who got into the accident, it’s me who’s lost my memory and it’s me who lost my sister that—“

“It’s her who lost her father. It’s her who lost her brother and it’s her who ended up running away from home at the age of sixteen. She was confused as a child, Kai. And as much as I hate to admit it, I wouldn’t know what to do if she agreed in trying to bring your memory back because if it doesn’t work… I can’t afford to watch her breakdown or even worse, fall into depression and something else happens,”

“But she didn’t even try!” he’s shouting.

“She just gave up on me because I couldn’t remember and I’m trying, I’m ing trying to remember everything we’ve been through that it’s driving me crazy! Because of this we’re not talking to each other like how we used to, because of this, I end up ending our goodbyes with arguments when all I want to do is-!” Jongin takes a glance at his side and realize that possibly, it’s not such a good idea to voice out what you want to do to the person you think of all the time, “-I… I just want to see her smile and because of me, I’m losing my own and I’m doing the exact opposite…”

Mr. Kang takes a moment to let him breathe, quiet down and then chuckles when Jongin asks, “I’m ed up, aren’t I?”

“In what context?”

“First I lose my memory, then I quit dancing, then I join back and now… now I’m whining like a child,”

“And now you’ve fallen back in love with your first love,” Mr. Kang states and Jongin is falling onto the floor, raking his hands through his hair so hard that he wishes the pain would trigger some, any memory but nothing is coming, “Help me,” His arms fall by his side and he’s gone quiet, too quiet that Mr. Kang decides that it’s time he takes Jongin’s side.

“How about you follow me to my office?”

Jongin groans and shake his head, “I’m not in the mood for labor…”

“Who said anything about labor?”

Jongin peeks as he lifts his head up only to see that smile on Mr. Kang’s face.

And that smile means that it’s time to do something about this.

 

 

 

---

 

 

“Where the hell are we going?”

“I didn’t say it was the office in the school, idiot,”

Jongin whines once more about needing to walk back all the way to his dorm but Mr. Kang shuts him up by saying he’ll drop him off before it gets dark. The two trail up to the apartment halls and then Mr. Kang clicks something and the door springs open. Jongin is taking his steps in gently and quietly before he kicks his shoes off and Mr. Kang flick on the lights.

Mr. Kang is ushering the latter to follow quick because once Mrs. Lim gets back, it’s going to turn into a whole discussion and Jongin won’t have much time to let the information sink in properly.

Jongin takes a seat on the sofa and upon entering the room, everything is exactly like how he remembers it to be. There’s a laptop and a projector and Jongin’s eyes are focused on the screen. Mr. Kang switches on his appliances and then offers, “Would you like a drink?”

“No, I’m good,”

“Sure? You’re going to be sitting there for quite a while from the number of things I’m about to show you,”

Jongin rolls his eyes and gets up, “I’ll help myself in the kitchen,”

“Get me a cup of tea while you’re at it,”

“Old man…”

“I heard that!”

“Maybe you’re supposed to!”

 

 

 

---

 

 

“Guess what?” She says, hanging upside down on her bed and her hair is dangling off the floor.

“What?” He does the same, from his own bed and his roommate is gone.

“Jongin knows,”

“Jongin… Kai?”

“Yeah,”

There’s a moment of silence and Hee Young knows that Minseok is letting it all crash into the parts of his mind.

“It was bound to happen,”

“And we’re sort of… not on good terms,”

“I think you saw that coming,”

“Yeah but I didn’t expect it to turn out this bad,”

“Meaning he…” Minseok sits up on his bed and sighs, “He doesn’t remember,”

Hee Young nods and does the same, rolling over on her bed with her head pressing the pillow down, “He doesn’t,”

“Not even with the photos I’ve sent to him?”

Hee Young is narrowing her eyes into the space and if Minseok was here, he’d be cut into slices with her glare, “What photos?”

Minseok gulps and he stutters, , “W-Well, uh… I… I may have or may not have—“

“Kim Minseok—“

“I took a few photos from your box and I sent them to his address and possibly his mother gave it to him because it’s the wrong address which is the one at his hometown,” MInseok speaks at the speed of light and at the mention of it, she’s hopping off her bed, flicking the lid open and indeed, some of the items are missing but there are a few still there that makes her eyes light up.

“Min, you’re a ing genius,”

“I am?” His eyes are popping wide, “I… I am,” He agrees, nodding and realizes that he’s not in deep . “But how am I a genius?”

She shakes her head and shakes the lid, turning it upside down and he hears the clinks from the other end, indicating that possibly, all the contents are emptied, flat in the table and she’s sorting out the items.

“Now I get it,” He’s letting out a soft ah….

“I’ll call you back,”

“And that’s a nicer way of saying when Jongin remembers right?”

“Shut up,”

“Love you too.”

 

 

---

 

 

“Okay… I-I think I can sort of know where and when all of this happens—how I met her, how I’ve come to get close to her but is there anything that you have that tells me what she calls me?”

“She calls you Jongin,”

“N-No! I mean… apart from that,”

“Kai?”

Jongin lets out a sigh and shakes his head, “No… it’s…”

Mr. Kang clasps his hands together, “I think I get it,”

Jongin’s eyes find hope as he looks up to his teacher, “You do?”

“There must’ve been something between you two and… I think that’s the missing piece,”

Jongin snaps his fingers, “Exactly—I just… I need to know what that piece of thing is but—“

“I don’t have it,” Mr. Kang shakes his head, leaning back onto his seat, “If it’s something between you two then… it’s something you need to remember on your own, Kai. I can’t help if I don’t know about it in the first place,”

Jongin pops his lips before he falls onto the sofa, “So much for remembering…”

“Maybe you could spend more time with her and ask properly. Maybe if she tells you on her own, maybe if you two get to talk about this… maybe you’ll remember,”

Jongin takes a look at Mr. Kang and he’s pointing at him, “You better not jump to conclusions because that’s not how you get to asking people for information. You’re not the only victim in this. Try imagining how frustrating you’d feel if you were in her shoes,”

He sits up from the sofa and groans, “But she has the control over what she feels, I don’t! I’m stuck with my stupid brain and I can’t remember ! I remember everything else, I really do but why can’t I remember that certain memory?!”

Mr. Kang has this bittersweet smile on his face and Jongin knows that whatever Mr. Kang says after that smile, it’s the truth.

“Because it’s the most important.”

 

 

 

---

 

 

He sits down on the bed, he’s resting his back against the bed rest and his mind is definitely not with him as he stares at the number on his screen. Kyungsoo is idly looking through his reference book, seeing if there’s anything he’s missing out on that he’d need to read for his prep test and Jongin’s not even digging into his work. He recalls something that Hee Young may or not be busy with her assignments but that’s the least of his worries—would she even pick up the phone?

“Just call her already,” A voice is irritated and when Jongin looks over his shoulder, he meets with Kyungsoo’s grin. “You know you want to, anyway,”

“She’s not going to talk to me,”

“Not if you don’t try,”

And with those words, Jongin is putting his phone down, turning his body just a bit and he may or may not fall from the bed but as long as he gets to look at Kyungsoo while he’s talking, it’s fine. “Hyung,”

“What?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Shoot,”

“Why is it that… when someone gets into an accident and they lose their memory… is it possible that they forget the thing that matters to them the most?”

Kyungsoo is chuckling and shaking his head, lowering his book, “Jong, when you get into an accident, what you forget is unpredictable,” He takes a moment to think and then he adds on, “But yeah, it’s possible—you can forget the person, thing, subject that matters most to you and-“ Kyungsoo rephrases his words, “Why are you asking this?”

“Nothing,”

“Spill it—you can’t just ask me like this and leave me hanging,”

“When I was a kid, I got into an accident and I lost my memory—I lost the memories with someone important and that person is now my girlfriend,”

Jongin makes it so simplified and direct, Kyungsoo is shocked but what shocks him is the fact that he’s saying the name, “Hee Young?”

And with a nod from Jongin, Kyungsoo can officially say that Jongin is able to blow his mind.

 

 

 

---

 

 

“So what you’re saying is…”

“We used to be really close—from kindergarten, dancing classes, beginning of middle school and then…”

“You forgot who she was…”

“Yeah,” His voice grew softer and believe it or not, it actually helps talking it out to someone—he feels like the burden on his shoulders is less, he feels like the situation isn’t as bad as he thinks when he puts it out into words but the pained, aching, stagnant feeling that clings onto his heart is still there because he can’t remember.

“Wow… that must’ve been... horrible…”

“Now we can’t even talk about this without arguing,”

Kyungsoo reaches for Jongin’s phone and shoves it into his hands, “Call her,”

The creases on his forehead appears and he’s confused, “I just told you that we’re going to argue about this—“

“That’s because you’re face to face, right? Maybe listening to just her voice will help.”

“But you’re—“

“Leaving,” Kyungsoo states blankly, getting up from the bed and taking his book with him, “You have thirty minutes,” And then the door closes and Jongin’s alone with his phone in his hands, still staring at the door. He finds this amusing, seeing Kyungsoo so supportive but, well, it’s not every day you find that your roommate was in a tragic car accident years back that it seems like part of their memory is lost. Jongin sighs and blinks down to this phone, lingering his thumb over the contact before he decides to screw it and swipes.

 

 

 

---

 

 

“Hm?”

“Hey…” soft.

“Hey,” short.

“I… You…” uncertain.

“You want to talk, don’t you?” direct.

“Yeah… don’t you?” questioning. “I mean, we can’t just ignore this like it’s nothing,”

“I wasn’t going to ignore it but… it’s kind of hard to talk about it when all you do is get mad and I can’t get anything across properly and in the end I get mad and then I don’t want to even think about this,” everything.

“W-Well, I… I’m sorry for that… I just—“

“I get it, I really do but…” she pauses, “What do I call you now? Jongin or… Kai?”

“Can’t you call me whatever you used to call me?”

She sighs and Jongin knows it’s hard because he knows, deep down inside, he has it in there but it’s not revealing itself. He knows she wants him to remember on his own and he wants to remember it so badly but nothing is coming out.

“I… I can’t,” she’s reluctant, but she’s firm, “I-It was special, it still is but… I…”

“You want me to remember on my own…” He fills in the spaces and she’s nodding despite him not being able to see, “Yeah,”

“Can we talk about something else, then?”

She finds herself being able to relax upon hearing his tone because he’s not that mad and he’s rather calm. “Sure.”

And then they do. They talk about anything and everything that comes to mind—inclusive of the littlest memories that Jongin’s able to fish out. Like that one time he pushed her on the swing and she’s not that careful that she falls off. She’s rather surprised but then he fills her in of the tapes that he’s able to view from Mr. Kang and he remembers most of everything but not everything. Though she’s a bit disappointed, she can say that she’s really proud and partly ecstatic that juggles from within that not all is erased from his mind and something lingers—even if he needed the aid of videos, clips, photos… it shows that he’s trying.

It does make things better.

In the end he manages to pull a few cute stories from his childhood from her. Like how he punched a kid square in the face because that said that she looked better with him than with him. Pause? That kid said that Hee Young didn’t look too good with Jongin and she would look better with him—that’s what that sentence meant and Jongin got so mad that he vented his anger out through violence and had to sit out in the corner for thirty minutes. Jongin’s laughing because he can picture it in his mind, he’s recalling back the littlest things that he had forgotten and it’s making him smile. She’s laughing because of how happy he sounds and that’s when her heart swells when Jongin says, “Can’t we at least try? We can work this out—maybe I won’t remember immediately, maybe I can’t recall back of the precious memories from the past but… we can make the best of what we have now and I’ll try,”

You just said it, her heart is palpating—but he doesn’t realize it. She hesitates for an answer but then he continues, “At least try… this time… try,”

Though it’s a simple word, it promised a lot of commitment.

“Okay.”

 

 

---