“Why don’t you ask me yourself, noona?”

“Seung Hyun!” you gasped.

--------------------

-YOU-

Seung Hyun was standing at the door, staring at you, the intensity, unnerving. You felt your cheek flush and tried to avert his gaze.  Seung Ri noticed how uncomfortable the air had become and spoke up.

“Hyung! What are you doing here?! “ he piped up in an attempt to break the tension, approaching Seung Hyun in the process and ushered him inside the apartment. Seung Hyun’s eyes were still fixed upon you.

 “Hello, Seung Hyun.” you finally managed to utter, as you looked up and met his gaze.  There was no doubt about it. Seung Hyun. Your dear boy, Seung Hyun, was standing right in front of you. 

“Hi, noona.” he responded, expression still unreadable.

“I was just here to drop this off for noona”, Seung Ri interrupted, picking up the bottle of wine he brought that you had placed on the table, “and possibly have a glass or two with her, and catch up. You’re more than welcome to join us, hyung.”

You looked at Seung Hyun to see how he would respond to Seung Ri’s invitation, secretly hoping he would say  ‘yes’.  He finally broke his gaze and looked at the maknae, and smiled in compliance. You took that as a tiny victory on your part.

“Yah, TOP hyung! I’m glad you’ve decided to stay and join us. I’m sure noona is, too. Isn’t that right, noona?” said Seung Ri, giving you an encouraging look.

You looked at Seung Hyun and smiled at him, “Yes. I’m glad.” Seung Hyun smiled back in return. Another victory on your part.

In the next few moments, the cork was popped, and the wine started to flow freely. Seung Ri regaled you with his tales of being a well-known celebrity in Japan, and other stories about himself and Bigbang (well, mostly about himself), while you sit at the table, exchanging quick glances with the now-more-responsive Seung Hyun, who was sitting across from you.

Seung Hyun was about to ask you something, when a little figure caught his attention, just standing right behind you. His eyes widened, and so did the maknae’s.

“Mummy?” you heard your daughter call out to you, her voice still sleep-laden. You got up and immediately scooped her up in your arms.  You looked up at your guests and noticed the shocked expressions on their faces, especially Seung Ri’s, whose mouth hung open.

“What’s the matter, baby?” you asked as you brushed her hair away from her face.

“I heard noises, mummy. I got scared.” your daughter responded as she stared at the 2 gentlemen, who, in turn, were staring at her.

“Oh, I’m so sorry we woke you up, baby. I didn’t realize we were being too loud.” cooing to her as you hugged her tightly. “These are mummy’s friends.” you gestured at the 2 men, who were still somewhat in a state of surprise, and still staring at Haru.

“Guys, I want to introduce someone special to you. This is Haru, my daughter.”

Seung Ri turned to you and then looked back at Haru. “Your daughter?! Noona, you have a daughter?!” he asked in disbelief. Seung Hyun, on the other hand, was still staring at the girl.

“Yes, Ri. I have a daughter.” you confirmed as you smiled back at your daughter, who was leaning against your shoulder, staring back at Seung Hyun.

Seung Ri looked at his hyung, wondering why he hadn’t spoken all this time, when something dawned on him. He snapped his eyes back at Haru, and back at TOP… “OH MY GOD.” he gasped.

You looked at Seung Ri and realized what was happening. You started to panic, realizing that Seung Ri had figured it out, and Seung Hyun too, most likely. The little girl in your arms was a spitting image of the man in front of you. There was no way he wouldn’t have realized who Haru was. You looked at Seung Hyun, and he’s now looking back at you. Tears had formed in the corners of his eyes.

 “I can explain.” you offered, as you took a step towards him. He took a step back, flinching, and your heart sank. He looked at you, frowning. There’s pain, disbelief and what seemed to be a million questions in his eyes.  You wanted the earth to open up and swallow you whole right there and then.

“Yes, noona. Do explain.” Seung Hyun spoke, his voice deeper, stern and devoid of emotion.

You shut your eyes tight, trying to find the words, and to keep the tears from flowing freely. “Seung Hyun, six years ago, when I left, without a word….she was the reason.” you started to explain, your voice cracking. “A month after we spent the night together just right after your debut performance, I found out I was pregnant.” you continued, looking at Seung Hyun, searching his face for some morsel of hope, or understanding.

You looked over to Seung Ri, who encouraged you to go on. There was sympathy in his eyes. “I didn’t know what to do. I got scared, mostly for you. You were only 20 years old, Hyun. You had just debuted. I didn’t know how to tell you that you were going to be a father. I just couldn’t put that pressure on you. Your future was at stake.”  Your voice started to shake, and you hugged your daughter tighter, who had fallen asleep in your arms. “I panicked, Hyun. I went to YG-oppa and decided to quit. He asked me why, and I had to tell him. I told him that I had to leave as soon as possible. No one could know why I was leaving. He thought it was the best decision at the time.” the tears had now flowed freely.

Seung Hyun’s fists were balled up so tightly, his knuckles turned white. His body was tensed and his tears started to flow. “You should have told me, noona. I deserved to know. I deserved to know about my daughter. ”  a hint of resentment could be heard in his voice.

At this point, Seung Ri had stepped up, took the sleeping Haru from your arms and retreated to her bedroom, giving you and Seung Hyun some privacy. 

You shook your head, “No, Hyun. I couldn’t tell you at the time. What would you have done, had I told you? Quit Bigbang? Married me? You were just starting your career, your life. You were still so young. I couldn’t put that pressure on you, on top of a budding career.” 

“BUT, I WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU!” Seung Hyun said in an outburst of emotions. “I still am…” his voice drifted. His eyes were now imploring.

His confession rendered you speechless. You were in shock. Before you could completely comprehend what he just said, Seung Hyun had already walked out the door.

You wanted to run after him, but you couldn’t move your feet. You just stood there and stared at the doorway.

“I’m still in love with you, too, Hyun.” you whispered, hoping your words would somehow reach him.