Yuri stared blankly into space. It happened too fast and Yuri was having flashback of her past with Jessica. Those moments when they were just school girls until now – all came on rewind and they haunted Yuri so much. Her heart ached so much that Yuri wished she could be the one in that ICU ward instead of Jessica Jung.

She was choking hard on her tears and her hands trembled so much. She was desperate enough to hold Jessica like how she did earlier on. Her hands were completely drenched with Jessica’s blood when she held the dying girl in her arms tightly.

Why? Why must this happen? Why must it happen to Jessica?

Yuri kept asking herself again and again. Why did she have to put someone else through so much pain and so much ? What did Jessica do to deserve this? Yuri was still staring hard at the wall in front of her. So what must she do now?

What the hell she must do next? Yuri just couldn’t figure out yet.

*

Tiffany looked on as she stood in the doorway. Yuri was outside while Yoona was inside. She couldn’t figure out who she should console first. She finally understood why Yoona was always anxious when it comes to Jessica and why Yuri would give her that look each time they were alone together. She should have understood.

Tiffany was surprised when Yoona confessed her love for Jessica earlier on. She never knew her sister was so in love with Jessica.

“Unnie, Jessica cannot die! Jessica cannot die, unnie!”

“Yoona, calm down! Yoona please, you have to calm down!”

“I don’t want Jessica to leave me. I love her, Unnie! I love her so much!”

“Yoona..”

“She means the world to me. I don’t care what’s going to happen to her just as long as she survives this! I’ll take good care of her! I don’t care what’s going to happen in the future; I just want her to be with me!”

“Yoona, you’re blocking the paramedics’ efforts to help Jessica.”

Tiffany gently pulled Yoona away but the girl was latching herself on Jessica’s stretcher. The paramedics had to forcefully pushed Yoona away. Tiffany quickly wrapped her arms around Yoona when her sister started wailing. It hurt Tiffany to watch Yoona like this.

Yuri was still standing there like a statue. She was just staring at Jessica. Tears fell profusely but Yuri just kept still. Tiffany felt sorry for Yuri and Jessica. But she never expected Yoona to be in a worse state as compared to Yuri.

“Unnie...”

“Yoona, just calm down, okay? Jessica will not leave us just like that. You have to trust in Jessica that she will survive this. You have to be strong for her, okay?”

Yoona nodded her head like a child who just got reprimanded. Tiffany hugged her baby sister tightly. That was the only thing she could do for Yoona. Then the paramedics offered Yoona to tag along and the lady didn’t hesitate. She jumped onto the ambulance quickly; leaving Tiffany and Yuri behind.

Yuri was still standing alone. There was guilt in her eyes and Tiffany didn’t wait any longer. She ran over to Yuri and pulled her to the side. Yuri let herself being pulled and dragged to the side of the road. Tiffany cupped her cheeks tightly and brought Yuri’s face to her shoulders.

“Yuri, are you alright?”

Yuri couldn’t speak. She just remained quiet.

“Yuri, talk to me.”

“Jessica..”

“Yuri, let’s go to the hospital.”

“Jessica.. I killed her.”

“No, Yuri. It’s just an accident. Nobody expected this to happen.”

“If I hadn’t run out from the house and crossed the road blindly; Jessica wouldn’t attempt to save me. And that damn stupid car wouldn’t ram into her and Jessica wouldn’t be fighting for her life right now.”

“Yuri, don’t think so much about it. Let’s go to the hospital now, okay?”

Yuri nodded her head and Tiffany herded her into the taxi. Yuri’s hands were filled with blood – it belonged to Jessica Jung. Yuri stared at her hands; tears kept falling. Tiffany was still holding on to her.

“If Jessica dies...”

Tiffany turned to look at Yuri.

“I’ll die with her..”

“Yuri, don’t say such things!”

“I don’t deserve to live if Jessica dies. I was the one who caused all this to happen!”

“Yuri! Listen! This is not the time to reproach yourself! It’s time for you to pray hard and believe in Jessica that she will survive this!”

“I’ve let Jessica and Yoona down, Tiffany. If I knew Yoona likes her, I would give Jessica up and let Yoona win her over.”

“There’s no time for regrets. Listen to me.”

Tiffany cupped Yuri’s cheeks tightly in her palms. Yuri was looking away but Tiffany forced her to look up.

“Look at me!”

Yuri looked up slowly.

“I know in your heart; somewhere deep down inside, you love Jessica. If not you wouldn’t be with her and you wouldn’t feel so much pain like now, I know you love her to a certain extent. Use that part of your love and pray hard to God that Jessica will survive this. I know she will. I know Jessica will survive this. She saved you. She saved your god damn life, Yuri so please! Please return that favour by believing in God; praying hard to him and plead him to let Jessica live so that you could undo all the pain you’ve caused her all this while.”

“But what if she dies, Tiffany? What if she doesn’t make it?”

Yuri wanted to know the answer. She wanted to know what she should do.

“If she doesn’t make it, then you’ll have to learn to curb with the pain. You have to learn to live life all over again.”

“I don’t want to live without Jessica.”

“Yuri, I thought you said you don’t love her?”

“I didn’t know how much I needed Jessica until now. I could lose her anytime now, Tiffany. What if she doesn’t survive, what will I do?”

“I don’t know how to answer that. If Jessica dies, Yoona will be devastated. But I cannot afford to watch both of you blaming yourself for Jessica’s condition. Nobody wanted this to happen so stop thinking that Jessica might die.”

“Why are you so optimistic that Jessica wouldn’t die?”

Tiffany smiled widely.

“She loves you too much, Yuri. She wouldn’t want to leave you at all.”

Tiffany squeezed Yuri’s shoulders tightly.

“I want to believe that Jessica will not give up on herself. Jessica Jung will survive this. I won’t let her go at all.”

True enough, Jessica Jung didn’t die. She was in a coma. She lost too much blood that resulted to her having a severe concussion at the back of her head. When she was wheeled out from the operating theatre, Yoona cried loudly. Yuri was back to her staring game. Tiffany was trying to calm her sister down.

Jessica, you have to survive this. Yoona will go crazy if you don’t.

Tiffany sighed.

*

Watching the love of her life got ran down by a car was just too much for Im Yoona. Her eyes went really round and large and her heart stopped beating for a second. It was really difficult for Yoona to accept that the lady pinned under car was none other than Jessica Jung.

Yoona trembled too much and Tiffany was afraid that her little sister might break down. But it didn’t bother Yoona that she was crying like a baby and her arms were around the unconscious girl’s waist. Yuri was on the other side; holding on to Jessica’s hands. The lady was bleeding so much.

“Jessica! Jessica!”

Yoona pulled Jessica closer to her. Yuri was still staring blankly at them. She wasn’t too sure what she should do.

“Jessica, please! Please don’t die! Please don’t leave me behind! I love you, Jessica! I love you! I love you so much! Please don’t make me lose you like this!”

Yuri was stunned at Yoona’s confession and Tiffany was equally shocked. But Yoona didn’t care. She just held Jessica closer to her chest; kissing her lips gently before cuddling the girl. Yuri looked on; she felt like and stood up slowly. Yoona was watching her all the while.

“Why must she love you?”

Yuri kept quiet.

“Why must she only have eyes for you? And why did you have to hurt her like this? Why can’t you love her the way she loves you?! I gave up my love for you because she loves you. So why couldn’t you do it as a favour for me?”

“I didn’t know you love her.”

“Do I have to spell it out for you? Even if I don’t love her, shouldn’t you be giving her your heart instead of hanging on to my sister whom you know will never love you at all?”

Tiffany looked up to find Yuri staring at her. She looked away. It was just so complicated that she was dragged in as well.

“Don’t blame it on your sister. She has nothing to do with this.”

“I’ve never blame my sister. I only blame you. You’re the cause of this accident. Why did you run away when Jessica wanted an explanation from you? Why do you keep running away?”

“You’re right. I’m the cause of Jessica’s accident.”

“If she dies, I hope you’re happy!”

Yoona sighed. She didn’t mean to say such things to Yuri. But she was too irrational when it comes to Jessica. That lady means too much to her. Yoona glanced to her side; Jessica was sleeping peacefully with the oxygen tube up her nose and her life support machine was making eerie whirring sounds. She sat closer to Jessica; held her hand and kissed lightly.

“Sica, please wake up. Please do not leave me behind.”

Yoona tried to hold back her tears but she couldn’t. Tears trickled down her cheeks and she nuzzled her face into Jessica’s forearm. She would do anything to have Jessica back into her life. She would do everything just to see Jessica’s smile once again.

And this time, she wasn’t going to let Jessica go. She would hang on tightly to Jessica no matter what happen. She was not going to let Jessica suffer anymore.

“Sica, I’m not going to hold back anymore. I’ll protect you from today onwards. Just let me love you. I’ll take good care of you, I swear.”

Yoona cried silently.

*

Yuri finally got to be in the same room with Jessica alone. Tiffany persuaded Yoona to go home and let Yuri take over. After all, Yuri was still Jessica’s girlfriend. Yoona only agreed because it was her sister who begged her to do so. She just stared at Yuri before walking away. Tiffany apologised and ran after her sister. Yuri couldn’t blame anyone but herself.

Yuri sat closer to Jessica; she took a good look at her girlfriend. Jessica was extremely beautiful. She remembered introducing Jessica to her brother and that guy was eyeing her from head to toe. Yuri remembered poking her brother’s eyes for looking like a ert.

Then she recalled how her parents adored Jessica because of her sweet natured smile and of course, Jessica was actually warmer than other people assumed. She just had that icy cold look but deep down inside, Jessica was extremely warm and Yuri admitted that was the deciding point why she agreed to be with Jessica.

But after few months later, she realized that her heart was still yearning for Tiffany. It drove her crazy when the only person she could think of was Tiffany when the one who was lying down beside her was Jessica. It killed her when Jessica asked what she was thinking of; she often lied that she was thinking of her.

Still, Jessica wasn’t stupid. Jessica knew about her strong feelings for Tiffany. She suggested being together so that Yuri could take her time to forget Tiffany but now Yuri knew; it was just a mistake to be with Jessica. She shouldn’t agree.

She looked at her girlfriend’s pale lips. Yuri’s heart was aching. Jessica suffered too much because of her and she ended up saving her life instead. Yuri was going crazy.

“Yuri, what the hell did you say that for?!”

“You asked me whether I love Jessica, so now I’m telling you – I DONT LOVE HER!”

“Oh my god, Jessica!”

Yoona turned to look at the front door; she saw her sister. Then she saw the direction where her sister was staring at. Jessica was at her room door. Yoona was heartbroken after she saw the pain in Jessica’s eyes.

“Jessica!”

Yuri was shocked with her sudden outburst. She was even more stunned to find Tiffany at her front door and guilty because Jessica was crying in front of her.

“You have never loved me before, Yuri?”

“I...”

Yuri was tongue-tied. She didn’t mean it that way.

“So all this while; all these 2 years, I thought we were going somewhere but actually we are not. I’m just trapped and stuck in this vicious cycle with you toying my feelings again and again.”

“Jessica, I didn’t mean it that way. I was stressed out.”

“You’re not even drunk, Yuri. You’re conscious.”

“Jessica, I admit. I still love Tiffany and I’ve tried my best to forget her. But I just couldn’t.”

“I was a fool to believe that I could change you.”

“Jessica, please don’t say that way.”

“So do you want to leave me now, Yuri?”

“Sica..”

“I allow you to do that. Go on and tell me that you want to leave me forever.”

Yuri wasn’t too sure if she could trust Jessica’s words. She remembered how Jessica broke down when she initiated a break up. She wasn’t going to take second chances.

“Don’t do this, Jessica.”

“But I want you to decide right now! Is it me or Tiffany?!”

Yuri felt like she was trapped at the corner and everybody was pushing her. She felt like screaming but she just couldn’t. Yuri just bit her tongue. She had enough. She took off and pushed Jessica away. She ran out of the door; not willing to be treated as a puppet. In another words, Kwon Yuri just prefers to escape like that.

Jessica ran after her; followed by Yoona and then Tiffany. They were running after one another and Yuri wouldn’t stop. She could hear Jessica calling out for her name. Yuri closed her eyes and wiped her tears away. Suddenly a loud screeching sound could be heard and Yuri turned to her side.

A speeding car was coming her way; it tried to stop but to no avail and Yuri was nailed to the ground. She was alarmed to see the car speeding into her way until she felt someone pushed her to the side.

Yuri was horrified to witness how Jessica’s head smashed into the windscreen before her body flung 10m away from where they stood. Yuri’s heart stopped instantly and was wide open. 

“JESSICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

She was sick with fear and trembled so hard. She ran as fast as she could towards Jessica and scooped her up to her lap. Jessica was like a fish out of water; gasping for air every now and then. Her head was bleeding profusely and she was slowly growing limp in Yuri’s arms.

“Sica, don’t! Don’t do this! Don’t do this to me! Jessica, don’t leave me like this!”

She could hear Yoona screaming at Jessica. But Jessica lifted her hand slowly and cupped Yuri’s cheeks. She caressed gently before giving Yuri a weak smile. She then turned to Yoona and grabbed the other girl’s hand tightly.

“Jessica, please hang on. Please, Jessica. Don’t leave me behind like this. I love you.”

Yoona was quick to confess; leaving Yuri in bewilderment. And Jessica didn’t say anything. She just squeezed Yoona’s hand tightly and caressed Yuri’s cheeks gently.

Just then, Jessica motioned Yuri to come closer and Yuri placed her ears near to Jessica’s mouth. Yuri’s tears fell instantly when Jessica spoke softly; word by word.

“Yu..ri... I...lov...e...y...ou..f..ore..ver..”

Yuri cried as she remembered the painful moments when she held Jessica in her arms and till that very end, Jessica still loves her.

She held Jessica’s hand tightly.

“Sica, please hang in there. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me yet. I.. need you. I still do. Please Jessica, please don’t do this to me. Let me love you all over again.”

Yuri was dying all over again.

*