I tightened my arms around myself as I walked through the street toward the park where Dae Hyun said he would meet me. The autumn wind blew quite hard and I shivered a little and tightened my coat around me. It was almost winter, and the cold was starting to bit my skin.

I walked into the park and from afar I could see Dae Hyun on the swing, swinging by himself in a slow pace. He looked down as he swung back and forth. His feet were straight on the ground. He kept moving the swing and ignored the squeaking sound the swing made above him.

Did something wrong happen to him? He looked awfully miserable. He was just fine an hour ago. I wonder what happened with his talk to Yong Guk Oppa.

I walked to the swing and stood right before him. He didn’t look up though I knew that he knew I was there.

“Dae Hyun-ah…,” I called on him, reaching out to touch his hair. It was so soft like I remembered.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He asked, still wouldn’t look at me.

“Tell you what?” Did he know that I like him and now he demand to know why I haven’t told him?

He looked up to meet my eyes and I was surprised at how much anger I saw in those eyes. Anger, sadness and disappointment. All mixed into one scary glare he shot to me. “Why didn’t you tell me, Moon Jeong Ae? WHY?!”

I took a step back as he screamed. “Tell you what exactly? What happened to you? Why are you being like this?”

I took another step back as he stood up and grabbed my arms. “Why didn’t you tell me that you have cancer?” He knew. He knew…. I tried to move back but he held my arms tighter. “Am I not important enough in your life to know that? Why Jeong Ae-yah? Why?” Oh God, how could he know?

I trembled under his gaze, not knowing what to say. All I could feel was shock. He kept staring me with that angry eyes and as we fell into silent a tear fell from his left eye.

I couldn’t feel my leg and I almost fell on the ground, but Dae Hyun’s hands held me and I fell into his arms instead. The next thing I knew was I cried in his arms hard. I could hear he also cried while he held tighter to me and I clutched to him tighter.

***

“Does Jong Up know?” Dae Hyun asked later as we sit on one of the benches.

His arm was holding me and I laid my head on his shoulder. My hand was on his hand and he held it tight like he never wanted to let go.

“No… no one knows,” I answered with croaked voice.

“Not even your parents?” He sounded a little surprise.

I shook my head. “No, not even my parents.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he repeated that question again.

“I don’t want you to get worried over nothing,” I closed my eyes and smell his scent. He smelled like a tree and sun. It’s calming me down.

“It was not nothing, Jeong Ae-yah. What would you do if I didn’t find out? What would happen if Yong Guk Hyung didn’t work in that hospital and didn’t found out? I bet you would never tell me,” He pulled me to him closer.

So it was Yong Guk Oppa who told him. I remembered he said we interned in a hospital in Jamshil. It was a tough luck.

“I would never tell you. I didn’t want to see what happened earlier. But it happened.” I sighed.

“That was so Moon Jeong Ae. You care about other people first, you don’t care about yourself.”

We kept silent after that. There were just the two of us. Dae Hyun and me, holding each other like the world was going to end. Or it probably was. The end of my world. But before it ended, I at least wanted to apology.

“Dae Hyun-ah…,” I whispered and he rested his head on mine.

“Hmm?”

“I… I’m sorry about what I said to you two years ago. I didn’t mean it. I was so angry… I didn’t know why I was that angry and I said those to you. I really didn’t mean it,” I held the edge of my coat with my free hand. “I’m sorry.”

Dae Hyun stayed in silent. But then he relaxed and took me into his arms again. “You don’t know how I long I waited for you to say that you didn’t mean those words. I’m glad you said it now,” he kissed the top of my head then hugged me tighter.

“You’re not mad?”

“Why would I mad? You were just saying that I was allowed to date you,” he let go to make a distance between us so we could see our faces and smiled. “You have no idea how sad I was when you said you would never like me that way.”

“I tried to make up to you but you ignored me…. For two years,” I pouted.

He grinned sheepishly. “I’m sorry about that. I couldn’t tell you that I didn’t talk to you because I was afraid you just wanted us back to be just friend while what I feel for you was far from just a friendly feeling.”

“Really?” I smiled as he answered the question I had been asking him for the whole week.

“Yes,” he caressed my face with the back of his hand. “I cared about you Moon Jeong Ae. I heard you singing for me from behind the wall, I watched your steps every morning when we walked on different side of the street. I knew you stared at me at class and I looked back when you didn’t see. I felt like I was being a stalker, looking at you through your window when you thought I didn’t see. I like you that much, yet you were so dense and notice nothing.”

“As to ease you, this dense person also kind of your stalker. Though from my window I could see nothing but your door,” I pouted and he chuckled.

“What does that mean?”

“That, stupid boy, means I like you too. Though it will sound better if you say it out loud rather than telling me how much of a stalker you are,” I knocked my head to his lightly.

He smiled widely. “But what to do? I don’t like you,” he grinned mischievously.

“What?”  I pulled away from his touch. He didn’t like me? Was I the only one who was over confident that I thought he liked me after all those confession?

“Come here, silly,” he pulled me back and circled his arm around me but let some space so he could see to my eyes. “I don’t like you, Stupid Moon Jeong Ae. I love you. I took me years to realize this. I love you.”

I felt my heart stopped. He said he loved me. I bit my lower lip as my eyes prickled in hot tears.

“Wait, wait… why are you crying? Are you sick again? Do you feel pain anywhere?” Dae Hyun pushed me from his arms and he checked my body as if I was a doll that was broken somewhere.

“No… it’s just…,” He looked at me with wide eyes. “I think I love you too.”

He stilled but then he smiled widely. He pulled me closer to him and whispered, “I’m really glad you say that,” He cupped my face in his hands and wiped the remaining tears away, he leaned closer and I closed my eyes as his lips touched mine.

It was my first kiss. And it was with Dae Hyun. My heart burst in happiness. As what I read in those novels, I could feel the fireworks and the butterflies at the same time. It was amazing.

He broke of the kiss and hugged me tightly. “I will protect you, Moon Jeong Ae. I would never let anything happen to you.”