Hello, this is Jonghyunited's owner.

Thank you very much for your support for the past year. Because of you, Jonghyunited has prospered for a bit more than a year and had participated in showing our love for SHINE's leader, Kim Jonghyun. However, I am sad to announce that as of today, Jonghyunited is closing down. As much as our desire to continue updating this site, there are many things we have to attend to in real life. The lack of time and skill on our part have made us decide to just close the site instead of keeping it open and failing to continue with our responsibilities. This doesn't mean, though, that we have stopped loving and supporting our leader. We are deeply sorry for any inconvenience this might bring. We hope that you'll continue to love Kim Jonghyun and take our place behind the lens. Thank you very much for everything. Goodbye.


“Do you really want to do this?”

Jinki stared at the homepage of his site where a large photo of Jonghyun, waving and smiling at the camera while walking and holding a drink, was displayed. Sighing, he nodded. “Yes.”

Jinki's cousin brought up the site folder, clicked the small tick boxes beside each folder and pressed delete. A dialog box appeared to confirm the deletion. Eunji waited, finger poised over the mouse, as she let Jinki have the final word.

“Do it,” Jinki breathed. And in a single click, kimjonghyunited.co.kr was gone.

“You didn't have to do it like this, you know,” Eunji said as Jinki got up from his seat and let himself fall face down on the bed. He felt his cousin pat his head before getting up and leaving. “I'll be here if you need me,” she said before closing the door.

Jinki buried his face in his pillows, wondering if he really did the right thing, even though he was sure there was nothing else he could've done.




Seven and a half months. It took Jinki that long to decide on whether he should wait, pursue or give up altogether. SHINE had returned from their tour, but Jonghyun never made contact with him since their meeting in the bookstore. Jinki had tried to reach out, send a message even only of congratulations, but right before he hit send he'd chicken out, just like those times way before. Eventually, the reality of Jonghyun's words sank in. It was really over for both of them. He'd gone back to being just a fan and Jonghyun was back up there under the blinding stage lights.

It was a reality he had already known from the start though. It was too much of a good dream to be in a relationship with a famous person he admired. It was inevitable that it would lead to a bitter end. It was a mistake—letting himself fall for someone he couldn't reach, yet Jinki still wished that somehow, Jonghyun had listened to him or explained why. There were so many why's: why the separation, why the sudden coldness, why the lack of contact even though Jonghyun said they could still be friends. Jinki had so many questions and he eventually got tired of trying to think of an answer by himself.

So there were no other options other than to give up.

For his own safety, Jinki moved out of his apartment to live somewhere nearer to his workplace. That scandal about Jonghyun had died because it was overshadowed by SHINE's foreign activities, yet he couldn't be too sure. After closing his website, he decided to go back to his pre-SHINE days—that was, to box away what happened in the last year and start anew on his own.

A few days after his site deletion, Jinki surveyed his room. It had been just over a year, yet his room was filled with Jonghyun. The music CDs, the posters, the trinkets Jonghyun gave him as trip souvenirs, There were the photos he himself took, printed out and arranged in an album. There were books, Jonghyun's favorite books that the singer wanted to share with Jinki, neatly stacked on his bedside table. There were letters, countless letters, because Jonghyun didn't believe that digital communication sufficed his desire to show his feelings. Jinki had received one letter from him every month, each containing the stupidest, cheesiest lines that made Jinki blush and cringe at the same time.

It was as if Jinki was staying in Jonghyun's room and not in his own.

Jinki laid the large box he carried at the foot of his bed. He hadn't even started and he was already feeling the weight on his chest. But he couldn't be like this forever, he thought. He had given up, so it was time to move on.

Suppressing a sigh, Jinki held a corner of a poster and tore it off the wall.

He'd live again, it would be easy since it had only been a year since he became a fan of SHINE. It'd be easy to stop watching concerts and going to events. But Jinki knew it wouldn't be easy to go back to his life of not being emotionally invested in not just the singer, but the man named Kim Jonghyun.





Jinki thought he was doing well. Even his cousin had stopped giving him updates on SHINE. He went to work, got home and read books, wrote reviews of books, and got promoted into editing other people's book reports. He changed his address and his phone number and even his e-mail in order to fight the temptation to contact Jonghyun. All was well and while he often dreamed of Jonghyun, he thought it felt less painful than before. Sure, he'd suddenly be reminded of Jonghyun whenever SHINE's songs came up in a random place like a restaurant or a coffee shop, but instead of feeling like crying, Jinki rather felt like smiling. It was as if SHINE was gradually becoming just a distant but pleasant memory to him.

Which was why he felt like his efforts had been in vain when he faced his register one slow night in the bookstore. “W-what can I do for you?” he asked nervously as he greeted the familiar faces behind the counter. The trench coats and the scarves and sunglasses were a bit of an overkill, but Jinki could still recognize his customers.

“You have to come with us now.”

A hand tugged Jinki's urgently, as if making him jump over the counter. “I...Key, hi. I'm still in my shift and I won't be out until 11 p.m...”

Key took his sunglasses off and gave Jinki a glare before turning to Minho. “Kidnap him,” he told the other guy.

“Okay, okay, I'll go,” Jinki said, easing himself away from the counter. After a rushed explanation of a fake family emergency to his supervisor, Jinki found himself dragged towards the backdoor where a silver car was waiting. Key unceremoniously pushed him in the backseat while he took the side passenger seat. Minho took the wheel and drove off.

“Mind the fans,” Key said as he looked through the tinted glass. “Are there any photographers? I think I saw someone from your fansite...”

“Nah, we're clear,” Minho said as he stepped on the gas. “I don't think they'll recognize us in these disguises.”

Jinki wanted to tell them that their disguises gave them away all the more but he decided to keep quiet. Instead he tried to ask why they were kidnapping him. “Why...” Jinki started, but Key seemed to have already read his mind. Watching Jinki from the rear view mirror, Key sighed.

“Sorry, hyung,” Minho started as he trained his eyes on the road. “We really needed you to come with us.”

“I don't understand...”

“It's Jjong,” Key suddenly said, throwing his hand up in exasperation. “What else could it be?”

There was a familiar thump in his chest, and Jinki felt sad as he realized that even the mention of Jonghyun's name still had the effect on him. “W-what about him? Is he okay?”

Key rolled his eyes and settled into his seat. “We wouldn't be sacrificing our images and kidnapping you in the middle of your shift if he was okay, seriously.”

Minho shushed Key, as if reminding him to mind his temper. “Sorry, hyung,” Minho said again. “It's just that Jonghyun-hyung hadn't been alright lately. He's been drinking a lot and moping and he rarely does that.” Minho sighed before continuing. “It's not like him at all. We're worried he'll ruin himself and we had no choice but to come to you.”

“But...why me? I mean, we broke up already and you both know that,” Jinki said, voice cracking as the admittance of their breakup escaped his lips. “We don't even talk to each other anymore.”

There was a brief silence, with just the purr of the engine interrupting the tense atmosphere, before Key spoke once more. “He started being like that when he heard the news of your fansite closing.”

“Oh.” And Jinki felt his heart drop even more. He wouldn't believe just the mere closing of a site would affect Jonghyun but either way he was worried. He needed to see Jonghyun for himself.




“Where is he?” Key asked Taemin, who was watching late night variety shows when they arrived. As Taemin got up, Key told him to guide Jinki to Jonghyun's room, where the singer apparently fainted after another drinking spree.

“You came!” Taemin cheerily said as he held onto Jinki's elbow, steering the older guy towards the hall. “I thought you wouldn't come. I even told Key-hyung to take me instead of Minho since I know you like me more and that I can drive better but Minh--”

“Taemin-ah,” came Key's warning from the living room, and Taemin kept quiet until they reached Jonghyun's room. Slowly, Taemin opened the door and gestured for Jinki to enter. “He's been like that for a week already. We couldn't take it.”

Taemin stayed by the door as Jinki walked closer to Jonghyun's bed. The singer slumped on the covers, not even bothering to take his slippers off as he slept. Jinki leaned closer to see how Jonghyun's eyes seemed more deep-set than usual, or how he hadn't even taken his makeup off, or how his breath stank of alcohol.

“Could you get me a basin of warm water and a small towel?” Jinki asked Taemin, who nodded and quickly got the items. After depositing the items on Jonghyun's beside table, the young man left, leaving Jinki with the sleeping singer.

Jinki gingerly sat at the edge of the bed and soaked the towel in warm water. He wrung it, then proceeded to gently wipe Jonghyun's face with it. He held Jonghyun's face with one hand as he tried to rub away his makeup with the towel in his other hand. As the makeup was erased, Jinki realized how thinner Jonghyun had become, his cheekbones more prominent than usual. Frowning, Jinki traced the contours of Jonghyun's face.

“What happened to you?” Jinki whispered, his fingers seemingly unable to stop running themselves all over Jonghyun's face. “You're the one who wanted this so why?”

Suddenly, Jonghyun stirred, catching Jinki off guard. He flinched as Jonghyun slowly opened his eyes and fixed his gaze at him. “...J-Jinki?”

Jinki audibly swallowed before replying. “Yes, it's me.”

Jonghyun blinked a few more times before reaching out with his hand. Jinki hesitated, then slowly let his fingers intertwine with Jonghyun's own. “Is it really you?” Jonghyun slurred, voice thick with intoxication.

“Yes,” Jinki breathed.

“Did you...get my message?” Jonghyun asked, his eyes suddenly wide and searching. “Did you get it, Jinki?”

Jinki was puzzled. “What message? When?”

As soon as he said the words, Jonghyun heaved a deep sigh, then released his hand. Jinki stared at the other man who rolled on his side and faced away from Jinki. “You never got it,” Jonghyun muttered, his voice muffled by his pillows. “That's why you never...”

“I don't understand...”

“You deleted your site.”

Jinki stiffened. He stood up from the bed and slowly paced the room. “It was painful for me to keep,” he confessed. “I...well, you...when you said we shouldn't see each other anymore and you never kept in touch.” He turned towards Jonghyun's bookcase, silently observing how he had most of the books, too, kept in a large box in his room because they reminded him of Jonghyun.

Against his pillow, Jonghyun scoffed, or sighed, Jinki couldn't really tell. “If you did that then you didn't get the message, Jinki,” he muttered. “I'm not pressuring you to do anything, so I'm letting you go as you wish.”

Jinki whipped around in shock. “What are you talking about?!” he exclaimed, voice rising. “You were the one who told me to let go, Kim Jonghyun! You were the one who left first, weren't you? Why is it that I appear to be the one to blame?”

“Jinki, just do whatever you wish to do,” Jonghyun muttered, voice slipping away as he gave in to intoxication once more.

“What was your message?” Jinki pressed, leaning against Jonghyun's desk. “What do you want, Jonghyun? Why can't you just tell me?”

He didn't receive an answer anymore, and Jinki could only tear at his hair in frustration. He had made up his mind to let go, then this man suddenly said it wasn't what it appeared to be. Jinki was confused and angry and scared.

“You're an idiot,” Jinki told Jonghyun's sleeping form.

He didn't understand what Jonghyun said, and he knew he won't get anything even if he asked the other SHINE members. It was vexing how he was helpless though Jonghyun seemed to blame him for something he didn't even know. Jinki wanted to know what was it he missed, but it seemed that Jonghyun had also given up on them.

Were there really no other ways other than giving up?

Jinki didn't know, but it was the only thing he could do.

As he straightened up to leave—it wouldn't do any good to have any kind of discussion with a drunk man, no matter how important it was—Jinki knocked over a book on Jonghyun's desk. He bent to pick it up, and realized that it wasn't a book, but a photo album. Curious, Jinki flipped through the pages.

And found himself staring at himself.

Jinki turned more of the pages, eyes widening every time he looked at a new part of the album. The entire compilation were pictures of him, grainy and wobbly and probably taken by a cellphone camera. Most of the shots were of his back or side, but it couldn't be denied that the pictures were of him, of Lee Jinki. Breath hitching, Jinki turned to the sleeping form on the bed before studying the album once more.

A good half of the shots were taken from airports, and Jinki faintly remembered incidents wherein Jonghyun had his phone out to take pictures of the fans. The rest of the shots were overhead or side shots, seemingly taken a few floors above the parking lot where Jinki used to wait with other fans for SHINE. A couple or so pictures were of Jinki sleeping or busy at the computer, and Jinki could very well tell that those were taken from his own room.

At the very end of the album, though, Jinki's heart almost stopped. The pictures at the end were printed on paper, unlike the rest of the album. He knew the photos so well and Jinki felt the familiar pain in his chest. They were those pictures spread on the message board—the ones starting the flame of the scandal involving him and Jonghyun. There were text with the photos, as if Jonghyun had printed the entire webpage and cut out the pictures to include in the album.

Jinki's hands shook as he closed the album. Since when did Jonghyun know about it? How did he know? He replaced the album on the desk and another book caught his eye.

It was a book on Hyakunin Isshu, an identical copy of the one Jinki gave Jonghyun, the one Jonghyun gave back. As Jinki stared at the cover, he remembered the incident in the bookstore: Jonghyun apologizing and telling him that they should separate; Jonghyun handing him the book and leaving; highlighted pages from the book scattering on the fl--

“The book,” Jinki suddenly realized aloud. The way the book was wrapped and the way its pages were torn off—Jinki hadn't really paid any attention to those. He never scanned the book after receiving it and had packed it away with the rest of his things when he removed traces of SHINE in his room.

Pressing his lips together, Jinki quietly left the room. He gave a few instructions to Key on how to make a honey lemon drink for Jonghyun to remove his hangover, then hurredly said his goodbye.

“What happened? Was Jonghyun-hyung being an idiot?” Taemin asked as he watched Jinki put on his shoes.

Jinki smiled at the three men worriedly watching him. “No, but I think I am.”