Whether she realized it or not, I watched her. Watched her as grew up to be an amazing woman with many responsibilities. My angel wasn't a little girl anymore. She didn't easily cry anymore, she was stronger than ever. 

 

I remember the last time I ever saw her, was on the day Jongin proposed to her. Her smile could brighten up any room as she spoke about her and Jongin. Her smile was almost like the one she had when she was with me; genuine, happy, full of emotion. I knew I wasn't the reason behind the smile anymore, and that only tore me apart more. 

 

I couldn't help it when my voice cracked or when tears threatened to fall from my eyes. Even as an angel, I still have some emotion to shed. I told her it was just something in my eye. If she knew I was hurt by the wedding, she may not marry Jongin anymore and I'd be the cause of them breaking up and stress. It was the last thing I would want my angel to go through. Not again especially like last time. It hurt too much to watch her be broken and I wasn't willing to watch it again. 

 

She smiled and laughed everytime Jongin's name slipped throuh her perfect, rosy pink lips. I missed kissing them but I knew it'd be wrong to make her second guess her emotions for Jongin. She started to fade as morning rose on Earth. I didn't realize it would be the last time I saw her. If I did know, then I would have held her one last time...but like I said, I didn't know. 

 

From up here, I watched as Jongin planned everything to propose to her. I watched as he and Sehun went out to buy the ring for her; the ring that would forever bond them together. I felt a pang in my heart, but what was I to do? It's not like I could go down and tell her to not marry him. I just had to sit through it.

 

Little did she know, I was sitting right in the front row during her wedding. She placed a special seat for me in the front row, and had a balloon hold my place. A silver, star shaped balloon. I sat down and watched as they exchanged their vows. How I wish that was me. I wish it was me to be the one to hold her hands, lift her veil and kiss her pink lips stained in a beautiful lipstick. How her long eyelashes would flutter as we pressed lips, how my stomache would churn but of course, I couldn't. She looked beautiful and I was right when I said she'd be the prettiest bride around.

 

I watched her as she and Jongin packed up to go to their new home outside of Seoul. The house was something I had always dreamed of having with her, but my path was changed. I dreamt of a medium sized house, just enough to have a family in and settle down for the rest of our lives. The kind of house that we would work hard to decorate and fix to our desire. The house that would purely look how it did because of our dedication and hard work.

 

I watched her tear the apartment apart at the last minute looking for the book she had neglected to keep safe since her last entry. She couldn't bear to leave it behind, yet she never opened it for the last two years. She had read the last entry and left it untouched for months, now years. The pages and book collected dust over the time of neglect. I started to lose my connection with her, I couldn't hear her thoughts anymore. She was moving on.

 

Jongin was the one to find the notebook crammed behind her dresser, covered in dust, the pages bent. She smiled as she got it back and thanked him. Even though she got it back, she never did open it again. It sat in a box along with other pictures. That box lived at the bottom of her closet for years never touched.

 

Over the years, she never said my name again. Not even once. I would be lying if I said I wasn't sad but I'd also be lying if I said I wasn't glad she moved on. I can't always tie her down. I watched as she had her first child. It was a little boy, small and plump. He had Jongin's eyes and her beautiful smile. Of course this child, will never come to learn who I am or what part I played in his omma's life but that's okay. I'll watch over him too.

 

The day came where she had another child, this time a baby girl. She was small and plump like her brother. She had the cutest cheeks and looked exactly like her but with a few of Jongin's signature features. She and her brother grew up to be very smart and good children. I watched as their omma dropped off her two children at school everyday and coming back in the noon to take them home. I watched their omma heal their wounds, dry their tears, wrap them in hugs and everything else an amazing mom would do.

 

Jongin also was a good father. He was there for my angel during her pregnancy times. The times she'd wake up at night in so much pain, or the afternoons where everything pissed her off. He supported her well by getting a job for money to feed her and the upcoming family. He watched over her at night making sure she was okay. Even while in the delivery room, he was standing by her side waiting for his children. 

 

I'd be lying if I didn't say I wish that was me. I wish I could be the one to become a father. I wish I was the one who her children called Appa. The one who would come home after work with boxes full of cookies and having her scold at me for bringing home sweets before dinner time. I wished I was the Appa whose daughter was Daddy's Little Girl. I would teach my son to treat women well and to protect my daughter from dangerous boys. I would love to take my children out and have others compliment and tell me how much my children looked like me and then I'd thank them before pulling my children away and continueing our playdate. 

 

Of course, I can't do that. I can't do that ever. I am eternally trapped in the skies only to watch over her whether she realized it or not. I'm not allowed to go back down and live with her. I'm not allowed to go and shower her with love, I am only allowed to watch and love her from afar. 

 

No day passes without me watching over her to see what she's doing. Right now the children are asleep and her and Jongin are fighting again. This time over how their son had gotten in trouble for fighting with another boy. She struggled to be released from Jongin's grip. I couldn't bear to watch as tears slipped down her face. The yelling and screaming had stopped and now it was only her soft murmers against his chest. He caressed her hair only whispering sorry over and over again.

 

Every time they fought, it killed me on the inside to see them argue. The screams and shouts would strain and the tears would choke on her words. It hurt me to see her like that. I hated when they fought. It tore the two apart and I couldn't bear thinking she'd end up alone if he ever chose to leave. God forbid. 

 

I watched her as she drove to work. She got her dream job finally. I'm proud of you beautiful. Work hard. You deserve it. Despite the fact it was her dream job, it was draining her out. Dark bags grew under her beautiful eyes casting dark shadows, that would only get covered up by concealer. She never looked happy doing her job, but she did it anyways to support her family. She learned how there are more important things than her wishes but I just wish she did it in a way that wouldn't be hurting her. It hurt me so much to see her sitting in her office, yawning, and ripping her hair out from stress. I wish I could go down and rub her shoulders. To kiss her and relieve her of her stress but I can't lie to myself and say that I can. 

 

Since I couldn't do anything, the least I could do would be to watch her.

 

Year after year, she aged. 

 

Our story reminded me of Peter Pan. I would bring her to the Heaven in her dreams and we'd have fun. She was my Wendy and I was Peter Pan. As I stayed young, she grew older. The only difference between us and Peter Pan was that she was more beautiful than Wendy. Like how Wendy promised to always love Peter Pan, my angel promised to always love me. Wendy broke her promise and grew to be old, my angel couldn't help but grow old as the years passed. Wendy ended up marrying on of the Lost Boys and my angel married Jongin. Unlike Peter, I couldn't go down and take her daughter to come and be with me. That'd only be selfish and childish of me. 

 

So here I was. Stuck in a world where I stayed young and my angel aged. Her children grew up to be amazing adults with families of their owns. My angel almost cried holding her first grandchild; a little boy who looked so much like her as well. She let a tear slip as her grandchild learned how to say halmeoni for the first time. She did spoil that child really. Spoiled that child rotten but always taught him life values that he'd need.

 

She and Jongin were the type of old couple you'd see sitting at the park just feeding the pigeons. Everyone who passed them would find it adorable and when they asked how long they had been together, the people would drop their jaws in awe. They were the couple everyone wished to be. The ones who were together forever and took their wedding vows seriously. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.

 

And that was them until Jongin came down with a sickness. He was bedridden for months until the day he passed and join me in Heaven, young once again and in his prime age. I watched her everyday, sitting by his hospital bed they kept in the house, wiping the sweat from his forehead, whispering prayers as he slept. It hurt me. How could Jongin leave her before. How could he leave her in the world alone but then again I couldn't say anything about that since I also did that too. 

 

She would caress his wrinkled skin and whisper sweet nothings praying he would get better. The world was hard on her and took him away from her. After months of caring for him and paying expensive medical bills, they took him from her. I was suprised one day to wake up to find her crying and someone tapping my shoulder.

 

I turned around and Jongin smiled lightly. He was young once again, his gray hair replaced with his soft brown color and his wrinkled skin, firm and silky once again. I gasped and looked down to find her crying beside his bed holding his hand tightly as her children tried to pry her away from him. I felt angry but what could I do? The sickness won and there was nothing I could do. 

 

We watched her together, she was still hurt and upset about the passing of her husband. Her children tried to take her and have her live with one of them but she refused to leave the house she and Jongin had lived in for so many years. She cried as her children stuck a For Sale sign on the ground in the front lawn. She ran out, despite her age and tried to rip the sign off the grass. "DON'T YOU DARE SELL THIS HOUSE." She screamed before falling to the ground after she pulled the sign out. She whimpered as a shock of pain shot through her body. Her son picked her up and carried her to his car as her daughter stuck the sign back in. 

 

The house was sold and she now lived with her son and his family. The house she lived in was big and she had a beautiful room furnished with everything from her room back in her other house. She cried as she watched all her things she and Jongin worked so hard to earn get sold to strangers who would never learn how much effort was put in to get that item. 

 

She grew depressed but tried to be happy for her children and grandchildren. Always telling them she was going to be okay and that she loved them alot. 

 

Jongin sat here, threatening to cry any second as he watched her go through all her hardships alone. Without him there, she grew lonely and there was nothing Jongin could do either. "Hyung, what do I do. She's hurting..."

 

I told him the most we could do was watch, nothing more. He should continue to love her and watch over her, and that will be enough for her to get by with until she one day joins us.

 

That day came when she rested her eyes and never woke up. Below, I could watch her withering away in the hospital bed not saying a word. She stared blankly at the wall as her family cried around her. Her now 4 grandchildren gripped her arms softly crying asking for her to stay. She shook her head and smiled apologetically. She looked up at the light and smiled one last time before shutting her eyes finally able to be with her love again.

 

I learned that she had moved on. She had grown up to be more than I ever imagined and learn to love someone else. There was a spot in her heart for me, but only as a memory. Everything we had gone through, every "I love you", every kiss, ever hug, every tear shed was only a memory that would only bring pain. A memory she kept stored away and never dared to look back on. I had been overshadowed by another man who wasn't stupid enough to die so early and leave her heart broken for months without end. She had learned to move on from the man who left her cause he was stupid enough to into the shooting ring and get shot. She loved a man who was able to live everyday on Earth for many years and shower her in the affection she deserved. A man who didn't leave her in such a short time without a last word in person. 

 

It wasn't me. That man couldn't and never will be me.

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Guys, I can't believe this story is over now TToTT. This story was my most successful here on AFF and I can't thank you all enough for sticking around and reading my awkwardness. I know I am not the best writer out there but you guys make me feel like I am and I can' ask for more. You guys are always commenting saying I have made you cry so much, and honestly I didn't know I could make that happen through my writing. You guys mean so much to me. Thank you once again from the bottom of my heart.