~ " Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die tomorrow " ~

Donghae wrote those sentences in his diary. He liked the phrase and even more when Kyu Jhi said he liked it too. Donghae would learn from the sentences. Donghae recalled the promise Kyu Jhi made for him that he would help him to get back to his past as well as to Cho Kyu Hyun. Although Donghae was not sure how he would do that, he wanted to try. He simply thought a miracle, somehow, would come to him one day if he continued to go forward and never gave up. Kyu Jhi would take him to his past, to places where he and Kyu Hyun had spent their times together, and it would start from tomorrow.

___

"What? How do you think I could know about your past with Cho Kyu Hyun? Listen Donghae, I am not Cho Kyu Hyun, okay? Therefore, I don’t know where you guys had spent your times together." Kyuhyun explained and indeed he lied. He needed to pretend that he was not Kyu Hyun and didn’t know anything about Donghae and ‘that’ particular Kyu Hyun. However, he got his own plan to help Donghae.

"You don’t? Then to whom I should ask for help?" Donghae asked and felt a bit disappointed.

"Of course to someone very close to Kyuhyun, who knew everything about him than anyone else, and I’m pretty sure he knew everything about you and him very well too." Kyuhyun smiled.

"Who is that then?"

"His name is Kim Ryeo Wook. I'll take you to his apartment."

"You know him?"

"Of course I do. Me, Kyuhyun and Ryeowook were friends at school."

Donghae did not ask any further because he trusted Kyujhi. He followed Kyuhyun and got into his car, he quietly obeyed all Kyuhyun’s orders. Sometimes he felt worry cause it was too dangerous for him if Hyukjae found out about this, but he thought it would be okay since Sungmin had returned to their shared apartment. He simply put it in his mind that Sungmin would definitely help him out. He found himself smiling when he recalled what Sungmin had said to him about Hyukjae’s antics. It indeed didn’t take a long time for Hyukjae to begged and asked Sungmin back with him.

"Why are you smiling? Something good is going on?" Kyuhyun felt curious.

"Sungmin-hyung is back."

"Indeed. That's a good news, Donghae."

"It seems that Sungmin-hyung knows Hyukjae-hyung very well, even more than I do. It’s funny though, cause I don't remember anything after all. Anyway, I'm happy Sungmin-hyung is back."

"Donghae, did you tell them about me?" Kyuhyun asked and felt a bit worry of whether or not Donghae told Hyukjae and Sungmin about him. It was obviously dangerous since they knew every single friend Donghae ever had.

"I did." Donghae surely answered and made Kyuhyun suddenly stopped the car.

"What?" Kyuhyun surprised and almost yelled it out. "Then, what did they say about that?" Kyuhyun started to get nervous and panic.

"Sungmin-hyung said that it was good I met an old good friend."

"That's it?" Kyuhyun confused.

"Yes. Ah, I didn’t mention this to Hyukjae-hyung though, because I was afraid he would be more protective over me."

"Ahh… It was a relief then." Kyuhyun sighed.

"Eh?"

"Oh, its nothing." Kyuhyun tried to hide his relief. He felt so much easy knowing Hyukjae didn’t know about this. However, he wondered why Sungmin didn’t feel suspicious at all or maybe he didn’t know enough about Donghae’s friends.

"I think it would be better if you don’t tell them much about me, Donghae."

"I'm sorry. I will be more careful."

"No, you don’t have to apologize. Let’s go, shall we continue our journey?"

Donghae answered him with a smile.

Once they arrived at the apartment building, Donghae looked around while tried to remember if maybe he had came there before. Yet, there was nothing he could remember. Every time he tried so hard to remember something, it would lead him to headache and pain. So he stopped trying and just waited for Kyujhi’s help.

Kyuhyun was very excited. He took Donghae’s hand to follow him to Ryeowook’s apartment. Once the door was open, Kyuhyun saw Ryeowook shocked, because Ryeowook didn’t believe him when he told him about Donghae last night and thought he was frustrated instead.

Ryeowook was speechless as he was looking at Donghae. Kyuhyun quietly laughed seeing his friend’s strange and confuse expression.

"Donghae? Is this you? Lee Dong Hae?" Wooky still couldn’t believe what he saw.

Donghae glanced to Kyuhyun and back to Wooky, "Yes. I'm Lee Dong Hae." Donghae replied smilingly.

Wooky surprisingly embraced Donghae into his arms tightly. Donghae didn’t shy away from the sudden hug and just smiled.

"Donghae, you should know that I'm very happy to see you. I missed you so much. I feel like crying now, seeing you here right in front of me. I know God still loves Kyuhyun because He gave him miracle by sending you back here, Donghae." Wooky strengthened his arms around Donghae. "Kyuhyun lost his sanity after you left…" Wooky couldn’t finish his words cause Kyuhyun immediately looked up at him and gave him a firm stare, which was telling him to stop his talking. "Kyuhyun was no longer a human, he became an evil." Wooky couldn’t help himself and continued to speak, ignoring Kyuhyun’s warning.

Donghae didn't understand so he decided to listen everything first.

"What are you talking about KIM RYEO WOOK????" Kyuhyun refrained himself from hitting Wooky’s head.

"Why?" Wooky innocently asked him back.

"I think Kyuhyun was not like that." Kyuhyun tried to defend himself.

"You didn't know anything about him. I was the one who lived together with him. It wasn’t you, Cho Kyu Jhi."

"Oh, that's right." Kyuhyun couldn’t deny that and found himself stop arguing, but he still felt mad of Wooky.

"Do you know where is Kyuhyun now?" Donghae asked and tried to ease the tension between Kyuhyun and Wooky.

"Hm...To be honest, I don't know where he is now. However, I’m willing to help you if you want to meet him. Ahhh...I heard this from Kyujhi about your memory lost. So, would you like me to help you to bring back your memories with him? I think if you could remember everything about Kyuhyun, then eventually you will meet him." Wooky tried to explain how he would help Donghae out.

"Why is that? How do you think I will find and meet him?"

"It is because you both had a very strong and unbreakable love. No matter how far you are apart from each other, I believe there will be a day when God would bring you guys back into each other arms. It means that you can use the power of your love to find Kyuhyun, Donghae." Wooky smiled to Donghae and so did Kyuhyun. He was grateful for what his friend said.

"Is it even possible to do so?" Donghae doubted it.

"I know it is going to happen, Donghae. You have to trust me and of course yourself too." Wooky tried to convince him.

Initially Wooky was hesitant to do this plan together with Kyuhyun, yet Kyuhyun managed to convince him by telling him that everything was going to be fine. He was convinced that no one would be hurt. Therefore, he finally agreed the plan, though it would be really difficult considering Donghae’s rare disease. He thought that the possibility to execute the plan successfully was small.

"This is going to be very difficult, Kyuhyun. It is not an easy task to make him remember all the memories he shared with you."

"I know."

"Then why are you doing all this? Why don't you tell him the truth that you are Cho Kyu Hyun. It will be much easier. Once you admit it, all would be finished."

"Exactly. Once I admit it, all would be finished. He would stop trying to remember, because all he wants is to remember Cho Kyu Hyun. It might sound weird but I don't want it. I want him to remember his life, in which there were a lot of people who cared about him, not just me. I want him to also remember his old friends whom he loved so much. If he able to remember his life, then he might as well remember about me, cause we loved each other dearly.”

"So basically you are saying that you also want him to remember that you had hurt him? What if he remembers everything and then he leaves you?"

"It would be much better than seeing someone I love has no memories of his life."

"Aren’t you afraid if it happens? You do realize that there may be a chance he would hate you or even leave you if he manage to gain his memories back, don't you?”

"I do and I'm not afraid of it. Because if that happens, then I won’t stop to go after him, I’ll hold his hands and lead him back into my arms. I will make him to fall in love again with me.” Kyuhyun replied to convince Wooky as well as himself.

"Are you kidding me?" Ryeowook doubted his friend.

"No, I’m not! Its just because I can feel it…"

"Feel what?"

" I feel…our love is reborn."

"Can I meet Kyuhyun someday?" Donghae asked with a little bit disappointed because he thought he was going to meet Kyuhyun soon.

Donghae question brought Wooky back from his reverie, “I don't know, Donghae. You should try to remember him first and you might be the one who knows his existence. You are the only person who will find him and we are here to help you.”

“It means that if I couldn't remember him then I’m not going to see him ever?” Donghae was sad of what Wooky had said to him. 

Wooky couldn't answer him anymore and he only stared at Kyuhyun as if he was asking for his help. 

"Donghae, it is okay. Take your time and you don't have to rush it. We are here to help you and we’re not going anywhere until you meet Kyuhyun." Kyuhyun tried to soothe him.

"Kyuhyun is right, you don't have to worry about it, Donghae. You're not alone, there are many people will help you" Wooky added to what Kyuhyun said.

Kyuhyun shocked because he didn’t understand what Wooky meant. "What do you mean?" he sounded his thought.

"If we want to help Donghae then we have to help him till the end. It also means we need help from all people who knew him before. It is not just the two of us, Kyu Jhi."

"Hold on, Kim Ryeo Wook." Kyuhyun panicked because he didn’t understand Wooky’s sudden plan and looked at Wooky expectantly.

"Yesung hyung, Shindong hyung, Shim Chang Min, Kim Ki Bum and Choi Siwon. They would help you too, Donghae" Wooky explained it to both Donghae and Kyuhyun.

Kyuhyun quickly pulled Wooky’s hand to follow him into the kitchen. Donghae was left alone and confused.

"What is this? Are you testing my patience? What are you planning to, Ryeowook?" Kyuhyun asked when they were in the kitchen.

"It would be the best way we can do to make Donghae remember."

"But not with them! Well, Yesung hyung and Shindong hyung are okay, but not for Kibum and Siwon!!! I just can’t let that happen. Bringing them back will just add another issue for Donghae."

"It would make no difference though. Slowly he will have to know these people, so where is the difference? Cause I couldn't see any." Ryewook challenged Kyuhyun.

"But not in this way…"

"Cho Kyu Hyun, you said that, remember? You are not afraid of losing him, and what matter to you is bringing his life back. Yet, you are panic now."

"I just...." Kyuhyun knew he couldn't deny what Wooky said.

"You're just scared and afraid if he would hate and leave you away. Am I wrong, Kyuhyun?" Wooky didn't get the answer. "I know you very well, Kyu. You're always doing something with all your bright ideas but ended up using the wrong way. I don't want you to make a same mistake again and regret it afterward. With my plan, Donghae would be probably hurt a little, but we have to if we want the best for him. This is the sacrifice you have to pay. It may be painful at first, but... I believe Donghae can make it through. Because he is not stupid like you." Ryeowook patted Kyuhyun’s back and went back to Donghae. Kyuhyun remained silent and went deep to his thought.

___

All the way to Donghae’s home, Kyuhyun didn’t say any single word. He kept silent and thought about what Wooky said earlier in the apartment. Donghae saw his puzzled look but he didn’t ask anything. Kyuhyun sighed many times. Though his eyes focused on the road, it was not hard to notice his agitation and confusion.

"Why are you the only one of the most precious in this world?" Kyuhyun unintentionally talked to himself.

"Me?" Donghae asked cause he didn't understand of Kyuhyun’s sudden talk.

"Eh?" Kyuhyun confused initially but soon he realized that he accidentally said something out of the blue. "Ahhh...it's nothing. Just forget it."

"Kyu Jhi, is there something bothering you? You look uneasy since we left Wooky’s apartment." Donghae felt worry.

"No, I’m fine. I was just thinking about something."

"Something that is very precious to you?” Donghae asked and suddenly he realized something. “ Oh I’m sorry I forgot, we always talked about me and never about you. Now I’m wondering if there is someone special to you? I didn't realize this until I heard you mumbling about someone."

"Someone?"

"Earlier, you said 'Why are you the only one of the most precious in this world?' it referred to someone, right? Do you have a girlfriend or boyfriend, perhaps?" Donghae asked and Kyuhyun smiled.

"Yes, I do. He is someone whom I love dearly."

"Where is he now by the way? Why don't you introduce him to me?"

"We broke up."

"Oh, I'm sorry. But why is that? I can see you still love him."

"It was my fault. I hurt him too many times, even I can’t count it how many times I had hurt him. You’re right, I still love him and I think I will love him forever." Both were silent for a moment until Kyuhyun started to talk again. "I always thought if I even lose everything, and nothing was left for me, I’ll be okay if I still have him by my side. That’s more than enough for me. Yet, I’ve lost him and my life felt so empty.”

"You really love him, don't you?"

"I love him more than I thought I could."

"I want to be loved by someone like that too" Donghae stared out of the window. "Every day, I pretend to be happy, but at the same time I want to cry too. Whenever people ask me if I was okay, I’d answer them with smile and said that I was fine. I don't know whether its fine or not, I don't understand what is good and bad, love and be loved, I don't understand anything. I always asked to myself why I am still here, because I don't even know who I am. I feel so tired to pretend, I’m not as strong as people think I am."

Kyuhyun was surprised by Donghae’s sudden outburst but he tried to still his focus on the road.

"Do you honestly think I can meet Kyuhyun?"

Kyuhyun sighed deeply, "You will definitely meet him, Donghae."

"But I don't want to meet him anymore!" Donghae said it quickly and made Kyuhyun suddenly stopped the car.

"Donghae, what’s wrong? Don't you want to meet him? Why suddenly you said that you don't want it anymore?" Kyuhyun went panic and anxious.

"I heard that I hate him a lot in the past. I wanted to see him again but now I don't want it anymore. I’m afraid I would still hate him if I meet him and I DON'T WANT IT! Though I don't know why I hate him, somehow I know I loved him so much. I just want to cherish everything Sungmin hyung and Wooky told me about him, about his love and our love life. It makes me happy, and I don't want to lose this feeling if I remember him!!”

"Donghae, you need to calm down." Kyuhyun tried to calm him down.

"I don't even know who Cho Kyu Hyun is, and yet he can affect my feelings like this!!! WHO THE HELL EXACTLY CHO KYU HYUN IS?" Donghae screamed and let it all out.

Kyuhyun couldn’t stand it anymore so he pulled Donghae into his tight embrace in an attempt to calm him down.

"I don't remember him, Kyu Jhi. But I can feel it, that I love him so much." Donghae started to sob against Kyuhyun’s chest.

"Take it easy, Donghae. You don't know what will happen in the future and neither do I, but I’m sure Kyuhyun and you…would get back together.”

***

Sungmin already felt suspicious of Donghae since the first time he told him about Cho Kyu Jhi. Sungmin obviously didn't know about that person, but knowing that person had an almost similar name with Cho Kyu Hyun, he made a guess that the person Donghae met was Kyuhyun. Sungmin had many reasons to believe so, firstly, he certainly believe Donghae didn't have a friend named Cho Kyu Jhi, then that person’s name was so close to Kyuhyun’s. He was more convinced when Donghae described him about that person, which was seemed like Kyuhyun. Thus, he tried to find it out. He knew Donghae would come back home soon if not later, so he took his hat and jacket to put himself in a disguise and hid somewhere across their apartment. He wanted to know who was that Kyujhi and he knew that person would walk Donghae home as Donghae told him before, so he waited there for them to show up.

"I am going to make sure whether that person is Cho Kyu Hyun or not!" Sungmin said seriously while continuing to hide behind the wall of apartment’s entrance. However, it was already late, 1 am to be exact, Donghae had not yet returned to their apartment. Sungmin grew tired and hungry, and people started to think he was a robber as he was suspiciously standing there for hours with his disguise. He finally gave up and made his way back to the apartment, but when he was waiting for the elevator, he heard Donghae’s voice. He sighed and smiled to himself until he saw who was standing right beside Donghae. That person was nothing less than Sungmin, he looked surprised too. Sungmin was speechless and only focused his eyes to that person.

"You..." Sungmin stuttered. "Cho Kyu..."

TO BE CONTINUED