Jaehwan has been having the same dream every night. He would wake up in the middle of the night with a sweaty shirt. He was always standing in the same white room; doing nothing but stare aimlessly. Then the surrounding changes to somewhere else. There were trees everywhere but he couldn’t figure out exactly where he was. He remembered someone hiding behind one of the trees. It was blurry every time so Jaehwan couldn’t recognize who it was. And there was this mirror that talks to him - it’s always the same thing; “I’m sorry… I’m sorry … I’m sorry…” Sometimes, he would see blue roses crying and sometimes he would see himself drowning in a pool of blood.

 

“I’m talking to you Jaehwan. Did you hear what I was saying?” Eri said bringing Jaehwan back from his deep thoughts.

 

“What? Oh yeah, I heard you”

 

Although Eri wasn’t convinced, she didn’t elaborate. Jaehwan has been in this state quite a few times lately. He would suddenly space out when someone was talking to him.

 

The reason why the two were still living together after the huge fight that day was because of Hakyeon. He managed to talk it out with Eri and she was willing to forgive him with the condition that he would not do it again. Jaehwan having no place to stay agreed wholeheartedly.

 

“Hakyeon is going to be so tired today” Eri murmured.

 

They were going to several places today ever since someone recognized Jaehwan when he was entering the café. Eri was sweeping the floor when someone said Jaehwan’s name. It was a taxi driver who dropped Jaehwan near the bridge. Eri was so nervous that she nearly broke a vase to get to the guy first before Jaehwan did. The latter appeared to be confused as hell since he didn’t know who the taxi driver was. Eri pulled the driver upstairs to talk in a locked room while Hakyeon stays with Jaehwan.

 

The driver told her that he drove Jaehwan to two places before he decided to stop near the bridge.

 

“When he first got in, he didn’t specify where he really wants to go. He seemed really lost and depressed. I picked him up from the side road in front of a school. He told me to just drive until he figures out where he wants to go. The first place he had in mind was a house in Apgujeong. He didn’t go out though. He just stays in the car staring at the house with this really sad expression. And then he told me to drive to another house in Bangbaedong. This time he goes out and I had to wait for 30 minutes before he came back with a luggage. He looks even more haggard this time.  After that, I drove for about 3 hours before he noticed something and asked me to stop. He gave me an envelope with a lot of money and just left. I tried calling him back but he didn’t seem to be listening so I just drove away”

 

“Did he tell you anything while he was in the car?”

 

“He didn’t speak much. I tried talking to him but I only manage to get his name”

 

She felt terrible when she realized that he was going through the same phase she has been going through all those years. What happened to him? Why did he want to kill himself? What is his story?

 

Eri begged the taxi driver to lie to Jaehwan and never mention about the fact that he was looking like he wants to die. The man agreed to cooperate and talked to Jaehwan as planned. Before he left, he wished Eri for the best.

 

“Help him as much as you can please. I don’t know why but I just feel so sad when I see him”

 

“I will and thank you so much for doing this”

 

After what happened, Hakyeon and Eri would huddle together at a corner to discuss when Jaehwan wasn’t looking.

 

“He has a house in Apgujeong? He must be rich!” Hakyeon exclaimed.

 

“We don’t know if it’s really his house. Stop making assumptions, Hakyeon”

 

“Didn’t you tell me that he gave the driver an envelope of money without even counting? There must be at least a billion in there. Why didn’t you ask him how much money there was?”

 

Eri frowned at him for his sudden interest in Jaehwan’s state of wealth. They told Jaehwan that Hakyeon will be driving them to Apgujeong on the weekend. Although he was half-reluctant in keeping the café closed, he was willing to sacrifice it for Jaehwan whom he has started to adore after spending times knowing him.

 

Hakyeon arrived and slammed his palm on the car horn nonstop. Jaehwan came out from the house with Eri cursing Hakyeon on top of her voice. It was their first ever road trip and Jaehwan has never been happier ever since he lost his memories.

 

“Why won’t you tell me what you were discussing with that ahjussi in the locker room?” asked Jaehwan.

 

Eri who was sitting in the front seat next to Hakyeon gave a signal to him for help.

 

“We needed to be sure if he’s for real. What if he’s a bad guy? We can’t just let anyone come to you without interrogating them first. You don’t even know or remember them whether they’re bad or nice” Hakyeon explained.

 

This manages to convince Jaehwan. Eri felt slightly guilty for continuously lying to Jaehwan who is naïve enough to believe anything she said but she’s doing it for his sake.

 

They had reached the address given by the taxi driver. Hakyeon was gaping at the abandoned huge house. Jaehwan seemed to recognize the house.

 

“Can you remember anything? Is this your house?” Eri asked.

 

“It looks familiar but I’m not so sure. I don’t think anyone has ever lived here for years. Look at the dusty windows and those weeds”

 

Hakyeon and Eri appear to agree with him. They went around the neighborhood and found out that the rich Lee family used to live there until they moved out 3 years ago. No one seemed to know much about the Lees. Forced to give up; they headed back to the car.

 

“What’s wrong Jaehwan?” Hakyeon asked. “You don’t look well”

 

“It’s just that, the way everyone was talking about my family – it’s like we don’t even mingle around the neighborhood. Not even one person recognizes me”

 

“Don’t let yourself get worked out about it too much. Didn’t the ahjumma from next door tell us that your family used to visit her?” Hakyeon said.

 

“Or maybe they don’t know you because you didn’t live here?” Eri suggested.

 

“You’re right. It’s possible. Maybe you and your parents don’t live together” Hakyeon responded.

 

“But why don’t we live together?”

 

Hakyeon and Eri didn’t know what else to say to make him feel better. They brought him to the park to cheer him up. While Jaehwan was getting ice-creams for them, Hakyeon cornered on Eri.

 

“Do you still think that it’s best not sending him to the hospital?”

 

“You know how I feel about going there” Eri scowled.

 

“But it’s Jaehwan we’re talking about now. He needs help from a medical expertise – a doctor -  not us! We know nothing about lost memories”

 

Eri bit her lower lip; thinking hard about the matter. She has been avoiding the hospital for years now. Hakyeon told her to not be selfish with her own condition and start worrying about other people. This makes her even more stressed up.

 

“Just let me talk to him first” Eri surrendered.

 

“Just remember what I just said to you. He’s our friend now. We need to take care of him properly”

 

Jaehwan came running at them carrying two strawberry ice-cream cones while biting a popsicle. It surprises Eri how quick Jaehwan got over things that upset him. Hakyeon was chosen to treat them for a ride in the amusement park after a never-ending argument with Eri who insisted that Hakyeon pays because he’s the eldest.

 

“I can’t believe this. You’re the same age with me and you claim I’m the eldest? Just wait when we get back to work. How dare you – how dare you – I’m only 26” Hakyeon babbled in his breath.

 

“Mother, stop muttering please” Eri teased. She poked him on the cheek and Hakyeon went running at her.

 

They had a great time together. Jaehwan was having the time of his life in the park with the two. After a few rounds of reluctant roller coaster ride, Hakyeon told them to play without him. They left him resting in a small hut and went ahead.

 

“Do you feel better now Jaehwan?” Eri asked.

 

“I think so” said Jaehwan “Thanks for doing this for me Eri”

 

“Don’t mention it”

 

“Um , can I ask you something?”

 

“Go ahead”

 

“Why do you want to help me? I mean, I’m just a stranger. Why didn’t you just let me go on my way?”

 

“Because you reminded me of someone who has been going through the same thing as you”

 

“Who is it?”

 

Eri smiled kindly. “Me”

 

“You?”

 

Eri nodded. “Can I ask you something back?”

 

“Anything”

 

“Do you consider me as your friend now?”

 

“Of course” said Jaehwan truthfully.

 

Eri was touched by it. Jaehwan is officially a part of her life together with Hakyeon. She could never have predicted this. All those years, she has been avoiding everyone who wants to know her and now Jaehwan succeeds in opening her heart.

 

Jaehwan noticed a small stall and pulled Eri to it. It was a stall selling assortment of lockets, rings, bracelets and other stuff.

 

“I want to buy one for you” Jaehwan offered.

 

“There’s no need Jaehwan. I don’t even wear necklace”

 

“I want it to be a sign of our friendship. After years in the future, you’ll just look at it and it’ll bring back memories of us together”

 

Eri pinched Jaehwan’s right cheek lovingly. “You’re such a kid”

 

The vendor was an old man who gave out the impression of kind and wise; an older father-type figure. He kept on staring at Jaehwan and Eri with curiosity. They both were welcomed with a warm smile. The old man then picked up a round locket and put it on Jaehwan’s hand.

 

The locket which was made of silver dangled on a delicate chain. There was engraving of roses and leaves intertwined on a vine concealing the word ‘fate’ around a little heart in the middle. The locket opened to reveal two tiny spaces that are used for storing a photograph or other small item.

 

“It’s pretty” Eri murmured while admiring it.

 

“I’ll take it” said Jaehwan upon seeing her reaction.

 

The old man nodded gently. He took the locket back from Jaehwan and wrapped it in a box. “You two make a beautiful couple”

 

Eri and Jaehwan’s cheeks flushed to the color of scarlet. Jaehwan’s face was especially red.

 

“No, we’re not a couple. We’re just friends” Jaehwan explained messing up his hair in embarrassment.

 

The old man smiled and said “That’s what they always say”

 

Jaehwan worked hard to avoid eye contact with Eri. The old man gave the box to Jaehwan after he paid for it.

 

Before they went away, the vendor decided to give them a gift. He took out another tiny box from his bag and opened it. Inside lie two shiny silver shillings. There was a picture of the half of an hourglass on each side of the shillings. He gave the top of the hourglass to Eri and the bottom one to Jaehwan.

 

“Here’s a pendant for each of you. The upper chamber on this one symbolizes the past and this one – “ he pointed at Jaehwan’s “ – symbolizes the future. It complements each other – neither can live without the other. It’s a special gift from me”

 

“Thank you but we can’t accept these” Eri asked.

 

“A friend of mine bought them when he went to London last year. I’ve been keeping it by my side ever since but what’s an old man can do with two shillings? I think he won’t mind it if I give it to someone else. You can put them inside the locket. I think it fits in there”

 

They thanked the old vendor and bid him goodbye before heading back to Hakyeon.

 

“You can have this. Keep it in the locket” Jaehwan gave his pendant to Eri willingly. He still hasn’t forgotten what the old man said about them being a couple but he tried hard not to make it obvious.

 

“Thanks. He’s really nice isn’t he?”

 

“He’s like a father”

 

Eri felt a sudden pain in her chest when he said the word.

 

“How’s your father like Eri?” Jaehwan asked. She wished he hadn’t.

 

“My father is a very caring man” Eri replied.

 

When she didn’t say anything else after that, Jaehwan noticed that she was behaving the same way when she was telling him about Hongbin. He tried changing the mood by keep on talking.

 

“Although I can’t remember much about the past but I can still recall how my Dad is like during my childhood. He used to pretend he’s a horse and carry me on his back all around the house. My Mom really likes his humorous side. They’re very lovable when they’re together. When it was my 18^th birthday, my Dad threw me a surprise party and gave me my first car. I still remember how happy he was when – ”

 

“Jaehwan-ah…” Eri interrupted. Her expression turned serious.

 

“What?”

 

“How much can you remember about the past?”

 

Jaehwan had just begun to realize it. “Uhm – I think it’s – I can still recall things when I was in kindergarten, primary, middle school – and high school”

 

“Just until high school?”

 

“I think so. I’m not so sure”

 

“What’s the last memory you have after high school?”

 

Jaehwan scrunched his face as though he had a major headache. “Wait, I think I  know why they don’t recognize me. You were right. I didn’t live there. When I was 13, I moved to Japan with my grandmother. I studied there until I graduated from high-school. I was still 19 when I graduated and then my grandmother told me to look for a job. My parents did live in that house in Apgujeong. They went back here when I was 16 for business purposes and would pay me a visit the whole week every month”

 

“When did you come back to Korea?”

 

“When I was 22 but I have my own house in – ”

 

“Bangbaedong” Eri continued knowingly and Jaehwan nodded.

 

“The part where I can’t remember anything starts after I went back”

 

“You mean you have no memories when you were 22 until the day I met you at the bridge?”

 

“Yes”

 

They hurried back to Hakyeon and told him everything.  Hakyeon was listening intently though he kept throwing meaningful looks at Eri.

 

“I think we need to tell him” Hakyeon started.

 

“About what?” Jaehwan asked.

 

“Hakyeon, no!”

 

“It won’t do him any good if we keep on hiding the truth Eri!”

 

 “What truth?” Jaehwan demanded.

 

“Jaehwan-ah, there’s something we purposefully didn’t tell you about the day when you first met Eri”

 

Eri surrendered and closed her eyes hoping that Hakyeon would make it quick.

 

“Eri didn’t actually save you from drowning. She saved you from a suicide attempt. You were trying to jump off the bridge and Eri saw you”

 

It was nothing but shock to Jaehwan when he learned about the truth. Eri heaved a sigh when it was out in the open. She exchanged looks with Hakyeon when Jaehwan seem unable to say anything.

 

“Are you okay?” Hakyeon asked gently.

 

Eri gripped his hand softly as though giving a message that she’s there for him.

 

“I – I don’t know what to think right now” Jaehwan confessed.

 

“I’m sorry for lying to you Jaehwan but you have to understand. I had no choice. I didn’t know what you were going to do if I told you what really happened that night” Eri apologized sadly.

 

Hakyeon placed his hand on Jaehwan’s shoulder. “I think the reason why you tried to kill yourself has a connection with your lost memories. People don’t lose three years’ worth of memories just like that you know?”

 

“I’m trying my best to remember but it won’t let me. It’s like they were deleted from my brain”

 

“Do you want to go back and continue tomorrow” Eri suggested.

 

“No. I want to keep moving on” Jaehwan said. He was determined this time. “I need to know why”

 

The three carried on with their journey to the next house in Bangbaedong. It was Jaehwan’s own house bought by his father. He remembered staying there for a few days when he returned from Japan but had no other memories after that. The last thing he remembers was a friend calling him about a party.

 

“There’s no one here” Hakyeon has been knocking on the door and window to the point of breaking them. “Jaehwan-ah, do you live with anyone else in this house?”

 

“No, it’s only me. I should have key with me but it’s gone. I don’t know where I last put it”

 

“What about that luggage you have with you?” asked Eri.

 

“There’s nothing much in it except for clothes”

 

Since they couldn’t enter the house without a key, Hakyeon suggested that they go back for now. Eri and Jaehwan agreed; it was a lost cause. There was no point in waiting anymore.

 

The days passed by and Jaehwan has been acting quite the contrary than how he should’ve behave; as how Eri and Hakyeon had expected to see. He would sing a song to a customer, dances his way to the kitchen, and even offered to give Hakyeon a back massage.

 

“No it’s okay Jaehwan. I’m fine” Hakyeon refused.

 

“But hyung, you look like you could do with a massage. You’ve worked hard enough these days. I just want to pay you back. Plus it makes me sad when I see you bringing those heavy boxes into the back store” said Jaehwan sadly.

 

“It’s not even heavy” Hakyeon muttered. He shooed Jaehwan  away after he’s done massaging him and quickly summoned Eri into his office.

 

“He needs help” Hakyeon urged her.

 

Eri pulled a chair and sit in front of Hakyeon’s desk.

 

“I know what you mean but he seems happy with the way it is now. Don’t you think –?”

 

“NO. He’s not acting normal. You know that he’s hiding his real feelings! He hasn’t been talking about his memories since we came back from Bangbaedong!”

 

“He’s pretending to be okay. Maybe he just doesn’t want to feel hurt anymore. Maybe he just –” Eri paused, giving Hakyeon a knowing look which the latter understood very well, “– wants to forget”

 

Hakyeon rested his back on the desk chair feeling tired as ever. This is repeating all over again. He has been through the same experience with Eri before and now he’s doing it again with Jaehwan. Hakyeon knows this has been changing him so much as that past incident changes Eri. But being the caring and kind Hakyeon, he just couldn’t leave Eri and Jaehwan suffering alone.

 

“I’ve noticed something when I first met Jaehwan” Hakyeon said.

 

“What is it?”

 

“He never calls you Noona”

 

“So what?”

 

Hakyeon straightened his back and looked at Eri in the eyes. “Don’t you get it already?”

 

“No?” said Eri truthfully.

 

“Never mind then. Go back to work” said Hakyeon breathing loudly as he slumped back to his chair.

 

When Eri was gone, Hakyeon recalled his past memories during high school. It was still fresh in his head. He never really thought that things will always be the same after all after graduation. Hakyeon pulled a small drawer in the desk and picked up an old photo. It was a photo of him, Eri and Hongbin together wearing their graduation outfit while beaming at the camera. A smile was etched on Hakyeon’s almost instantly. He was murmuring to the picture almost as if he’s talking directly to the person in the picture.

 

“Hongbin-ah I’m really sorry. I know I made you a promise and I’m sorry that things haven’t been going the way I know you wanted it to be. I don’t know how to fix this but I hope you’ll find us. I can’t get involved anymore. This is clearly out of my hand. But I hope that whatever you’ll do, you’ll do it for Eri’s sake.”

 

Hakyeon heaved another sigh. He put the picture back into the drawer, went outside and stared at Jaehwan miserably.

 

“I just want Eri to be happy…”

 

 

To be continued…