Despite his heart silently breaking and his world slowly crashing, Jongwoon silently reaches for his wallet at his pants’ back pocket. He is aware that Kyuhyun is watching him, so he makes sure that when he opens it and gets his sister’s picture, Kyuhyun will not see his own picture in Jongwoon’s wallet. There’s a picture of Jongwoon with Sooyoung and Joohyun first, then with Ryeowook, then there’s a family picture taken five years ago when everything was well, and just after Hyesung’s picture is Kyuhyun’s, taken so candidly when Kyuhyun doesn’t know Jongwoon, or Yesung, yet. He looked so young, and he looked so free, and he looked so happy.

“Kyuhyun!” Donghae shouts, kicking the ball towards Kyuhyun and running after them.

Kyuhyun swiftly runs towards the ball and strongly kicks it towards the goal. Their professor blows his whistles and announces that Kyuhyun and Donghae’s team is the winner, much to Sungmin and Hyukjae’s despair for being designated on the other team.

“Why do you two have to be teamed together?” Hyukjae mutters as they begin walking out of the field.

Donghae laughs as Kyuhyun suddenly turns around.

“What?” Sungmin asks.

Kyuhyun looks at the empty field again before turning to Sungmin. He shrugs and says, “I just felt like someone’s watching us.”

Sungmin turns to look at the field as well. “There’s no one.”

Kyuhyun nods, “Right.”

Behind the trashcan at the right side corner of the field, near the goal, Jongwoon is panting really, really hard. He is shaking and he doesn’t know what’s gotten into him but he just picks his phone out of his pocket and snaps a picture of Kyuhyun. He looks at the picture and sees Kyuhyun smiling and he figures that if he’s having a heart attack because of that smile, then it’s worth it.

He slides Hyesung’s picture across the table to Kyuhyun and just before Kyuhyun’s hand reaches, he takes back his hand.

It’s an old, old picture of Hyesung, taken before she was diagnosed that her bone cancer recurred. She looks even more beautiful because she’s healthy, well and happy. Her dark hair, the same shade as Jongwoon’s, is flowing like veil, her complexion is as clear as snow, and her lips are bowed into an angel’s smile.

Jongwoon has to smile when Kyuhyun breathes, “Beautiful,” upon seeing Hyesung’s picture.

“Noona really was,” Jongwoon agrees with a small smile, remembering Hyesung.

“I don’t remember her at all,” Kyuhyun says quietly, “except for that one time...”

Jongwoon immediately realizes what Kyuhyun is talking about and he realizes that that’s another thing he hasn’t explained Kyuhyun. He takes a deep breath.

“That,” Jongwoon says, “was me.”

“You?” Kyuhyun looks confused, then bewildered. “Yoona was telling the truth?!”

“It’s not like that,” Jongwoon immediately says, not because he’s really trying to defend himself, because really, why does he need to do that? He did not become Hyesung because he wants to or he chose to. He wants Kyuhyun to not jump into conclusions once again and to hear the truth, from Jongwoon.

“My parents loved noona very much,” he begins, when Kyuhyun closes his mouth for Jongwoon to speak. “They love her so much even now. When Hyesung-noona died, they’re devastated, and the pain they felt couldn’t be rivaled, not even mine when I lost my own sister, too. My mother couldn’t hold it and he keeps on blaming you.”

“You know, Kyuhyun,” Jongwoon speaks quietly, looking down at the family picture taken five days ago, when Hyesung was still with them. They look happy, and they look the ideal family. “My parents are really very stubborn people at times. It makes sense that that’s why they’re even trying to challenge fate, to change fate. They blame you for my sister’s death. They need someone to blame because they can’t accept it, yet. Not yet.”

“If there’s anything I could do to protect you,” he says, “because I know, it’s what Hyesung-noona would want me to do, too.” Although Jongwoon knows that with Hyesung or not, Jongwoon will still do it. But this isn’t his time. “My mother needs to see Hyesung-noona back, and my sister and I look alike each other very much. It’s almost like we’re twins.”

“I became Hyesung-noona.”

Kyuhyun isn’t even aware of the expression that’s playing on his face. He’s not even sure what to think anymore or who to feel even sorrier for. Hyesung, for being gone and forgotten. Him, for being out of place and decided upon. Or Jongwoon, for being caught in the middle of everything, for being so kind he could give himself for the people he’s willing to protect with everything he can, and for being hurt over and over again by the people he loves in the process.

He couldn’t imagine how painful Jongwoon’s life must be, and how struggling it still is up to now.

“I love my mother so much,” I love you, too, so much. “If there’s anything I could do to ease her pain,” If there’s anything I could do to protect you, “I’ll do it.” I’ll do everything.

Kyuhyun looks at Jongwoon and Jongwoon offers him a weak smile, a kind smile. The kind of smile that eases pain, and that tells you that even though everything seems wrong now, it will be okay someday, too. He smiles at Kyuhyun and it breaks Kyuhyun’s heart, because he still doesn’t know. He’s still confused, and he wants to hold Jongwoon, but he doesn’t know if it’s right or wrong, and he doesn’t know what to do.

“Before,” Kyuhyun suddenly speaks. “Was I talking to your sister or you?”

It surprises Jongwoon that Kyuhyun is able to thread and knit everything that easily, even though there’s still a huge part of his memory missing, the bigger part that consists of Hyesung. Jongwoon is sure that Kyuhyun is still beyond confused, but it’s amazing that for some reason, his heart remembers what his mind forgets.

It sends warmth in Jongwoon’s heart as he thinks that maybe, just maybe, there’s still chance, for him, for them.

“If you’re telling me that you’ve become your sister for your mother,” Kyuhyun says, “did you also become your sister for her?” For me?

“Who was it?” Hyesung or you?

There’s no point going back anymore and Jongwoon doesn’t want to lie anymore.

“The balloon was noona,” Jongwoon begins even though he knows Kyuhyun doesn’t remember any of what he is saying, meeting Kyuhyun’s holding gaze. “And so are the croissant, and the books, and the laughter.”

“The stars are me,” he goes on, and for the first time in what seems like forever, his heart calms down as he looks at Kyuhyun’s gazing orbs meeting his own. For the first time since everything crumbled down, his world rotated again and the sun rose up again as he remembers those times, those happy times, and how Jongwoon wishes it could be like that again. “The doughnuts, and the letters, and the cardboard games, and the pillow, and the mirror, and the sky, and the clover rings, and the bubbles, and the  cranberries and strawberries, and the ice cream, and the puppies, and the thick blanket, and the snow, and the cherry blossom petals, and the tree. They’re all me.”

Jongwoon doesn’t want to sound proclaiming, but if Kyuhyun wants the whole truth, and if he wants to tell Kyuhyun every truth, then that is it.

“The tree is familiar,” Kyuhyun slowly says. “I think I remember the tree.”

If this is some ordinary scenario, Jongwoon will probably turn tomato red, but this isn’t just some ordinary scenario. He looks hopeful at Kyuhyun and asks, “What about the tree?”

“Just,” Kyuhyun says, thinking about it, “it feels familiar. I don’t even know if we’re talking about the same tree, hyung, or if it’s another lost fragment of my memory. It might even be my imagination, I don’t know.”

Jongwoon nods, because Kyuhyun is right. No matter what Jongwoon tells him, there is still a part of Kyuhyun’s memory that is lost and no matter how much Jongwoon tells Kyuhyun, it might not be enough because Kyuhyun doesn’t remember anything. If given the chance, Jongwoon would like to help Kyuhyun have it all back, but would Kyuhyun want that? Will he want all the pain when he doesn’t even remember who Hyesung is, was?

“I don’t recall any memory of what you told me happened three years ago, or ten years ago,” Kyuhyun suddenly says, bringing back Jongwoon with him again. He looks at Jongwoon and meets the older’s gaze and Kyuhyun wants Jongwoon to hold his hand, and to hold him, and to tell him that everything is going to be okay. But Kyuhyun is afraid.

He continues, “But Yesung-hyung has been really important to me, and so has become Jongwoon-hyung. For what it’s worth, even though I don’t remember anything and I am not sure what are the truth caught between the lies, I want to thank you because I know you protected me. I can’t even begin how, as I’ve seen what Hyesung’s, your, parents can do… So I, thank you.”

That scene suddenly comes back into Kyuhyun, that day with Sooyoung on the staircase, when he’s trying to run away and escape from everything.

“You should know…”

Jongwoon isn’t sure what to say. He looks at Kyuhyun and for a blink of an eye, he sees more than confusion and frustrate in Kyuhyun’s face. He sees loneliness.

“that Jongwoon-oppa will never…”

“You’re – You’re welcome,” Jongwoon stutters, not knowing what else to say.

He wants to wipe the loneliness away from Kyuhyun’s eyes, because they look so much more beautiful when they’re sparkling, when Kyuhyun is smiling and laughing and happy. He wants to hold Kyuhyun for as long as it takes until Kyuhyun realizes that he is not alone. He wants to tell Kyuhyun that no matter what happened, or what happens, or what will happen, Jongwoon will never change. He’ll remain as the only constant in Kyuhyun’s life.

Sometimes, Jongwoon might move. He might be before Kyuhyun, he might be behind Kyuhyun, but he’ll always stay. He wants to tell him that. He wants so much to tell him that, but for some reason, he can’t, because he knows Kyuhyun isn’t ready. He knows Kyuhyun needs time and if that’s what Kyuhyun needs right now, that’s what Jongwoon will give him.

“He will never want to hurt you.”

Kyuhyun leaves the café first.

Jongwoon is left, sitting there, watching the heart on Kyuhyun’s coffee. It’s still there, Kyuhyun hasn’t touched it. He managed to explain everything to Kyuhyun and he understands if Kyuhyun is still left searching for answers in an endless abyss, but Jongwoon can’t help when he looks up at clouds that afternoon but ask, “What will happen next, noona?”