'Let's break up". That's the last thing she said before she leaves me. And it has been haunting me ever since.

She's Patricia, my one and only. We have it great, until she decided to leave me. I ask her constantly why she and all she say was "I think we need a break." But one week later, it was official. We break. Forever

She may have hurt me so many times, but I've loved everything about her that hurt. And i had seen her moves. The though of her lisp pressed this close to mine, her blue eyes, true blue, make me want to drive on through the night if it's a drive back to home. Home to her.

But things aren't the same anymore. Some night it get so bad that I almost pick up the phone, begging you to come back to me. I trade your baby blues for a wide-eyed browns, but it's just not the same. It never was. I sleep with your old shir that you left in the closet. I even walk through this house in your shoes just so i can feel your presence next to me. I know it's strange. It's just strange way of saying that I know I'm supposed to love you and no one else.

I've already given up on myself once. But the third time is the charm, they say. The charm that you always have on me that make me go through life everyday. I tried to throw cautions away but i got a lousy arm. I'm so desperate for you presence that i trace your shadow on the wall and now i kiss them whenever I'm down. Just figuring what had happened, but not figuring myself out.

I was born under a bad sign, but you saved my life. You really did. I still remember clearly. That night on the roof of your hotel, you said, "Cross my heart and hope to die, splinter from the headboard in my eyes". And you seal it with a photo-proffed kisses i remember so well.

.........................................................................................................................................................................................

Part 2: It's hard to say 'I do' when i don't

As day goes by, I just couldn't accept the fact that Patricia had leave me. The more unbearable is that I'm with someone else when I'm still in love with her. I know she dumped me, but doing this kinds of things behind her back, I just....... At first, i thought being with Annabel was just another way for me to forget Patricia, but it doesn't work. It back-fired really hard and now, I'm just suffering. Annabel is a sweet heart that doesn't deserve me especially when I'm using her in this kind of ty way.

So I told Annable to meet me in my house that very evening. I have made my decision to tell her everything. Well, I'm just going to explain why I couldn't be with her. And I'm not gonna let her down gently. Cause, she's just the type that wouldn't let go unless she get a hardcore slap in the face.

So, the sun had finally set. When she arrived, I inviter her to my house as usual. Then, I took a deep breath cause the tension is like electricity. After that, I just told her everything.

"I speak fast and I'm not gonna repeat myself again. So, listen carefully to every word I said. And I'll be honest here, I'm the only one who's gonna get away with making excuses today. You're a darling, but you're appealing to emotions that I simply do not have. I will blackmail myself cause i felt like I ain't got anyone else that I love more than her. You should know that the very reason why I have been with you was because this is a stick up and that you give me all your inspiration to make my life better and more normal. And seriously, now, I've got the red carpet blues from all this late night Hollywood parties. So, you can put your hands inthe air and don't make a sound. But don't get the wrong idea that i'm trying to kiss you cause in reality, I'm just gonna shoot you. And there's nothing in your head, pocket, throat or wallet can change just how this goes. When I said I'd return to you, I meant more like a relapse. Well, that is if I will ever return to you again. Now and again I think "His and hers" and "For better or worse", I just don't think that i will be bury with you. But the only ring I wanted to be buried with me are the ones around my eyes. So, please, just break up. No point in wasting time when I know you're not the One."

Without a word, she just slam the door and walk out. I don't balme her cause what I said was harsh. But I rather be harsh and end everything, then be gentle and lead us on for any longer.

I'm sorry Annabel, for what I have done to you. Sorry, that I'm too retarded to realize that I have loved Patricia all this while. I'm sorry that I lead you on and I'm awfully sorry that I make you waste time on a person that doesn't even deserve you.