sixteen ;

It was so warm in the drawing-room that Hyukjae wondered for a moment if someone had managed to steal spring and crammed it inside. The air felt saturated with unrepentant heat, which made it almost difficult for him to breath easily. Warmth at the exposed skin of his face and hands, and coiled around his limbs like a great hot-blooded serpent. Fidgeting a little uncomfortably, Hyukjae pulled on the collar of his sweater, and then eyed warily the lit-up fireplace at the other side of the room. He released a small, discreet sigh, feeling agitated and slightly sweaty, and bit hard onto his lower lip.

On top of everything else, nervousness certainly did nothing to help, Hyukjae thought sarcastically; his stomach hadn’t stopped churning ever since he had walked into the unfamiliar house. He doubted that it would get better anytime soon. His hands started to twist painfully together on his lap, half-hidden under the thick blankets that Donghae had given him earlier.

Hyukjae dared to glance around the crowded room one more time. The large seat he was settled in had been pushed close to the fireplace, right within the reach of its crackling flames’ warmth. There was a small coffee table in-between, surrounded by two other couches where curious pack-mates sat. The thick tongues of fire were the main source of light, projecting red-orange shadows on the walls. They flickered enthusiastically over the wallpaper, while the closed curtains barely let any sunshine filter through.

It was easy to figure out that the hearth was the core of the drawing-room—and maybe of the whole house. The way everyone seemed to be reaching out towards its heat, unconsciously or not, was good enough proof. It seemed like they loved it as much as they feared it.

As he did his best to ignore the odd dark shapes that were casted around by the flames, Hyukjae glanced nervously at each member of the pack. There seemed to be a clear hierarchy amongst them, which reflected on where and with whom they sat; the elders were usually settled on the couches and the closest to the fireplace, while the rest were nestled against them or scattered around on the rugs with warm covers. It all looked rather messy, and yet also so homely that Hyukjae felt something aching tug at his chest. 

When he realized then that they were all staring back at him, Hyukjae looked away hastily and settled his stare on the comforting sight of Donghae instead.

Looking just as uneasy about the situation, the latter caught his eyes and spared him a small grimace. Donghae was curled up on the couch right next to him, his own colorful blankets pulled up high enough around him that they hid half of his face; his mouth couldn’t be seen, but Hyukjae had a good feeling that it was hardened into a grim, tight line. The tip of his nose flickered in interest when one of his pack-mates finished their cup of coffee, before his blue eyes flashed cautiously around the room. He hadn’t said a word since he had introduced Hyukjae, clearly too reluctant to bring up the topic again, which had led to the current, unfortunate predicament.

Hyukjae swore he had never been as embarrassed and nervous as he did right then. For some odd reason, he felt like he was meeting his boyfriend’s parents and seeking actively for their permission to date him. Except, he realized all of a sudden, that it was exactly what they were doing. Those people might not have been Donghae’s family by blood, but Hyukjae knew he cared for them just as much—and maybe even more so.

Which all made Donghae his… something.

Holding back a pitiful squeak, Hyukjae gasped and felt his state of nervousness climb up a few more levels. He fidgeted again on the couch and wrought his fingers together a while longer, then reached up to pull harder on the collar of his sweater when he felt a blush heat the base of his neck.

“Oh, damn,” someone whistled, prompting Hyukjae to startle. The man that had spoken up was squeezed on a couch between two others, his face so handsome that Hyukjae was tempted to describe him as beautiful. “Look at that hickey; you didn’t hold back at all, did you, Donghae?”

The blue-eyed boy grunted petulantly next to him, sounding annoyed and embarrassed and defensive all at the same time. “Shut the up, Heechul hyung,” he nearly whined. “What if I didn’t? It’s not like you’d care.”

“We do when his neck looks like that,” a burly man pointed out with a teasing scoff. “Remember, Donghae—you’re a wolf, not a vampire. Those don’t actually exist.” He paused, thoughtful. “Or do they?”

Squeaking in embarrassment, Hyukjae promptly readjusted his collar. He ducked his head down, flushing furiously, and tried his best to ignore the snickers that his hasty action triggered. Seated on the floor with his back leaning against Heechul’s stretched-out legs, Henry laughed into his hands and gave him an excited smile.

Before Hyukjae could have returned it, however, another boy shuffled in front of him. He sniffed him for a second or two and then gasped, before pressing his nose against Hyukjae’s thigh eagerly. Henry whined and tried to pull him off, just as a third boy scrambled up to do the same.

“Don’t, Sehun!” the last one frowned almost indignantly. “Donghae hyung said that you can’t! If we can’t then neither can you!”

“Jongin’s right!” Henry insisted. “Get off!”

Bewildered, Hyukjae tried subtly to shift closer to Donghae and threw him a mildly desperate glance. Next to him, the latter growled and glared and hissed warningly at his younger pack-mates. His hand reached for Hyukjae’s and tugged with fierce possessiveness, nearly making him stumble into him.

“Go away,” Donghae snapped in an almost-snarl. It earned him rather defiant looks from the youngers and, for a brief instant, Hyukjae worried if that was really a show of authority from the future Alpha of the pack. Somehow, it didn’t look very promising. “Leave him alone.”

“But, hyung!” they whined in unison, lower lips jutting out and wide eyes glistening fervently. “Don’t be so selfish! You get to be with him all the time!”

While Donghae retorted that he had all the rights in the world to be selfish if he wished, a door upstairs opened and closed. Footsteps hurtling down the staircase followed the faint thud, which made a few pairs of golden eyes look up sharply. The older pack-mates glanced at each other as the sounds got closer to the drawing-room, their expressions varying from amused to slightly wary.

Momentarily distracted from the childish bickering, Hyukjae glanced back at the door as well. And then promptly choked on nothing. He stiffened nervously and threw a quick look at Donghae, then adverted his eyes.

Sungmin stood at the doorframe, hands curled into tight fists by his sides. He stared at Hyukjae for hardly more than a second, then sniffed his contempt and slipped further inside the living-room. Dark circles drew hollow shadows under his eyes, and he appeared a bit thinner than the last time that Hyukjae had seen him.

Although thick hostility radiated off Sungmin in harsh waves, the student couldn’t help but feel slightly worried at the exhaustion that stretched his worn-out features. He blinked and frowned, then sighed a bit concernedly when he realized that everyone else in this house probably looked about the same.

“Hi, Donghae,” Sungmin greeted stiffly on his way to one of the couches, pointedly ignoring Hyukjae.

The blue-eyed boy tensed and threw a hard look at his best friend, no doubt remembering their last encounter in Hyukjae’s house. “And what about Hyukjae?” he demanded sternly.

The tension in the room climbed up to a whole new peek, prompting all conversations to cease instantly.

Heavy attention gathered on Hyukjae in a fraction of second. He gulped and stared at his lap awkwardly, twisting his fingers hard together as he wished he could disappear from the surface of the earth. Be his own fate didn’t do much to help at all, but it did make him feel a bit better about the whole situation; he hadn’t exactly planned on starting pack arguments when he had woken up that morning.

Before he could hurt himself, Donghae’s hand reached for him and forced him to let go. Hyukjae looked up, surprised, and smiled as their fingers entwined together. His moment of comfort was cut short when he met Sungmin’s fierce glare, however; it felt like a bucket of frozen water had dropped onto him abruptly. He barely resisted the urge to pull away and stared down at his shoes instead, biting hard onto his lips for want of anything better.

A tense silence had settled in the dark drawing-room, broken only by the sounds of the crackling fire. All the other pack-mates stared back and forth between Donghae and Sungmin, occasionally peering at Hyukjae, as though they were watching a fascinating match of tennis. It went on for what felt like an eternity, until Sungmin finally turned to the student.

“Hi,” he gritted through his teeth. The sarcasm that dripped from his voice was so blatant that it made Hyukjae wince a little.

“H—Hi,” Hyukjae mumbled under his breath and met his stare just long enough to be considered polite.

Donghae rose to his feet. His eyes were dark and menacing meanwhile lights from the fireplace flickered over his face. He glared at Sungmin and jerked his chin in the hallway’s direction, silently ordering his pack-mate to follow him out of the drawing-room. One of the younger kids gasped in an impressive display of awe, which prompted Hyukjae to be suddenly overcome with the urge to laugh. For a brief second, the thought of two sulky teenagers battling it out in the back courtyard of their high-school came up to his mind, and he had to stifle a snicker.

Stress was causing him to feel a bit on edge and rather hysteric, which honestly made everything feel much better. Hyukjae still felt like hiding under the couch but, at least, he would find a way to laugh about it.

Just as Donghae was about to let go of his hand, Hyukjae held him back long enough to give him a stern frown. “Play nice,” he whispered pointedly. “I mean it.”

The blue-eyed boy frowned almost indignantly. “I’m not a kid anymore, you know,” he grunted moodily, before heading outside.

Hyukjae could have been fooled.

*

Donghae rolled his eyes as he walked out, sighing in slight exasperation. ‘Play nice’, he had said. The mere idea of ‘playing nice’ with someone that had been disrespectful to Hyukjae seemed ludicrous—and even more so the fact that he knew he would comply anyway. Judging from the faint snickers that followed him out of the drawing-room, his other pack-mates had guessed so as well.

The raven-haired boy leaned a shoulder against the nearest wall, feeling rather amused in spite of everything, and kept an ear focused on the conversation he could hear in the drawing-room. Hyukjae’s voice was soft and slightly hesitant among the other familiar ones, yet slowly growing in confidence. Donghae snorted fondly, and then eyed his best friend as he stalked closer with a deliberate slowness.

The house looked exactly as he had left it some weeks ago, if not a bit more crowded. As if on cue, Heechul snickered something and made the youngers laugh delightedly in response. There was a strong scent of pine and wood that overshadowed the ones of his pack-mates, lingering in almost every room. It smelled just like home to Donghae and, for a brief second, he allowed himself to enjoy it to the fullest. Eyes fluttering closed, he inhaled deeply and hummed a little.

Although it was fainter than the rest, Hyukjae’s fragrance still managed to tease his senses. It made everything else seem insignificant and tasteless in comparison. His sweet undertones were the ones he found himself focusing on the most, breathing them in and out with his usual eagerness.

Sungmin stopped in front of Donghae then, a weary but defiant frown stretched on his forehead. He looked tired and more troubled than ever, yet still appeared strong like the wolf he had always been. His shoulders were tense as he stood proudly in front of him, while his head remained slightly lowered in a silent display of respect.

Folding his arms on his chest, Donghae eyed him tiredly and sighed.

“Why are you being such a pain in the ?” he demanded finally. “I’m here, aren’t I? You wanted me to come back to the pack, and I did. There’s no need to be so—” He paused when frustration gnawed hard at his insides. “—to be like this to him.”

Apparently unwilling to answer properly, Sungmin only grunted in response.

“You’re lucky that he asked me not to hurt you,” Donghae grumbled sourly, “because I really feel like punching you right now.”

“He’s keeping you away from us—from the pack,” Sungmin spoke up then. He dared a glance up, green eyes meeting his blue ones for a brief second, and then looked away with a frown. “He’s… You’re the Alpha, Donghae. You need to stay here, with us.”

“I’m not,” Donghae retorted impatiently. Anger slipped in his tone of voice and gave it a harsh edge. Back in the drawing-room, Hyukjae paused mid-sentence.

“Not yet,” he continued through clenched teeth. “Don’t give me a title that I don’t own. And he’s not—keeping me away from anything. But you are trying to, wolf, and it’s pissing me off.”

Sungmin backed off at that, as though punched. Distressed and wide-eyed, he looked up and whined low in his throat. His shoulders slumped a little as he unconsciously tried to make himself look smaller. “I don’t—I didn’t mean to—” He stopped, at loss of words, before sending him a pleading look. “I just—I just want you to do the right thing, Donghae. For the pack.”

A pang of hurt sliced through Donghae’s body. He closed his eyes.

“I know that,” Donghae said fiercely. “I know, Sungmin. But it’s—look, as much as it pains me to say it, my life is not only about the pack, okay? I know that I should have come earlier, but he’s—” A conflicted pause, followed by a noise of sheer frustration.

“Hyukjae, he’s—he’s important to me, okay? Don’t ask me to choose between the two of you,” he warned, “because , man, I won’t.”

“But you—”

“Oh, ing hell, stop being such a selfish !” Donghae finally exploded. His vision blurred and went red for one terrifying moment, while Sungmin cowered hastily with a small cry. The whole house seemed to drop down a few degrees in temperature, and he thought he heard Sehun and Jongin whimper painfully in the living-room. He paid it no mind.

“I know I should have come earlier, okay?” he shouted. “I know it, and I’m sorry! I know I should take care of the pack, and I know that I’m the next Alpha in line! But why the hell should that mean that I need to lose him?! I didn’t bring him here just to ing show-off! I’m trying, but you, you just—”

“Donghae.”

Snarling, Donghae spun around—and then promptly lost his breath.

Hyukjae was standing at the doorframe of the drawing-room and wore a small, disapproving frown. His hazel orbs were staring at him steadily, no trace of fear or hesitation painted over his sharp features. He took a small step forward and risked a glance at Sungmin’s hunched form before sighing a little.

“Donghae,” Hyukjae called him once again. His voice was soft and soothing, which prompted the blue-eyed boy to relax almost against his will. “Come on,” he insisted with a warm smile, “calm down, Peanut. You’re scaring the kids.”

A short silence followed before Hyukjae finally made his way over to Donghae, standing just close enough to reach. He rested a hand on Donghae’s elbow, grounding him firmly to the gentleness of his touch, and gave him another reassuring grin. Then, with a gentle squeeze of his fingers, he looked up and peered at Sungmin cautiously.

For a long moment, and enough for Donghae to feel a spike of jealousy, Hyukjae and Sungmin stared at each other in silence.

“I’m not—” Hyukjae started, and then paused to glare at Donghae when he tried to cut him off. “I’m not trying to—… steal him away from you or the pack, or anything like that. I promise. I’m just—I mean, we’re just…”

He shrugged helplessly, offering him a hesitant smile. “I’d be sad if he decided that we couldn’t be together anymore, but I’ve never… I’ve never asked him to stay just for my sake.”

Donghae scoffed, stung. “Should I just leave, then?” he demanded sulkily.

“Don’t be such a child,” Hyukjae sighed. “You know what I mean.”

In front of them, Sungmin was giving them an odd look. His previous anger seemed to have shifted into something closer to bewilderment. He frowned and stared hard at Hyukjae, as though he was something strangely fascinating. Then, after a long moment of silence, he cleared his throat.

“I’m sorry but… Peanut?” Sungmin turned to Donghae and made a disbelieving noise. “Peanut?”

. Flushing a light shade of pink, Donghae spluttered in the back of his throat. He raised his chin high up in the air and folded his arms on his chest, throwing a defiant glare at his best friend. “Yes, Peanut,” he retorted. Next to him, Hyukjae tried and failed to stifle a snicker. “What’s it to you?”

Sungmin shook his head, sighing. “Nothing,” he told him and shrugged. “I still don’t think this is the right thing to do, but… he calls you Peanut. I don’t think I can take this seriously anymore.”

Before Donghae could protest at all, Sungmin sighed again and made to head back to the living-room. When he brushed past Hyukjae, however, he paused and gave him an awkward nod. “I’m sorry for earlier,” he mumbled, and it looked almost painful. “It’s—err—nice to meet you anyway. I guess.”

“It’s nice to meet you too,” Hyukjae smiled brightly at him. “I guess.”

Sungmin grimaced but disappeared inside the other room without another word, leaving Donghae and Hyukjae alone in the hallway. They followed him only a few seconds later, after Heechul yelled that it was time they finally introduced themselves properly. The younger kids agreed excitedly, Hyukjae bit hard onto his lower lip, and Donghae just sighed.

*

After their brief confrontation with Sungmin, the earlier tension seemed to have eased off slightly. When Hyukjae had asked him discreetly, Henry had happily obliged to open all the curtains; it made the living-room look brighter and bigger, less suffocating. Much to his relief, the whole situation had then felt a lot more promising than it had in the very beginning.

Hyukjae found himself a tad more relaxed around the other members of the pack—thankfully enough—and even managed to introduce himself properly to them without stuttering too much. Besides the occasional teasing, which usually involved either his hickeys or the silly nickname he gave Donghae, their conversation went on rather well. Sungmin kept silent almost the whole time. Hyukjae still felt awfully nervous and awkward, but Donghae stayed right next to him, and it seemed like his pack-mates were trying their best to make him feel more comfortable.

The first member that Donghae introduced to him was Heechul; he was the second oldest wolf of the pack, and was just eccentric enough that Hyukjae wasn’t sure whether to laugh or feel slightly alarmed. He was sprawled over his couch as though it was his alone, and spat curses and scathing comments at his own whim. The way he talked and acted made it seem more amusing rather than truly hurtful, however, as though he just wanted to entertain his audience. It took him a small while to remember, but soon enough, Hyukjae recognized Heechul from the pictures that he kept in his drawer; he was the beautiful grey-white wolf that had ignored his camera a year ago. That had left more of an impression than if he would have glowered at him instead.

There was also Youngwoon, the beta of their pack—a black, big, bulky wolf that made an imposing, burly man. He appeared rather strict and intimidating at first glance, yet his smile was warm and infinitely reassuring. It always softened his features in a swift motion that was slightly disconcerting. The way he took care of who they all called the ‘puppies’—Hyukjae recognized an inside joke when he heard one—also told him that he wasn’t nearly as daunting as he looked.

Then, there were Jongwoon—quiet and calm—and Sungmin, which Hyukjae already had a rather tumultuous history with. Henry, Jongin and Sehun were the last three whelps to be introduced, but their excitement and liveliness made up for it. They seemed so eager to get to know Hyukjae that it pulled a startled laugh out of him, and a grunted warning from Donghae.

By the time Hyukjae managed to remember all of their names, a headache was thumping enthusiastically in his temples. Resisting the urge to grimace, he sighed softly and leaned back into the couch. His shoulder brushed against Donghae’s as he moved, who sent him an inquiring look and shifted a bit closer. Hyukjae offered him a reassuring smile in return and poked his ribs with a finger, which earned him a mild yelp of indignation.

As the pack-mates’ conversation moved onto a topic he was unfamiliar with, the student let his own thoughts wander for a while. He felt drained mentally, and yet, his brain seemed unable to stop cogitating; each word that Donghae had shouted at Sungmin earlier were still firmly settled in his mind. They left him agitated and frowning, prompting him to wonder whether he was really holding Donghae back. It made him feel a little sick in the stomach just to think so.

Hyukjae supposed that a part of that statement was—in fact—true, since Donghae did apologize for it to a certain extent. It had never been in Hyukjae’s intentions, of course; having not been raised in the pack, he hadn’t understood or even realized the consequences that it would have if Donghae stayed with him. And now, Hyukjae found himself with a dilemma in hands that he wasn’t quite sure how to handle.

Knowing that the pack was safe was something that he fiercely hoped for, but keeping Donghae by his side was even more so. The mere prospect of the contrary felt painful deep inside.

His headache promptly doubled in intensity. As an inaudible groan left his mouth, Hyukjae tilted his head around and gazed at Donghae. Once again, he was reminded of their earlier dispute; he’s important to me, Donghae had said loud and clear. Don’t make me choose—he’s important to me.

Hyukjae smiled at the memory, too thrilled to hold himself back. It made him feel just a little less guilty about the whole situation, on top of summoning thousands of invisible butterflies in his tight stomach. Hands unconsciously wringing themselves together, he bit on his lower lip and stared at Donghae some more.

Sighing, Hyukjae shook his head resignedly. Whoever thought that he would ever give up on Donghae without a fight was an idiot.

Hyukjae looked up then, and met Heechul’s curious eyes. An amused smirk twisted the corners of the older man’s lips and, for a fraction of second, Hyukjae swore he saw him wriggle his eyebrows teasingly. The student held his gaze briefly and blinked, then looked away hastily when he realized that he had been caught staring.

“So,” Heechul spoke up then, “you guys are—what? Dating? How positively adorable.” Each of his words sounded so blatantly sarcastic that all the other pack-mates turned to watch and snicker.

Surprised, Hyukjae stiffened and spluttered a little. He glanced at Donghae—the latter had raised an eyebrow at the older man, his blue eyes all challenge—and felt his breath hitch hard in his throat. That was a question that even Hyukjae didn’t know the answer of yet. Sometimes, he would think that they were, and then, he would remember that they had never actually talked about it.

“I—we—…” Hyukjae mumbled incoherently. His eyes darted helplessly from Heechul to Donghae as he struggled to find the right thing to say. At his feet, Sehun tilted his head to the side and peered up at him curiously. “I mean, we’re just—…”

“Yeah, we are,” Donghae cut him off then—and Hyukjae swore his heart missed a couple of beats. “What about it?”

Heechul snorted in disbelief. “Oh, really?” he wondered with a scoff. Then, jerking his chin in Hyukjae’s direction, he added nonchalantly, “He doesn’t look very convinced.”

Everybody turned to stare at Hyukjae, who promptly blushed a furious re