Relapse
The Servant and MasterC H A P T E R 6
“I know she’s ing dead, Kai. I just dreamt of her,” Sehun had called Kai- he only called him Kai when he was angry or distressed. It was the latter’s stage name when he was young, only using to enter dance competitions and not alert the paparazzi- to tell him about his dream. It was really ing with his mind, she was dead. Didn’t that matter?
“She is, Sehun, don’t get so worked up. You spent months getting rid of her from your mind. Is your PTSD acting up again?” Kai asked worriedly. This wasn’t time to play around. Sehun’s post traumatic stress disorder was something that Kai didn’t play about. He remembered when Sehun was so helpless. He had shut himself off the world, locking himself in his room for long periods of time, only coming out when Luhan, Chanyeol, Kris or Kai- himself- persuaded him long enough. He remembered the scars that Sehun had inflicted on himself. He remembered how helpless Sehun was. It took him months to get over that.
And Kai wasn’t planning for him to go back there.
“Look, it’s okay, Sehun. We’re going to have dinner, and have a nice time, don’t think much of it okay?” Kai told Sehun with sincerity dripping from his voice.
“O-okay,” Sehun said before muttering a goodbye, I have to change to Jongin- he had reverted back to calling the boy Jongin as he had calmed down. Was he mad? Was he really? He spent half his life getting rid of her from his memories. Was he mad now? Yes, he was. He was mad at himself for letting her his mind over when she was dead. He was mad that he couldn’t do anything about it but become his ing pathetic self.
He was mad because he was a coward.
Sehun felt a tingle. It shot through his spine. He had not had that feeling in a long time. His body ached for a release. He needed to feel pain to get rid of what he was feeling now. He needed a distraction, to take away what he was feeling now. He needed the pain.
Therefore, he smashed his fist on the wall.
The wall, thankfully, was a solid wall that didn’t crack or break. Sehun’s fist throbbed in pain as the blood flowed towards his hands, making his hands red and throbbing. Sehun did not wince at the pain, instead he liked it. It distracted him from the pain he was feeling mentally, but, that wasn’t enough. The pain was wearing off and the memories were coming back, Sehun needed something to last him for awhile. He smashed his fist against the door, making a crack in it.
That still wasn’t enough. He needed more.
He needed something to distract him. He rushed to bathroom to find something, anything that that would cause a prick or a cut. He looked around. He saw his razor that he used not-so-often- he didn’t need it much, he had flawless skin- he looked at it and reached out to it.
---
Luhan was worried.
He heard loud sounds coming from Sehun’s room. He was close to Sehun’s bedroom when he heard a smash, followed by another. He was worried.
He really was.
What if Sehun went back to abusing himself? He could never live it down if that happened again. It would wreck him mentally on the inside. He would die.
---
Sehun brought the razor blade towards his milky skin. He placed it against his arm before scraping lightly, then harder as the drag got longer. He saw the thin line of redness before it split and blood gushed out. He smiled sadistically before dropping the razor blade inside the sink. He walked backwards and leaned against the wall before sinking down.
---
“Sehun? Sehun? Sehun!” Luhan shouted for Sehun, he looked around his bedroom frantically. He just couldn’t see Sehun anywhere. His eyes roamed about the room and saw that the toilet door was open, he rushed towards the door and pushed the door open a bit more. He saw Sehun.
Sunken on the floor, smiling to himself.
Luhan’s tears flowed down his cheeks unknowingly. He rushed towards Sehun’s side,
“Oh my, god! Sehun! Your… bleeding… Sehun!” Luhan really couldn’t form a sentence at that time, instead, he just went to take toilet paper to stop the bleeding.
“She was so real, Lu.”
Luhan didn’t think that Sehun was talking to him, but managed to realize it.
“S-Sehun… she’s dead, it’s okay…” Luhan’s tears were still dripping from his eyes but he had to stay strong.
“She was so real…” Sehun said, tears falling from his eyes, he brought his knees towards him and hugged them.
“It’s okay, Sehun, it’s going to be okay…” Luhan said as he hugged Sehun from the side as he still tried to stop the bleeding. Sehun’s PTSD wasn’t something to play around with… It also didn’t add to the situation that Sehun had relapsed after 8 months. He was clean for 8 months… what the hell happened?
“We’ll go through this together, okay?” Luhan asked Sehun as Luhan brushed the hair off Sehun’s forehead.
“I don’t know…” Sehun replied shakily. Honestly, he never got her out of his head at all. She had a hold over him for so long that her hold lingered even after she died. At times like these, Sehun wanted to die. He really felt like slashing his wrist multiple times to get rid of her from his mind. He really wanted to, but Luhan was here and Luhan wasn’t going to let him do that.
“Sehun… please… don’t do this anymore… please?” Luhan asked Sehun shakily, he was crying really badly now. He hated it when Sehun harmed himself; it was so painful for him that it wasn’t even funny.
Sehun wanted to promise Luhan; tell him that it was alright. He really wanted to. But, he couldn’t he knew he couldn’t do that, he would relapse again eventually, he would, he really would. Sehun closed his eyes. He didn’t want to make false promises that he couldn’t keep. He didn’t want to do that to anybody; especially Luhan.
“I’ll try.” He was going to really try again, he was going to try to get her out of his mind. He was going to try not to ever hurt himself ever again. Most importantly, he was going to try for Luhan.
:O
sorry for the angst(?) but it was so fail, it was hardly even angst, if this triggered anyone of you, i'm really sorry... although i know that won't help but uh, i'm sorry...
if this resembled any fic or anyway; i read a fic about sehun being a depressed person with luhan helping him, so if it is related to your story, it's probably coincidental cus i wanted sehun to be some depressed freak from before. so yeah... and the scene just now if it like was the same as yours, it was probably not(?) coincidental because these type of plots are every ing where, so yeah. and your plot was probably fresh in my mind so like yeah. so i give you full credit for the scene...
this is where i read it from if you guys want to know... it's really good. it's on Livejournal so yeah.
so sorry for making you guys wait... :)
oh, so, i have a new baekyeol fic, you guys should check it out.
if you have the time, check out my other fics maybe?(:
thanks again!
subscribe, comment and upvote! (: (:
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