"Hey, mum, sorry I came a little early but figured you wouldn't mi-" I stopped dead in my tracks. I froze. My mum froze. The barely dressed bloke she was heavy snogging in her lacey bra and scanty knickers froze.

My face instantly burned tomato red due to my mortification at such a sight and I even think my heart stopped beating all together. This is what a cardiac arrest feels like, isn't it? A scarring event indeed! I mean, did I seriously just walk in on my mum and some bloke on the verge of shagging? Only me; this would only happen to me.

Wanna trade lives? If not, I'm contemplating selling it on the black market; some poor, unsuspecting idiot's bound to buy it at some point.

The silence was painfully uncomfortable and I was hoping that someone would kindly break it, but instead the three of us stared at one another, jaws dropped, completely unsure of what to do.

Well isn't this just awkward?

Every fiber of my being told me to back out of the room and run up the stairs to my room, leaving them to continue what I had obviously interrupted. But I couldn't move. I just couldn't. I was paralyzed and my eyes were glued to my mum's shag buddy.

From his tanned skin to his black hair and defined abs, the bloke was insanely fit. And I think I’ve seen him before… Somewhere.

But that wasn't the cause for my staring. The bloke on the sofa with my mum, clad in only boxers, had to be no more than twenty years old. Twenty. Years. Old. And he was on the sofa, with my mum, wearing nothing but his boxers.

And I had just witnessed him eating my mum's face off. Ew. Would someone like to gauge my eyes out with a spoon for me or should I do the honors?

Am I the only person who sees something wrong with this image? I mean, not only is that practically iac behavior, but my mum who's in her early forties has more game than I do! When she's with a gorgy guy, she shags him. When I'm with a gorgy guy, I heave on his shoes. Seriously, it did happen. Only once though. 

What the ? I have, like, the appeal of a dirty tissue and here she is, sleeping around with young men twenty years her junior! Not. Fair.

And speaking of his age, no wonder my mum didn't tag him in her relationship status on facebook; he doesn't have a facebook. He, like me, was not part of that generation.

My mother was comically opening and closing , oddly resembling a fish and I waited patiently for her to get the courage to say something, thus breaking the silence that fallen upon us. I mean, I certainly wasn't going to. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the expression of Mr. Super-Mega-Foxy-Hunk-of-a-Man--God; he was clearly amused by the situation at hand. Hmm, inappropriately amused by others' discomfort, tard.

My mom seemed to think that it is the right time to interrupt whatever moment we are having here. "Spencer, dear, I wasn't expecting you until later…" Clearly.

Silence ensued once more as she struggled to find something suitable to fill it with. "…This-this is Chen.”

My eyes immediately darted to Chen who nodded his head towards me in a way I assumed he thought to be attractive. "Sup."

I raised an eyebrow. Really? That's how you address me? Sup? What the hell are you? A ing American Frat Boy?

"Hi," I hesitated, still taken aback and rather unimpressed by his greeting. "…Chen." I popped my lips together. "I think I'm going to go upstairs now…bye."

I focused on putting one foot in front of the other and making slow progress up the steps.

My life is so messed up.

My mum called out after me from behind. "Are you hungry for dinner, Spencer?"

"Not anymore I'm not." I didn't even turn to look at her when I spoke.

I still think I’ve seen that guy before. Somewhere, somehow.