Ji Yong leant against mike's pale blue van with a cigarette between his fingers. He had been watching his childhood home for the last 15 minutes, trying to grow the balls to go inside. He still didn’t want to go in but he couldn’t keep wasting mikes time.

                 He pushed himself of the van and took one last drag of his cigarette before flicking it on sidewalk next to the last two he had already smoked. He usually didn’t smoke that much in such a short time but when mike offered; he figured he needed it, to do what he was about to do.

“Are you sure you don't need help?" Michael asked watching as Ji Yong struggled to gather his courage an amused twinkle in his eyes.

“Yeah, I'm sure, thanks anyways mike." Honestly the guy had already done enough. He was the only one Ji Yong knew with a van and he gladly agreed to help. The only thing Ji Yong had to pay for was the gas which was a lot cheaper than even a taxi. And when he saw the nervous Ji Yong biting his nails the man kindly offered him a much needed cigarette.  One cigarette turned to three and the poor guy just stood there for the last fifteen minutes doing nothing but watching with concern as Ji Yong mentally struggled with himself and his decision.

                It was a run down five story family apartment complex. Ji Yong grew up in the second floor which meant he not only had to hear noise from the next door neighbors but from above and below too. What the apartment Ji Yong grew up in lacked in privacy and overall functionality it made up in affordability.

                Ji Yong entered the lift and pressed his floors button. He played with the black plastic bags in his hoody’s pocket; this wasn't going to be easy he could feel it. It wouldn’t take long, there wasn’t much he would grab but his mother wouldn’t take it well.

                There was an unspoken agreement that as long as Ji Yong's clothes and most of his music equipment were still home he hadn’t left. The truth was Ji Yong had been more or less living with young Bae. He only left things here because taking them would be like abandoning his family. His mother would take it like that even if he didn't see it that way. After having been left by their father, she developed that insecurity. But he needed to move on he wasn’t leaving his mother she would eventually have to understand that. He would visit but he couldn’t come back to live here, ever. One day he would arrive and take his family to live like they truly deserved. Because, even if his mother did a poor job bringing him up it wasn’t always like that, there was a time when they were all happy. And even after their father left and his mother developed her addiction for liquor, she still loved him with her whole heart. He held dear those rare moments when his half-drunk mother woke him up in the middle if the night to give him his favorite banana pancakes or the times she took it upon herself to care for him when he was Ill.

                He knocked three times disturbing the neighbor. She didn’t complain though just stared at curiously him before going back into her own apartment.

                 He knocked a few more times before he heard his sister asking his mother to please answer the door. He stopped and stood awkwardly as the door was unlocked. He met his mother's squinting eyes; she was, apparently, just waking up. It’s dark inside. It would be unusual to anyone but, he isn’t anybody else. He grew up like this; this place had always been like that. The lights being on and the curtains being pulled back would have been strange. What isn’t strange are empty bottles of booze scattered on the floor.

“Ji Yonggie,” she smiled up at him almost childlike.  He looked around to see his sister pop her head out of the hall way at his name. His mother hugged him and he hugged back his sister joining seconds later. Enclosed in the warmth of his family he almost forgot why he was there, almost.

“Are you done with school? Are you moving back in? What happened to your face?” his mother asks lifting his chin up to examine his bruise.

 "What happened to your hair?" His sister adds as she ran her hand through his blond strands.

                 He has to respond.  There’s a pang of guilt in his heart because he aware of the only way this could go.

“Actually I’m moving out,” the moment he said those words his mother’s face completely fell she slowly withdrew her hand from his chin. Confusion marked her face, and she seems unwilling to admit to herself what she heard.

“What do you mean?” the words are quietly said as if they’re a thought of hers not an actual question.

“Mom,” Ji Yong's voice quivers I’m moving out. He looked at his sister for support but his sisters eyes were fixed on the ground,”noona”

                He didn’t expect it to go well but, he didn’t think he’d end up feeling like the biggest piece of in the world.  He made his mother cry; something he never wanted to witness after his father left. She was angry and hurt and he couldn’t blame her because if he had gone through half what she had, he’d feel the same.  His sister too, he could tell, was hurt, even in her attempts to calm their mother down. He needed to get out fast, so he took steady steps it his old bedroom.

                 Nostalgia rushed through him as he opened the door to his old room. Everything was neat and tidy just the way he left it but there was no dust, letting him know that his family expected him to come back at some point. He didn’t have a lot of things to take since he had half his wardrobe at Young Bae's apartment. He would only take what he truly needed and leaving things that could be disposed of, in case his sister and mother wanted to use it for something else, the sooner he left the easier he felt it would be on his mother.

 He managed to pack his clothes, he would have to sort through it and toss what he didn't want, but he wanted to leave as soon as possible.  He had some CDs and mixed tapes A few music notebooks and his laptop that he wanted to take along. He left his old broken guitar but took some of his other equipment. The ones he really needed he had snuck to Bae’s already. Then there was the cardboard box in the back of his closet.

 His sister burst into the room just as he was about to pull the box out “what the was that?”  He could hear his mother’s angry voice from the living room, behind his angry sister.

“Noona.” Ji Yong stared into her eyes pleading for understanding.

 She sighed and Ji Yong knew she wasn’t angry anymore.

“I know, I know, but she’s doing better Ji Yong, you can’t just do this like that, without warning.”

 “I haven’t been here for months I thought it would help; I didn't think she'd still be like this. I thought she would be used to not having me around."

“I know, Ji, but she's improving. I mean... She doesn't drink as much that's worth something; you should have called a few times and talked it over. Mrs. Lee from across helps me keep an eye on her while I work. What if this makes her regress after finally convincing her to try?"

 Ji Yong stepped out into the fire escape his sister behind him still speaking. His thoughts about his mother clouding his mind disappeared and were replaced with memories of his old home and how he had been ecstatic when he got the room with the fire escape years ago. He smiled but it disappeared as he remembered how exactly it had been ruined for him. He doesn’t remember exactly his age but around 14or 15 he’d rather forget actually. It wasn’t really his fault that Mrs. Keun's daughter  had the boldness  to stand on the fire escape above his with no under her skirt giving Ji Yong a full view of something he didn’t really ask for. She then proceeded to shriek and accused him of being a ert and of purposely looking up her skirt.  Ji Yong took the blame and punishment like a man, besides there was no way he could tell his mother he would have rather seen the brother, Min Suk’s sweat stricken body after a day’s work out. Like he could ever like that girl. He shivered as he thought of her and how the girl seemed interested in him after the incident. She tried making advances on him which he constantly rejected.

“Brings back memories doesn’t It.” his sister snapped him out of his thoughts, and he realized he had been blocking her out, “mom was so angry that one time, and you just took it. They moved away you know”

 “Yea?” Ji Yong hadn’t noticed the few times he had been around.

“Yeah, thank god don’t you think?”

Ji Yong simply shrugged not willing to admit he liked the idea of them being gone.

“Please Ji Yong you don’t have to act indifferent when you’re with me, after the incident that girl kept bugging you. As if I wouldn’t notice the subtle touches she laid on you when she got the chance. Good thing I was around I would have beaten her but I didn’t want any problems with mother, I would have thought she’d get the clue but she continued teasing you.”

Ji Yong shrugged, “she was more of an annoyance than a threat.”

 “I do wonder about Min Suk he was the only decent one in that family, don’t you think, a just person, you remember how he just shrugged off and laughed at the fact that you looked up his sister’s skirt. Like he knew you wouldn’t do such thing.”

He had a feeling that his sister knew about his uality, but the fact that she brought up Min Suk his first crush confirmed it. Sometimes he felt guilty and he didn’t know why. He always thought about telling her but maybe saying it out loud would freak her out, or maybe it would freak him out that she officially knew.

 “Noona I…”

 “Don’t worry Ji Yong I know, I've always known and I still love you with all my heart. I want you to know that in case it’s the real reason you’re leaving, in any case you’re my younger brother and I support you and I have faith that you will accomplish whatever you seek.”

Ji Yong's chest tightened at his sisters words. It meant a lot, most people wouldn’t be so accepting but his sister proved to be as kind hearted as she'd always been.

“In any case don’t forget to call and visit you little punk and...Don’t stay pinned up on one person, Ji Yong. I don't know who the person was but when you showed up that one time in the middle of the night, I knew you'd really been heartbroken. There're other fish in the sea.

She walked to him, gave him a playful smack on his arm, “and don’t ignore your older sister punk.”

 Ji Yong carried his loads in a total of three trips with the help of his sister. His clothes were first, then the rest. He took a third trip when he realized he forgot his box. He took his time reassuring his mother he’d call often and would try to visit but, stopped since she wouldn't even look at him.

 Mike was kind enough to help him carry everything to young Bae’s apartment. Ji Yong thanked him again. It was his job to drag the bags to his room. He felt so lazy after today but he dragged every sing thing before finally laying on his bed. He looked at the box thoughtfully. It contained a lot of things he just couldn’t let go of, mainly of things from dating Jae. It had always been Jae for him. He only remembered his love life from Jae, and he hadn’t bothered looking at anyone after Jae, besides the usual one night stands. His sister however had reminded him that there was before Jae even if it was just a childish crush on the older boy who lived in the apartment above. Somehow this was supposed to encourage him to move on from Jae.  He couldn’t but he had to at least try. He was tired of waiting for Jae to return and he wouldn’t wait any longer. Deep down he hoped that Jae would come back to him but another part of him just wanted to move on. He would just let things flow from now on if Jae was willing to forgive him and take him back as a friend or boyfriend then so be it. He had to stop making everything about Jae he had to move one and move toward his dream of becoming a singer.

 There was a knock at his door, his friend didn’t give him an opportunity to answer he just walked in but Ji Yong didn’t mind he was used to it. His friend laid next to him.

“How did it go?”

 “Could’ve been worse,”

Bae didn’t press him on and he was thankful. He really didn’t feel like talking about “how it went”.

“Lee Seungri came by said he needed to talk to you and left this.” Bae handed him a note with a date time and place.

A/N: sorry nothing big happens in this chapter i just had cut it in  half .  ill try to finish the other half soon  to keep the story going. sorry and i love you all <3