I spent forever choosing an outfit,  but then I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard.  I had on a skirt one of those pencil ones, tights with a pattern, and a see through white and black polka dot button down blouse tucked in, with only a bandeau on under.  I wore tall heels too, to make my legs look good.  But then I felt so embarrassed that I took it all off.  I ended up in skinnies and a white v neck.  But I curled my hair, even if everything else was simple, I always took care of my hair.  Long and black all the way to my .  I did some tight curls that would loosen just perfectly in a few hours, and put on some eyeliner and mascara, and lip gloss.  I couldn’t do more than that, or  I would feel like a clown.  I threw on some chucks and went out the door.  I had a skip in my step as I walked to the bus stop, he didn’t know I was coming. It was a surprise, he had been working so hard recently and so was I.  But I needed to see him.  I needed more than text messages and late night phone calls.  I needed to feel him, I wanted to hold his hand, feel his warm breath, and look into his eyes.  I had just gotten into Seoul last night from California, I took the first flight out of there to see him.  I was supposed to have another two more weeks in California, but I couldn’t wait any longer.  One month was already long enough. 

The sun had completely gone down by the time I got the building where he lives which was perfect, I walked down the path that led into the parking garage so no one would notice me walk in the front entrance.  I took one flight of stairs just in case before I got in the elevator to go up to the 13^th floor.  My heart was racing.  This happened every time I was going to see him.  This feeling had never gone away. I walked to his door, number 1309.  I lifted up the pot and took the key out and put in the lock and twisted open.  As quietly as I could.  I got inside and heard some noises but couldn’t tell what it was.  I closed the door behind me and walked down the hall where the sounds were coming from.  I stopped, I didn’t want to go further.  The moans started to get louder, it was a girl.  Moans, a girl, that could only mean one thing.  She got louder the closer I got.  The door was open and I looked through, I saw the back of girl, and under her I saw Jay.  He didn’t notice me yet.  I was frozen in place, I didn’t want to see,  but I couldn’t turn away.  I was like a statue.  The girl on top bent down and kissed his neck and then I was in Jay’s line of vision.  He saw me, and the world seemed to stop.  I wasn’t crying until his eyes met mine, that’s when the tears came.  His eyes went wide,  he said my name.  He looked scared, the girl noticed and turned around and saw me.  He pushed her off and shouted my name.  I turned around and started running. I got to the door and it wouldn’t budge.  I couldn’t open it, then I noticed I was pushing instead of pulling.  I heard him calling my name and getting closer, I ran down the hallway and pressed the button for the elevator.  It opened I ran in and kept on pushing it finally started closing, as soon as he came into the hallway.  He locked eyes with me while the elevator doors closed.  Goodbye Jay, was my final thought as I went down.