You glanced at Luhan as he ate the cake that was served by the girl he could never have. He thanked her as she went away serving another customers. He sliced his cake and forked it. As he guided it to his mouth, you couldn't help but stare at those lips that kissed you so passionately a week ago. You could still remember how it caressed your lips and how his tongue rolled in your mouth. You almost thought that he was in love with you by the way he was kissing you that night. But you knew you were being used by him just as how you used him.

You tossed and turned at night, regretting the fact that you agreed to his outrageous experiment. However, you knew it wasnt just that that was keeping you awake in the middle of the night. During the kiss, it was Baekhyun that was on your mind at first, but then your mind started to get back to reality and was actually thinking of Luhan. You didnt like the fact that you actually enjoyed it. His lips were guilty pleasures for you.

However, you should have expected that he didnt feel the same as you did that night because you saw disappointment in his eyes as he broke the kiss and opened his eyes. You knew he imagined you to be Yunji, his first love.

Before he could do anything, you ran away from him and bid your goodbyes from your group.

And as he gulped his cake right then, you stared how his Adan's apple bobbed up and down. You didn't know why but you got mesmerized by whatever he did. When he looked at you, you looked away from him started to sip your drinks.

You knew he didn't remember anything because Luhan is the kind of person that would apologize for every little mistakes he does. Today was the first time the two of you met again since the 'incident'  and when he saw, he just greeted you normally which he always does. Then walked in the cafe with you as if everything was normal. As if nothing happened.

"A penny for your thoughts?," Luhan asked.

You looked up at him and smiled softly. You shook your head and took a bite of the cake you bought. Your mind wandered once again as you thought on how you and him became friends. Kai introduced you to him and his girlfriend introduced him to you. It was just a normal kind of way to start a friendship. The two of you got closer when both of you shared your sadness and feelings towards a failed love.

"Failed love... Kai.. Baekhyun..,"you thought.

When you saw Kai, a friend you grown to love in the past, after so many years in a bookstore, you were so happy but it only lasted after a few minutes as he mentioned about his girlfriend. Your heart sinked but you exclaimed your happiness for him. No matter how much you wanted to snatch him away, he would never find happiness with you.

Then there was Baekhyun, who you broke up with because of distance. You knew it was stupid of you to even suggest it in the first place but you knew the relationship wouldn't last when there was distance blocking a couple. You lost contact with him and when you saw him again, feelings exploded like fireworks which you thought wouldn't happen again since Kai. But once again, he was taken.

So just like that, you just gave up and told and promised yourself to never ever get involve with love because it just causes you grief in the end.

That promise was starting to crack as soon as Luhan kissed you. You didn't know why you felt so drawn to him after that. You felt silly for even having feelings for him after one stupid kiss.

It must have been because you desperately needed someone to love you and you wanted to forget about those two guys. You concluded that you think you love Luhan but you don't feel the love for him.

Well, that was your conclusion anyway.

"Seriously, have you been listening?" Luhan sighed, "Suji, what's wrong?"

You shook your head and smiled, "It's nothing. I guess I'm just tired since I haven't been sleeping a lot lately."

Luhan smiled empathetically and asked,"Thinking about them?"

You pursed your lips and nodded. Well, you weren't lying but you were also thinking about him. Since he got the half part right, you agreed.

You saw his eyes flicker in relief and asked,"It will get better."

You thanked him and asked,"You?"

"It's getting better,"he said.

You huffed and rested your head on your right hand with your elbows on the table.

He chuckled, which made your heart skip a beat but you disregarded it, and said, "I mean I still have a bit of feelings but I have to move on, just like what I promised to her."

You smiled at him and started to sip your drinks again, only find out that it was finished. You grunted as you slurped the last drop of the drinks. Luhan chuckled at what you were doing and offered you his drink. You blinked at him and stared at the straw. If you put your mouth on that straw, it would be like kissing him all over again because of his saliva mixing with yours.

You mentally slapped yourself for being so silly and for thinking too much. However, you felt uncomfortable sharing a drink with him. It is just that after what happened, being with him became uncomfortable. Especially when those eyes looks at you in concern and worry whenever you drift from the conversation, like what he was doing now.

"Suji?" he asked, worry sketched in his face, "are you sure you're alright? You seem like not yourself today."

"I'm sorry,"you muttered.

There was a pregnant pause before you said, "Luhan, I have to go. I- I forgot that I need to do something."

You pushed back your chair and stood up without looking at him. You bid your farewell to Yunji and opened the cafe. You held the strap of your bag as you inhaled and exhaled deeply, trying to calm yourself and forced yourself to stop thinking about Luhan.

"But by thinking of not thinking of Luhan, I'm thinking of Luhan," you thought.

You groaned and palmed your face. You heard some shuffling behind you and you turned around to check who it was.

"Suji," Luhan huffed, "What's wrong?"

Your heart leaped by the sight of him but scolded yourself for doing so. You bit your tongue and shook your head. You smiled at him which caused him to frown.

"Stop with the smiling and just tell me what's wrong!" he said, exasperated.

He ran his fingers through his hair and continued, "I'm as broken as you so I know how you feel. Please, just let me help."

You shook your head and chuckled softly,"Why?"

"You're my friend," he explained.

You hated the fact that those words that left his mouth had sliced your heart and crushed it. You hated how Luhan was starting to control your feelings and you hated it. You hated how your were starting to fall for him and it was all because of just one damn kiss. You just hate him.

"Just as how much you love him," a voice whispered in your head.

You ignored the small voice and said to Luhan,"Leave me alone, please."

His jaw hardened and he gripped your wrist tightly. You flinched at the contact. His skin to yours caused a shiver to run down your spine.

"You can't help yourself if you keep being like this," he growled.

There was sudden urge of anger that went through you and replied, "Well, you're certainly not helping me."

He sighed and it seemed like he was in debate with himself for a while before saying something.

"Sorry," he muttered, loosening his grip on you.

You smiled softly at him as you massaged your wrist before turning away from him to go back home.

===

Home.

The definition of home to normal people was where they can go back to their happy families. To you, home was just now a shelter above your head for free. Your family wasn't stable anymore ever since your mother started to work again. She was just a housewife for about 18 years, trying to take care of you and your father, but since you became legal, she insisted on working again.

Everyday, she would be home later than you and your dad. On weekdays, all she ever did was focus on her work, neglecting her family. It was like she wasn't with you anymore. At first, you understood that being a journalists needs to do loads of research but not to the point that she barely sleeps anymore.

Mornings that used to be cheerful and happy, now became quiet and dull. Evenings that used to be full of story-telling and