She remembers me. It’s vague still but she effin remembered me.

Junhyung wrote the words on the notebook, carefully writing the date and time down as if it’s going to be important part in the history.

Des didn’t provide any details, she only said that she can make out his face from the blurry images in her memory and that they will talk later. Yeah. TALK. We are going to talk and it just wouldn’t me taking her orders. Junhyung anticipated it.

He gave Eunkwang a call, wanting to know more of what Des said but he hasn’t been picking up. He chalked it that Eunkwang’s still busy assisting her.

Junhyung then stared on the already battered gray notebook in his hands. He’s contemplating whether to finally give it to her, or find a much better window, or keep it to his grave. She doesn’t know I have it anyway. But a little guilt was tripping him since the content would definitely help her, it’s her thoughts anyway…and mine. AISSHHH.  He mentally cursed himself for making the said journal as his own. Nobody knew it’s something to use for amnesia.

“Babo.” He convinced himself that he would just let things happen and he’ll follow whatever flow it will lead them through.

*

AWKWARD.

Junhyung kept biting on his inner cheeks while Des was sipping on his hot tea also avoiding looking at him. They decided to meet in a different coffee shop during Junhyung’s rest day, maybe to avoid Des having unwanted memory backlashes too soon.

When the cricket sounds had enough feasting in their silence, Junhyung decided to finally break the ice. “How you been feeling?” He looked up and gave a sincere smile.

“Good. I’m doing okay.” Des smiled up then sighed, “Thank you again for helping us out that day.”

“No biggie.” Junhyung shrugged, avoiding looking at her again.

“I’m sorry though, you have to see that.” Des sat up straight and looked down too. She placed the cup of tea between her hands, playing her thumbs on the rim, “I don’t really feel comfortable people seeing me have those moments of memory flashes.”

Junhyung blinked, imagining her breaking down. “Is it always like that?” He asked, voice low and full with concern.

Des shook her head lightly, “I have happy thoughts as well but it’s just funny how they come back blurry and it gives me severe headache because I strain myself on remembering them. What are really clear were those moments that have brought me pain. I mostly feel the emotions of those memories so when it’s a sad one, I can’t really control how I react.”

Junhyung nodded slowly, understanding her point of view. He wonders how overwhelming her emotions could have been every time she tends to remember something.

“But I’m not complaining…though it’s tiring going back to the hospital.” Des gave a soft laugh, “I sometimes wish everything will just dawn on one go. I don’t really want to deal with this always, and I’ve been a nuisance to the people around me.”

“I don’t think so.” Junhyung said instantly, surprised with himself as well, he just cleared his throat before answering again, “Nobody wanted what had happened to you and people around you would do their best to help. If you’re such trouble, they wouldn’t be here, Eunkwang wouldn’t have bothered, and…and you’re the one who’s suffering most.”

Des was silent for a few minutes and smiled again, “Yeah.”

“And I’m also here to help.” Junhyung took his own cup and had a sip, he can feel his throat going dry.

Des then nodded happily. “Of course. Thank you.”

“Well, so…” Junhyung buffed, he didn’t really know how to start to ask.

Des was able to get it though, she took a deep breath and started.

*

It was actually confusing at first on how Des remembered him. Confusing and worrisome but it didn’t stopped him from committing on helping her to which Des was grateful.

What made him worry was that she said that she can visibly see sad memories, so that means he’s a part of her gloomy ones since he was a clear image.

BUT.

She didn’t feel any pain but had sudden mixed emotions. She was trying hard to get over the blurry details but her head ached and frustration hit her bad.

Junhyung started by explaining the changes in the shop for the last months. He told her about the renovations and concessionaire changes. The staffs’ shifts also changed and they had more new crew members. Junhyung tries his best avoiding hints of him knowing her.

Des turned red when she was describing Junhyung; it was a scene of Junhyung wearing red Beats headphones then looked at her and gave her a lip smile. It wasn’t much but every memory, to its slightest detail, means a lot in her condition.

Junhyung was also trying hard to remember the times he used his Beats and it’s a good thing he just often use it when he tries to listen intensively to a song. There’s a page or two in the notebook that he remembered having a snapshot of him. But he won’t take it out to stress her.

Junhyung didn’t bring up the notebook. He decided to just keep it till forever and use it secretly to help her.

*

Eunkwang left Junhyung a voice message since the latter wasn’t able to receive his call. It was a favor to keep Des company while he was away for another trip to Japan. It was an unexpected business related trip and Eunkwang was the only one available to handle their deals with Japan partners.

Eunkwang had asked him to not let Des strain herself remembering things but let it just go with the flow. He also left sent important phone numbers which Junhyung saved in a group list in his phonebook. Eunkwang said he will be back in a week and will try to give them a call during his free times.

He also repeatedly thanked Junhyung for volunteering helping her. Junhyung knew he’d helped even though the situation was not like this. Meaning Eunkwang and Des being in an engagement or not….well, that’s something he’s only assuming since he didn’t really hear it from them yet. He’d help more since he’s interested, she’s interesting.

He’s anxious, really. Knowing that “helping” her would also come showing his best foot since he kind-of like her. Kind-of…yeah, kind-of. He also seriously got the advantage since he’s got the notebook. The most powerful tool for now.

He also feels guilt. Knowing his friend likes her.

Aish.

Well, he can settle on helping her remember first then. She’ll decide later. Either way…she will remember liking him anyway.