I stepped out the hospital building holding my medicine in my hand. I pulled out a small bottle of painkiller and stared at it. This small bottle was the only shield I have to hold my ground to keep pretending to the world. With this bottle I can keep go on, not making anyone worries and hopefully any kind of treatment I took will help me to get better without anyone noticed.

“Jeong Ae?” I heard a faint sound of my name being called.

I turned around. There was no one I could recognize in the crowd of people in the hospital. There were a few patients and their families, the nurses and a few doctors with white robes but I didn’t recognize any of them.

I turned around again and searched my surrounding. No one I could recognize here. Maybe that was just my imagination but I should go before there was really anyone here recognizing me.

I took a pace and went home as quickly as I could.

***

It was after dinner when Jong Up stayed in my room, reading a book from my bookshelf while I talked to Dae Hyun through the window. He was asking where I went after school but I did not answer the question. Jong Up eyed me suspiciously when I avoided the question.

Dae Hyun’s phone rang when he kept pestering me about where I went.

“Oh, it’s Yong Guk Hyung. Wait a moment,” I nodded and he picked up the phone. “Yes, Hyung? … me? I’m at home…. Hm? Jeong Ae?”

He looked at me with confused look. “What about me?” I asked curiously. Why would Yong Guk Oppa ask Dae Hyun about me?

“Jeong Ae’s here… hm? Now? Can’t you tell me through the phone instead? Huh? Okay…,” he turned off the phone connection.

“What does Yong Guk Oppa want?”

He shrugged. “He told me to see him now, he said it’s something important,” he reached out for his jacket. “I’ll talk to you later,” he waved to me before he closed his door behind him.

I watched as Dae Hyun left his house. He saw me still staring at him and he did a big good bye gesture and I waved back. “I’ll be back soon.” He said and I nodded eagerly. Then he left.

I let out a sigh and propped my elbow in my window sill and stared at direction where Dae Hyun had gone. I haven’t seen him for a few seconds and I already missed him. This feeling was weird. It was torturing, yet why people longing to feel this feeling? It was not healthy.

“He will come back. Don’t look so miserable,” Jong Up said from his position on my bed.

I pouted and hopped next to him. “What do you know? I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now.”

“That’s called ‘missing someone’,” he replied calmly and flipped the next page on the book he was reading.

“Why would I miss Dae Hyun?” I rolled my eyes, pretended to not understanding what Jong Up just said.

He put down the book and looked at me with an ‘are-you-serious?’ gaze . “Noona, you liked Dae Hyun Hyung since your third grade of middle school. Since he hugged you for throwing him a surprise birthday party. Remember?” then he returned to his book.

That caught me off guard. I remember Dae Hyun hugging me for throwing that party with his parents. But I didn’t recall I liked him until yesterday. “I didn’t… I wasn’t… How did you even know that, Moon Jong Up?”

“Of course I know. You couldn’t stop talking about him for a week after that. You didn’t even let me playing my Pokemon game because you keep talking about him next to me wherever I was,” He took a pillow and leaned on it after he scoffed at my bad memory.

“I didn’t do that! You’re making that up!” I could feel my face glowing red. This brother of mine would kill me out of embarrassment.

 “So you think I’m lying? Me?” He raised his left eyebrow.

That was it. I got defeated. “Then why didn’t I realize that I like him if all you said was true?”

He sighed. “Because two weeks after that, he got himself a girlfriend. And you encouraged him to accept that girlfriend of his. Which later make you fight with that girlfriend of his and ended up not talking with Dae Hyun Hyung. I pitied Dae Hyun Hyung, really.”

“Why would you pity Dae Hyun?” I slapped his knee. “HE didn’t talk to ME for two years! And you pity him?!”

He rolled his eyes and looked at the ceiling as if he was praying ‘God, why did you give me such a foolish sister?’

“He liked you back then too, silly Noona!”

“What?” Dae Hyun liked me? How could? Why? But despite the questions I felt happy. Dae Hyun liked me?

“He liked you. If you hadn’t tell him that you would never liked him as a girl liking a boy back then, he wouldn’t stopped talking to you,” He threw the pillow to the headboard and leaned to continue reading his book.

What? What was this kid saying? I never said that to Dae Hyun. Did I? When did I say that? Why couldn’t I remember?

“I… said that? You were saying I rejected Jung Dae Hyun without my knowing? When did I do that?” I shook Jong Up’s body. “Moon Jong Up, when did I do that?!”

“Eiii,” he pushed my hand from his knee then sat up. “Do you remember that day when you fought with Dae Hyun Hyung’s girlfriend?”

I nodded and my hand automatically went to my cheek. “She slapped me.”

Jong Up nodded. “You were so mad at both of them that you went home crying. Later that night Dae Hyunnie Hyung showed up on his window and tried to apologize to you, but then you said ‘Why would she think I will ever date you, Jung Dae Hyun? I would never ever date a guy like you. Not in a million years. I don’t even see you as a guy anymore!’” Jong Up did a voice impression that didn’t sound like me at all.

I gasped. I remembered that. I was so angry at him to make his girlfriend thought I liked him and tried to take him away from his girlfriend. I didn’t remember what my exact word was. I remember shutting my window in such a force while crying and told him to go away. I did that… I made him didn’t talk to me.

“You should’ve seen his face that day,” he shook his head.

I looked at him and wondering how did he know all this. “How did you know all of this, Jong Up-ah?”

“If you haven’t notice yet,” he knocked on the wall beside him. “I happen to live next door, and my window also facing outside and I could see Dae Hyun Hyung’s window too,” he rolled his eyes again.

I’ll be damned.

My little brother knew more than I thought he knew. He knew I liked Dae Hyun even when I did not realize it. He knew I rejected Dae Hyun even though he knew I didn’t mean it. He could have said it but he let me felt miserable for two years. Damn it, little cub. You…

“You!” I reached for a pillow and started hitting him with it. “You! You could have told me! You know how miserable I was when Dae Hyun stopped talking to me! You knew why yet you didn’t say anything! You! Moon Jong Up! You!!!!”

“Agh Noona! I’m sorry! Ouch! It was not my fault that you’re stupid when it comes to boys. Aww, Noona! Stop it!” I kept hitting him until he stopped struggling and curled like a fetus while I hit his back again and again.

My phone beeped and I stopped hitting Jong Up. “You… because you’re cute, I’ll let you go for now,” I hit him one more time before I reached for my phone.

Jong Up groaned behind me. He stood up as I saw I had a message from Dae Hyun. He reached for the pillow in my hand and hit my head once with it hard before he threw the pillow and fled to his own room.

“Moon Jong Up!!!” I screamed. It was not hurt but the shock as he hit me was weird.

“Merong~!” He stuck out his tongue and ran out then locked himself in his room.

“I’ll get you later!” I screamed again.

I went back to my phone and read Dae Hyun’s message.

‘Jeong Ae-yah… I need to talk to you. Meet me at the park in 20 minutes.’

Why the park? Why couldn’t he just come home and tell me directly. But it was Dae Hyun. I too have to apologize to him about what happened two years ago, and I didn’t want that cub Jong Up to hear it. So I replied to the message.

‘Okay. I’ll see you there in 20 minutes.’