<><><><> Feeling lost no one wants to endure this, I can't stand it anymore, so I close my eyes  <><><><>

Yixing's POV

I had somewhat of a bad feeling about Chanyeol and Erin's Two Moons performance today. Maybe it was because Erin fainted yesterday, or because of how I knew he liked Erin. I was at the side of the stage at the end of their performance because EXO-M performed MAMA right after the two of them, and I saw it. Chanyeol grabbed her had and when he went in for the kiss I knew even before the lights went off, he kissed her for real.

Erin walked off on my side after the lights turned off, walking like she was calm and collected but I knew it still happened.

"He's dead to me." I whispered to her, her eyes told me she knew immediately who I meant.

"Yixing-oppa, maybe he got the choreography confused-" I stopped her protesting with a look. "Just at least wait till after the intermission please, focus on your performances." She told me.

I still couldn't stop my fists from clenching and biting my lip in anger. She looked at me worriedly.

"Erin-shi, costume change." One of the staff rushed her away to get ready for our stage, leaving me to my anger.

<><><><> I forgot long ago I should have loved more earnestly <><><><>

Chanyeol's POV

When I grabbed her hand by accident, I knew that this would be my only chance.

Her face was still the calm and collected expression she wore for the song, even with sweat pouring down the sides of her face and strands of hair were sticking to her skin. When I went in though, I saw the flicker of realization in her eyes.

It was strange, surreal almost when I kissed her. She flinched when we made contact, it only lasted a fraction of a second and when the lights went out she squeezed my hand so hard I stumbled back, thinking it was broken. But we had still kissed, and I was sure that Yixing saw us from the side of the stage.

This was all that I could do to show her my feelings, when Yixing wasn't around to protect her constantly, and where she had no choice but to act like a pro on stage.

I walked off on the other side, and I saw Yifan-hyung glaring at me.

"He won't let you just get away with it." He told me as I passed. "We could all tell from the sides what you did." I guess grabbing ehr hand was pretty obvious if you saw from the side, but at that point the guilt was already heavy without EXO-M leader's warning.

It was sinking in, what I had really done. Even it was the girl of my dreams, I wasn't her's.

In the make-up room Suho-hyung sat next to me while I was getting ready for my next stage, he kept looking at me until I finally answered.

"Yes, hyung?"

"Kris-hyung told me." I sighed, this was not going to be good.

"And so? It's not like any one else could have picked up on it other than you guys." None of the staff payed attention to the choreography that well, and the lights went out well before I kissed her. I didn't want to admit to anyone else of how guilty I felt, even if I was the one in the fault.

"I don't want any fighting going on in the group, especially while we're abroad. You guys are going to be in the public eye much more now that we're over seas." We were scheduled for a street filming for the Tour DVD on Sunday, and they had already hired security for that event as well.

"I'll apologize to Erin," I hoped that would be enough but Joonmyun was always the diligent leader.

"And to Yixing, you and I both know the real details between them." I growled,

"You're okay with the two of them and talked to me when I first went out with her?" It was unfair, he had cautioned me about Erin before the Seoul concert, saying that our flirting was too obvious.

"That's because it' well known in the company that you're dating Tiffany-sunbaenim. Do you know what could happen to us if you upset her? She's the niece of Founder Lee." I paled, I had forgotten about that. It was one of the reasons I had started to grow interest in her, she did get me some extra variety recordings through her uncle for me. I had just forgotten who her uncle was.

"But I never explicitly agreed to go out with her!" It was really that we just managed to eat out a lot, it was never anywhere really special.

"But you never decline, that's the same as going out, and if there's even a rumor of Erin and you, you better pray that Tiffany doesn't find out. Otherwise Erin might as well pack her bags because anyone in SNSD has enough power to kick her out of the company and or the industry." He warned me, my eyes widened.

"That can't possibly be true-"

"Do you remember Christine? The girl in CM before Erin came?" I nodded, not confident in where Joonmyun-hyung was going with this. "She got vocal nodules and moved to Woolim. Originally the company was going to keep her because she was great acting material, and nodules can be treated, but she got in an argument with Taeyeon sunbaenim about a certain someone. The next day she was taken out of the group and moved out within the week." I couldn't believe it. "I'm sure you know who that someone is," Sehun. Taeyeon had always liked our maknae, but never approached him. She and I were talking about ways she could try to talk with him, but it seemed that he was still getting over the loss of Christine. They had been going out in secret for almost a year until she had been switched and they had no way of coming into contact.

"I thought that she went by choice, that she was given a sooner offer to debut there or something," I tried to reason.

"That may be true, they are going to debut in November, Woolim and SM C&C is putting out a 6 member girl group. Christine might still not be in that group, depending on how fast her vocal cords heal." He got up, leaving me to get my make-up done. "I'm just saying to be careful about Tiffany, stop flirting with Erin until you get your relationship with sunbaenim sorted out."

<><><><> Do we keep going like nothing happened?  <><><><>

Erin's POV

I was sitting in the girl's waiting room. It wasn't just CM members but all the girl back up dancers for the concert which included about 10 other girls who were trainees at SM or went to a dance school affiliated with SM. Not all of them danced a girl part, some where just a regular dance back up dancer and wore boyish clothes like a male back-up dancer.

"Did you take a supplement?" One of the managers asked me as they came by.

"Yes, I took one right before the concert started."

"Iron or vitamin?" She asked, I had to take both types because I had both types of anemia.

"Iron." That was the one that I was deficient in more.

"Take a vitamin one now, the doctor said you should take an extra one of each for concert days." I nodded and walked over to get it from my bag. I looked, and couldn't find. After dumping the contents of my bag and still not finding it, I looked for a manager but none of them were in the girls room.

"Hey, Ra-Im." I asked my leader, she was in the middle of a make-up touch up before our collaboration stage. "Do you have any vitamins?" Ra-Im usually had a supplement of some kind, I think she was slightly anemic too or something like that.

"Sorry, today I left them in the hotel because I didn't empty my suitcase yet."

"It's okay." I should be fine anyway, I already took a vitamin supplement this morning and taking pills on empty stomachs made me nauseous.

"Do you want me to get a manager for you? I think they carry around extras just in case." Woo-Jung asked me from the seat next to Ra-Im.

"I'll go find someone, thanks” I told the two of them. I walked out of the room to look for a manager, but on then a staff member saw me as soon as I opened the door.

“Good, you need to go for Lay’s solo stage.” My eyes widened, I thought I had enough time to find my supplements. I gave the monitor in the girl’s room another look however and saw that it was already the third verse of the current song.

<><><><> Even if I hurt, the tears still fall like rain <><><><> 

For the stage with Yixing, we were performing one of his own compositions. The actual name was in Chinese but he told me that the translation was “Setting Sun” or something like that. It was a mixed genre song that started R&B but then went into dance pop.

For this stage we started in the middle of the Dome where there was a run off of the stage that we walked up on and started. To get there we had to walk next to the fans at ground level next to the stage, for Yixing it was obvious that the fans recognized him and started screaming his name even before he was on the real stage. For me it was less obvious and they all just looked on stage, not knowing I was part of the performance.

Thankfully, Yixing changed much of the song into English for my features, but I still had difficulty remembering the Chinese chorus.

“Hello Tokyo Dome!” Yixing’s English was always a treat, he always sounded so polite. As expected, a wall of screams answered his dimpled smile.

I got on stage silently with the back up dancers, there were 4 of them, making 6 altogether on the stage.

“Today, I’ll be performing my own composition, the lyrics were written by EXO-M’s Kris and me. Please listen to it well.” He bowed. A translator translated his words into Japanese and another cheer echoed in the Dome.

I was nervous suddenly, there were little mistakes that I kept making in rehearsal because the rhythm was so intricate during the R&B part. And then I thought of Chanyeol and the kiss. For a second I was tempted to look at the side of the stage I knew Chanyeol waited at during this song, but instead I looked at Yixing. He was looking at me too, eyes expressionless just like how we practiced. But his eyes were also telling me something.

Be prepared. I wasn’t sure what he was talking about, but then the stage lights went out to signal the beginning beats of our performance.

It was all going as planned, Yixing sang the first few lines in the R&B part, and then my English rap.

Uh, oh. What have we got here? Something must in the atmosphere. That sun, it’s gone. My  heart, it’s gone. Oh my boy, were you gone –(A/N: You can tell my English grade based on how creative my lyrics are >_<)

It was always hard for me to find the camera during my parts. For one reason, I had on colored contacts and they irritated my eyes a bit because they were also the type that enlarged your eyes. And second, the cameras would literally come out of nowhere then zoom in right in your face, giving you no chance to look down and make sure you weren’t going to dance off stage.

I didn’t fall off though and we reached the transition part smoothly, it was a couple dance from R&B style to pop dance.

“Look at her, that beautiful girl. Will she disappear with the sun? Will she come back?” Even though what he was singing now was in Chinese, Yixing had taught me what the lyrics meant. I knew what he was singing when he and I were hand in hand, when he had a hand on the small of my back, and what he was singing when he dipped me, our faces mere millimeters apart.

When I broke out of his hold, the music stopped. I looked at the camera that was positioned at the center back of the dome, the red light my guide.

“DJ, drop the bass.”

Screams echoed off the Dome again and I stripped, again. I ever noticed, but the choreographers must really like costume changes. Underneath the red miniskirt and orange cutoff shirt, I had on black booty shorts and a black muscle tank with the number 12 on the front and 27 on the back to hint of CM’s debut. But SM also didn’t want to make it too obvious and the back number was only show for about 10 seconds until Yixing gently draped his gold jacket on my shoulders and then back up dancers help me put it on while dancing like some kind of interpretive snake. I don’t even know how but the choreographer made it complicated to even put on clothes.

It was a slick transition, like the pace literally doubled in half a second and we were jumping on top of one another. My shoe almost came off when another dancer stepped on it in the middle of getting to their spot, but I couldn’t do anything because the camera was on me at that point.

“Go, I don’t want you anymore. Not in my life, just shut the door.” It was more of a back and forth until the end of the song.

“Stay with me, my beautiful and sweet. Stay with me, unlike the setting sun.” The ending was sudden and I almost always missed it but I walked off stage on time, just in time for the lights to turn on with the stage empty.

I was a little light headed while walking back to the dressing room but it was fine because now it was intermission.

<><><><> Hidden behind your mask there are many expressions, but it remains the same until the end. Is it really for the better like this? <><><><>

Yixing’s POV

I was ready to rip Chanyeol’s throat out. The fact that he could smile and act like he had done nothing to act guilty was getting on my nerves.

I stormed over to get ready to yell at him for kissing my girlfriend, who I hadn’t even kissed yet, but then Yifan intercepted me and pushed me out into the hall.

"What gives?" I asked the giant, he didn't answer until Chanyeol and Baekhyun had passed us in the hall and then let go of me.

"I'm trying to keep you from killing one of our members." He made a point to look at me until the thought of arguing against his accusation died before it was said. "We all know what happened but that still doesn't give you the right to hurt him."

"And why not? What would you do if he had kissed Meishan?" I wasn't a hundred percent sure if Yifan knew that I knew but probably not considering the look that he gave me when I mentioned her name. He looked around quickly and brought me into one of the restrooms.

"Who told you?" He seethed, "If it was Baekhyun I swear I'm going to-"

"I saw the texts between you once when I needed to use your phone. Relax, it's only because I could read Chinese. Which by the way means that you don't need to freak out when I talk to you since only two other people speak Chinese well enough to understand us-" A door unlocked in the bathroom and we turned to see who was coming out of the stall.

"More people know Chinese than you think." Surprisingly, it was Erin that came out of the stall, "And what are you two doing in the women's restroom?" Yifan and I looked at each other then at the bathroom, there weren't any urinals, and it actually smelled plesant in here.

"Duizhang, you idiot!" I punched him in the shoulder, switching back to Korean out of habit around Erin.

"Don't worry, I smacked him already Yixing so you don't have to." She told me, walking in between the two of us to get to the sinks. "And Kris, you and Meishan need to be more careful, one of the managers for Mate is really Chinese so she can read fluently."

"But Meishan hasn't said anything,"i Yifan started to protest but she shook her head.

"She probably doesn't know the manager is Chinese. She doesn't talk a lot around the members and looks Korean. But I've She's been speaking English with me a lot to practice for when she has to manage the girls in Thailand and other places, she's definetly Chinese." Yifan and I looked at each other again, something like that had happened similarly with us before debut too.

"Erin-" she was walking away but I wanted to talk to her about Chanyeol

"You both might want to get out now while no one's looking, I can't come up with even one excuse for why two members of EXO would be in the women's bathroom."

<><><><> At last I cry angrily, I run crazily, I remember <><><><>

After the concert

Chanyeol's POV

I couldn't even look at the two of them, they looked closer than ever. Yixing and Erin were sitting next to each other at the end of their groups at the counter. We were at a sushi restaurant and the dancers all got a huge island while the staff got another table.

It was obvious from the other side of the table where I was sitting that the two of them were holding hands underneath the table. I saw Yixing look at me more than twice to make sure that I knew. He was getting scarier than before. Before during the concert, I thought that he would instantly hunt me down and take one of my livers, but now was even worse because he was hurting me in the most painful way possible. He was hurting my heart.

Erin was oblivious to us, our little war. She was happily chatting with Yixing in a mix of Korean and a little Chinese. She looked beautiful, still in her concert makeup and curly hair. She ditched the contacts for some oversized glasses that covered almost half her face and all of her cheeks, but what could be considered geeky only made her seem more charming in the dim light of the restaurant.

I wasn't really doing anything other than paying attention to the couple on the other side of the table, I didn't even enjoy the sushi properly. Joonmyun made an attempt to include me in on a conversation with him and Kris, but I still wasn't really acting social until I got a Kakao-talk.

From SteFany162

How's Japan? I heard your first concert was great! Tell Erin good job on the duet too^^

My heart skipped a beat like it always did when I got a message from my favorite member of SNSD, but then it sank when I was reminded of what she thought about the two of us and what I thought about Erin.

"Chanyeol, let's go to the bathroom. Now." Joomyun grabbed my arm with more force than he usually showed and pulled me up from the table, grabbing the attention of some people, including Erin. We looked at each other, I thought I saw a flash of pity or guilt in her eyes, but when I turned my head away I knew that it was all probably in my head.

"Answer her, tell her you had a good time and stop thinking about Erin. You can't keep doing htis when Tiffany-sunbaenim thinks that the two of you are dating." I could see the worry that Joonmyun carried, for me and for EXO.

"You still know that's easier said than done." But I listened to him and texted her back, because even if she wasn't first in my heart. I was first in her's.

<><><><> Chasing, losing control. I look at others with coldness. but this shouldn't be a game! <><><><>