Whenever Ren thought back he would always conclude that all of his life’s troubles had started at that one moment. That last day of freshman year in college, the day he’d lost his innocence, the love of his life, and so much more deep inside. Though he would try to convince himself that he had no regrets over the years, it grew harder and harder to believe so. Though he had lost himself to a man who would disappear to America the next day, for the longest time Ren could not deny that he wouldn’t have had his first time any other way.

Okay, so being bent over a kitchen counter in their dorm did lose a bit of a poetic feel when spoken aloud…and sure he hadn’t felt the best when the man had said over and over that it was his, Ren’s, own fault. That it was Ren’s fault for being too tempting, and how he hated the fact that he was more beautiful than any woman and that he couldn’t stop thinking about him. Despite the harshness of the moment, Ren knew, somewhere, that the man had cared about him. Or perhaps that was his own wishful thinking, wanting his crush to feel something for him too.

Ren had still loved him, at any rate, missed him, and had been satisfied. He had tried to move on. From one relationship to the next, scars upon scars heaped upon his body in the past five years. It grew harder and harder not to look upon that moment with hate, and that’s when it started.  When he started to change from the sweet, all-too-innocent, imaginative and beautiful boy, to something almost unrecognizable on the inside. To look upon that memory with fondness was near impossible for him, now. 

A/N: So I know I have two other stories going, but I've been busy with school and started writing this late at night when I was really bored and depressed. So, yay, angst XD I will update at least one of the stories this month, as I'll be back in the car for several boring hours again. Anyways, I hope you like this story, as I think it is my favorite out of the ones I have written. Also, this is a continuation-ish thing of one of Monchi's drabbles, that I didn't realize was a continuation, until, well, I remembered the story :P  http://www.asianfanfics.com/profile/view/164817

This was reviewed by the lovely atlantys from the Marshmellow Review Shop: Click

The poster is courtesy of the Ching A Ling Graphic Shop, they did *amazing* work on this poster, and I highly suggest you go check them out!!!

 I have entered this in the S E A S O N s Writing Contest: Here !!!

Check out my other stories <3

A Reasonable Case of Stalking (Baekren - OneShot, C) ~ The Derpy Horror (Baekyeol - OneShot, C) ~ Run And Hide, Hide and Seek (Krishan - Oneshot, C) ~ It Can Never Be You (Joomi - Chaptered, C) ~ Count To Five (Baekren - Chaptered, C) ~ A Monster's Tears (Baekren - Fourshot, C) ~ Entrapped: Sun and Moon (Baekren - Chaptered, O) ~ Forgive Me Not (Baekren - Threeshot, O) ~ Now You See Me (Jongkey - Fiveshot, O) ~ What A Boy Wants (Baekren - Chaptered, O)

My Blog: Kpopmusicmag.com

My Stance On Plagiarism (My Personal Rules)

Translations: I allow translations so long as I am *fully* credited at the end of every chapter, with a link back, and I am informed beforehand, and after project completion. I would be very happy if people translated, after all, it pretty much means more people reading my story and knowing me. 

Prequel, Sequel, Spin-off: You are allowed to create prequels, sequels, spin-offs, i.e. fanfiction of my fanfiction so long as you fully credit me in the forward and the last chapter, and inform me before and after completion so I may quickly glance through and approve. 

Worlds/Characters: You may base your story with characters or worlds like mine so long as I receive *full* credit for the idea and creation of characters in the forward. Please inform me. (For an explanation for those who think the characters aren't really mine to begin with: I don't think anybody can tell me Ren, for example, is a suicidal fashion designer working for very low wages with a bad boyfriend history [Count To Five], in real life. Therefore, my character that I personally created. I just don't own the names or the boys in questions [Would that it were true...].)

Plot: Do *not* use my plot. These plots I have plans for possibly publishing someday, and thus are not for everyone's everyday use. 

Other Websites: These rules apply *only* to asianfanfiction users. Do NOT take/borrow ANYTHING if it is intended for upload to another site. 

Do *not* plagiarize my story, this is not an excuse or me giving you free reign. This is my way of trying to be fair to others, while at the same time expecting to received the notoriety I should for coming up with the ideas and writing it all out. Rewrites or changing the names are still considered plagiarism in my book. If you want a re-write that changes certain events, so long as the plot is substantially altered, it falls under the "prequel, sequel, spin-off" category. Do not steal my plot, you may reference it, but do not copy it. DO NOT USE ANY OF THE ABOVE IN AN ATTEMPT TO EARN REAL CASH/MONEY. Any violations of this dissertation will be met with swift and thorough action. Thank you. 

You may inform me through comment, PM, or wall post here on asianfanfics.com.