Requested by: Seunghyunsu

Baekhyun stared at the journal he held loosely in his left hand, eyes darker than they had been the day before. Slowly becoming void of the happiness that made him who he was, the dark pools drowning him in his own sickness.

His own writing marked the pages that were held together by one thin piece of string, each word written by his own sickly pale hand. It was glaring at him, how the pages showed his decent, starting small and neat then becoming sloppier with each entry. Then the entries themselves becoming more spaced out as time went on.

The only thing about this diary that made him smile was the hope and happiness in it. How he had poured all of his dreams and memories into it. He had taken all of his feelings each day and sorted through them all, burying the darker ones deeper inside him as he scribbled the words onto the pages. All because he wanted her to know. To know how he felt, and why. He wouldn't be able to take it if he left this world without letting his emotions free for the first time.

Baekhyun though that maybe then he would be able to feel truly peaceful, maybe then he would be able to smile without tears when he remembered everything he had failed to do.

He opened the leather book and flipped to the end, the last page which was completely blank waiting for ink to be smeared onto it, forming words with emotions relying on them.

Pulling the pen from his pocket, he noticed how unsteady his grip was and had to breathe deeply before putting the utensil to the page.

28/1/14

This is not the end, this is not a beginning.

The words are just a message written from the middle as we all wait for the ending to come.

And you see this isn't what I had planned at all. To tell you this way. To leave so many things left unsaid.

I know what it takes to move on now that I know what it feels like to love.

I can’t continue to hold onto things I do not have, no matter how much I would like to.

You see life is never meant to last, I wish it wasn't so but it is.

You can only live happily, with your fists in the air as if you're holding onto something there.

It is out of our control.

I just wish I could take this life and view it as something new.

Yet I cannot do that until I let you know.

Hyeonju...I love you.

I, Byun Baekhyun, love you.

All those times I tried to tell you before, I honestly don't even know what I said.

But now I have what I wanted to say down.

Thank you for letting me know what this feeling is.

Now I think I can be happy once again.

Baekhyun.

He smiled at the last entry and felt the tears pool in his eyes as he dropped the pen, the muscles in his hand cramping and screaming at him. He could care less as he stared at the words on the page, and let the tears fall a moment before burying his face into his palms and biting his lips to keep the small sobs inside.

It really was over now, he could say he did everything he needed to now. He could now sit here in this empty room and wait for the inevitable to come for him. Wait for it to knock at the door and take him away. Placing the book beside his bed with the note on top telling Suho who it is for, Baekhyun smiled a small smile, twisted with sadness as he stared at it before turning onto his side and closing his eyes, tears still falling as he fell asleep.

Suho never woke him the next morning, not matter how he shook the other, the tears that streamed down his winter chilled face, warming the skin there as he sobbed begging his friend to wake up. To look at him and say it was a joke.

But Baekhyun never did so, he wasn't there. He had left in the night.

So the man stood shakily and looked away from the body of the other and saw the book and the note for him. The last request made to him by the male he had been taking care of for so long.

He took the small leather bound journal into his hands along with the note before leaving the house and calling the hospital to let them know what had happened, small sobs escaping him the entire time as he thanked whoever made it so Baekhyun left this world peacefully.

Then he hung up and made his way to the address scribbled onto the slip of paper left for him.

We live at the mercy of the pain and the fear, until we let it go.

Douple update whoop whoop!! Broken_Doll's first request, hope you like it!