Xiumin used to be a baozi. Now, not so much anymore.

                The eldest EXO member was known for his chubby cute cheeks, but due to his intense diet regimen, he lost his cheek fat. And it wasn’t just his cheek fat. He lost his stomach, thigh, arm fat...as a matter of fact; he lost so much weight, he weighed less than most of the EXO members.

                At first, Xiumin used EXO’s comeback concept for Wolf as an excuse to diet, saying he needed to lose weight to fit the manly and tough concept, but who does he think he’s kidding? Everybody in EXO knows the real truth.

Flashback:

                EXO gathered in their living room, chatting excitedly about how well their debut single Mama was selling and the many gig offers they received. It had only been 5 months after their debut, but they are receiving so much love and support it’s almost hard to believe.

                “Look at all these hilarious things the fans write on the web!” Tao said, pointing to his laptop screen and everyone gathered to take a look. They are always really excited to find out what their fans are thinking.

                “Luhan looks so cute in this video” Luhan read one of the comments. “Hey! I’m not cute! I’m manly!”

                “Aw, will it make you feel better if I say you are both?” Sehun cooed, kissing his boyfriend’s cheek.

                “Kris and Chanyeol’s voices just blew my ovaries. Hell yeah! That’s what I’m talking about!” Chanyeol high-fived his rapping partner Kris.

                “Oh, look at this one! Baekhyun and Chen’s high notes give me goosebumps!” Chen read.

                “Kai, let me have your babies please! Wow,” Kai caught himself off-guard, reading one of the comments. “Uhm...I’m too young to be a dad...”

                “Don’t fret, she doesn’t mean it.” Kyungsoo patted the youngster on the back.

                “Check this one out! I think EXO is a group with a lot of potential. They have great singers, great dancers however they could lose the fat kid...” Tao read halfway and slammed his laptop shut. He didn’t want anyone else to read the next line.

                “Woah, what did you do that for?”Suho stopped Tao from getting up.

                “Yeah, let us see the next line.”

                “Um, that’s really not necessary. I mean, it’s not important...”

                “Come on, I wanna see it.” Xiumin told the younger one. Tao shook his head. “You don’t wanna see it. Trust me.”

                “Come on.” Xiumin pleaded. Tao took a deep breath and opened it again. Xiumin took one look and instantly regretted it.

                “...however they could lose the chubby fat kid in the background?!!” Suho read in a mix of horror and anger. “What kind of fan is this?! How dare they write such things in public?!”

                “Yeah, who is this demented person?” Sehun asked. Everyone turned to look at Xiumin, who was just sitting quietly on the couch.

                “Is it true?” he asked.

                “Is what true?” Baekhyun asked.

                “Am I really the chubby fat one? Is that what everyone thinks of me?”

                “Oh no!!” All of EXO started shaking their heads and denying it. Luhan got up to sit next to his best friend and comforted him. “You are handsome, Minnie. You are not fat.”

                “Have the fans been saying things like this behind my back?”

                “No, no they haven’t.” But Xiumin wasn’t born yesterday. He looked at the Chinese maknae, Tao. Tao could never lie, he was horrible at it. Tao refused to look at his hyung and bit his lip. Xiumin knew he was lying.

                “I got it. Thanks guys.” Xiumin got up and went into his room. He curled up in his bed and fell asleep. Or so he pretended to. That night, no one heard his soft cries for help.

                Xiumin was the eldest of the group, and he pretty much took on it as his responsibility to look after his younger brothers. Kris and Suho handled the group in different ways and because they were the leaders, they handled work outside of EXO, but within them, Xiumin played a great role. Everyone listened to him and Xiumin can be hard-headed at times. The only dongsaeng to really get through to him was Chen, or Jongdae as he is often called. Jongdae was more than a brother, he was Xiumin’s lover. As Xiumin continued his drastic weight loss, the other members tried telling him to stop. Xiumin would just nod his head and not say anything. Jongdae didn’t say anything either. He kept it all in.

                Like a bomb, waiting to explode. His fuse was short-lived.

                One night, as all the other EXO members gathered to watch some TV, Kyungsoo was busy cooking up supper for the maknaes, who were always hungry. He fixed Xiumin a plate too. Xiumin hardly ate all day. His breakfast was 2 bananas and a glass of milk, he had a bowl of rice and some kimchi for lunch and another bowl of rice and a measly kimchi jigae for dinner while everyone else was busy digging into samgyupsal and all sorts of other dishes.

                Xiumin dug at his plate of spaghetti, wondering and pausing at every bite. Jongdae sat next to him, watching his lover eat. Or not eat, in this case.

                “One more bite.” Jongdae said, taking the fork to curl up the spaghetti for Xiumin. Xiumin shook his head and pushed the fork away. Jongdae sighed. “Why don’t you eat hyung?”

                “I’m on a diet.”

                “For a whole year? No one diets for a whole year.”

                “Yes they do, it’s a lifelong thing.”

                “Xiumin, please,” Jongdae put the fork down and faced him. “You have to stop this. You’re losing so much weight, it’s scary. You’re nothing but skin and bones now. You weigh less than me or Luhan, and we’re considered skinny!” Jongdae’s voice was getting higher and higher. “Please stop.”

                “I...I can’t...”

                “Why? Why not?!” Jongdae rose his voce loudly this time, and all of EXO whipped their heads to look at him. “You have to be healthy hyung! Don’t you realize, you could kill yourself with this! Please hyung...I beg you.”

                “You don’t understand!” Xiumin pushed Jongdae back, and the M vocalist stared at him with a heartbroken expression. “You don’t need to lose weight so you don’t know how it feels! Why don’t you just leave me alone?”

                “Leave you alone?! Are you nuts?! With the rate this is going, how can I leave you alone?” Jongdae hardly gets upset. He’s the next happy virus after Chanyeol. For him to get mad, it must be serious. “Hyung! I’m just trying to help you. Please don’t push me away. I need you...”

                “No you don’t,” Xiumin said through clenched teeth. “You don’t need me. EXO doesn’t need me.” And with that said, he ran out of the dorm and slammed the dorm door on his way out.

                Jongdae stared at the door. His heart just shattered into a million pieces. How could Xiumin say that? How could he tell him to leave him alone and even begin to insinuate that Jongdae doesn’t need him? Does Xiumin really only value their love that much? Does Jongdae mean that little to him?

                “I’m going after him.” Jongdae grabbed his hat and ran out the door. Tao wanted to follow but Kris stopped him.

                “Let Jongdae go.”

                “But Kris...”

                “It’s fine. If anyone can get through to Xiumin, it’s Jongdae.”

                Jongdae ran up towards the roof. He knew that Xiumin liked to go up there because it’s cool and windy and he could bet all his money Xiumin would be up there. And he was right.

                “Xiumin...”

                “Go away Jongdae...” the eldest boy cried. Xiumin hardly cried, he believed it did no good and it only showed his weakness. Xiumin could never be weak. He had to be strong. But on that night, on a rooftop in Seoul, with his lover looking at him, he cried.

                “I’m not going anywhere.” Jongdae resisted. “Hyung, you don’t understand. You are beautiful and handsome the way you are. I don’t understand why you had to change. I know you want to lose weight, but a little is fine, too much is a danger.”

                “Jong...dae...”

                “You can seriously hurt yourself. What are we gonna do if anything happens to you? What if you end up in hospital? You can’t sing, you can’t dance, you can’t live out your dreams, EXO will be short of one and we have always been a 12 member group and what about me? Did you ever stop to think that every time you hurt yourself, you’re hurting me too?”

                “But...my weight...”

                “You are fine, Xiumin. As a matter of fact, you are more than fine. You are perfect.”

                “P...” Xiumin stuttered. Perfect? No one has ever said that to him before. It’s such a foreign word to him.

                “Yes, perfect. You dance better than most of us, you can hit notes higher than me, and you are slim, handsome and just absolutely perfect for me.” Jongdae accentuated, bringing his arms around his elder lover.

                “Me...?”

                “Yes, you, Kim Minseok.” Jongdae kissed his lover’s forehead. “I love you so much, whether you are fat or thin, tall or short, blind or deaf. Just please,” Jongdae tried again “Please don’t hurt yourself. Every time you do this, you cut my heart up.”

                “Jongdae...” Xiumin sputtered, feeling more tears forming in his eyes. “I...I love you too...” he leaned into Jongdae’s embrace and he cried. He cried for the first time in years, and only for his lover to see.

                That night, Xiumin stayed in Jongdae’s arms, right there on the rooftop on a cold summer night. He held Jongdae’s hands as Jongdae rocked him back and forth, humming a soft song. Xiumin looked at their hands in comparison. Xiumin’s hands did look a little skinny, but for the meantime, he didn’t want to think about that. He felt absolutely wonderful in Jongdae’s arms, where he was safe and protected from the world.

                In fact, he felt absolutely perfect.

A/N: I've been having all these feels lately because of Xiumin's weight loss, and honestly the boy looked perfectly fine to me back during MAMA! And then, on Sukira, Chen said that Xiumin weighed less than him and how he hardly ate in order to diet...oh my heart is breaking...XIUMINNIE OPPA PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!! TT

But I know what it feels like to be insecure about weight. I am too, I'm a little short and somewhat chubbier than my friends so I totally know how he feels. All the things that Jongdae says in this story are the things I hope someone later in the future can say to me, or better yet, say to Xiumin for real.

Because he is perfect, don't you think? ^^

Leave comments and tell me what you think of the story so far!!

TT