seventeen ;

Chapter warning: minor character death

Winter break was just around the corner in Korea, which also marked the start of a new round of finals in most universities. Suddenly, there weren’t enough hours in one day anymore. As he went through exam after exam, each harder than the last, Hyukjae saw his level of stress climb up to a whole new, terrifying peak. His head seemed to be aching painfully almost all the time. He tried his best to focus all of his energy on his revision and, more often than not, also wondered how he had managed to get through this nightmare in one piece before. Hyukjae supposed that the last few years, he hadn’t had a demanding shapeshifting wolf to take care of daily. That probably made the whole difference.

As if on cue, Donghae reached out furtively to steal one of his pens. Hyukjae promptly slapped his hand away, throwing him an exasperated glare. Next to them, Kyuhyun sniffed in contempt and then rolled his eyes.

“Don’t be a pain,” Hyukjae warned as he pointed an imperious finger at Donghae, “or I’m making you sleep on the floor tonight. Don’t think I won’t.”

Donghae grumbled moodily, but did comply in the end. Reluctance was firmly plastered all over his face. He folded his arms on his chest, determined to make clear that he was unhappy with the current situation. Hyukjae ignored him.

A couple of hours ago just after lunch, the three boys had managed to secure their usual table in the university’s library. They were seated close to the philosophy section, and therefore rather far away from the rest of the large room. It had been quite a bit of luck, since the place was unusually crowded and noisy that day. Especially for a Tuesday afternoon. All of the other desks were taken and some people were even settled on the floor, their books and notes scattered messily around them. There was a constant buzzing of quiet chatter and anxious mumbles that nagged at their ears. The librarian had tried to quell it several times, but to no avail. Almost everybody was caught in the middle of their finals, which probably explained the sudden rush of unfamiliar students. Hyukjae would probably have stayed at home to study in silence if it were a different situation, but with Donghae around, it was nearly impossible to focus properly anymore.

Despite the clear lack of interest that he held for any sort of studying, Donghae had insisted on coming along. After asking Kyuhyun if he wouldn’t mind, Hyukjae had accepted without a second thought.

The main issue had then quickly come to light. Donghae had literally nothing to keep his mind occupied for such a long stretch of time. As a result of his apparent boredom, he had taken to bother Hyukjae every once in a while, and with quite a bit of determination. The fact that he got told off on a half-hour basis didn’t seem to deter him much. Donghae whined and huffed and poked, pouting with a shamelessness that would have made Hyukjae give in, hadn’t he known better.

All in all, three hours later, Hyukjae was still nowhere near close to learning his last few pages of macroeconomics notes. He sighed.

Only a few days had gone by since the eventful Sunday afternoon that Donghae and Hyukjae had spent at the pack’s house. Finals had started right on the following Monday. Hyukjae couldn’t bless enough the moment he had decided to begin revising a month early. With the unexpected commotion that meeting Donghae had prompted, he had completely forgotten about the winter exam period. Hyukjae had Kyuhyun to thank for reminding him; his best friend’s stressful call, which had successfully interrupted a rather steamy kiss, had been most unpleasant but definitely needed.

Of course, Donghae was the first to argue with that last statement.

If Hyukjae were to say so himself, his choosing him made Donghae behave much more affectionately and lovingly than before. There was now an air of romance in each of his actions that felt new and sweetly surprising. Donghae seemed to be craving for Hyukjae’s attention even more. It was as if he couldn’t let the latter out of his sight, which was quite adorable—really, it was—but also a bit annoying at this particular time of the year. Hyukjae would have gladly relished in it if he wasn’t striving so hard to pass his term with flying colors.

It was still quite unsettling to remember how much of an impact the three words ‘I choose you’ had on Donghae. He would blush and stammer every time, much like Hyukjae when they had first met, as though he had just received a sudden confession of love. Although when he dwelled further into the matter, Hyukjae supposed that it was, indeed, a sort of equivalent for wolves.

Granted, Hyukjae couldn’t be entirely certain as he still didn’t know much about pack dynamics, but he was definitely trying to learn. One thing that he had come to understand fairly quickly, as a matter of fact, was that choosing someone was a significant step in their beliefs. Hyukjae had only repeated those three little words once or twice since that particular night, but it never failed to make something ablaze and delighting flare up within Donghae’s blue eyes. As if it was something exceptionally precious to him.

However, Donghae had yet to say that he chose Hyukjae back. To be perfectly honest, Hyukjae wasn’t too surprised. A part of him wished that everything would be entirely different, that he wouldn’t have to feel those spikes of disappointment so often, but he had fully expected it. If anything, he would have felt more surprised if Donghae had told him that he had chosen him, too.

Hyukjae sighed. At least, there was one matter that he was positive about. Romantic relationships were the most incomprehensible thing that he had had to deal with since philosophy classes. And heavens knew how lost he became about anything that got close to that subject.

“Hyukjae,” Kyuhyun called him then, pulling him out of his distracted thoughts, “do you know how to resolve this exercise? I can’t find the correction anymore.”

“Oh,” Hyukjae frowned as he looked over at his friend’s notebook, “yeah, I’m pretty sure I wrote it down somewhere. Hold on a second.” He went through his notes and, just when he found the right page, looked up at Donghae apologetically.

“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I know it must be no fun to be sticking around here waiting for me. You can go around and look for something to read, if you want. Or, I don’t know, go home first maybe? I wouldn’t mind.”

Donghae shrugged, a bit disgruntled. He looked around him in mild interest and stretched his arms above his head, then stood up slowly. Some students started to whisper excitedly, as though he had done something spectacular enough to write home about, while a few pairs of curious eyes watched him get to his feet. Donghae ignored them with a bored look.

“Fine,” Donghae said. He stifled a small yawn with one of his hands, shoving the other into the pocket of his jeans. “I’ll go and see if there’s anything interesting. Just, please tell me that you guys are almost done here. It’s been hours.”

Rolling his eyes in playful exasperation, Hyukjae gave him a grin and waved him away dismissively. “Only one more hour. Promise.” And then, as Donghae walked off lazily, he added, “You can go to the cafeteria, too, if you’re really bored. They probably still have something to eat.”

When Donghae finally disappeared out of sight behind a shelf, a humming of giggles and dreamy sighs blooming in his trail, Hyukjae turned around to Kyuhyun and handed him his notes. He pointed the correction of the right exercise and let his best friend rewrite it quickly on his own notebook. Silence settled more easily around them now that Donghae had left, an opportunity which Hyukjae grabbed to finish studying accordingly to his revising schedule of the day. He only had a chapter left, and then he would be done. Finally.

“He seems… gentler,” Kyuhyun said suddenly.

Hyukjae startled, surprised. He blinked. “What… are we talking about, exactly?”

“It’s… well…” Kyuhyun cursed under his breath. His features twisted into a brief grimace, as though he was greatly reluctant to tackle that particular topic. When Hyukjae gave him a confused look, he sighed and started fiddling with his eraser. Put it down again.

“I mean, you know—Donghae,” Kyuhyun emphasized with an uncomfortable frown. He stared down at his notebook and carefully avoided Hyukjae’s stunned eyes. “The first time I saw him, I thought that he looked a bit like those punk kids that have anger issues. But now, he acts… much gentler around you; less like he might yell at you for doing as much as stepping on his little toe, and… more like you’ve got him completely whipped for you, you know? He’s… I don’t know, less aggressive, I suppose?” Kyuhyun paused, glancing at him carefully. “That’s… good.”

“Oh,” Hyukjae mumbled. It definitely wasn’t the sort of conversation that he had anticipated to have with his best friend that day. He slumped into his chair and gave Kyuhyun a thankful grin, immensely pleased that he had been concerned about him. “You’re right,” he said with a pensive nod. “He’s much better than when we met the first time; less aggressive, like you said. I didn’t think you had noticed, though.”

Shrugging, Kyuhyun folded his arms on his chest. “It’s hard not to,” he admitted after a while. “It’s like he’s gone from one far end to another just in a few weeks. I mean, that’s a bit weird, right? And—well, I’m kind of worried, to be honest. It might seem romantic or some in books and whatever, but I just think that it’s creepy.”

Kyuhyun turned to face Hyukjae fully, his eyes hardened with unusual seriousness, and asked, “He’s not abusive with you or something, is he? Don’t get me wrong; I really do think that he’s a nice guy. And, I mean, people can change sometimes, but—… look, you’re my best friend, and I don’t want you to be hurt, you know?

“It’s just that—… Donghae kind of came out of nowhere, right? Nobody knows him really, and he has those freaky blue eyes that I can’t explain, and he stays at your house without your own parents knowing, and honestly, you guys started dating all of a sudden. So I just—…” Kyuhyun sighed, looking exhausted. “I just want to be sure.” 

Another short silence took place at their table. Only the scratching of pens running over sheets of paper could be heard, as well as the hushed mumbles of other anxious students. The two best friends stared at each other without a word and, for a moment, Hyukjae felt the urge to pull Kyuhyun into a tight hug, even if he knew that he would get kicked for it at the first opportunity. He barely held himself back.

“He’s not,” Hyukjae answered with a soft but firm voice. “I’m promise that he isn’t at all. But, thanks for asking and worrying. It really means a lot.”

Fidgeting uneasily on his chair, Kyuhyun adverted his eyes away. He nodded and cleared his throat awkwardly. “It’s fine,” Kyuhyun mumbled. Hesitated. “Anyway, we should—” He gestured vaguely at his scattered notes and then picked up a pen, throwing Hyukjae a pleading look to drop the subject. “Revision? Please?”

“You know,” Hyukjae snickered, “you’d think that at your age, you’d be able to handle a conversation about feelings and whatnot instead of running away from it.”

“Hey, what’s that supposed to m—” Kyuhyun then stopped midsentence and looked up in slight surprise. “Oh, hi, Minah,” he greeted with a small grin.

Sure enough, Minah was standing by their table with a warm expression on her face. Gone was the tight nervousness that Hyukjae had caught twisting her features, back when she had tried to confess to him. Today, Minah looked friendly and relaxed, which allowed him to feel a bit less wary about her. Hyukjae didn’t doubt for one second the fact that she was a wonderful person, but the last memory that he had of her wasn’t exactly his fondest one ever.

That particular episode seemed to have had happened decades ago, thankfully enough. All Hyukjae knew for certain was that he hadn’t known Donghae yet at the time; now that he did, Minah had even less chances to ask him out than before. He could only hope that it wasn’t the reason why she was approaching them.

“Hello,” Minah chuckled, her tone teasing and playful, while Hyukjae smiled back politely without a word. “Working hard, huh?”

“Trying, at the very least,” Kyuhyun replied with a grimace, staring at his notes as though it was the first time he saw them. He sighed mournfully. “We got distracted.”

“It never hurts to take a small break,” Minah commented wisely as she sat down in Donghae’s empty seat.

Then, turning her attention on Hyukjae, she said quietly. “Look, Hyukjae oppa, I actually wanted to talk to you.” Minah paused and glanced at Kyuhyun pointedly, who shrugged and looked away with a sniff. “I—… I just wanted to apologize for what happened that last time. You know, when I—… err—… confessed to you. I mean, I was pretty disappointed about it, of course—who wouldn’t be, really?—, but… well, my friends really shouldn’t have ganged up on you like they did.” She gave Hyukjae an apologetic look, looking sheepish. “I’m so sorry it had to happen. I bet you don’t have a really high opinion of me at this point, do you?”

Hyukjae flushed promptly. He glanced away for a long moment, looking for an escape that wasn’t there, and bit hard onto his lower lip. His hands started to wring themselves together on his lap, out of Minah’s sight but still painful all the same. Perhaps even more so than usual lately since Donghae wasn’t around to stop him. A rush of embarrassment and discomfort flared through him as Hyukjae recalled the moment that Minah had confessed to him almost a month ago, right outside the library and in front of a few curious, nosy students. He was also reminded of the bitter frustration that had followed his rejection, when everybody had accused him of having made a reckless decision in turning her down.

“Oh, uh—…” he uttered. “It’s fine, I suppose. Just… tell them not to do it again, yeah? That’s not exactly how you treat someone that you don’t even know that well.” Hyukjae tried to offer her a smile, but as much as it was meant to be genuine one, it came off more as a grimace rather than anything else.

Chuckling lightly, Minah nodded in understanding. She kept silent for a few seconds as Kyuhyun tried to go back to his revision. Her eyes turned speculative, and then she hummed pensively. “So,” Minah started slowly, which prompted Hyukjae to look up in suspicion, “the y guy with the blue contacts thing? Is he your, what—your boyfriend, then? He’s a damn nice catch, I’d say.”

“I—what?!” Spluttering in panic, Hyukjae snapped his head up and looked around frantically. When he had made sure that no-one had heard her, he hissed under his breath, “What do you mean he’s—… I mean, what—… how do you even know that we—?!”

Minah stared at Hyukjae in clear disbelief while Kyuhyun threw him an exasperated frown. “I’m not completely stupid, you know?” Minah laughed. “It shows a lot when you guys are together; you don’t look at each other like normal friends would. Especially him. It’s a bit like he’d be ready to do anything for you.” She shrugged, and then offered Hyukjae a teasing wink. “I don’t think anybody else but me has noticed that you’ve scored yourself such a nice boyfriend though, don’t worry.”

Hyukjae let his head drop down onto the table in despair. The impact made a loud thud just as a dull ache spread across his forehead. A blush had already started to heat his cheeks, and he felt so embarrassed that he wished he could be swallowed into the ground. “Oh, God,” he whined. “Please don’t call him that. It sounds so embarrassing when you actually say it out loud.”

Kyuhyun snorted derisively next to them. He raised an amused eyebrow. “But he really is your boyfriend, right?” he reasoned. “What do you expect us to call him, then? Your lover? Your sweetheart?”

“Your other half?” Minah proposed dramatically. “Your soulmate?”

“The love of your life?”

Torn between the urges to hide away and laugh, Hyukjae threw them mild glares. “Go away,” he grumbled, “the both of you.”

*

By the time that the two boys had decided to head back home, thick snow had already started to fall heavily onto the small town. The roads had become slippery and much more dangerous than in the morning. Harsh blasts of wind kept making cars swerve in the wrong direction, which had prompted traffic to slow down by a lot. The ride that usually took a little less than half an hour had already been stretched to almost forty minutes, and they were still only halfway to their destination. His hands curled securely around the steering wheel, Donghae made sure to focus ahead and drove the most safely possible. The heater had been to its near maximum, a steady flow of warmth rushing in, while Hyukjae sat quietly next to him; the combination of the two allowed him to ignore the few drafts that sometimes managed to seep inside the small vehicle.

Even in spite of his full attention on the road, Donghae still found himself smirking. Great satisfaction was flowing through him with enthusiasm, and he hadn’t been able to quell his smug smiles ever since they had left the university earlier. He wasn’t exactly trying his best either, and it probably showed on his face. As a matter of fact, Hyukjae was giving him exasperated looks from the passenger seat. One of his eyebrows was raised in disbelief as he narrowed suspicious eyes in Donghae’s direction.

Donghae’s smirk widened a little, which prompted the other boy to huff petulantly.

“You… you heard everything that we talked about in the library, didn’t you?” Hyukjae deadpanned. “With Kyuhyun and Minah?”

The traffic light turned green and the short line of cars started to move slowly again. Donghae didn’t reply. He shrugged nonchalantly instead and took a careful left turn, not feeling sheepish in the slightest.

Next to him, Hyukjae released an exasperated sigh and threw his hands up dramatically in the air. An embarrassed blush started to spread across his cheeks while he slumped down into his seat, looking defeated. “I swear to God, Donghae.”

“What?” the latter retorted defensively. “It’s not like I can control what I hear, can I?”

Hyukjae shot him a mild glare and sniffed in clear contempt. He folded his arms on his chest, a sulky expression stretched on his sharp features. “Eavesdropper,” he accused childishly.

“Guilty, sweetheart,” Donghae snickered teasingly. “Or was it my other half? My soulmate?” He made a dramatic pause. “The love of my life?”

“You’re an idiot,” Hyukjae stated in a grumble.

As he slowed the car down to a stop at an intersection, Donghae dared a glance towards the other boy. He received a disapproving look for his trouble, which only managed to make him feel even more amused than he already felt. “And yet, you still chose me, didn’t you?” Donghae half-smiled. “Idiocy must be one of my charms, then.”

It was Hyukjae’s turn not to answer. The car fell quiet once more along with his lack of response. For a short moment, as only the dull noises of the engine reached his sensitive ears, Donghae worried that he might have offended the other boy somehow. His chest tightened at the mere thought of such a possibility.

But Donghae glanced quickly at Hyukjae then—and all of his concerns vanished almost as quickly as they had appeared.

Another blush had started to color Hyukjae’s cheeks, a clear sign of his renewed embarrassment. The pink heat spread slowly across his face like an artistic, delicate stain of paint. Its rosy hue contrasted gorgeously with the milky-white of his smooth skin, and gave him an odd sort of broken porcelain beauty. A few locks of hair then fell just in front of his eyes when Hyukjae ducked his head down, bringing a touch of intense darkness that made him look even more alluring. A small grin was also tugging the corners of his plump lips upwards, prompting him to appear both pleased and bashful, as though Donghae had just guessed one of his dearest secrets. Which, the latter mused quietly, was actually sort of the case.

Slowly, the grin then widened into a full smile and, if he hadn’t been too busy driving them safely, Donghae would have stolen it with a desperate kiss.

“Maybe,” Hyukjae murmured after a while, and then fell silent again.

Donghae felt his heart skip a beat. He cleared his throat, suddenly feeling embarrassed as well.

It wasn’t the first time that Donghae received such a meaningful confession, or even anything that was similar to it. A few people that he had dated vaguely in the past had said that they loved him. It hadn’t mattered to Donghae at the time, however. In fact, as cruel as it might seem, it had only given him another reason to end their relationships. Eunseo, on the other hand, had never confessed to him properly, but almost every member of the pack was still certain that she had chosen him.

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