Honestly, I am so sick and tired of pretending to be ok when I'm really not. My mom makes me suffer with all these mothering summer schools and tutors while my sister just goes out and has fun with her friends. Why can't I also spend my summer like that? I have friends too. My sister's that perfect idol that every parents want their child to me. There was this one time where this parent actualyl made a statement, "I thought you were always fat." I have feelings too. My parents always tell me they lost their job because of me. They tell me their stress is because of me. Oh yeah? Do they know that I don't tell them how much I want to ing kill myself. I'm traumatized from my younger years because of my mom abusing me a lot when I didn't understand a question. That's why i'm behind in school. Yes, I am slow in understanding stuff that are easy. Yes, I am retarded. Everyone underestimates me for the things I do. I try to make someone happy and they're always blaming why they're stressed on me. And yes, I actually do take the blame. I have feelings.People leave me without a reason. I'm a human being but reality comes, I'm just a ghost. No one appreciates what I do. I try to make people happy but they're always mad and sad. Yeah, I know everything's my fault. People tell me to stop cutting myself and I tell them a lie... "I will stop cutting." What the do you guys know about me? How could you guys just say to stop cutting when you weren't there for everything that I've been through? Do you know what my cuts mean? Each of them tell a story and you don't know a single what kind of story those cuts tell. No one understands how I feel.