13 – CROSSROADS


Hyukjae’s POV

Katy Perry’s song “Last Friday Night” is really a brief, straight, yet proper description of why we need Friday. TGIF! TGIF! TGIF! Actually, I’m listening to this song with my iPod. Friday is always my favorite day because tomorrow will be Saturday and the next day will be Sunday. But today’s Friday is different actually. It feels so dismal, really grim, as I’m looking for Yoona.

Am I finally encouraged enough to confess to her?

NO!!! Sure I’m not! I just have this feelings and motivation to look for her.

I’m reading my pocket dictionary while looking for her… The Oxford English Dictionary to be exact. I always learn new vocabularies every day. Just for fun though but it’s very useful. I’m then stuck on two words. They’re “crossroads” and “junction” but I keep reading the definition of “crossroads” solely, trying to understand it more.

Ahhh… so… in life, we are such at the crossroads when we have many options and should choose one. I see… I see.

As I find Yoona nowhere in the campus buildings, I only have one place in my mind… the isolated and quiet garden where we met before.

And so, I walk to the said garden.

Bingo! She’s there, sitting on the same bench and… hmmm… I guess she is reading a book judging by her gesture. I turned off my iPod then put it in my bag together with my dictionary.

It’s damn strange. I have this sudden discouragement when I’m getting closer. Really, all of my confidence is gone. I don’t know that I’m too weak to even start a conversation with her. Regardless that fact, I still manage to stand behind her now and she’s still unaware of my presence.

“Yoona-yah…”

I think she’s a bit surprised as she turns her head to find me behind her.

“Ah oppa… omo… you just scared me!”

“I’m so-sorry. I didn’t m-mean t-to s-scare y-you. May I s-sit h-here?” I ask her.

“Sure. It’s public bench anywise.” Yoona says to me, nodding her head, and she moves her position from the middle part of the bench to the left side, letting me sitting on the right edge of the bench.

We left the middle part emptied again. Strangely enough, it’s really the same position when we talked the other day. It’s happening again and I find it funny.

“H-here… it’s f-for you.”

I offer her the strawberry milk that I had bought before. Ok, I must admit, I intentionally bought it for her today. I bought an extra so I can give one to her, knowing that she likes it as well.

“Really? For me? Thanks oppa.” She replies me nicely and with a bright smile but something is strange. It feels like actually she doesn’t want to take it. I don’t know, I think she’s feeling guilty to take that strawberry milk.

And here I go again, aishhhh. Why am I this transparent? Why can’t I hide my burning face? Just hearing her calling me oppa, my face immediately turns to red. Gosh!

“Hyukjae-oppa…” She whispers again. “Neh?” I reply.

“Do you know why I like this strawberry milk?” She asks me, quite weird question I think, hmmm, why is she asking me this? Isn’t it obvious that I don’t know why?!

“N-no, I t-think I don’t kno-know.” I respond honestly, taking a peek at her face. She is just staring at the strawberry milk.

“Then… maybe do you remember the first time we met?” She asks me again, turning her head to face me. She looks really curious and I think she hopes to hear a yes.

“Yes, I d-do remember of-of c-course.” I reply honestly again. I just dreamt about it, about our very first meeting so how can I don’t remember. I hope she likes my answer.

“I-it was the t-time w-when y-you were a f-freshman right? Y-you were l-lost that t-time and y-you a-as-asked me for help right?” I try to face her now and our eyes meet. I don’t want to make mistake this time.

She is smiling. Ah God… thanks! I think she’s smiling because she gets the answer that she wants to hear.

“Ahh… neh… you are right. I was lost that time and you were drinking this milk.” She keeps smiling but then she moves her eyes from mine and she stares again at the strawberry milk that she holds with her right hand. Slowly, her smile is fading. She looks sad again… like my answer doesn’t satisfy her. But hell why? I think I was right though so why does she look sad again?! Am I wrong then? Isn’t that our first meeting?! But I don’t dare myself to bother her any further.

“Thanks once again oppa.” She says with a very low tone voice.

“You a-are w-welcome. It’s g-great to see you s-smile a-again. T-these p-past f-few days, you looked s-so s-sad.” STUPID!!! Aishhhh! I think I just made my own grave by saying that. Why are you bringing this topic Lee Hyukjae?!

“Ehhh? What do you mean oppa?” Yoona asks me and God… I don’t know how to respond. Of course I’m talking about how she looks sad and gloomy these few past days and how I miss her beautiful smile. However, I already knew the reason and that was what Donghae told me last night.

It must be hard for her so why am I bringing this topic. I should pretend like I don’t know anything.

“Ahhh… n-nothing, f-forget it, kekeke. By t-the w-way, what a-are you re-reading?” I quickly change the topic.

Thankfully, she follows the direction as she explains about the book that she’s reading.

“This one? This is a compilation of tales actually. Some light reading.” She answers me, showing off the book’s cover.

“I-I see… i-is there s-something g-great t-there?” I ask her again with my stuttering voice as usual.

“Neh… actually there’s one that has become my favorite tale. Would you like me to read it for you oppa?” She is happily asking with her ever gorgeous smile.

I know I compliment her too much but I think I’m just being honest.

“S-sure.” It will be very stupid to reject the offer right?! I’m so happy to death but I actually blush more than excited now.

“Ok then, let’s start.” She states, putting the strawberry milk on her right side and she begins the story-telling. She opens the page one by one until she reaches the one that she’ll read for me… yeah, only for me! I almost chuckle to think about that.

.:THE LOVE AND THE TIME:.

Once upon a time, in a nowhere island, Love, Sorrow, Wealth, Joy, and many others lived together in peace and harmonious life. However, one day, a fearful storm swept away this small island. The island was slowly drowned by the sea.

All of the residents hastily contrived to save themselves. Love was extremely scared and confused. She didn’t know how to swim and didn’t have a boat. Hence, Love was desperately looking for someone to help her.

Love stood up by the foreshore, trying to find a rescue. Meanwhile, the water level was getting higher and higher, causing her foot to be wet.

Not so long afterwards, Love saw Wealth paddling his own boat.

“Wealth! Wealth! Help me!” Love yelled, asking for the help from Wealth.

“Ouch! I’m so sorry, Love!” Wealth said to Love. “My boat is already full and crowded with my properties and treasures. I’m afraid I can’t take you with me because my boat will be sunken. Besides, as you can see, there’s no more space for you here in my boat.”

Then, Wealth hurriedly continued to paddle his boat and went to save his life.

Love was so sad and hopeless, but subsequently she saw Joy passing by in front of her with his boat.

“Hey, Joy! Help me please!” Love shouted again. Sadly, Joy was overjoyed by the fact of finding his own boat and saving himself that he couldn’t hear the screaming Love.

The water was higher than ever now, reaching Love’s waist. She was more panic and hopeless right now.

She felt like giving up already when Beauty appeared.

“Beauty! Take me along with you, please…” Love was begging but what she got is another rejection and disappointment.

“Oops, sorry, you are wet and dirty now, Love. I can’t let you get in my boat. You’ll just pollute my beautiful boat if I do so.” Beauty responded and Love was feeling so miserable and dejected to hear that.

Love started to cry. She was sobbing when Sorrow gave her some hope by emerging in front of her eyes.

“Oh dear, Sorrow, I’ve been looking for someone to help me so please… take me with yo-” Love couldn’t even finish her sentence when Sorrow had already replied to her.

“Love, I am terribly sorry. Right now, I’m too sorrowful and so badly depressed that I want to be alone. I hope you can understand.” Sorrow apologized and he kept paddling his boat, leaving the lonely Love.

Love was abandoned. She was downhearted. The water was getting closer to touch her neck and head.

At such critical moment, Love could hear a voice.

“Love! Come here, get in my boat right now!”

Love looked toward the source of that voice and she found an elder in his boat. Love got in to the boat as soon as possible and the elder helped her right before the water drowned her. When the storm finally disappeared, the elder eventually dropped Love off the closest island. After that, the elder went again with his boat. He was suddenly gone from the sight.

At that moment, Love just realized that she completely didn’t know who the elder was. It was a pity that she didn’t even know who her savior was. The curiosity moved her. She quickly ran to the neighborhood in the so-called new island and asked the people there. She found this another particular elder and she asked him about the elder that just saved her life.

“Ahhh… you mean the elder just right now? The one who just saved you?” The elder said and Love nodded.

“He is Time.” The elder made his answer.

“Time?” Love wanted to make sure and the elder nodded. “But… why did he save me? I didn’t even know him. We never even met before this. My old friends, on the contrary, were very unwilling and reluctant to help me.” Love questioned the other elder again in amazement.

“That’s because…” The elder said.

“Only the Time who knows how precious and valuable the Love is… Only the Time who can cure the sick of Love… only the Time who won’t ever betray the Love… and it’s only the Time who can protect and witness the everlasting Love.”

- THE END -

“H-hmmmm…” I mumble confusedly. Yes, I am indeed confused a little. I don’t really get the point of the story. I mean, what’s the exact message of this tale?

Writer’s POV

On the other hand, Donghae has been looking for Hyukjae but he can’t find him anywhere in the campus. He can’t reach out his bestfriend’s cell phone.

He almost gives up when a classmate tells Donghae that he saw Hyukjae walking alone before. This classmate shows the direction and soon Donghae finds himself going to that direction.

Back to Yoona and Hyukjae.

“W-what does actually t-that s-story i–imply?” Hyukjae asks Yoona, hoping that the girl will satisfy his curiosity.

“I don’t understand as well oppa. I don’t get that last part too.” Yoona answers Hyukjae. Both now are in clueless state.

“So, why d-do you like t-this s-story t-then?” Hyukjae is asking persistently. He is so eager to know.

“Hmmm, I’m not sure either, maybe because…” Yoona stops there and she seems like she can’t continue her own words. She actually looks like crying. She makes herself in trouble actually as she can’t hold the tears anymore.

To make it simple, if you keep filling a bottle with water then the water will eventually spring out right? Well this is what happened to Yoona, she is holding her tears too much, she's holding her tears even before Hyukjae came to this garden, she has been holding her tears even from the time she woke up this morning, she really has been holding the tears that her eyes can’t accommodate them anymore.

Hyukjae is confused now. The rumble inside his heart is flaring up again. The madness and curiosity in his brain are stirred up again. Yes he’s mad for being useless. He’s mad for being helpless now as he can only stare at the girl without doing anything. He really blames himself even though he knows that this isn’t his fault.

In the end, he finally explodes. Seems like the bottle is already full and it can’t accommodate more water anymore and this analogy goes well with Hyukaje’s situation too. Hyukjae is really flaming.

“W-WHY ARE YOU SUDDENLY CRYING?!!! W-WHY Y-YOONA-YAH?! IS IT BECAUSE OF D-DONGHAE AGAIN??? CAN’T… CAN’T YOU FOR-FORGET HIM ALREADY?! AISHHHH! DON’T… DON’T YOU KNOW THAT IT’S FRUSTRATING A-AND HURTING TO SEE YOU C-CRYING!”

He keeps staring at Yoona and the girl is far beyond surprised when she hears that. Yoona can’t believe what she just heard and she can only stares back at Hyukjae. 

Hyukjae can see Yoona’s eyes, filled with more tears now.

“I k-know e-everthing Y-Yoona-yah, I know e-everything n-now. I’ve h-heard from Ha-Hae about your f-fake relationship. That’s w-why, i-if you n-need someone t-to talk t-to… I’m h-here, I’m n-not g-going anyw-where. Don’t burden y-yourself like that.”

Hyukjae speaks again with more calmness but Yoona keeps crying.

“Then why are you acting like you care oppa?! If you have known about who I really am, don’t you think I don’t deserve any mercy? I’m a liar and I can’t deny it. I’m a fake… Yoona that you know is a fake. Yoona that you know is only a mask to a miserable one. The real me is screwed!!!” Yoona rebels back in between her sobbing. She really tries to sound tough and convincing.

“It’s o-ok…” Hyukjae simply replies, still his eyes look through Yoona’s eyes.

“Ehh?” Yoona confusedly mumbles.

“Everyone… in this world is lying. So it is ok to lie Yoona-yah, because everyone must have lied…”

For the very first time, Yoona can hear Hyukjae speaks smoothly from the very beginning to the end of his sentence. He is not trembling while saying that sentence.

However, this time, Yoona can also feel this kind of tragic and heartsick atmosphere between Hyukjae’s words. It feels like the older is wretched as well. And in case Hyukjae tries to hold his tears, he succeeds thus far.

As if it is fate or whatever you call it, rain starts falling. Both know that but no one moves. It’s like a rendition of their last meeting here when rain starts pouring down on this peaceful earth. That scene repeats again in their minds but still, no one moves. Their tears are disguised with the rain on their face. Between this noisy raining, Yoona breaks the silence.

“If everyone is lying… then tell me oppa, whom should I believe?!”

Hyukjae is really struck by that question. Yes, he never thinks that it’s really hard to answer that question. It’s really hurting him that he can’t give a convenient answer to Yoona.

“You asked me why do I like the tale before, didn’t you? Well, now I think about it… I guess I know the answer… because the tale teaches us that it’s hard to find someone who we can trust. I like that tale because it shows just how cruel the reality is. Even our friends can easily betray us. So oppa… please tell me, should I believe you if you are a liar too?!”

Hyukjae gets really annoyed now. He wants to say that Yoona can believe him but then he realizes that he is indeed only a liar too. Same as everyone.

Both are crying now, Hyukjae gives in to his tears so both are crying in the middle of the rain that is getting heavier. They can only stare at each other’s messy face.

Hyukjae makes his move, he lifts his right hand. He caresses Yoona’s face. He sure doesn’t know which are tears and which are the water from the rain but he just slowly caresses Yoona’s face.

“I-I’m so-sorry…”

Apologize is the only thing he can express.

“Why…? Why do you always say sorry to me? Why you can only say sorry oppa? Why sorry?”

“I’m s-sorry…”

There he goes apologizing again. Yoona was right though, ever since they got closer to each other and have some interactions, Hyukjae always apologizes for everything. For coming late to their first meeting at this garden, for only making the conclusion part of their first assignment, for asking her a question about Donghae when they were in the library before, and even for scaring her just right now, Hyukjae always says sorry and it’s really getting into her nerves now.

“I-I-I’m really sorry… don’t kn-know w-why, I j-just w-want to… to a-apologize…”

“But I want to believe you oppa… I really want to believe that you are someone I can trust… so why don’t you say I can trust you?! Why are you always apologizing instead? Why do you always seem so far?”

Yoona says, still she is bathing her face with her tears and the same thing goes to Hyukjae. Crying seems like a normal thing right now for these two.

“Sorry…”

Like he doesn’t care anymore, Hyukjae can only say that annoying words again to Yoona’s ears. He has his reason and he thinks that everyone will understand if they know his reason. He knows that he is not the one Yoona can trust, there’s a secret that can’t never be revealed. He has his own secret that really prevents him from being the right guy for Yoona. He is too much in pain, crying out loud inside his heart, battling himself to stay in logical thinking and logic says that he is a liar.

Likewise, Yoona acts like she doesn’t care anymore as she puts away the book she is holding and then move her face towards Hyukjae’s.

“Please… I want to believe you oppa.”

Their faces are getting closer. Yoona caresses Hyukjae’s face this time. Their faces are only inches apart now.

“I really want to hear you say that I can believe you.” Yoona whispers.

Yoona closes her eyes as she keeps moving forward.

“Don’t you think I’m the one who should apologize?”

That’s the last thing Yoona says as she lightly kisses Hyukjae. It’s only a simple kiss. They stay kissing with rain falling on them. The time when Yoona touches Hyukjae’s lips with hers, Yoona knows that she is frankly playing with fire. Her heartbeat is beating at the fastest rate.

As for Hyukjae, he is shocked indeed. He can’t even close his eyes. Is it a dream? If it’s a dream then he doesn’t know whether he should wake up or not. He truly enjoys the sudden kiss… well, it’s only a touch between their lips but he swears he can’t be happier. He feels like in heaven. He really wants to confess… he really wants to kiss back but then the other part of him against this idea.

This other part tells him to break the kiss as soon as possible before something worse happens. So he really has no idea whether to wake up or not. He likes the dream but it feels like a forbidden dream.

“So, is this what it’s like to be at the crossroads? Which one should I choose? Which road…?” Hyukjae asks himself when he notices another figure’s presence since he doesn’t close his eyes in front of him.

Donghae shows up and he is wet as he gets the rain falling all over his body as well.

“What’s this?”

Donghae speaks loud enough and that definitely surprises Yoona who quickly breaks the 3 seconds kiss and then turns her head to face her back side.

Yoona is really playing with fire and this fire is burning her life. And not forget to mention that the fire is absolutely burning Donghae’s life and Hyukjae’s life too.

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A/N
This chapter only has YoonHyuk. Aahhh... I spend almost... hmmm... 5 hours to write this chapter. I hope you like it and please let me know what you think by dropping some comments ok?!