Before the chapter begins, I will answer some questions. Btw, I just realise the comment thing doesn't actually work. And thank you for your wonderful comments, I've read them all and they're a source of my motivation.

@lunelune: I'm trying to keep the length around 20 chapters. 

Other than this, hope you enjoy this chapter.

__________________________________________________________________________

It was Sunday afternoon. Kyungsoo was currently sitting opposite to Taekwoon in a café, feeling anxious despite the fact that she shouldn’t be. Coincidentally, it was the same café where Hakyeon and her had their first meeting.

‘First of all, I want to apologise for what happened that night.’ Taekwoon had begun after an extensively prolonged period of awkward silence.

In her nervous state, all she could do was giving a nod to indicate her acceptance of his apology. After a few minutes of waiting for him to continue, her nervousness subsided as she incessantly asssured herself that she hadn’t done anything wrong, and rather, it was him.

Eventually, she spoke up, ‘You owe me more than an apology.’

‘I know,’ he said. ‘I’m just trying to find a way to begin.’

‘You can start by telling me about that woman,’ she smiled slightly at him. She wasn’t going to disclose to him about her meeting with Hakyeon; she wanted to hear it from him.

Taekwoon looked slightly uneasy. ‘Her name is Hakyeon. She’s my…’ He took a pause, searching for a suitable title. ‘…friend.’

Kyungsoo snorted inwardly at the title. She told him, ‘You owe me an honest explanation, not a lie.’

There was a flash of surprise on his face then resignation. He sighed, ‘Friend is the simplest term that I can think of to describe what Hakyeon and I are. Honestly, I don’t know how else to put it.’

‘It’s a little complicated?’

‘Yeah.’

‘She seems to like you more than just a friend, judging from how upset she was at the prospect of you having a girlfriend.’

He took a sip of his Americano, pursing his lips in contemplation then emitted another sigh. ‘She loves me. I know that.’

‘And you don’t reciprocate her feelings?’ Kyungsoo asked.

With his gaze projecting at the table, he replied, ‘I’m not certain of my feelings towards her. I left America and came here to avoid her. This is going to sound stupid but the reason I avoid her is because I don’t want to hurt her.’

‘That definitely sounds stupid. How can you avoid hurting her by physically avoiding her?’ Kyungsoo felt outraged for Hakyeon.

‘Hakyeon is always around me, even when I told her to give me some space. It frustrates me because I can’t figure out my feelings for her when she’s everywhere. I need space in order to think properly.’

Kyungsoo furrowed her brows in confusion. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘I’m uncertain of my feelings. If I continued to stay with her while remaining uncertain, it would be unfair to her. Especially if I figure out that I do not really love her.’

It occurred to Kyungsoo that Taekwoon was having the same problem as her. The difference between him and her was that she had found her answer. She pitied him, knowing how difficult it was.

Taking a sip of her juice, she spoke to him in a gentle, sympathetic tone, ‘You need to convince her to give you time to think, and even though this will hurt her, at least it will be less hurtful than you lying to her about having a new girlfriend.’

‘If convincing did work, why do you think I’m here now?’ he asked.

‘But what you are doing now is going to create misunderstanding that might not be able to be resolved later,’ she countered. ‘And did you actually tell her why you needed space?’

‘I did.’ He replied harshly then looked at her, angry. ‘I think my explanation for what happened that night is enough. I don’t believe that I need to continue.’

Pushing his chair backward, he stood up and prepared to leave. Afraid that she might have created more tension between Taekwoon and Hakyeon, Kyungsoo called out hastily. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Please, sit down. I won’t ask you to speak. I just want to say something.’

He stared at her with sceptical eyes for a few seconds before sitting back down.

‘Convincing her might be hard, but try talking to her again. Lying to her won’t do you any good. And it’s not fair to her. You never know, you might lose all your chance if continue to hurt her this way.’ Like how I almost lost my chance of happiness. ‘That’s all I want to tell you.’

Then, Kyungsoo stood up and left. And instead of catching the bus home, she walked to the park nearby and strolled along the lake.

These days, she kept on thinking about her and Jongin. She tried to imagine herself when she was no longer with him and she had fearfully came to realise that she couldn’t break up with him – she wouldn’t be brave enough. Days without him seemed so bleak. She was afraid of the days of regret and self-blame. And most importantly, she was afraid that she would never be able to meet another person like him again.

Coming to this realisation had been quite frightening and she still hadn’t been able to reconcile with it. The consequences of being with him were too nerve-wracking. Her mother, Yixing, other friends. The pointing fingers of society. Loss of career. And there was also the fear of the uncertainty of their future. While Kyungsoo could see herself marrying Jongin, she didn’t know what future was holding for them. And not knowing made everything seemed tenfold more daunting to her.

What if she loses everything at the end of the day?

---------------

‘How long have you been dating him?’

The question promptly caused Kyungsoo to choke on her rice. She looked at her mother with trepidation. How did her mother know?

‘Spill it. How can you not tell me that you’ve finally got a boyfriend?’

‘Mum…’ Kyungsoo’s brain went numb. She couldn’t think of anything else except, how did her mother discover about her and Jongin. They had been so careful.

‘Don’t try to hide it. My friend told me that they saw you with him at the café last Sunday.’

‘Last Sunday?’ Kyungsoo did a frantic search of her memory of the previous Sunday. There was no recollection of meeting Jongin on that day in a café. Then she remembered Taekwoon and she let out a big breath of relief. ‘Mum, that man isn’t my boyfriend. I don’t have a boyfriend.’

Her mother waved a dismissive hand at her. ‘Don’t lie to me. She said that he is really good looking.’

‘Seriously, mum. He is not my boyfriend.’

‘If that is the case, are you and him trying to get to know each other?’ she asked suggestively.

‘No,’ Kyungsoo answered firmly. ‘He’s not my type.’

Her mother made a face at her. ‘Yeah, yeah. “He’s not my type”. You are so picky, this is why you still don’t have a boyfriend.’

‘Having a few tick boxes is not being picky, mum,’ Kyungsoo said. ‘Just because I’m ugly, that doesn’t mean I’m going to settle just for any man.’

Her mother chucked a piece of cucumber at her. ‘How dare you call yourself ugly? You look exactly like me when I was younger. Are you calling me ugly?’

Rolling her eyes, Kyungsoo ignored her mother’s question and resumed eating.

‘Soo, how about you meet one of my friend’s son. He’s not bad at all. He’s a lawyer – ’

Kyungsoo cut her sharply. ‘No, mum. I don’t want to meet with any of your friend’s son.’

‘Then quickly bring a boy home for me to see.’

Kyungsoo’s eyebrows furrowed. ‘What’s the haste? I’m just twenty-two.’

‘And how many boyfriends have you had? One. One boyfriend from grade ten that lasted for three months.’

‘And?’

‘And? What do you mean by "and"?’ her mother was almost yelling now. The crease on Kyungsoo’s forehead deepened. ‘Mum, I’m going to eventually find a man. Just. Not now.’

‘Why not now?’

‘Because…Just because.’

Silence abruptly filled the dining room. While there was not much tension, Kyungsoo didn’t feel like being in the room for much longer and continuing this discussion with her mother. Kyungsoo avoided her mother’s eyes as she quickly finished her dinner so she could leave the table. Her mother might be able to see through her and until Kyungsoo was ready to face her mother’s disappointment, she had no intention of revealing to her mother about her illicit relationship with Jongin.

‘Soo,’ her mother called out her name, forcing her to stop at the threshold. ‘I’m not young anymore. I want to see you married and your children before I die.’

Immediately, Kyungsoo turned around and ran to her mother’s side. ‘Mum, don’t talk of unlucky things like that. You are still young and healthy.’

‘Well, that was what we all thought your father was, didn’t we? And yet, he isn’t here anymore.’ She patted Kyungsoo’s head lovingly even though her tone was bitter. ‘Death can be unpredictable. We don’t know when it’s standing beside us.’

Her arms circled around Kyungsoo. It had been quite some times since they had been this physically intimate. In a gentle tone, her mother said, ‘Before I die…’ she pressed a finger against Kyungsoo’s lips when Kyungsoo was about to protest. ‘I want to make sure that you have a family of your own so that I can rest in peace, knowing that you won’t be lonely and also, there will be someone to protect you.’

Her mother’s words left Kyungsoo silent. It pained her to hear that her mother was worried for her, when in actuality, she shouldn’t be. Kyungsoo wanted to break the news to her mother about her current romantic status, but she knew that it wasn’t really good news and so most likely, it would have the reverse effect on her mother.

After a few minutes of contemplation and careful consideration, Kyungsoo asked. ‘Mum, what if I want to date someone who is younger than me? Someone who is two or three years younger than me.’

‘I would rather you not. They have the mentality of a teenage boy.’ Her mother frowned.

‘But…what if he is mature?’

Her mother looked at her with scepticism. ‘Soo, are you dating?’

Once again, Kyungsoo found herself frozen in fear. She regretted asking. Attempting to maintain her composure, she answered as most casually as she could. ‘Mum, how many times do I need to tell you? I’m not dating.’

‘Then why are you asking this?’

‘I’m just asking hypothetical questions. Geez mum, I just want to know so I can avoid the men you wouldn’t approve of.’

She looked at Kyungsoo with an unfathomable gaze before answering, ‘I guess that is alright. But I doubt you would able to find someone like that.’

‘Alright. I know what sort of men that you would and wouldn’t approve, I will start on my search soon.’ And with that, she fled the room as quick as she could before her mother could stop her.

Running into her room, Kyungsoo felt slightly better knowing that her mother wouldn’t disapprove of the idea of her dating someone who’s three years her junior. But Jongin was still a student, and this fact would definitely be strongly disapproved by her mother. Maybe they should wait until Jongin turns twenty before letting her mother knows.

Her positivity quickly disappeared after her last thought. Until he turns twenty? She didn’t even know if their relationship would still be ongoing by that time.

Letting out a deep exhalation, she flopped down onto her bed and closed her eyes. She had enough pressure for tonight. She would deal with that and other problems tomorrow.

She lay there, motionless, for about ten minutes before she jolted up suddenly, remembering about the preparation that she needed to do for her class party the next day.

-------

As Kyungsoo sat on her stool and watched her senior students gulfing down slices of pizzas and fooling around, enjoying their last Biology lesson, it occurred to her that this year had passed quite rapidly. Perhaps it was the fact that they were her first senior class that made Kyungsoo extremely fond of this Biology class.

She’d miss the two class clowns, Sungjae and Jackson, even though they brought her a lot of headaches throughout the year. And there were Sulli, the adorable girl that always make her smile. Her eyes flickered to Soojung, she wondered what the intelligent girl would turn out to be in the future. Then her gaze settled onto the trio that were huddling and laughing at the end of the room. A smile unconsciously crept onto her face.

Jongin caught her staring out of the corner of his eyes and he winked at her. Instantaneously, she averted her gaze, blushing. Without the need to look, she could tell that he was now smirking. He had a tendency to smirk whenever he made her blush. That idiot.

She glanced at her watch. It was five to three.

‘Class, I want your attention,’ she announced. The volume inside the room slowly diminished to almost utter silence. All the students gave her their attention. With a smile, she said, ‘Firstly, congratulate on your graduation. Secondly, don’t forget to study hard for your final exam. Remember, this exam can change your final mark needed for university.’

Pursing her lips to prevent herself from crying, she said in a shaky voice, ‘Lastly, I want to thank you all for being such an amazing class. Good luck in the future, kids.’

‘Cry, cry, cry, Miss. Do.’ Jackson chanted enthusiastically. Soon, Sungjae began to join him, then Luhan, then the whole class.

Kyungsoo took back what she said. She wouldn’t miss that Jackson kid.

The bell rang, rescuing Kyungsoo just in time. Students headed toward the door, each of them paused at the door to thank her personally before leaving. When the classroom was empty, Kyungsoo grabbed a plastic bag and began cleaning.

She was almost done when she heard the door clicking closed and felt a pair of familiar arms around her waist.

‘You were so cute today,’ he whispered against her ears. She elbowed him jokingly in response. He chuckled. Putting the bag onto the floor, she turned around to face her boyfriend.

‘Shouldn’t you be going to the beach and have another party with your class mates?’ she asked.

Jongin quirked up an eyebrow, amused by her question. ‘How did you know about that?’

‘Please, it’s an annual ritual for graduated high school students to go to the beach and get wasted,’ she scoffed, offended. ‘It’s only been four years since I left high school, you know? I’m not that old.’

‘So, did you actually get “wasted” back then?’

She shook her head. ‘I didn’t go. Yixing and I went to the ice cream parlour and celebrated by eating about seventy dollars worth of ice cream.’

He laughed. ‘That’s cute.’

She shot him a glare. ‘You haven’t answered my question.’

Giving a shrug, he said, ‘Nah, I thought I want to celebrate my graduation differently to my peers.’

‘How?’

‘It involves you and the beach.’ He looked at her, excitement evident in his eyes. ‘But whether this celebration will happen or not depends solely on you.’

It was Kyungsoo’s turn to raise an eyebrow at him. ‘Wouldn’t that be risky? All students are at the beach right now.’

‘It’s a beach that is quite far away from here. People rarely go there. I’ve checked. ’ he explained. ‘So, come with me, please?’

She pursed her lips, contemplating for a while before agreeing.

‘Also, one more thing. Can you stay out overnight? The place is a little far.’

That question brought a frown onto Kyungsoo’s face. ‘I don’t know. I have to call my mum and ask her first.’

Jongin gave her a pleading puppy look, which Kyungsoo swatted at before she dialled her mother’s number. Standing by her side, he played with her hair as Kyungsoo talked to her mother. When she finally put her phone away, he turned to look at her with anticipation.

‘Yes, I can,’ she told him. ‘But I need to call Yixing so she can cover for me.’

Once everything had been thoroughly taken care of, they went to Jongin’s apartment to fetch a few items before leaving for the beach. It was a peaceful two-hour ride. As usual, they don’t talk during the ride since Jongin needed to concentrate on the road, and as for Kyungsoo, she just enjoyed looking at everything that they rode past.

They arrived at around half past six. True to Jongin’s words, the beach was almost empty, except for two or three couples scattered amongst the vast sandy land. The sky was getting dark. They’d missed the sunset.

‘What are we going to do now?’ she asked.

‘I was hoping to get wasted, but I can’t because I’ve got to drive us back later,’ he replied. Taking out a piece of plastic picnic mat, he laid it onto the sand, then took two bottles of drink out from his bag. ‘But don’t worry, I’ve brought non-alcoholic sparkling. And KFC.’

‘No wonder why your bag reeks of KFC’s chicken.’ Kyungsoo sat down, watching Jongin digging into the food. ‘You know, this is not very different to how your peers are celebrating it. The only difference is probably the fact that you are drinking carbonated drinks instead of alcohol.’ She paused to laugh. ‘Oh gosh, if only Luhan and Sehun know that you ditch them and their fun party for this.’

Since his mouth was full of chicken at that moment, all he could do in retaliation is shoving a piece of chicken into and shooting her daggers with his eyes. Kyungsoo giggled and fished out her phone, quickly snapping a shot of him. ‘I’m going to send this to Luhan.’

‘Hey, hey, don’t do that.’ Jongin reached out to stop her, but she managed to dodge his grip.

‘Sent it.’ She poked her tongue at her. He glared at her as she continued to laugh. Then the scowl on his face disappeared, replaced by a smirk that went unnoticed by Kyungsoo. Without any further warning, he scooped her up and ran towards the water, releasing her. It was his turn to laugh.

‘I didn’t bring a change of cloth, idiot,’ she shouted at him. Charging forward, she pushed him into the water. They continued their playful fight of sending each other bottom down into the water until the wind became stronger, causing both to shiver and eventually went back to their spot on the sand. Suddenly, there were droplets of water falling from the sky, and before they could finish packing up their belongings, it had begun sprinkling. They stood under the eaves of the motel where Jongin parked his bike, watching the rain becoming heavy and heavier by the minutes.

‘You didn’t check the weather before you drew up your plan, did you?’ she teased.

‘Who would’ve thought that it would rain today?’ he countered.

‘Oh well, learn your lesson.’ They stood there and waited for another ten minutes before Jongin let out a big sneeze.

‘What are you doing?’ he asked when Kyungsoo suddenly walked away towards the entrance of the motel.

‘We need to get dried up or we’re going to get sick. It doesn’t seem like the rain is going to stop any time soon.’

They got a room. As soon as they stepped into the room, Kyungsoo threw Jongin a towel and bath robe from the closet and ushered him into the bathroom while ignoring his protest that she should wash up herself first. Exhaustion overwhelmed her the moment she was alone in the room. Kyungsoo trudged towards the couch and sat down, leaning her head against the soft cushion and staring at the ceiling blankly until the bathroom door clicked opened, and Jongin emerged from the white puffs of steam.

Kyungsoo stood up to grab a new towel and bath robe from the closet and went into the bathroom. Even though Kyungsoo didn’t do much physical movements today, as the water cascading down her body, she felt ache everywhere.

When she walked out from the bathroom, Jongin was looking at her with concern.

‘What is it?’ she frowned, before letting out a string of sneeze. He walked up to her and placed his palm against her forehead. ‘You’re getting sick.’

‘No, I’m not. It was merely a sneeze.’ She swatted his hand away, walked to the window and looked outside. ‘It’s still raining cats and dogs.’

Another sneeze was heard from her when she turned around. Jongin fumbled through his bag and approached Kyungsoo with a bottle of water and cold medication in his hands. ‘Take it or you will be really sick tomorrow.’

Kyungsoo would have argued that she wasn’t sick and so she didn’t need to take anything, but the look on Jongin’s face was firm, suggesting that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. With a huff, she took the medicine.

They waited for an hour, but the rain did not seem to become any less heavy. It was a quarter to ten by then.

‘It seems like we’re going to have to sleep here tonight,’ Jongin said. There was a growing awkwardness followed by Jongin’s statement. Kyungsoo avoided his eyes, feeling her face heating up. After a few moment of silence, he grabbed a pillow from the bed and walked to the couch. ‘You sleep on the bed, I’ll take the couch.’

Kyungsoo’s gaze constantly alternated between the small couch and the single bed that she was currently sitting in. Sleeping on the couch would definitely guarantee Jongin an uncomfortable night followed by back pain in the morning. Guilt was already filling up her conscience. But Kyungsoo didn’t want to experience the discomfort herself.

After a few minutes of contemplation, she asked in a timid voice.

‘Jongin, do you want to sleep on the bed with me?’

(tbc.)