You spent the entire Friday moping in a corner, trying to kick yourself back to being your usual cold self, and failing miserably. You didn’t know where Eli lived while he was in Montreal, and you didn’t know when exactly he was leaving on Saturday very early morning. He had been in class for two minutes, just long enough to bid farewell to everybody and ask them to come to U-KISS’ shows, a fake happy mask on his face, before he had left, not looking behind. You had felt your heart being torn to shreds when he had ignored you, and you had spent the rest of the day ignoring your teacher and your team and being depressed all by yourself.

Wasn’t there any way that you could see him one last time? Not in the middle of the class. Just the two of you. Wasn’t there any way to tell him that you didn’t want him to leave? Wasn’t there any way to tell him that you wanted him to stay with you? Wasn’t there any way to tell him about your true feelings?

You loved him. You loved Eli. So much that it hurt. You had loved him for so long, yet you had always denied those feelings. And even when you had accepted them, you had thought it would be all right for him to leave. For him to go back to his life. For him to be happy somewhere far, far away from you. For him never to appear in front of you ever again.

How could you even think it would be all right?

You hated yourself. You hated yourself for being weak. For crying over that… that… thing. For crying over a guy you weren’t even going out with.

As soon as you got back home, you cried. Cried, and cried, and cried, and cursed him, and cursed his iness, and cursed everything he was for making you so sad. For making you fall for him, which was the reason why you were so sad.

“ you Eli Kim… you…”

You cried until nothing else would come out.

Only then, you took a decision. You grabbed your coat and your phone. You called a taxi, and once he was there, you asked him to bring you to the airport. You didn’t care how much it would cost. You had plenty of money.

Money he had made you save by buying your food for you.

You clenched your fists as the driver brought you to the airport. Once there, you paid him and jumped out, running inside. Trying to find out which airplane was going to South Korea, and when. You eventually found out, went where the passengers would sit, convincing people that you were there because you had to give something to someone who would leave, and sat there, waiting for the plane. You didn’t care about the fact that it would leave at 2:15AM. You didn’t care about the fact that it was just about 9PM. You would wait. Wait for him to be there so you could curse him, and hate him, and love him, and tell him you were sorry, and beg him to stay.

Time went by.

10PM.

11.

Midnight.

Ten past midnight.

A quarter past midnight…

Twenty past midnight…

You eventually fell asleep from waiting. Crying so much had made you exhausted, and waiting there, not moving, was just too much for you. You tried staying awake; but your eyes closed by themselves, and your mind slipped away.

When you woke up, the sun was getting right in your eyes, making you groan.

Wait.

What?

The… the sun…

You looked at the time. Seven o’clock.

You felt tears appear in your eyes. Especially when you saw that someone had put a blanket on you to keep you warm. Curious, you smelled the blanket…

That manly smell wasn’t mistakable for anyone else’s.

This blanket was Eli’s.

You felt your heart break, and you tried to contain your tears. You left the airport, feeling like you had died inside, and you called a taxi again to go back home.

Your last chance. Disappeared.

Eli was gone for good. He would never ever come back. He would never ever be there again. He would never ever tell you how much he loved you. He would never ever look at you with sad eyes. Or happy eyes. Or y eyes. Or any eyes at all. He would never ever look at you again…

He would never ever be next to you again.

You spent Saturday and Sunday just crying. Trying to take care of those photos you had never converted from CR2 to JPG. Crying so much, seeing his y face and his happy, childish smile, that you gave up and went to your bed, crying again and again. Getting dehydrated from crying so much.

You dreaded the upcoming Monday. You dreaded that logo class. You dreaded that ‘team’ project you’d be forced to work on. Without him. Without him next to you, sketching stuff, looking at you, buying you something to eat because that was what he always did.

You didn’t want to go to school. But you wanted to pass.

And so you went to school, trying to contain your tears when you entered the class, without Eli having waited for it to open, sitting next to you.