In spite of what she had told herself and Luhan the previous afternoon, Kyungsoo could not follow her heart to be with Jongin. It had been a temporary moment where her mind and conscience decided to recede and allow their opponent to be in lead of the battle. But as soon as Luhan was no longer beside Kyungsoo to persuade her, conscience was back in the game, taunting her. It was wrong, her conscience reminded her every time she did as much as glance at him.

Just as Luhan had said, Soojung was a one-day thing because she left the classroom without waiting for Jongin. As on his part, Jongin was unusually tardy with his exit this afternoon, taking his time to put the text books into his bags while almost more than half of the class had already left.

Kyungsoo fidgeted at the table, fingers flicking through the papers, pretending that she was occupied and did not see the intense stare directing at her. The silence fallen upon them was suffocating her and all she wanted to do was to run out of the room. But she was a responsible teacher, or at least she was trying her best to be one, and so she chose to withstand.

Eventually, after what felt like nearly fifteen minutes, Jongin left. From the side of her eyes, Kyungsoo could see him pausing at the door momentarily then left for good.

Yes, it was the right thing to do, Kyungsoo told herself repeatedly, attempting to ignore the sting in her heart.

----

The rest of their classes gradually filled in the seats for their final Thursday period. Only about three or four of them remained empty, including Jongin and Soojung’s.

The sound of shoes shuffling on the floor had Kyungsoo’s head snapped up. What she didn’t expect to see was Jongin trudging into the class room with Soojung’s arm linked around his. Her eyes trained on their linked arms, feeling a sense of sadness and regret growing inside her.

Didn’t Luhan say that she was only a one night stand? Why are they still together this morning? Was it too late?

Throughout the period, Kyungsoo couldn’t focus on teaching. The only thing in her mind was the loss of Jongin. The thought was viral, invading the neurone in her brain, inserting its code of negative emotion and multiplying into large numbers. They left her with a fever that had yet to break down.

‘…Miss, Miss.’ The voice of a student in the front row woke her from her daze. She flinched and turned to the student. ‘Sorry, what is it?’

‘Are you okay, Miss? You kept on staring into space today.’

Taken back by her student’s words, she blanked out shortly before snapping out of it and began to collect her belonging. ‘I don’t feel that well today so I’m going home. I’ll call for a substitute teacher now.’ She left quickly under the surprised looks of her students.

Kyungsoo didn’t go home. Instead, she got onto the train and headed to the park where she often visited whenever she was feeling unhappy. Putting her bag on the floor, she ran to the big swing and sat down. The swinging helped to numb her heart momentarily, calming her down a little as it always did.

Tears cascaded down her faces as the swinging ceased. She felt angry at herself. She had no one else to blame except herself. Seeing Soojung and Jongin together made her realised how much she like him, how much she wanted to be with him. Now, it was too late.

Love only comes once in a while. Too bad, she’d lost her chance.

------

On the next day, Kyungsoo pretended that she didn’t see the worried gaze of her students as they walked into her classroom. The class was unusually quiet, considering that it their last period for the day. There was an apparent cloud of tension hanging in the air.

She tried to remain impervious to the sight of Jongin. The couple was not sitting together and she could only guess that Soojung didn’t want to be disturbed with her study.

As soon as the bell went, Jongin walked out of the class immediately without waiting for his girlfriend, causing the girl to stuff everything in her bag in a haste to run after him.

Thankfully, Kyungsoo’s emotions stayed unexploded through the period. She was packing her documents when Luhan approached her with an anxious expression. She paused to offer her student a small assuring smile.  

‘I’m sorry. I don’t know why they’re together. I thought it was going to be just one of his flings.’

‘It’s not your fault. We weren’t meant to be,’ she said. ‘Anyway, they look good together. I’m too short for him anyway.’ She half-joked, trying to make Luhan understand as it truly was not her fault.

‘You guys look cuter with your height difference,’ Luhan said sullenly.

‘Don’t say things like that. But Luhan, thank you for your support.’

‘I don’t approve that bookworm for Jongin. She’s too boring for him. Not to mention, she’s such a snob.’ Luhan wriggled her nose in disgusted. Kyungsoo laughed at that. ‘Maybe Jongin likes that kind of girl. That’s not for you to decide. And she isn’t a snob. She can be nice if you get to know her.’

‘Whatever.’ Luhan rolled her eyes. ‘But Kyungsoo, are you seriously going to give him up for that girl?’

She let out a brief sigh. ‘What else can I do?’

‘Take him back. Duh.’

She shook her head adamantly. ‘It’s not right for me to go up and ruin their new relationship. And I don’t want to be a girl who go out and tarnish other girls’ happiness to obtain mine.’

‘She was the one who ruin your relationship.’

‘How could she if we didn’t have one in the beginning?’ With a sad smile, she continued. ‘I am not denying that I really like him. But that doesn’t mean that I’ll go and act on it while he is with another girl.’

‘He still likes you a lot. All you have to do is to go up to him and tell him that you want to be with him and he will break up with that girl straight away,’ Luhan said, with a strange urgency in her tone.

‘I could, but I won’t. And you will not say a word to him about our conversations, okay?’

‘I’m not going to promise that.’ Kyungsoo said to her in a solemn tone. ‘If you tell him then even if he asks me out again, I will still reject him.’

‘That is-’

Kyungsoo cut her off. ‘Do I have your word?’

Reluctantly, Luhan made her promise.

-----

Kyungsoo couldn’t help harbouring some dislike towards Soojung, especially when the image of her and Jongin conjured up in her mind. Thankfully, the two of them were rarely seen together during class time. Had she witnessed them being lovey-dovey, she would have another emotional showcase in front of her students again.

The attempt to rid of her feelings had been a failure. After days of inner struggles, Kyungsoo decided to stop trying altogether. She saw it pointless to continue tormenting herself for something that she didn’t have control over. And she found that it was less tiring once she ceased to suppress her feelings.

However, she still felt pain throbbing at her heart whenever she thought of him. She picked up outside tutoring class at night time and joined various school programs to keep herself busy. These extra works exhausted her, but at least, it helped to stop her from thinking about Jongin every minutes of the day.

The annual athletic carnival was one of the many school programs that Kyungsoo came to regret participating. It was an extreme hot day and usually, she could be hiding in the heaven of the air-conditioned staff room. However, having volunteered for the event, she was forced to stand in grass area under the scorching sun. To worsen everything, her shift was between eleven and one – the hours of peak temperature.

It had only been forty-five minutes since she began her shift but she felt as if it had already been two hours. was getting dry quite quickly despite her constant drinking. Her skin was burning under her long-sleeved shirt and her head spinning. Because she didn’t sweat, Kyungsoo couldn’t lower her increasing body temperature, making her feeling quite irritated. Looking at the empty water bottle, she scowled to herself before yelling Luhan’s name.

Jogging up to her, Luhan took a look at her teacher. ‘You look pale. You should go and rest a little.’ Kyungsoo swallowed saliva down her dry throat and said, ‘I’m just really thirsty. Can you go and fetch me a bottle from the main tent?’

‘Sure.’

Kyungsoo called up the next four participants and loaded up her gun. ‘On your mark.’ She pulled the trigger and watched the students run.

The image was getting quite hazy. Assuming that it was probably her eyes, she shook her head a little. To her dismay, her sight only became more blurry, and all of a sudden, she found her legs losing their balance. Her consciousness slipped away as she fell onto the grass.

------

When Kyungsoo woke up, she was in the school infirmary, lying on a bed with her dry throat burning. Looking to the side, she reached for the water bottle and drank quickly. The school nurse walked up to her and asked, ‘Are you feeling faint?’

Kyungsoo shook her head. ‘I’m feeling much better now.’ She took a glance at her watch, it was already twelve thirty. ‘I think I’ll go back now.’

‘I think you should stay here. Your body is not well enough to be in the sun for a long time again.’

‘Ah, I’m won’t go into the sun.’ She put on her shoes and stood up. ‘Thank you.’

‘You should thank the student who carried you here. He didn’t tell me his name but I know the kid, I’ve seen him around the school many times before.’

‘I’ll ask other students for him. I’ll be going now.’ Signing the record book, she walked lethargically to the science staffroom, feeling the fatigue everywhere on her body.

The room was empty as other science teachers were having their shifts at different stations. Taking a seat, she fished out her phone from the pocket and texted Luhan to ask for the name of the kid who had carried her.

Her eyes widened when she saw the reply.

Kim Jongin.

She texted back ‘You’re kidding, right?’, hoping that the girl was just fooling her. But Luhan typed back a simple ‘No’.

Kyungsoo let out a distressed wail as she abruptly stood up. How could she go up to him and thank him without being awkward?  Maybe she shouldn’t say anything and pretend she didn’t know that it was him. But that wouldn’t work since a lot of people had seen him.

Why didn’t he let other students carry her instead? Does it mean that he still like her? It couldn’t be from the gossips of the girls in her class about the couple. He probably did it out of kindness.

Shaking off the thought, she turned to her predicament. Kyungsoo decided that she would thank him in front of the whole class. It would be less awkward than being alone with him.

She took the shortcut route to leave school, not understanding what exactly she was trying to avoid. Her step stopped mid-motion before she turned the corner at the sight of Jongin hugging Soojung in the alley.

Soojung’s face was hiding in his chest while Jongin had an arm wrapped around her shoulders. Bitterness rolled on the tips of her tongue. They looked so good together with Soojung fitting perfectly in his embrace.

Hot tears made their way down her face as she turned around and walked in another direction. She scolded herself for allowing the thought of him still liking her to even pass her mind.

-----

‘Thank you for what you did yesterday.’ Kyungsoo said to Jongin, her eyes looking past him despite facing his direction. She avoided glancing at him, afraid that her tears would be pouring out. Without waiting for any response she began the lesson.

As soon as the last student was out of the class, Luhan shut the door and turned to Kyungsoo. ‘Why didn’t you take up the opportunity and use it to take him back? That was such a waste.’

‘Luhan, you don’t understand. He likes Soojung.’

‘No, he doesn’t,’ Luhan retorted, frustration laced in her voice. ‘He likes you. You know it too, so stop lying to yourself.’

‘Are you sure that he doesn’t like her because from what I’ve heard and seen, it really seems like he does,’ Kyungsoo snapped back angrily. The image from the day before came back to her, bringing anger and jealousy along with it.

‘It’s none of your business so take your nosy self out of it.’ Before she realised what she said, the words slipped from .

For a brief moment, Luhan looked hurt but it quickly transformed into anger.

‘I’m so-’

Luhan cut her mid-sentence. ‘Fine. I’ll leave you to your business, Miss Do.’ She emphasised the title with a scathing tone. Stopping at the door, she had her back to Kyungsoo as she said, ‘You’re nothing but a coward, who doesn’t even fight for your love. You don’t deserve Jongin.’

After that day, Luhan began to ignore her, picking up Jongin’s habit of coming late and leaving early. As days went by, her words continued ringing in Kyungsoo’s ears. Lying in bed every night, Kyungsoo couldn’t help thinking that maybe, she was coward. And maybe, she really didn’t deserve Jongin.

(tbc)

Sorry for the update, I had lots of things on this week.

About the comments regarding Jongin, wait for upcoming chapter. Though I have a feeling that you will bash him anyway.

Comments are appreciated =)