"do you remember our first kiss? I think it was at some party, I couldn't remember, I think I was tipsy that time. I pulled you into a bedroom, and well, you- you looked so beautiful that night. You are beautiful, Taeyeon-ah, I am sorry that I never had it in me to tell you that. You were beautiful that night, and all I wanted to do was pull you close. I did, and I didn't regret it. I kissed you and I knew you wouldn't push me away, and I was glad. I'm not gonna say sorry for that kiss, I mean, I'm sorry for a lot of things, just not that. God, you were so beautiful that night.

do you know why I hate cuddling so much? It reminds me of me when I was seven years old. I was looking at my mother, alone in her bed, where her husband should be. I have no idea why, but it just..does. I don't want to be that. I don't want to be left alone in my own bed. I don't want to be left. But I guess you couldn't have everything so the only thing I could do is be alone in my own bed.

Taeyeon-ah. For the past 2 years that I mistreated you, I wish I could say I was sorry for that. I didn't think it would do you any good if I apologized. I never wanted to hurt you but every time you came close, that was all I wanted to do. I wanted you to love me, but every time you told me you love me, i just wanted to run. I wanted to be touched, to be taken care of, but when you did all of those, I just wanted to hide. I don't think I deserved you. And it's true, i don't. I was a fool who let you down, pushed you away and i tore everything apart. I wish I could ask you a second chance but I don't, I don't deserve it. I was so scared. I still am."

- from a fool who does not know love yet loves, to a fool who wants to be loved but does not know that she already is. (not sent) (yet)

A/N: Hey, i guess the reason i couldn't update this was because i was so busy with school. Do you know i started writing this and the other fic when I just finished middle school? Now im trying to finish college and everything, wow time flies fast doesnt it. I didn't know how to update because i don't have any idea what direction is this fic going for. But i guess i wanted them both to be happy. Together or not together, we'll see.