Jinki hurried home.

He sprinted through the door, pausing only for a bit to slip off his shoes before making a beeline for his bedroom. There, he pulled out the large boxes stashed in his closet and hoisted them towards his bed. One by one he went through them, rummaging through the contents, almost afraid that he wouldn't find what he was looking for. He had so many SHINE-related stuff that he might have misplaced some of them somewhere.

Just as he was about to give up, he found it wedged between two thick photobooks. Gingerly, he picked up the book, running fond fingers over its decorated covers.

It was the book of 100 poems which he had given Jonghyun and had been returned to him when the singer broke up with him. Reminiscing that day made Jinki's chest hurt, but unlike before when all he felt was emptiness, he could feel a large surge of hope.

He flipped through the pages of the book, and just like before the loose pages slid out. Jinki deftly caught them and read through each of them. The highlighted lines must have been the code but he had no clue what they meant.

As Jinki read through the pages, he realized that they weren't in order. He collated them, putting the first page in the order on top and the following pages underneath it. As he checked if he had the page numbers in order, he let the sides of the pages at the back peer from the side. That was when he had the idea.

Laying the pages on the bed, Jinki spread them like a fan until the first few letters of each line peered from the side, starting with page 99 and ending in page 3. But nothing made sense to him. He thought for a few minutes, arranging the pages into random formations, trying to form sentences with the first letters and words, and then with the ending letters and words. The whole task was annoying him, but Jinki wanted to find out the code especially since Jonghyun insisted that it was important.

In a bit of an unconscious attempt, Jinki rearranged the pages once more, this time with the first page at the very back and the last page on top. As he ran his fingers over the pages to spread them like a fan, his breath hitched. He might have found his answer. The first letters of each highlighted line spelled out a sentence.
 

As he figured out what the letters formed, a memory of a phone conversation came back to Jinki.

”I…you know I love you, right, Jinki?”

“I know, Jonghyun.”

“Jinki. Don’t forget that, okay? Remember it always.”

“You’re weird, Jonghyun.”

“Just promise!”

“I won’t forget.”

“Okay. I’ll talk to you later. Remember that I love you, Lee Jinki.”

Jinki slumped on the bed, raking his hair with his fingers. The code Jonghyun left him (if he was correct) was short and almost meaningless. It shouldn't be enough to placate Jinki after giving him shock and frustration and sadness. But he knew what the purpose of the message was. It was a vow of trust on Jonghyun's part—a warning of something that could possibly happen as well as a promise that nothing would be forgotten no matter what happened.

Jinki felt disappointed that Jonghyun had been an enigma all throughout this...this wait. He never said anything else and had broken up with Jinki in a hurried manner without even an explanation. When he saw the pictures in Jonghyun's room, Jinki knew that the singer had known of the scandal, but since when? And why didn't he say anything about it?

Despite his doubts and heartaches, Jinki still felt a little relieved that Jonghyun had not completely forgotten about him—as Jinki still hadn't forgotten about the singer, too. There was also the slightest of guilt that Jinki took everything for granted, including that phone call. He should've paid more attention instead of dismissing things as part of their routine. If only he could bring back those times, he would've said more. He would've told Jonghyun how much he loved the man, if it could be put into words. The only thing he didn't regret was deleting the site. The site wasn't a bad decision, but it was time to close it before things get worse. The only problem was that Jonghyun seemed to think Jinki had forgotten about him when Jonghyunited was closed.

As if it was that easy to forget about one Kim Jonghyun.


Jinki sighed and fell onto the bed, rolling over the pages he had just decoded. He had learned of Jonghyun's message. He had seen Jonghyun once more after a long time. He had known that Jonghyun knew of the scandal and was possibly trying to protect him when they broke up.

But Jinki still didn't know what he should do.



–-


“We're kidnapping you again,” came a sing-song voice from behind. Jinki immediately recognized the owner of the voice, and he slowly turned around after dumping a garbage bag in the bin outside his workplace.

“What do you guys want again?” he asked, trying to hide his frustration of seeing them again, for he hadn't even thought about how to patch things up with Jonghyun. He was currently in an alleyway at the back of the bookstore, and as he turned around Jinki saw that there was already a car waiting with three boys standing there like they weren't popular celebrities.

Taemin was with Key and Minho this time, and it seemed the two older guys were letting him do the talking, as if they knew Jinki had a soft spot for SHINE's maknae. The youngest looked a bit disappointed at Jinki's remark. “We just want to talk, hyung,” he said, lips curving downwards. “We haven't talked in a while and we thought...”

“Sorry,” Jinki immediately said, unable to take Taemin's sad face. Since when did he develop a soft spot for this kid anyway? Stupid Eunji. He pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled. “It's been a long day and I haven't gotten any sleep.” He nodded to the other SHINE members. “Why are you here to talk anyway? You could've just called me and I know the way to the dorm.”

Key shook his head and straightened up from where he leaned against the car. "We know you changed your number and you probably won't reply even if we manage to contact you. And we can't talk at the dorm right now. It's a hotspot because of a reality show we're filming."

"Let's talk somewhere else, hyung," Minho said as he opened the car door. "We've also told your manager beforehand so you don't have to worry about anything."

Jinki stared at them, flabbergasted. Then, with one last look at the back door of his workplace, he slid into the car and they sped off, with Taemin slightly whining about being stuck in the backseat with Jinki when he wanted to show off his driving skills.




"Do you want a beer?" Taemin asked, digging some cans from the plastic bag beside him. Jinki smiled and politely declined. "Can I want a beer?" Taemin asked Kibum hopefully, but the older man just gave him a glare and told him to drop the can or else.

“How's Jonghyun?” Jinki asked as Minho weaved through side streets to avoid the crowds. “Is he still...I mean...”

“He's still alive,” Key quipped, laughing when Jinki gave a small gasp. “I'm just kidding, hyung. I mean, he's alive and he's stopped his drinking sprees since you left. But then he kept scolding us about how we shouldn't have involved you as if you aren't already and that we shouldn't have let you come in the dorm.”

Jinki sighed and smiled sadly. “He's mad at me, isn't he?”

Minho slowed the car to a stop and Jinki realized that they stopped at the edge of a city park, just facing the river bank. There were no other cars in sight, and Jinki remembered his night-outs with Jonghyun by the Han River. “He's not mad at you, hyung. He's just...I don't know, disappointed. I think he was expecting that you two would be so impeccably in sync, but now that you're both having a hard time understanding each other it frustrated him. He was almost ready to give up on you, but then you showed up so he's conflicted.”

Jinki had to smile at the thought that he wasn't the only one frustrated by this whole ordeal.

“He doesn't want to talk to you because he's scared that you're angry, too,” Taemin said, a little too cheery for the topic of their conversation. “Also, his fans are still on the edge and he didn't want to risk calling or meeting up with you if it meant someone digging up the scandal again.”

“I see...” Jinki settled into his seat, his beer turning warm in his hand. “I...figured out what he meant in his message,” he confessed. “But I'm not sure what he wants me to do. If he is afraid of backlash from fans then that means I can't make a move without thinking, too.”

“I don't even know why you're trying to be the Romeo and Juliet of our times,” Key snapped as he leaned back, his head making a thump on the seat.

“Excuse me?”

"Kibummie, relax," Minho said before turning to Jinki. "What Kibum meant is that you guys don't want to do anything that we have to do things for you. Jonghyun-hyung wouldn't contact you because he is waiting for a confirmation from you. You wouldn't contact him because you are waiting for instructions from Jonghyun-hyung."

“But that's because I don't really know what's the right thing to do!” Jinki cried, frustration rising again. “I don't even know if I should give up on him or wait for him or make my move and contact him. I'm scared. One step and I might ruin his career and I think you know that!”

The three members were quiet, letting Jinki huff in exasperation and take swig of his beer.

Key rubbed his temple. “As much as I want to bash your heads together for being the best idiots in our history, we actually came here to help you guys.”

Jinki perked up at the announcement, and Taemin looked so excited he was vibrating in his seat. “Help...?”

Taemin touched Jinki's arm. “Since Jonghyun-hyung won't go out to speak with you, we decided to take it upon ourselves and explain him to you,” he said, grinning.

Minho chuckled. “He's probably all romantic and cheesy when he's with you, but in the dorm he was always restlessly thinking about you. He kept checking your fansite and if you had posted any opinions of him since you don't say much about him. It was when he noticed the fans talking about you and him. At first he thought it was nothing, since no one would really suspect two guys hanging out together, right? He thought it'd be just a one-time blow on him and it'll be swept under the covers later on."

Key crossed his arms over his chest and stretched his legs as far as the car would let him. "But then the fans started looking up information on you and had found out where you live. Then they connected you to your fansite, and that's when Jjong got scared. Too scared, actually, that he decided to break up with you overnight so you won't be targeted."

“You already know about how idol life is,” Taemin said, unconsciously playing with his bracelet.

Jinki looked at them with awe. How these people knew so much yet not tell him anything was so confusing.

"We were made to swear to not tell you," Key continued as if reading his mind. "The deal was he'll explain things and then break up with you and then find a way to get back with you later on once the rumor dies out. He just likes you that much. But that day we were followed by tons of fans for some reason. Jjong didn't know how to tell you everything in a limited time. So he had that super genius idea of sending you a cryptic message. Which you didn't read on time by the way."

Jinki hung his head in shame. "I'm sorry..."

“No, we're supposed to be the ones to say sorry,” Key suddenly said. Jinki was taken aback. He didn't expect Key who was very blunt with his words to apologize to him. “We're sorry you had to go through all this even though you've only been nice to us. I'm sure Jjong also feels so ashamed of how you're being judged just because you're with him.”

“But this was also my choice so...” Jinki sipped from his can again. “I don't want to just wait. I fee like I have to do something about this instead of letting Jonghyun take all the blame. But I'm stupidly clueless about this...”

“Which is why we want to help!” Taemin exclaimed as he slightly bounced on the seat.

When Jinki gave them a questioning glance, his eyes a bit blurry from the tears of frustration that never left his eyes, Key turned around to face him, too. “How would you like to be a member of SHINE?”

“W-What?”

“You can be a part of us and then you can be with Jonghyun-hyung whenever you want!” Taemin brightly said.

Jinki stared at them, dumbfounded. Was this really happening? Was it also his fault that SHINE had probably started to go crazy? “I....”

“They're just kidding, hyung.” Minho raised his eyebrows at Jinki from the rearview mirror and sighed at the other two members. “What we meant is that if you need any help in contacting Jonghyun-hyung, or if you want to know anything, you can come to us. It's a bit safer to approach us now instead of Jonghyun-hyung.”

“Thanks for ruining the fun, Choi. His face was priceless.” Key stuck his tongue out but still smiled gently at Jinki before settling back into his seat. “Just think of it as our apology for keeping things from you, hyung.”

“What? He's not really going to be a SHINE member?!” Taemin wailed.

Jinki laughed, the first hearty one he made since breaking up with Jonghyun. “Thank you. Thank you for the support. You could've just left me deal with everything but you explained things that confused me and you've been really helpful already.”

The SHINE members glowed in satisfaction. “We know how much hyung likes you,” Taemin said, leaning affectionately towards Jinki. “We don't want you to end like that.”

“Yeah, if you guys really want to break up, do it properly instead of sending cryptic poems to each other, god.”

“Kibummie.”

“Sorry.”

Minho started the car again. “We should take hyung home and go home ourselves. We have a schedule tomorrow morning.”

“Thank you,” Jinki whispered, smiling at the three faces smiling back at him. Then, he sighed. “I wish I could just talk to him and discuss things openly instead of us trying to figure each other out.” Despite the hopeful things, Jinki realized that he really didn't know Jonghyun that well and vice-versa, and it hurt a bit.

“He gets very paranoid when it comes to people he loves,” Minho quietly said. “So he's really irrational at times. Even though there are ways to solve things easily, he gets discouraged and gives up if he's sure to keep the other party safe.”

Key nodded. “Yeah, he's pretty annoying because he comes on to you and then when danger's approaching you he leaves you so you're safe, but actually you're just left hanging. I'm sorry but it's up to you now to go to him and slap him in the face for being an idiot.”

“I guess all that's left for me to do is to grab any opportunity I can get,” Jinki finished. It wasn't a clear goal, but if something came his way that could give him a chance to even things out with Jonghyun, he'd take it.

Minho was grinning as he stepped on the gas. “Maybe you should infiltrate our company and corner him somewhere so you can punch him senseless.” Key giggled beside him.

“Is Jinki-hyung not really going to be a part of SHINE?” Taemin whined as he curled in the backseat. “Jonghyun-hyung said he had a nice voice and I want to hear!”

“Shut up and drink your beer, Taemin,” Key muttered, instantly regretting what he just said. “No, wait, I mean!”

“Ha! There's no taking back!”

Jinki laughed again, still unsatisfied with the way things are going but motivated with the appearance of a path he could take so he could finally talk to Jonghyun.

And maybe punch him for being the most ridiculously, annoyingly caring man ever.


–


Two weeks and Jinki was beginning to be discouraged.

He had attended a couple of fanmeets for SHINE, carefully wearing clothes that make him inconspicuous and not even carrying a camera. But he found no opportunity to be able to get close to the group. Worse, Jonghyun seemed to have stopped looking for him in the crowd. He didn't even raise his head once during an autograph session, and when he looked at the audience, his look was so far away instead of the usual searching gaze.

Maybe he should've just accepted the offer to be the fifth member of SHINE, was what Jinki was thinking when a co-worker tapped his shoulder. He jumped in surprise then blinked when a poster was shoved into his face. “What?!”

“Yah, Jinki. You like singing, don't you?” his coworker asked, smiling as if he was concocting a large-scale plan. When Jinki nodded, he grinned wider. “I knew it. I remembered you sang so well in one of our Christmas parties. Are you willing to help a guy out?”

Jinki blinked again. “That...depends on the situation.” What could be such a pressing convern that involved him singing?

His coworker plastered the poster on the wall behind the counter. “There's this song composing competition and my friend wants to join,” he explained. “The winner will get a ton of money plus his song would be put out in an album. He has the music down but he still needed to get the lyrics done and most importantly...” Jinki raised his brows as his coworker did a dramatic pose, “...he needs a singer.”

“So you want...me to sing for your friend?” Jinki asked again, a bit confused about what all the fuss was.

His coworker nodded. “You can see the details here in the poster. I also already gave your number to him so he might contact you shortly.” He left with a bit of a flourish, leaving Jinki staring dumbly after him.

“How could you just give my number to people!” Jinki wailed. He had become sensitive of people giving away his information to others since the scandal. Annoyed, he decided to just politely decline his coworker's friend if he tried to contact Jinki. But as he turned around to get something from the shelf, his eyes fell on the poster.



It was an ad for the biennial composing contest hosted by SME, SHINE's mother company.



Just then, Jinki's phone rang.