eight ;

Hyukjae distractedly rubbed his hands together and tried to get a bit warmer, halfheartedly bouncing up and down on his feet, despite fully knowing that it was a lost cause.

Indeed, the whole town was thickly covered in a blanket of pure white, making it look like an unsullied heaven shaped only with winter. Snow heavily fell onto the streets, clumps of wet flakes idly drifting down, while the air was moist and the sidewalk mushy underfoot. Footsteps and paw prints clumsily crisscrossed each other around the labyrinth of paths, only imperfection that broke the wide expanse of powdery beauty.

But cold was also there, like a vicious reminder that every rose had its thorn, gnawing at his insides like a hungry rat. It sneakily crept under his thick clothes and seemed to bite at his face, spreading across his skin like lacy tides on a frigid winter beach, no matter how tight he tried to wrap his coat around him. A bitter wind harshly blasted around him and poked him such as thousands of icy needles, easily draping around him like a shawl woven from snow itself. Constant harsh blows painfully cut through his skin, like rime diggers, and they moaned in what appeared to be the pleasure that was his own pain.

Coldness chilled the tip of his fingers into clumsy numbness and spread throughout his shivering body without the slightest qualm. It forcefully seeped in his shoes, until it felt as if it were only his bare feet on the pristine icy whiteness rather than his sneakers. Even his lips were quickly turning into a slight bluish hue in spite of his poor attempts at hiding his face in his scarf, while his teeth loudly chattered like a pneumatic drill. He could feel his muscles beginning to ache and grinding together like the cogs of an old, capricious machine, prompting him to squirm uncomfortably.

It almost felt as if cold had managed to cloud his whole mind with an icy fog and had made its way to his bones, stubbornly clinging around them like wet concrete. Time soon became a notion he started to lose as he continued to wait outside, in front of his university – had he been out there for minutes, or hours? Hyukjae didn’t know. But as much as he was sure to catch a cold if he didn’t hurry up in somewhere warm, his thoughts were unable to focus on the piercing pain the cold inflicted to his limbs, even if it felt as if it was burning.

All his concentration had been stolen by quick, but frighteningly clear images of Donghae and himself tightly entangled under the blankets of his bed. They kept flashing in front of his eyes such as remnants of an intense memory he couldn’t figure out whether had truly happened or not. A whirlwind of confused thoughts unceasingly stormed in his head, too loud and unending, fuelled by all the contradictory emotions he had been feeling ever since he woke up with the raven-haired boy in his arms. The tip of his shoe awkwardly digging a small hole in the thick layer of snow, Hyukjae flushed when he remembered what had happened in his bed earlier that day.

He could almost still feel the hard sensation of Donghae’s arousal languidly sliding across his groin, rough and so odd, but also soft and wonderful. The blue-eyed boy had slowly started to rub himself against him through his borrowed sweatpants, a bit tentatively and a bit too boldly, like an impatient predator gauging its prey – until the need to get what he wanted became too strong. Even the warmth he had securely enveloped the student with that morning seemed to be still there, a strangely pleasant weight pressing over his body as he stood in the cold and the snow. But also the musky, spicy scent of his dark hair when they had tickled the side of his face subtly lingered around him, prompting an unconscious sigh to flow out of his frozen lips.

It was almost too easy to recall all the small details that still made his heart pound faster in his chest, such as the feeling of his callused fingers sneaking under the hem of his shirt and gripping hard on his hips, out of what he supposed to have been pleasure but maybe possessiveness, too. There had also been the low, breathy grunts softly released next to his ear, and the wet pair of lips that sometimes brushed along his collarbone, as soft as a feather, and just enough so he could wonder whether they were ever there.

Hyukjae found the memory disturbing, of course, but also oddly arousing; it sent an overwhelming and most probably inappropriate warmth crawling up his spine, until he was flushing in embarrassment at his own reaction. His eyes distractedly fixed on a tiny bunny trying to take refuge under a bushy shrub, he quietly wondered if it was okay to feel this way for the raven-haired boy – out of all people.

First of all, he thought uncertainly while warily glancing around the hardly crowded entrance of his university, Donghae was a man. Someone of the same as he – someone most people would think it would be wrong to feel more than simple friendship for, someone he wasn’t supposed to simmer growing feelings and affection for, and someone, a voice oddly sounding like his father’s sternly mumbled in his head, that would make him too different.

Hyukjae couldn’t be sure whether he cared or not – but although he never truly paid attention to his uality, he had always assumed himself to be straight. Besides, it was hard to think of any other possibilities when living in such a small town, where everybody knew each other and were still too narrow-minded to understand what it truly meant. The mere thought of their reaction was scary and prompted a worried frown to crease his forehead.

The student didn’t know where he stood at all, whether it would be about the blue-eyed boy or his own uality. But he knew, deep down, that whatever had happened – what might have happened – that morning didn’t shock him the way it should have. Or maybe he simply couldn’t be neatly categorized as just something either, he mused hopefully. Maybe he just loved people for who they were, he quickly offered to appease his growing panic, and didn’t mind of their gender whatsoever.

Once again, Hyukjae didn’t know the answers of his questions, although he truthfully wasn’t eager to figure them out.

But one thing he was completely sure of was the fact that it had been Donghae, and not some nameless boy he could have met at the university or at the nearest convenience store. No, it wasn’t – and that made the whole situation seem much more important than it originally was.

The student had never stopped being fascinated of his blue-eyed wolf ever since he first saw him on the deck of his house, when everything was still easy and innocent. Even he couldn’t fully understand how he was still so entranced, almost obsessed with the thought of the wolf being there, somewhere close to his house and to his own life, despite so many years growing and losing all his naïve dreams one by one. In contrary of what many would have thought, his amazement only intensified with time, until the lupine animal became one of the only anchors he trustily held on in life. The beautiful wolf had always felt like his best friend, no matter what others could say; he was someone he could confide in just with a simple lock of the eyes, even if he kept standing behind the shadows of the woods.

It was the reason why Donghae was such a mystery in himself – beautiful, imposing and utterly fascinating. He was an enigma he was dying to figure out, but also a miracle the student had always wished to happen, gorgeous perfection finally in reach.

Hyukjae knew better than anyone how unhealthy his boundless admiration for the raven-haired boy – his wolf – was. All the right emotions he was supposed to feel were crushed by utmost awe – confusion, agitation, mistrust and fear couldn’t be anymore. Only curiosity, affection and fondness prevailed in his world, no matter how wrong it was.

Yet, despite the danger this situation could ensue, he easily ignored the worrying imperfections he already caught a glimpse of and focused on what he thought to be important – his blue-eyed wolf had always been perfect in his mind, so surely Donghae was as well.

And maybe, he wryly scolded himself while blowing hot hair on his hands, maybe he should stop overthinking it. He truthfully wouldn’t be surprised if it actually didn’t mean anything for the raven-haired boy. For all he knew, he might as well be convincing himself of something that might have never happened.

Moodily huffing under his breath, the student forced himself to stop thinking about such matters, fully knowing that it only made things more complicated than they already were – he wasn’t gay, at least not yet, and Donghae was just Donghae, and that was that.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Satisfied with his own conclusion, however lacking it might be, the student felt a long shiver crawl up his spine as he mournfully glared in a dark bench’s direction. Snow had piled up so much on it that it was hard to make it out. He wasn’t feeling valiant or adventurous enough to get his behind wet, but his legs were getting painfully numb because of the piercing cold. Sitting down for a while suddenly sounded like an appealing idea. Just as he contemplated running back inside the library however, the roaring of his mother’s old car finally reached his reddened ears. Hopefully looking up, he thankfully noticed Donghae driving over, blue orbs hypnotizing and beautiful even when hidden behind the windshield. The student immediately scrunched his nose up at the thought. Shut up, brain.

As soon as the vehicle stopped in front of him, noisy and inviting, he hurriedly ran over and opened the door with a strong blast of wintry wind. Shivering from head to toe, he chucked his backpack on the carpet, stubbornly ignoring his classmates’ questioning looks standing inside the university, then glanced up at the raven-haired boy.

The dark, irritated look of anger he was met with made him pause in mild surprise, prompting him to tilt his head to the side despite the cold still blowing hard against his back. Donghae hissed throatily when an uncomfortably shudder took him however, and petulantly glowered in his direction, effectively breaking a tiny bit of his furious aura. An amused grin pulling at his lips, Hyukjae tentatively stepped in, until warmth finally decided him to hurry up. He flopped down on the passenger seat without further hesitation and sighed contently as soon as he was comfortably settled, quickly untying his thick scarf and noting with a displeased look that it had gotten wet from snow on the edges.

Tilting his head to the side, he caught Donghae’s intense stare fixed on him. His eyes were dark and his pupils largely dilated, while his nostrils flared and deeply inhaled, as if he hadn’t breathe fresh air for weeks. The student questioningly raised his eyebrows at him, noting the way the other was gradually relaxing next to him, but didn’t comment and warmly smiled at him instead. Donghae looked put out for a second and frowned, then petulantly grumbled before finally starting the old car.

They drove in silence for a short moment, upon which Hyukjae fiercely willed himself to relax, at least until he would feel comfortable enough to speak up. Awkwardness was still thick around him, prompted by the messy thoughts he was valiantly pushing to the very back of his mind. Tense atmospheres had unfortunately never been something he was good to deal with, and the urge to break the maddening silence made him twitch uneasily on his seat.

“How was your day?” he quietly asked, finally, when he felt on the verge of imploding. He glanced at the clock on the headboard and added with a short chuckle, “Well, the two hours of your afternoon, anyway?”

Donghae didn’t bother replying and only gave out a noncommittal grunt, not even caring to take his eyes off the snowy road. Hyukjae figured it was probably for the best, considering how dangerous the streets were at this time of the year.

“Tough,” he still grinned amusedly, then neatly folded his scarf on his lap. “Mine were boring, if you wondered. The library was a bit crowded when I came in, it was so noisy. The kids at the uni can be so annoying sometimes…” Scrunching his nose up, he shook his head in exasperation. “Anyways, I fetched some books I need for that test I told you about earlier. It’s history, by the way – which reminds me I still need to study for it…” He frowned a bit dejectedly, but quickly brightened up again. It was strangely easy to forget about his concerns when his incessant babbling only met Donghae’s grumpy mood, which was cutely amusing. “Also, a friend told me I have an oral essay to prepare for next week. Something about philosophy and literature, I think?”

A curious yet reluctant glance was sent in his direction. “What’s it about?” Donghae finally uttered, trying to sound cool and failing.

Hyukjae shifted around on his seat to throw him a wide-eyed look of mock-shock. “Look at that, it talks!” He laughed wholeheartedly when the raven-haired boy gave him a hard glare. “I don’t know, probably something about… books? Authors? I’m not really into literature, or philosophy, so I wouldn’t know.”

“Why? It’s great, though,” Donghae frowned and carefully took a right turn at the first street of his neighborhood. “It allows you to get into whole new worlds only shaped with small words, where everything is different. And it only depends on your perspective to decide if it’s better or worse than reality. Literature and philosophy can offer you new ways of thinking and concepts you wouldn’t have been able of coming up on your own, and help your to forge your own opinion.”

Giving him a surprised but pleased look, Hyukjae laughed lightly and teasingly grinned at him. “Now you sound exactly like my mother,” he said seriously, before snorting. “Though Mom probably wouldn’t make that much sense.” He shrugged, then comfortably leaned back in his seat. “But it’s something very philosophical, I assure you. You know; Kant, Plato, Feud…”

Donghae dubiously rolled his eyes and contemptuously sniffed at him. “It’s Freud, you dimwit.”

“Right,” Hyukjae shrugged helplessly, slightly flushed. “Well I still have one week to prepare myself, don’t I? Can’t wait!”

This time, Donghae openly snorted at him, his tone derisive and slightly mocking as he focused his attention back on the road, although he didn’t seem to think it would be worth it to retort anything. Grinning triumphantly at his resigned silence, Hyukjae quietly enjoyed the victory of their silly banter and glanced in his direction, his eyes curiously tracing his flawless, slightly frowning features.

Another smile slowly graced his lips when he serenely realized that he didn’t need to be gay to enjoy his company and perfection.

*

Comfortably leaned back into the driver seat, Donghae slowly breathed out and reveled in the last hints of strawberry and spices that lightly lingered in the small car. He let out a small sigh, almost purring contently as the heater dutifully blew hot air over his face and nicely enhanced the woody fragrance around him. It rose and idly dissipated in the air, somehow reminding him of warm sunshine on a spring day, meanwhile the sky would be painted of a beautiful azure, and of a faint earthy smell that usually sprung along with cool rain, when trees became damp and trickled down with clear drops of water. A summery yet slightly chilly sensation washed over him every time he inhaled, prompting his nose and the tip of his tongue to tingle with what seemed to taste like bright happiness and grey moroseness, as if the blissful fragrance was made of all the precious emotions the boy kept hidden in his heart themselves. A wintry tang of icy snow faintly blended in together with the urge to get more, languidly tickling his nostrils and invading his mind with a gentle haze.

Subtle undertones melted together into a sweet-smelling wonderfulness and teased his tired senses with an indolent pace, easing the agitation that still tormented him. It enveloped him in a tender and aromatic embrace of borderline perfection, softly lulling him into drowsiness. The boy’s scent continuously stimulated every single feeling of bliss and delight inside him, to the point where nothing was as important as bathing in this summery feeling.

Only Hyukjae mattered in his world at that precise moment, and nothing else – even the trees of the quiet woods outside seemed not to rustle anymore, even in spite of the strong snowy wind that fiercely blasted around them, as if they understood the utmost silence he needed to fully enjoy the passion that boiled in his veins. He could feel his heart beat harder and faster in his chest each times he breathed in the hypnotizing fragrance, which was further enhanced with bits of wild arousal that were yet to be satisfied. He let out a low rumble when a long shiver rolled down his spine, prompted by the delicious scent that hung on around him such as a precious lover, and idly opened one eye, then glanced in the house’s direction, where he had parked the vehicle in front of.

It stood next to another one just at the edge of the woods, on a slight rise of the ground that made it look even more charming and inviting than it already was. The house was of an average size, but cozy and pretty, and covered with bricks as blue as his vague lupine memories could recall them to be. Their bright color had slightly faded at the bottom of the high walls and edged to a tired pale blue, as if the sun had burnt them for too long, while the roof was made of dark grey tiles.

Donghae could remember himself, albeit quite difficultly, staring at the curious house that stood so close to their territory when he only was a small cub and had just joined Leeteuk’s pack. He recalled wondering about the odd deck and the vivid color of those walls. But also the noisy car, and the curious French windows – and the small boy that always waited for him when night and winter came. His head slightly tilted to the side to admire the bright navy that contrasted so much with the cold whiteness around, he pensively realized that many of his lupine memories his human brain could remember were mainly linked to this blue house, and most importantly to the boy he could see hurrying around the living-room.

Lights were turning on one by one at the ground floor, weakly brightening up the darkening afternoon, as he caught him trying to warm up the rooms as quickly as possible. Donghae vaguely knew that it probably wasn’t chilly enough inside so he would get too close to shifting, though maybe enough so it would get greatly uncomfortably – perhaps some worrying tremors and a bit of painful nausea. An accusing voice in his mind reprimanded him for not telling Hyukjae that it wasn’t absolutely necessary, but the concerned look the latter had given him upon going out of the car had been oddly pleasant, and had dissuaded him of saying anything.

T