Yurim had been lying on the living room couch of Baekhyun’s house for an hour before Kris called her.

“Sehun was worried about you since you didn’t call him and you promised you’d go to work.”

“Just at Baek’s blowing off some steam – don’t worry, I’m fine. I’ll call Sehun in a bit and head home in an hour or so.”

“Okay, then? Uh, text me if you need anything.”

After Kris hung up, Yurim gave Sehun a ring and left a message when he didn’t pick up his cell, phone dropping to her side as a heavy sigh left her lips.

“Don’t let what Kai said get to you.” Baekhyun said as he walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch. He moved Yurim’s legs out of the way and let them fall back onto his lap as he sunk into the seat. “If he’s as good of a friend as I think he is, then you know he would never mean anything by it, right?”

The sound that Yurim made was some odd cross between a grumble and whine. “I know he wouldn’t, but the thought has crossed my mind on more than one occasion so I guess it’s just hitting me that someone else could possibly think the same thing.”

Yurim to her side and buried her head into the corner of the couch before saying something else.

Baekhyun nudged her. “Say that again? I can’t hear you when you’re talking into the pillow.”

“Why did you and Chanyeol never become a thing?”

“Bgah?” Baekhyun’s head whipped to face Yurim. “How did you…I don’t…you…”

“I kind of always knew, but I was never really in a position to be telling you how to deal with your love life. Now spill.”

It was Baekhyun’s turn to let out a sigh. “I mean we kind of tried it. We did the handholding and occasional bits of PDA, but in the end we really only saw each other as good friends. Somehow we got past it all very quickly and fairly unnoticed and then we got back to being us. We’re awkward enough as it is that any additional awkward was kind of, uh…masked, I guess.”

“Oh.”

“That doesn’t go without saying that I still sometimes wonder what would have happened if we kept it up or ended badly.” Yurim swore she saw Baekhyun’s lips turn up into a nostalgic smirk, but the second she blinked it was gone. “You can’t help thinking it even a bit. No one can.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t sulk.” Yurim caught Baekhyun’s sudden topic switch and the hint that Baekhyun was trying to give her advice.

“Never said that. Just don’t let yourself be bothered by it to the point that you end up like this.” Baekhyun gestured towards Yurim’s depressed form. “You know Kris cares about you, and there are enough people who would call him out if he tried anything stupid like cheating on your or pushing you to do things you didn’t want to do. He looks like a mean, cold hearted jerk at a glance, but we know he’s a softie when it comes down to it.”

“I know that. But…”

“But?”

“…”

“Again, I can’t understand you when you say things into the couch.”

“-yun”

“Oh.”

*~*~*~*~*

Luhan and Sehun were working in the store when Yurim finally came back. Baekhyun had sent Sehun a warning text that Yurim was a bit sad and moody, so they let her off for being late. They knew that whatever happened must have been bad when Yurim went into the back room and started restocking without even being asked. Yurim hated lugging around the boxes, so either she was very out of it, or so mad she needed to distract herself by doing something out of the ordinary.

“Isn’t this where you’re supposed to be a good ‘oppa’ and go console her?” Luhan whispered when Yurim ducked behind some shelves.

Sehun shrugged. “Just let her calm down for now. Who knows, maybe she suddenly found a love for restocking things.”

“You’re such an idiot. But fine, we’ll leave her alone for now.”

*~*~*~*~*

Joonmyun was absorbed in his book when Yixing barged into his room and almost gave Joonmyun a heart attack. “You’re going to be the death of me, I swear!”

“Jongdae just called and you left your phone in the living room.” Yixing tossed Joonmyun his phone before going back to the TV. Jongdae had left a voicemail.

“Hey Joonmyun, it’s Jongdae. Call me back as soon as you get this. I really really need to cash in on a favor.”

“Cash in on a favor? He’s the one who owes me a favor!” Joonmyun grumbled but called Jongdae back anyway. “What do you want?”

“Joonmyun! You know how to properly hold down back-stage, right?”

“Uh, I think you need to backtrack a bit and fill me in on details before I start saying yes to things. I would like to never repeat the pants incident.”

“Hey, you looked good in those pants. Anyway, the stage manager who works at the KeyCap broke his knee. He wont be able to work for 3 weeks while he heals up, and even after that he’ll need help. I was hoping you could fill in at least for the time being week. I can probably find someone else to help me out after that, but on such short notice I don’t think can find someone to fill in full time.”

“Jongdae, I work full time.”

“At night, I mean. You’d just have to come in by 6:15 every day, and you’d be out of here by 11:30.”

“Jongdae, I really don’t think I can work an 8-hour shift and go work another 5 hours at a club. And weekends? You’re really asking for a lot.”

“KeyCap is not a club, it’s a dance…club…look, Joonmyun I really need the help and you’re the first person I thought of who has some idea how to run back-stage."

Admittedly, Joonmyun did have experience with working back-stage. When he was performing with Luhan and Yixing, he picked up a lot of the things the stage managers had to keep track of and found himself helping out every now and then. It was a curse that he was so helpful, really. “You owe me big time for this. And I mean more than a fat check because I’m counting all of this as overtime.”

“Er…thanks. I’ll stop by later so you can sign some papers. You’re a lifesaver!”

“Yeah, yeah, so I hear.” Joonmyun hung up and tossed the phone onto his bed. “Gives me a good reason to do get out at night, I guess.”

*~*~*~*~*

The rest of the week, Yurim spent her afternoons at dance practice. There was only a week before classes started up again and that meant it would be difficult to practice the three days before the performance. Seohyeon had approved of Yurim singing, and after Wonjoon heard it he was happy enough to comply. It did mean cutting out one of Kai’s solos and reworking one of the other dances he was doing with two others, so Kai had been spending time trying to get his body used to the new transitions. Between practices, the tension between Yurim and Kai dissipated and Kai’s careless words were forgetten.

Practice was going well, as always, and everyone could see things coming together. It was hard work cramming ten days of practice into just seven, but they knew it would be worth it when they could leave the stage with the audience’s cheers as proof they were there.

“Hey Kai,” one of the older boys said as they broke for a short rest. His shorter, chestnut brown hair was stylized into a bit of a point and his slightly chubby cheeks puffed out a bit as he spoke. “I’ve been meaning to ask, but did you really tell Seohyeon that you were willing to cut one of your solos for Yurim’s singing?”

“Yeah, I did. Why you asking, Xiumin?”

“Dunno, just doesn’t seem like something Wonjoon and Seohyeon would allow. It’s the first time they made any changes to the set list within two weeks of a performance that I can think of.”

“They did that one huge set overhaul back a couple years ago for the Summer Collab. They basically re-ordered everything when Ji dropped that bomb on us.” A taller boy with short dark locks sat down by Kai.

“That was different, Tao. It was too late to just cancel and we at least kept the chunks together. It was just remembering the new order.” Xiumin said back.

Kai rolled his eyes, taking a swig of water and letting it cool down his burning insides. He loved dance practice, but it was so tiring and taxing and it made his body heat up uncontrollably at times.

“It’s go time, everyone!”

*~*~*~*~*

“Can I get an ‘aye-yo’ from the audience?!”

The resounding response from the audience overflowed the entire building space. It was lively and packed and Jongdae couldn’t be happier with the official opening of KeyCap. He admired the view from one of the upper level VIP suite he had installed for parties and special occasions, though he had opened another for all the attendees to admire. The DJ had been pretty spot on despite the occasionally cheesy hype and banter he would shout into the microphone, and the lead up performers were helping keep everything alive.

Colored lights that bounced off the walls lit the main area, but it was dark enough for people to get a little bit provocative on the dance floor. Along the edges were booths and tables to rest at and a drink bar stocked with the works. Connected to the main area was a short hallway that led to a mini restaurant Jongdae also had set up to keep people inside.

“Hey Jongdae, Seohyeon and the EXO crew just arrived. Should I send them to suite three? Over.”

Jongdae pressed down on a button fastened to a wire and spoke into the microphone that rested near his lips. “Yup. And suite four. The keys should be backstage with the . Thanks Joonmyun. Over.”

Joonmyun checked EXO off of his paper, noting their arrival and proper check in. “I’ll be right back with someone who will take you up to your dressing rooms.” Joonmyun wandered off to find the and introduced him to Seohyeon. “You guys will be up in suites three and four since the actual dressing room is kind of full.  The windows are tinted and pretty high up, but there are curtains and bathrooms if you want more privacy to change and stuff.” Joonmyun allowed the to take care of Seohyeon’s needs while he continued to manage the backstage area.

Things had gone smoothly until now. There were no odd incidents or outrageous demands from performers. All the equipment worked fine and the DJ was happy with the set up and his green room. The only thing that was bothering Joonmyun was the fact he would probably be running into Yurim soon.

It wasn’t until the day after Joonmyun agreed to help Jongdae that he remembered that Yurim was going to be performing. He told Luhan and Sehun he wouldn’t be able to hang out with them anymore that night because of Jongdae. Luhan’s first reaction: “but Yurim is going to be back stage, isn’t she?”

At that, Joonmyun groaned and facepalmed so hard his forehead was red for about five minutes after. He tried to call Jongdae back and say he couldn’t do the job anymore, but Jongdae guilt tripped him so much Joonmyun couldn’t turn him down. So with a heavy heart, he signed the contract and braced himself for having to see Yurim.

It really shouldn’t have been that bad, considering Joonmyun would see Yurim at Sehun’s store and he initiated those meetings, but for some reason the thought of seeing her backstage made his stomach turn a bit. Maybe it was the uncertainty of when it would happen. Maybe it was because this time, Joonmyun had no control of the situation despite having to control everything else. Whatever it was, Joonmyun managed to dodge her as EXO made their way upstairs to the suites, but he knew there were lots of chances for him to see her later in the night.

Out on the dance floor, Luhan and Sehun managed to escape the pit as bodies collided and strangers swapped sweat and drinks splashed out of their glasses.

“Dance club, huh? Whoever runs this place better have a quality cleaning crew on call.”

“Really, Luhan? That’s your concern? Not the fact that Yurim and Joonmyun have probably-”

“Sehun! Give it a rest! Please, will you stop worrying about your cousin and Suho for a second? I’m starting to think you’re more interested in the drama your cousin goes through than your own boyfriend.” Luhan sunk into a seat and huffed, refusing to even look at Sehun. “It’s always about her. I get that you’re worried – trust me, I was pretty confused when Suho told me he just dumped his girlfriend without telling me why – but you can’t keep butting in every time something might happen.”

“Luhan, I…”

“I’ll be back with some drinks. Just, please think about this and please promise me that we can go on a date without you talking about Yurim and Suho? Because I’m getting tired of their non-existent relationship and I’m not even in it.” Sehun watched Luhan get up and leave. Sehun had to admit that he did always talk about Yurim. He couldn’t help it. He was still kind of mad that Joonmyun dumped her out of nowhere without a decent explanation – “I think we just need to see other people” didn’t fly with Sehun – and left Yurim utterly heart broken. It took almost a week to get Yurim to go outside, and even longer to get her to stop crying every other hour because to her, everything was Joonmyun.

Sehun took a few breaths and tried to get himself to stop thinking about Yurim and Joonmyun and everything that could possibly go wrong the rest of the night. Luhan was right. Sehun thought too much about everything else and not enjoying everything wonderful that was right in front of him. Or, everything wonderful that was currently off getting him a drink.

*~*~*~*~*

The EXO team had gathered into one room. There were only seventeen of them performing and a single VIP room was spacious for them to relax in. It was just nice having space for the guys and girls to change separately as well as a room to store all their extra belongings. Everyone changed into plain red shirts and black shorts with a silver stripe running along the right leg and skirts with patterned leggings. The guys had a red bandana rolled up and tied to their head, the girls a black bandana loosely tied and draping from their neck.

Yurim was already stretching with a few other girls when the boys joined them. They chit-chatted away to pass the time until everyone was ready to do some quick group warmups. Yurim wasn’t very involved with the conversation, though. She had seen Joonmyun speaking with Seohyeon and that made her cringe. She was not aware that Joonmyun was going to actually be helping. Kris never mentioned it, and she also did not recall hearing that when she was eavesdropping on Kris and Joonmyun.

The thought of approaching Joonmyun did cross her mind, but Yurim second guessed herself and scurried up the stairs, hiding behind her group mates and avoided Joonmyun. She justified her cop out by telling herself she’d run into him sometime between now and when she left anyway, so why rush the inevitable?

The group got ready and warmed up, and slowly the thought of seeing Joonmyun slipped her mind completely.

She was rudely reminded when a knock interrupted them and asked them to be back stage. “Ten minutes until you guys are on. If you could follow me backstage in the next minute or two that would be great. And make sure to lock the rooms before we head down.”

“Hey, Yurim, isn’t that-“

“Yes, Kai.”

*~*~*~*~*

Joonmyun brought the EXO crew down to the stage area. Their took a badly-timed bathroom break which left Joonmyun to grab EXO. And Yurim. But if there’s anything Joonmyun had learned to do during his time as a performer, it was to smile and be professional the second things took a turn for…when things just took a turn.

“The DJ has all your music and I’ll show you guys how to easily get from backstage to the DJ if you need to speak with him. If you guys need anything, just ask me or anyone else running around with a radio like this.” Joonmyun waved his radio and pointed to the small mic that crossed his cheek before turning his full attention back to the current act as they finished up. There would be about a five-minute break for the DJ to get refreshed and for the stage to be cleared.

“We’ll be right back with the main act of the night, so just kick back for a few, a’ight?” The DJ stepped down from his booth and disappeared behind the curtain. After a minute he reappeared at Joonmyun’s side. “Aye Joonmyun, stall if it takes me a bit I really gotta take a breather, feel me?”

Joonmyun nodded and agreed to buy him an extra five minutes since they had to keep the schedule moving. That did mean backstage would be really crowded for a little bit, though. Joonmyun felt someone’s eyes on him, but he ignored it.

It was three minutes before the DJ had to get back when Joonmyun finally approached Yurim. “Uh, good luck, Yurim. Can’t wait to see you guys perform.” Somehow the words came out strained and less than genuine sounding.

Yurim nodded her thanks as the DJ ran by and gave Joonmyun the go ahead to move things along. Once the DJ was back in his booth, Joonmyun gave EXO a chance to do a last second pep talk and get positioned. “EXO’s about to go on Jongdae. I’ll tell the DJ to introduce them in a second. Over.”

“Sounds good. Tell me when they’re almost done so I can wrap up the performances. Over.”

Joonmyun waved down the DJ to get things going.

“A’ight, time to get the main event started!” The DJ was able to command attention over the energy and all eyes were on him. “Help me welcome a local dance group, you know them, you love them, it’s EXO!” cheers came at the name ‘EXO’, and even more when Seohyeon and Wonjoon took to the stage with a few other dancers. Yurim was still offstage, one of three of the dancers who were waiting in the wings. Joonmyun unconsciously made a mental note of how she looked before looking away.

Seohyeon did a quick intro on the stage mic before moving it to the side, but by the sounds from the crowd it seemed like it wasn’t very necessary. Joonmyun had heard of EXO, but he was so busy with work and not having much of a social life that he never got around to seeing them perform before. Yixing and Kyungsoo did try to drag him out of their apartment before, but Joonmyun always said he was either too tired to not in the mood. Granted, one of those excuses was true about half the time.

Joonmyun was enjoying the show, though. It was clear that everyone who was dancing loved what they did and put their all into each step and song. Joonmyun wasn’t much of a dancer – he had tried and found himself to be a little above average at best – so he held everyone with much respect for being able to control the way their bodies moved and how each of them could seduce in even the most innocent of ways.

“You do realize you are staring, right?”

The sudden voice made Joonmyun jump. “Uhm, hey Jongdae. Didn’t you say you wanted me to call you down later?”

“I like this view better, and the VIP rooms are so insulated against sound it’s a lot harder to appreciate the dancing. I’ve been a fan of EXO for a while, so I figured I could at least pay my respects by watching from up close.” Jongdae turned his attention to the stage and followed the dancers and they weaved about and sent little knowing smirks to each other. “She’s the one over there, right?”

Joonmyun followed Jongdae’s gaze to a girl who was currently posed on the far side of the stage with her back to him. He had to wait and get a better look at the girl, but he figured Jongdae was right. Her hair was tied off-center and blended into the black bandana that adorned her neck. Loose strands were starting to show as a result of turning and moving, and Joonmyun could only guess that her bangs were starting to stick to her skin like everyone else’s.

The girl turned her head and Joonmyun went momentarily breathless at the sight of Yurim’s profile. He expected to see Yurim’s face sooner or later, yet this single moment was the most beautiful thing he had seen in a long time. In fact everything about Yurim dancing was beautiful.

There was a glint in her eye that came from within and it shined brightly like the lights that shined on her. She looked so at home. There was confidence painted on her face and freedom in her dance despite everything being choreographed. There weren’t words for what Joonmyun saw except for beauty, and even that couldn’t do the sight justice.

“I remember when she was a new recruit for EXO.” Jongdae started talking, though Joonmyun almost missed it when Yurim body rolled before hitting three strong beats with her feet. “Wonjoon invited me to an exhibition they had and they had all the new recruits from the different dance crews do something. Even then she was pretty good, but she struggled to fall into the songs.”

“Fall into the song?” Joonmyun had an idea what Jongdae meant. It was one thing to sing a song. It was something else entirely to fall into a song and harmonize with the emotions written on sheet music and typed up lyric pages.

Jongdae kept going. “You could tell her mind was on something else. But then one day she let go of whatever that was and really got close to the music.”

The feeling was something Joonmyun could easily relate to. When he was singing with Luhan and Yixing, they were always particular about what they sang. They were good and had vocal skills, but they wanted to be more than just another voice and face. They wanted to be the feelings that lingered hours after a show. They would spend hours and days learning the most intimate feelings about every song they performed so when they heard the intro for a song or when Yixing’s fingers ran across a piano, it was like they were hypnotized and became the song.

“Word has it Yurim is going to be taking Seohyeon’s spot when Seohyeon gets too busy with work so she’ll be really busy managing EXO on top of classes. And Kai – the one currently front and center – will be taking Wonjoon’s spot.” Jongdae kept going, not caring if Joonmyun was completely listening or not. “I don’t know when the switch will happen, but I’m happy for her. I think she’ll do good.” Jongdae gave Joonmyun a pat on the back before walking around to the other side of the stage.

Joonmyun continued to admire the dancers from his spot in the shadows. Whatever Jongdae said sat somewhere in his subconscious to be properly processed at a later time. A couple of the EXO members asked for some assistance finding extra water and chairs while they sat off stage and waited their turn, so Joonmyun would quickly run off just to come back and watch.

He let out a sigh of relief, but a tap on his shoulder made him momentarily tense up. “Got anymore cold water?” Yurim offered a shy smile as Joonmyun handed her an unopened bottle.

 “So how did you end up working back here?” Yurim asked between sips. Joonmyun offered his explanation between nods and offering others a cold bottle. “That’s nice of you. You really haven’t change, huh?”

“What’s that supposed to mean? Jongdae’s a friend and I was just trying to lend a hand.”

“Exactly. You were always nice. Almost always.”

If Joonmyun caught the slight angry tone in Yurim’s voice when she said ‘almost’, he did a good job hiding it. “Nice guy syndrome, what are you going to do about it?”

“Yes, what am I going to do with you?”

Joonmyun was going to make a retort of some kind, but from his peripherals he saw someone trying to wave Yurim down. He gestured over to the boy – probably about Joonmyun’s age if he were to venture a guess – and Yurim looked over.

“You’re up, Yurim.”

“Ah, thanks Xiumin.” Yurim undid the black bandana around her neck and pulled a red banadana she hid under her skirt. She tied a quick ribbon where hair was tied and tossed the black bandana over to Xiumin who tucked it into his pockets.. She bid Joonmyun a silent see you later before skipping to the edge of the stage.

The boy called Xiumin gave Joonmyun a quick once over before following Yurim onto the stage.

“Hey guys. Uh…um…so I guess a lot of you know about us, huh?” Yurim had taken to the stage mic while Xiumin and a couple others set up behind her. “Well we’re going to try something a little different. See, Kai, uh…that one over there…he had this brilliant idea and somehow he convinced me to go through with it. So I hope you guys like it – for Kai’s sake because, again, this was his idea.” There was a wave of light laughter and Yurim stuck her tongue out at Kai when he made a face at her for throwing him under the bus like that.

The DJ played the next track. Yurim was still at the microphone and the second IU’s “Someday” came over the speakers, Joonmyun saw it. That look when a person just feels.

괜찮을 거라고 내 스스로를 위로하며 버티는
하루하루가 날 조금씩 두렵게 만들고
나를 믿으라고 말하면서도 믿지 못하는 나는

이제 얼마나 더 오래 버틸 수 있을지 모르겠어요


Everyday I hold out and comforting myself by saying “it’ll be alright”,
But day by day I get a little more scared.
I tell myself to believe in me, but I can’t even do that
Now I don’t know how much longer I can hold out.

It was so pure, the way Yurim was singing. Joonmyun remembered the late nights they would spend together. He would be reading a book, legs propped up on the coffee table, while Yurim would use his shoulder as a pillow. She would absentmindedly sing her feelings to de-stress and hum in content when Joonmyun s an arm around her and gently ran his fingers through her hair. Half the time Joonmyun wasn’t really paying attention to the book, but posed that way because it was part of their routine.

You two are just stuck in a routine. Don’t you want something more than the same thing all the time?

The memory suddenly crossed Joonmyun’s mind and interrupted his daydreaming. He shook it all off and went back to listening to Yurim.

날 이젠 도와주길
하늘이 제발 도와주길
나 혼자서만 이겨내기가
점점 더 자신이 없어져요

Please, help me now
Please, God, I’m asking for your help
I don’t have enough confidence
And more and more I lose faith in myself.

Luhan was admiring Yurim from afar with Sehun draped around his neck. “She’s got a good voice, and whoever choreographed the dancers was pretty spot on. Simple, cute, and very fitting.”

Sehun glanced over to the three couples who were dancing on stage. Sehun had to agree. He never thought “Someday” was a song that you could choreograph to, but whoever did the choreography did a good job.  It was almost whimsical, but there was an underlying sadness in the little ways the couples interacted.

언젠간 이 눈물이 멈추길
언젠간 이 어둠이 걷히고
따스한 햇살이 이 눈물을 말려주길

I hope these tears will stop running someday.
And someday after this darkness clear up,
I hope the warm sunshine will dry these tears.

Kris was watching from a table near the back. He wasn’t a fan of the loud noise that came with places like the KeyCap or Star Jar so he snuck into the venue as close to when EXO was going to go on. He accidentally missed the first few numbers because of that.

He smiled listening to Yurim’s voice and made a note to praise Kai and Wonjoon for their clever ideas with the dance. Yurim wouldn’t stop praising them herself when Kris would ask about her practices, and Kris could see that Yurim’s words were not misplaced.

기다리면 언젠간 오겠지
밤이 길어도 해는 뜨듯이
아픈 내 가슴도 언젠간 다 낫겠지

언젠간 언젠간


But wait it’ll come
Although the night is long, the sun will come up
And someday my painful heart will get well

Someday, someday

Once the memory crossed Joonmyun’s mind, it wouldn’t leave him.

It’s almost painful watching you guys, you know? Don’t you feel stuck in a rut?

You have to keep her attracted and interested or else she’ll find fun somewhere else. Someone else.

He wanted to enjoy the rest of the performance. He really did. But the flooding memories were more than distracting. He regretted letting the words get to him the first time around, and he hated that he listened to them, but after things were said, it was impossible to take it back. The eternal impression of the words did their damage and Joonmyun had to live with the self-induced consequences.