PATIENCE ft. Do Kyungsoo

Krrrrrrrriiiiiing~ Krrrrrrrriiiiiing~ Krrrrrrrriiiiiing~

Do Kyungsoo reached for his mobile phone to turn his alarm off. Shortly after, he fought the sleepy haze and sat on his bedside. He woke up rather early for someone who works at night. He’s a lounge singer at a local bar.

“It’s so early…” he complained to himself, even if it was around past ten in the morning.

As he sat at his bedside, he checked his mobile phone and saw a message from his friend, Jongdae, saying:

“Hey guys! I’m only reminding my close friends, so if you receive this text, you’re in luck! Tonight is the annual Christmas Tree-lighting ceremony. It would be really meaningful if you guys attend this year since I am the organizer for the event. Remember, it’s at the Seoul Plaza. The program starts at 8:30p.m. Thank you!”

“Eight thirty, eight thirty…” Kyungsoo thought. “I’ll reply later if there’s still time.”

Kyungsoo headed towards the bathroom and took a long, hot shower. Finally, Kyungsoo’s whole system woke up. He needed to run a lot of errands today since he can’t find time to do all of them by Christmas Eve. This week is the most demanding of him—Christmas gigs, collaborations, and events are happening left and right.

He went straight to the kitchen and cooked a hearty winter brunch—a rice bowl with slices of sweet ham, a fried egg, mixed vegetables, and kimchi on top. As he sat down and ate his breakfast, he caught a glimpse of his boyfriend’s picture on the opposite side of the room. The memories sank in his heart—it just felt empty, and he knew something was wrong. He just doesn’t know what it was.

Kyungsoo stood up and placed his empty bowl in the kitchen sink. He remembered those times when his boyfriend used to hug him from behind as he washed their dishes. His boyfriend even has that mannerism of resting his chin on his shoulder, which he always found cute. As he moved away from the sink, so does the illusion of him.

He shrugged off his boyfriend’s silhouette as it dissipated into thin air.

“Enough… not now.”

Kyungsoo then got his coat and wallet, and headed to the supermarket. The supermarket was two blocks away from his apartment unit so he just walked the distance. As he approached the supermarket, he already didn’t like what he was seeing. The supermarket was full of people. Crowds disorient Kyungsoo, no matter how organized he is—he still gets lost and impatient in a crowd.

His face cringed at every step he took. Finally he was at the supermarket door.

“Aigo yah…” Kyungsoo stared at the sea of people in front of him. He wasn’t really a tall person, so it was always difficult for him to get through crowds.

“It’s now or never,” Kyungsoo got his shopping list out of his pocket and started to map his way in the supermarket.

First, he wanted to start in the supermarket aisles, but since he was near the meat section, he won’t go back anymore since he didn’t want to waste his time going back and forth in the supermarket, especially since it was really crowded. So, he was at the meat section—at least, he thought it was the meat section.

“Where am I?” He thought as he looked around his surroundings.

Kyungsoo read the sign board nearby and read it. “Vegetables. Wait… where’s the meat?”

As expected, the people make him lose his way and ended up at the vegetable section instead. He approached a customer and asked where the meat section was. After following the directions, he finally made it… to the liquor section. He asked another person, and this time, he asked if he showed him the way.

“Finally,” Kyungsoo bowed slightly at the person who showed him the way since the volume of people inhibited him from bowing ninety degrees lower. “Thank you.”

As he got to the crowded meat section, it was every man for himself. Finally, he caught the attention of the saleslady.

“Good afternoon sir,” she giggled.

“Good afternoon,” he smiled. “I’ll have a quarter kilo of bulgogi-sliced beef, this hind pork leg, half a kilo of pork belly, a whole chicken—”

“Oh, sir, if you’re planning to buy pork leg and chicken, there’s a promo available later—”

“No it’s okay, thank you,” Kyungsoo smiled. He didn’t want to wait for it anymore.

After getting his choices of meat, he needed to go back to the vegetable section since that was next on his list. He just retraced his steps until he saw the vegetable sign. He kept going forward until he reached the other end of the supermarket.

“Aish…” he was already getting pissed. Especially since he was getting squished and hit by people passing by. He let out a huge groan and rolled his eyes.

“Please,” Kyungsoo asked sternly. “Where is the vegetable section?”

The man pointed at the side. “Over the—”

“Thank you,” Kyungsoo replied immediately as he turned to buy vegetables.

The next ones on his list are the more challenging ones since it would entail him weaving through the shelves of the supermarket. Kyungsoo just sighed as he looked at the number of items on the list. He usually has his boyfriend get all those things while he got the meat and veggies. His boyfriend was always by his side when he went to the supermarket. It was always a tag team job. But since it’s been almost a couple of months of them not being able to talk to each other (and probably might end soon), he need to get used to buying everything by himself.

Lost in both ways—his mind, and in a sea of people, he got lost in the supermarket again. Kyungsoo controlled his anger and frustration, as well as refraining from cursing out loud.

Kyungsoo decided that he will still stick with his list, but if he gets lost again, he’d have to disorganize his list and just get whatever is available in the area. Kyungsoo already saw it coming. Of course, he disorganized his whole list and this was a disaster for him. Kyungsoo’s face showed frustration and it got worse every time he would skip and not follow his very organized list. Not to mention, trying to part the sea of people for him to move around.

“Eggs,” Kyungsoo read what was on his list. Looking at the shelf, the carton happens to be the last one. Kyungsoo’s eyes enlarged as he kept his eyes on the last egg carton. From a distance, using his peripheral vision, he saw another person eyeing the egg carton. As he turned to the guy, they made eye contact. After a few seconds, they both ran towards the shelf with their shopping carts.

Kyungsoo gave out a low grunt as they both touched the egg carton at the same time.

“It’s mine,” Kyungsoo said in a blank face even if he saw the other guy’s empty shopping cart compared to his own nearly-full shopping cart.

The other guy looked sincerely at Kyungsoo and smiled. “Alright, it’s yours.”

Kyungsoo’s eyebrows met when he heard the guy say that.

“I’ll just wait for new stocks,” the guy replied smiling.

Kyungsoo smiled and bowed—it’s the least he could do to the person who gave him the last egg carton. Unlike that guy, Kyungsoo couldn’t wait and was impatient. He always wanted things done immediately and in his way.

Since Kyungsoo was done with his shopping, he started lining up at the cash-out counter. When he was the next one in-line, the P.A system of the supermarket suddenly sounded.

“Good afternoon shoppers! The meat section is currently having a buy-one-take-one promo on pork leg, whole chicken, a kilo of ribs, and a kilo of sirloin. Also, the eggs and bread section just restocked fresh from the factories.”

Kyungsoo was dying inside. He wanted to crumble and collapse there and then. The same guilt and regret that he felt with his boyfriend filled him from head to toe.

“Damn it!” Kyungsoo exclaimed softly.

“I should have waited for the meat and eggs…” he thought as he looked down in disappointment.

He sighed deeply as he got out of the supermarket. He was carrying everything in his arms, and it was rather painful. Four bags were hanging on his two arms, while he was holding two huge grocery bags. His boyfriend was always there to help him carry the grocery bags.

“Jongin…” Kyungsoo whispered to himself. He misses his boyfriend so much.

----------

His entire walk back to his apartment was dreadful. Not only was he hurting physically, but he was also hurting emotionally. The fact that his mobile phone rang in his pocket and he couldn’t answer it also added to the frustration. He remembered how Jongin hurt him—how Jongin never showed up that one night.

Ever since then, he’s been making excuses that he’s busy and he has no time for him as of the moment. Drops of Kyungsoo’s tears slowly dropped down his cheeks. They’ve been together for a while and he feels that even if he’s ‘programmed’ to blame Jongin for everything, something in him that he couldn’t explain is telling him that he’s the only one to blame.

“What if I stayed longer?”

His whole body ached as he climbed each step. He lightly groaned as the pain intensified. What a great way to accompany his current frustrated and sorrowful state of mind. It seemed like heaven when he finally balanced himself on the last step. He finally reached the second floor elevator.

Suddenly, he smelled something familiar coming from his surroundings. “This cologne…”

As he smelled the fragrance, his head was going in a riot. He remembered something he didn’t want to.

“Please… not now, I’m not ready…”

Kyungsoo closed his eyes and tried to erase the thought of the cologne in his head. If it crossed his mind, he just tries to insist that someone else was wearing the fragrance.

He finally reached his apartment door and set his grocery bags down. Kyungsoo couldn’t describe the happiness and relief he felt as his arms finally got a breather. Standing up, he froze at the post it that stuck on his door in familiar handwriting.

“I never stopped thinking about you. Merry Christmas Kyungie hyung.”

Kyungsoo feared to turn his doorknob as he knew what was coming. As he turned the doorknob, he knew it—the door was unlocked.