“From Me to You with Love”

 Part3

The morning came as the sun greeted him with its bright blinding light. Jaejoong stood in front of the dresser, pulling out the drawer and took out the accessories case. He then stared into his own eyes through the reflection on the mirror; breathing in and breathing out as he tried to convince himself that he can do it.

The morning will always come regardless of what happened and the time wouldn’t just lay back couple of minutes just because of some people stumbling down. The world will continue moving and the past should be left behind. That’s right; he has to move on or at least willing to take a step forward.

But he never knew that taking a step forward would be that hard.

“It’s time to say goodbye…” He nodded after a moment, and began taking out the diamond star studs from both of his ears. He placed it back into the case and aligned it on the bed along with others things that Yunho gave to him as presents.

“Just like before…when we don’t know each other…I’m returning everything back to you…” Jaejoong said as he eyed all the things that he ever received from Yunho.

Everything was there except for one – the ring that he’s currently wearing on his finger. That’s the only thing that he decided to keep it with him. It’s not that expensive but that’s the item he treasure the most out of all, because that’s the only thing that Yunho gave it to him when he’s not legally belongs to anyone.

Exhaling out in one breath, Jaejoong flexed his fingers around the suitcase handle and looked around for one last time. Other than empty dresser and spacious closet, everything else was pretty much the same. He left the house as the way it is, neat and clean just like how it looks like when Yunho bought that apartment for him.

Jaejoong wheeled out the suitcase to the front door, he looked back.

“Yunho-ah…goodbye…”

*******

Yoochun was talking on the phone when he caught a glimpse of someone appearing at his door from the corner of his eyes. He raised his chin up to identify that person and seeing that it was Yunho, he held up his hand signaling him to wait.

Yunho pushed himself off the doorway and invited himself into Yoochun’s office. He later settled down on one of the armchairs facing Yoochun. Aside from a simple hum, Yunho didn’t hear anything else slipped out from his mouth but his hand’s moving in fast speed as he’s jotting down something on the sticky note pad. He didn’t bother to read what was written and waited until Yoochun finished with his conversation.

Yoochun put down the phone receiver back on its place and gave him his full attention.

“It’s rare for you to come here…what’s up?”

“Where is he?” Yunho skipped the small talk and went straight to the reason why he’s there.

“I don’t see him anywhere around the department…nor at any other place around this building…”

Yoochun leaned back against his chair and clasped his fingers together.

“He’s gone…” He answered casually.

Yunho blinked at him.

“Gone?”

Yoochun pulled the drawer and took out the resignation letter Jaejoong placed on his desk the other day. He pushed it to Yunho. Reading at what’s written on the front envelope, Yunho’s face turned grim and pale.

“He asked me not to tell you about his leaving…unless if you ask me…”

Yunho bolted up from his seat; the letter crumpled within his grasp.

“Before you go, can I ask you something?” Yoochun forestalled Yunho before his feet could reach out of that room.

“Why did you choose Ye Jin-shi over Jaejoongie? It’s so obvious that you two are attracted to each other, like each other….so why in the world you can come up with a stupidest idea to marry Ye Jin?” Yoochun’s voice’s getting higher notch by notch.

 “Seriously...I feel like I could just kill you with a single blow…” He balled his hand into fist, his jaw tightened.

“Because I thought what I had with Ye Jin is love…Ye Jin is nice, really nice…she’s everyone’s dream girl. She’s the one that I dream to marry; she fulfilled every criterion that I want or at least what I thought I want.”

“…but apparently what I want is not what I really need…”

Yoochun loosened up his fist. His eyes were staring at Yunho’s back. Yunho wasn’t actually looking at him directly but he could see the loneliness and the pain he bears.

“You created this mess…go fix it yourself…” He said evenly.

*******

Yunho just entered the building when the guard suddenly called him.

“Yunho-shi!”

He stopped on his track and reluctantly changed his direction heading toward the counter first.

“Here…” The guard placed the apartment key on top of the counter.

“You don’t have to do this…I have my own key…” Yunho said while flailing the key in his hand.

“I know…it’s just that Jaejoong-shi was the one who asked me to return this to you…”

Yunho’s facial expression immediately changed when Jaejoong’s name mentioned.

“Did he...emmm…” His voice seems stuck right at his throat. He rubbed his face acting like it’s nothing big.

“Did he say when he’ll be back…?”

“Aniya…He didn’t say anything…but I did see him pulling out big suitcase with him…and he called for taxi instead of using his own car…”

Yunho’s heart dropped to his toes and his legs grew weaker.

“He’s gone…he’s gone for real…” ­– that’s what ringing inside his head.

“Yunho-shi?” The guard called him feeling concerned.

“T-thanks…” He skipped his steps and rushed straight to the elevator. Desperately pressing the button, he could feel like his was about to collapse.

*******

Yunho unlocked the door and dashed into the apartment. In a glance everything’s still the same. He scampered to the bedroom but his steps later slowed down when he saw what’s lining up on the bed. He recognized all of them, every single of them because they came from him. He dragged his legs weakly to the bed, eyeing them one by one and stopped when his eyes landed on the diamond studs. He picked up the case, running his thumb over that shiny jewelry before he put it back down.

Yunho closed his eyes and flopped down on the bed. His heart felt empty and the pain refused to recede.

“Jaejoong-ah…I need you…”

“I’ll always be by your side, accompanying you for as long as you need me to…”

“I need you now!” Yunho’s voice rumbled as he cried out. The frustration went over his head for not being able to get a hold on Jaejoong. He fished out the phone and ran his finger swiftly on the screen. He clicked on Jaejoong’s number, anxiously waiting for the other to answer.

But instead of hearing Jaejoong’s voice from the other line, he heard the sound of Jaejoong’s phone ringing somewhere in that room. It’s coming from next to the pillow.  Shaking his head, Yunho wrapped his face. The tears trickled to fall down as he reached out for the phone.

“Jaejoong-ah…”

“I’m sorry…I’m sorry for taking you for granted…” He hunched his body lower and buried his face in his hands. The tears seeped through the fingers as he cried silently.

*******

Yunho couldn’t sleep again that night. And again, he snuck out from his bedroom and spent his time walking back and forth at the front yard. He has so many things to sort out. So many tangled things that need to smooth out. When his legs grew tired, Yunho sat down on the chair.

“You created this mess…go fix it yourself…”

Yoochun’s voice echoed inside his mind. He wanted to but how? How can he get out of that mess? He doesn’t even has the strength to face Ye Jin, looking into her eyes and smile like he used to; let alone telling Ye Jin that he’s no longer able to love her like before.

“Why did you choose Ye Jin-shi over Jaejoongie? It’s so obvious that you two are attracted to each other, like each other….so why in the world you can come up with a stupidest idea to marry Ye Jin?”

“Because I’m stupid, Yoochun-ah…because I’m stupid to admit my own feeling…and on top of all, I’m stupid for not able to read Jaejoong’s real feeling…now he’s gone, I’m grieving here like an idiot…feeling so lost…”

Jaejoong must be really hurting. How can he bear it all, with him treating him like that?

“What should I do?”

Normally when he couldn’t find a way to settle a problem, Jaejoong would always help him. He would always know what to do. Yunho blew out a breath.

“Yunho-ah?”

Yunho flinched. He turned around and saw Ye Jin.

“What are you doing here? I’ve been looking for you everywhere…” She pulled the sweater to cover her body and walked closer to the table.

“Something happened at the company?” She took a guess and sat down on the chair next to him.

“Sort of…” Yunho avoided sharing an eye contact and opened up the beer can.

“Well…I know that I can’t help you much…I stopped working there after we got married…but I can be a good listener…” Yunho’s body stiffened when she placed her hand on top of his. He swallowed a bitter lump down his throat, seeing her flashing her assurance smile.

“It’s better for you not to know…” Yunho moved her hand away slowly and let the beer washed down his throat.

It’s better for her not know – Yunho really meant it. Everything’s change, his feelings and their love that seems like it would last forever. It’s not longer the same. He can tell ‘I love you’ to Ye Jin hundred thousand times if that’s what she want to hear, if he really needs to but that 3 words would mean nothing anymore. At least not to Ye Jin.

And it’s even better for Ye Jin not to forgive him. She deserves more than that from him. Whenever he comes home from works, she would always greet him with her warm smile. But he couldn’t do that since his heart feels different. Even her touch feels so different. Sometimes he wishes that she could just leave him alone and stop be kind to him. No…it’s not just sometimes. Most of the time. It’s harsh – the way he treats her. But what else he could do except fake it all? It’s better for him to be hurt rather than her.

“Yunho-ah…I’ve been thinking about this for a long while…”

Yunho glanced at her when he sensed the serious tone in her voice.

“I think I’m ready…”

“R-ready?”

“Emm…” She nodded and smiled shyly afterwards. Her fingers were picking at the table.

“Let’s have a baby…” She blurted out.

Yunho froze. He thought that his heart was pierced with a dagger. What he should answer? How he should answer. It’s been a long time since the last time he touch her in that way.

“B-but you said-” the voice choked at his throat, he doubted she could hear what he just said.

“I know you love the kids very much…you want us to have our own baby…and I know I said I’m not ready before…but when I rethink it through, I think it’s about time…”

Would that make a different? Can it fix everything? Yunho wondered. He promised her that he would love her for the rest of his life, he promised her that he will make her the most happiest woman in the world. But can he? 

*******

“Most of relationships fail not because of the absence of love. Love is always present. It’s just that one loves too much and the other loves too little…”

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