ºI'm a Saesang Fan!?! Part 2

      I almost choked on my rage.

     “Are you ting me right now? Would you at least open your eyes when you’re talking to me? Jeeze, be a man Sunggyu. You’re acting real high and mighty for someone who can’t look a girl straight in the face when talking to her.” His jaw dropped and it seemed he was flabbergasted.  “Yeah, how about that?” I spat out and pushed my chair back into the table; eating dinner with them was obviously not going to happen.

     “What did you just say to him?” Woohyun asked. I paused from slipping on my jacket and turned my head slightly to see him consoling their leader. I laughed, wondering why they wanted to carry this further.

     “Do you need hearing aids?!” I snapped raising my voice louder to be sure he would hear.  One of them flinched as my voice echoed.

     “Why are you being like this!? All he was doing was trying to save some of your pride. Don’t you even understand that?” Woohyun stood up and walked over to me and stood in my way. “Are you even listening to me? Apologize to him. Right now.” I lifted an eyebrow insolently at him.

     “No. What are you going to do about it?” I tried to walk past him but he side-stepped into my way again. The yelling was becoming louder since fans could see us and had realized I was a girl. They all started screaming and I clinched my jaw because of the cacophony in my ears.

      “Oppa! Oppa! Hug me too!” they screamed. Hugging? Is that what it looked like to them? Woohyun spun around to face them and wrapped an arm around my shoulder and gave me a quick squeeze before turning us both around and forcing me back to the table.

     “Get off of me!” I shoved him off, which made me stumble and almost fall over.

     “Seriously this is too much,” Woohyun began and patted Sunngyu's shoulder. “Why are you acting like a victim in this situation?”

     I chewed on my bottom lip looking through my decisions. I had just made things worse acting like this. It wasn’t even my fault. A wave of self-pity began to wash over me. I could feel the tears burning in my eyes and turned my head to the side as one threatened to roll down my face. I threw my head up and looked at the ceiling and began to act like I was laughing when I was actually forcing the tears back.  

     “Hyung, isn’t this going too far?” I stopped and stared at the member who looked like a girl.  That was it. I’m not sure what it was, but looking at that really pretty member trying to protect me just set me off. I bowed deeply, which I felt all their eyes turn on me.

     “I’m not a sasaeng fan. Honestly, I don’t even know all your songs or even everyone’s names.” I swallowed hard and looked away from them. “I didn’t tattoo his name on my collarbone. I didn’t start working here to meet you guys or anything.” I brought my head up and looked at the group and wiped my eyes with my jacket sleeve. I laughed as if everything was a big misunderstanding and refused to cry in front of them. “This is really annoying,” I yelled, my anger coming back. “You must be really full of yourself to think that!” I breathed deeply as they all just stared at me. It was horrible. I think it was Hoya who stood up.

     “Alright we understand but wasn’t it too much to say that to our leader? He is really self-conscious about his eyes you know. Woohyun was just trying to protect him. You didn’t have to freak out.” I clicked my tongue at him. I hated how he sounded so reasonable but I couldn’t agree with him.

     “Then what about me? Isn’t it too much to accuse me of being a sasaeng fan?” I spit the words out, hoping it would cause him some hurt but he didn’t even flinch. He just smiled awkwardly and wiped his palms on his pants.

     “I’m sorry. Our choding doesn’t know how to control his mouth. We apologize for it.” Just as he was finishing his words the one who had started this whole mess stood up. He walked up to me and I instantly took a step backwards because he was taller than me.

     “Sorry.” That was all he said and I just nodded.

     “It’s okay. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have acted like that.”

     No one said anything after that. I still felt as though I wanted to cry. Sungyeol sat back down and the group began to talk to amongst themselves. I sat at a different table and texted O'Hare ‘Where are you?’ She didn’t text back and I banged my head on the table causing Ajumma to yell at me.

     “YAH! Don’t do that. Don’t you remember the other day when you started bleeding?” I sighed and apologized to her but she stilled eyed me cautiously. I continued to sit at the table facing the wall, with my hands curled up in my jacket pockets, my cellphone on table. It began to buzz and I snatched it up while quickly glancing at Infinite.  Then I looked at the message she had sent back: ‘I’m in my second class for today but the prof isn’t here yet so I might be here for a while. Why? You want to go drinking? ;) ’ I replied, ‘No it’s nothing. Just finish class okay? Fighting! =^.^=’ I chuckled and placed my phone back onto the table and peered out of the front window. Some fans had left but not enough for me to leave safely.  

     “How did I forget about that?” I asked myself out loud and stood up and sprinted back to the back door. I pushed it open slowly and peered out to make sure there were no fan geurillas anywhere.  Relief washed over me and I opened the door wider and was about to leave when I heard screaming and a shrill voice yell something along the lines of, 'I knew we had to watch the back door!' I yelped, shut the door, locked it and ran back to my table and sat down.

     “What was that loud noise? Sounded like a dog trying to get it on with a cat. Scared the daylights out of me.” Ajummah asked me. I laid my head on the table and turned to look at her.

     "Sorry. That was me. I was going to go out that way but there are still fans out there…” I trailed off and met Sunggyu's eyes. He gave me a disapproving look and I turned to face the wall again. My only question was, which animal was I? Was I the cat getting screwed or the dog doing the screwing?

     It started to get late and my stomach making loud, embarrassing noises. Infinite was still here and so were most of the fans. They had tried to dance to please the crowd, but that had only made it worse. Even their managers couldn’t get to the doors. So there they were, all eating again. I wouldn’t eat though, not by myself and risk looking pitiful in front of those who had just ridiculed me. I closed my eyes and tried to force myself to sleep. Unfortuantely, that wasn’t working out so well, thanks to the laughter coming from the other table. I didn’t even risk a glance at them. I had been listening to their conversation long enough to hear that they barely ever got to see their parents because of their schedules, and I felt bad for them. Always being stalked by fans and even Dongwoo who had been pulled off of stage; it was scary.

    While listening I heard some irregular clanking and rustling, but I was already used to it. I looked up to see Ajummah setting some food on my table. She smiled at me and set the table for two people and sat to eat with me. She didn’t ask me any questions until I sat up, slipped my jacket off and began to eat. Ha, like I was going to say no to free food. Not even if my limbs were cut off would I pass up a chance at free food.

     “So where is your mom?” Ajumma asked, trying to start a conversation.

      “She’s in America, Ajumma-nim.” I replied. She almost spit her food on my face.

     “AJUMMAH!? How old do I look to you?” She reached over playfully and hit the top of my head. I playfully bowed my head and tried again.

     "Unnie?” I suggested, with a small laugh. She chuckled again and I was utterly confused.  Earlier she had informed me that we should drop formalities because she liked me, but I felt uncomfortable doing so.

     “Just call me Umma!” she told me. I nodded even though it was awkward, and I heard a few gasps from the Infinite table.

     “UMMA! ANEE!” We both looked over to Dongwoo who had slammed his fist on the table with a bang. His mom hushed him, telling him to get over it. As we continued to talk, Infinite went back into their priavte conversations. Dongwoo's dad started telling them about some experiences he had had with an old girlfriend. I wasn't really paying attention to it, but I think I heard something about a hot-tub and their homeroom teacher. Yeah, that sounded legal.

     “So where is your dad?” Ajummah asked.

     I swallowed a mouthful of rice before answering. “I don’t know.”

     “Ah… so who do you live with?”

     “I live in a dorm with two other girls.”

     “Ah I see. It must be tough.” I shrugged my shoulders and continued to eat. It wasn’t really tough; I wasn’t a little kid anymore.

     “What about your other family? Why don’t you live with them?”

     I shrugged my shoulders again. “My family is….” I trailed off trying to come up with a good word to fit them. “Is very diverse.”

     She looked intrigued. “Go ahead and explain hon.” I took a deep breath and glanced over at the table where everyone else was.

     “Right here and right now? It’s kind of personal you know…” I trailed off and she waved her hand dismissively.

     “Don’t worry. They're so lost in their little world, they won’t notice us at all.”

     I nodded my head, believing her.  “My older brother is in the military. He has decent rank, but I don’t live with him because of the school I got into. You know, it’s because I’m smart or something like that. He has been deployed a few times and since he’s still young it’s harder for him. Sometimes he gets nightmares from when he went to Iraq and Afghanistan, but it’s not really bad like my cousin had it.”

     I continued to, and mixed some rice with my kimchi. It was weird but very good. “I have a little brother who is adopted. And he did move to Korea with us because my mother doesn’t work, but she moved back to America because it was too hard for them to adjust. I don’t really believe her though. She was always like that. My other older brother, Jordan, is taking care of her and my little brother now. I think that’s it.”

     She patted my head and shoved some more food into my mouth. Again, I can say I didn't totally hate the free food and everything.

     “What about your dad?” she asked. I mentally slapped myself for not remembering.

     “There’s not a lot to say. He worked for my uncles’ construction business. I was really spoiled then. We had a very big house. But then, I just remember things getting worse. It got to the point where I spent less time with him on the weekend because my parents weren’t ever married. My mother and brothers were moving to another state. I went with them for about two years, and then spent a year with my dad where we moved around a lot, and then I went to live with my mom until I grew up. I was supposed to choose who to live with forever but that didn’t happen because no one could find my dad.”

     There was a moment of silence as my new “Umma-nim” took in all this information.

     “Do you hate them?” She asked seriously and grabbed my chin with her hand to look into my eyes.

     I looked into her big brown eyes for a second before shaking my head. “Of course not. I am extremely grateful to them, it’s not their fault things turned out this way. I’m sure my mom is happy, and that’s all that matters really.” Umma-nim laughed half-heartedly changing the subject now.

     “First kiss?” she asked mischeviously.

     “Before I started school.” I answered bluntly. She whistled and hit my arm.

     “How many boyfriends?”

     “A lot. But we didn’t really date. It was like being friends, but more, if that makes sense. I didn’t even hold hands with them.”

     She laughed and drank some of her soup. “You’re a bit oblivious huh?” I looked at her with questioning eyes and she flicked me in the forehead gently. “You’re a natural playgirl. I know you don’t mean to, but that’s how people perceive you. By just being you, they think you are hinting at more than what you are.” I nodded my head allowing her to speak and was expecting some kind of advice, but none was given. Again, she asked a question.

     “First kiss with tongue?”

     “Sixth grade.”

     "Were you guys dating?”

     “I’m not sure. We did date for like, a week but we went to different schools and he was two years older than me.” She snorted and continued with her questions.

     “So what about recently? Anything good?” I contemplated this answer and decided to answer as best as I could.

     “Recently I haven’t dated anyone, but I did kiss a few guys with tongue. I’m not skilled or anything, and it never went past that. They were good kissers and good boyfriend material. We just never dated. I wasn’t a booty call, if anything it was the other way around. It's just a bit hard to explain you know?” I rambled.

     Umma-nim slammed her chopsticks and spoon on the table.  “How come you have such a cool life? What are your secrets for making guys like you?! Your FIRST KISS before you even started school and you had boy toys who I’m assuming were hot! Teach me!” she exclaimed. My face became bright red and I tried to reach over and cover but she was already fanning herself and started taking the empty dishes away.

     I glanced at Infinite. Woohyun and L were staring at me.

     “So you like kissing huh? That’s interesting information.” Woohyun said, and I couldn’t tell if he was playing or not. I had already seen his greasiness and I felt like taking a shower all of a sudden.