On the day of the school trip, I walked to school alone, the wheels of my suitcase bumping on the rough sidewalk as I let my thoughts soar. It was a beautiful day. The bright sun was peeking lazily from above the clouds, lining them silver. The wind itself seemed to be playing tricks on me, tugging on my cap, freeing my ponytail and making my hair fall loose on my shoulders. Knowing that I was fighting a losing battle, I pulled my cap off to let the rest fall freely down my back and shoulders.

I rode the subway alone today, as how I had been riding since the past few days. Following my resolve to forget about my feelings for Joonmyun, I had come up with the decision to avoid him at all costs. It wasn’t that I wanted to cut all ties with him, but I needed a short pause, a window of time wherein I could sort out my feelings for him and remind myself that my world did not revolve around him and his around me.

So far, I had been fairly successful; the only price I had to pay was that I had to spend an extended amount of time with Jongin. I didn’t have a problem with it of course, but sometimes, I couldn’t help the shoots of pain in my heart when my thoughts began to stray towards Joonmyun. I struggled to pull myself together whenever that happened, and deep in my heart, I was glad that Jongin was so different from Joonmyun –it helped that I wasn’t constantly reminded of him whenever I saw his cousin.

When I arrived at the school campus, it was already bustling with activity. The busses were already here, four in total. I did a quick calculation in my head; that should be just about enough to contain the entire senior class. Mr Park and three other teachers were busy bustling around with their clipboards, marking the attendance, speaking with the drivers, and balancing their cell phones on their ears as they spoke to the higher authorities regarding the particulars of the trip.

The students were mostly scattered around, sprawling lazily on their suitcases and laughing with their friends. I spotted a few juniors poking their heads from the windows above. Since the trip was specifically for the seniors, I could almost hear the note of jealousy as they spoke amongst themselves.

“Oh, there she is!” I heard a voice yell. My head whipped towards the left, and I saw Hyunji standing with Ms Hwang, the young and pretty teacher who had only been in the school for about a year or so. Hyunji ran over towards me and grabbed my arm, towing me towards her with a bright smile.

“Right on time, Aeri. I was just about to mark you absent,” Ms Hwang said, smiling at me as she marked me present. I always liked her; she was nice and extremely kind. Not the least bit like the demonic Mrs Kim who watched us like a hawk.

As she moved off to talk to Mr Jung who was standing across the road, Hyunji turned and breathed a sigh of relief. “Yah, that was close. One minute later, and you wouldn’t be able to come with us.”

I gave her a sheepish smile. “I guess I slept in a little bit too late.”

Hyunji shook her head and me. She liked her arm through mine and pulled me towards a group of girls, our friends whom we always gossiped with in class. As we were busy laughing over some joke that the girls were telling, I felt a small vibration in my pocket. I excused myself and headed off to check my phone. To my surprise, it was Yixing, asking that we meet under the large tree that he, Hyunji and I always sat under whenever we got a chance to roam around the campus.

I found him standing under the tree, looking agitated as he ran his fingers through his hair. I paused for a moment to catch a look of his face from afar. From the little I could make out from his features, he looked like he had something occupying his mind –something that could have possibly deprived him of his sleep for the past few days. He stopped when he spotted me, beckoning me towards him urgently.

I complied and walked with tentative steps towards him. I could see that Yixing was struggling to contain his impatience, his shoulders hard and stiff as he watched me approach.

“Hey, Yi–”

“We’re switching busses.”

I was stunned when he suddenly cut me off. I stared at him, dumbfounded, before the words finally sank in. “What?”

“You heard me, we’re switching busses.” He started busying himself, walking away to pick up the suitcase that he had left lying on the tabletop.

“Woah, woah there, Yixing,” I said, stepping in front of him to stop him from escaping. “I didn’t say anything about agreeing to this.”

Yixing huffed in impatience and met my eyes with a steely gaze. “I’m on the same bus as Joonmyun. Switch with me and you might be able to sit with him.”

At the mention of Joonmyun’s name, my stomach flipped and my throat constricted, but I managed to keep myself in check and hold my ground as I glared at him. “What makes you think that you can determine what I want and what I don’t want, Zhang Yixing?”

Yixing surprised me by dropping his suitcase onto the soft grass. His hands soon enclosed themselves around my shoulders, and for the first time, I noticed how broken, how desperate he looked when he gazed into my eyes. “Aeri, please,” he begged, freezing me into stunned silence. Zhang Yixing never begged for anything. “I just can’t take it anymore. It’s already driving me crazy that he’s always with her. Just please, give me this one chance to be with her again.”

I stared into his eyes, the eyes of the best friend with whom I had shared so many moments with. In a way, he was a part of me, and to see him ache so badly made my heart break. “Alright,” I said quietly.

He pulled me into a hug. Figuring that nothing could surprise me any further, I lightly patted him on the back. “Go. Your dream girl’s waiting for you.”

Yixing pulled back, the light slowly returning into his eyes. “Please, she’s anything but,” he said, playing it off with a smile.

“Do you really expect me to believe that?” I asked with a smile, reaching for the chain encircled around his throat and pulling it up to reveal the hexagonal pendant that Hyunji had given him. I knew that he had never taken it off since.

Yixing swatted my hand away, quickly stuffing the necklace back into the inside of his shirt as a faint blush started to creep up his cheeks. Laughing, I pushed him away, ignoring his protests.

“I talked to Mr Jung. It’s already settled,” he told me as he began walking away, backwards so that he faced me. “Good luck,” Yixing smirked before he spun around and jogged away.

“I’m going to need that,” I muttered gravely to myself.

I waited a few moments for Yixing to disappear before I slowly made my way back. Seeing my approach, Mr Jung quickly gestured for me to come over towards him.

“You’re on the first bus,” he informed me, flipping through the pages on his clipboard. “I know it’s sudden, but a student begged me to make a switch. A friend of yours, I assume,” he asked, peering at me from above his clipboard.

I smiled weakly. “Yeah.”

He scribbled something onto the clipboard and gestured for me to board the bus. “I had one of the boys put your things in,” he told me before I could ask where my suitcase was. I nodded and gave him a quick bow. Taking a deep breath, I joined the stream of students boarding the bus.

The minute I stepped in, it felt as if I had embarked on a journey into a world unknown. The buzz of words was louder here, amplified by the metal walls that enclosed all four sides. Everything in here seemed compact, and given the small amount of space, it was only natural that the students got even more rowdy. Tentatively, I made my way down the aisle, trying to look for an empty seat that I wished I could just sink into and drift away to sleep.

“Aeri?” a male voice called. When I turned, I was greeted by a warm smile and a pair of twinkling eyes. A pair of ear phones was dangling from his ears as he looked up at me, the grin almost splitting his face as he made a move to stand.

“Hey, I didn’t know you’d be here. I thought you said you’d be in the other bus, but never mind, come here and sit with me.” Jongin reached out to grab my hand and pull me towards him, but another pair of hands, strong and sturdy but undeniably gentle, had already gotten a hold of my shoulders.

“Sorry Jongin.” Joonmyun’s voice floated into my ear from behind me, sending chills down my spine. “She’s sitting with me. There’s something that we need to talk about.” Without waiting for Jongin’s reply, Joonmyun gently pushed me forwards, guiding me towards two empty seats somewhere at the back of the bus.

“Here, let me get that for you,” he said, taking my shoulder bag and shoving it into the compartment above us. “So, do you prefer the window seat or the aisle seat?” he asked, brushing his hands on his jeans as he gazed at me enquiringly.

I realised that I had been standing there like an idiot and quickly slipped into the window seat, not meeting his eyes. As always, my heart was racing from the way he had held me. When on earth will I be able to stop my heart from misbehaving whenever I’m around him?

 Joonmyun slipped into the seat next to mine and once again I was reminded of his close proximity. I could feel my breathing start to hitch. I had been avoiding him for so long that having him so close was starting to overwhelm me. I supposed that my feelings for him weren’t gone –in fact, I was sure that they never even left.

“Hey,” he said softly, making my body freeze once again.

“Hey,” I replied lightly, gazing out of the window.

“Look at me,” Joonmyun said imploringly.

Steeling myself, I turned my head so that I met his eyes. They brightened when they met mine. “Why have you been avoiding me?” he asked, regarding me from under his bangs as he tilted his head at me.

I laughed nervously, trying to act nonchalant. “What are you talking about? I haven’t been avoiding you.”

“I’m not dumb, Aeri,” he said, softly. “I saw you going the other way every time I approach.”

“There was something I needed to do.”

Joonmyun didn’t look away. His voice turned low and serious. “Please don’t lie to me, Aeri.”

I said nothing and looked away. I expected him to scold me or at the very least give me the silent treatment. Instead, he surprised me by gently patting my hair and letting his fingers rest on the crown of my head as he made me turn to look at him. “Please don’t push me away again,” he said, his voice thick with emotion.

Dazed, I just stared at him before slowly nodding. Beaming, he ruffled my hair before pulling away. “So, want some chocolate?” he asked, producing some from his pocket.

His sudden change of behaviour confused me, but I smiled and accepted it nevertheless. “Thanks. I’ve been dying for something to eat.”

I didn’t know that less than a week of keeping myself out of Joonmyun’s company had warranted so much catching up. We talked for the whole ride, ignoring the buzz of the conversations from around us and the snippets of words thrown in here and there whenever someone said something a little too loudly. Joonmyun and I were in our own little world, and no one besides ourselves could have drawn us out of it.

I noticed that Joonmyun was being more open to me than he ever had been. The tales he regaled me with this time stretched as far as his childhood, passing through his middle school years and ending with the years from when he was a transfer student in a Chinese school. He sent me into a laughing fit when he reminisced over the times when his Chinese wasn’t at its best, during which he was prone to several embarrassing incidents that involved a lot of miscommunication.  

I realised that the result of my efforts in trying to keep myself away from Joonmyun was that I was getting closer to him instead. The pinnacle of my efforts, my almost success, had all come crashing down just by that one smile, that imploring look of his eyes that all but drew my heart completely in. I was still wary to let myself sink in too deeply though, worried that this time, I wouldn’t be able to pull myself out.

I didn’t know how long we talked and when I dozed off, but when I finally awoke, it was to a silence that contrasted with the raucous environment that engulfed us a few hours before. I let my eyelids flutter, too lazy to lift my head as I listened to the rhythmic vibrations of the bus’s wheels. Something clicked at the back of my mind and I shot up, uttering repeated apologies to Joonmyun for using his shoulder as a headrest. He cocked his head at me amusedly before placing his finger on his lips, silencing me.

“Everybody’s sleeping,” he whispered. “It’s the first time I experienced any peace and quiet, so I’d rather have it last for as long as possible.”

“Sorry,” I whispered quietly. “Anyway, I hope I didn’t annoy you or anything. I guess it’s really impossible to control what you’re doing when you’re unconscious.”

Joonmyun gazed at me with a soft smile lifting his lips. “Aeri, believe me. I don’t mind it at all.”

I blushed and looked away. This time, I settled myself into a more comfortable position and tilted my head to the right so that that it wouldn’t land on Joonmyun’s shoulder when I fell asleep. I drifted off again, and this time, I awoke to the sound of loud chatters and excited voices.

When I opened my eyes, the first thing I noticed was that my position was the same as the one I awoke in earlier. I blinked rapidly, my cheek cushioned by the softness of his shoulder as the scent of his cologne wafted into my nose.

“You’re awake?” his melodic voice asked as I slowly lifted my head up. “We’re here. I was just about to wake you.”

Blinking, I began looking around. Everybody was already standing and retrieving their things from the compartments above their seats; only Joonmyun and I were seated. I felt something drop from my shoulders and when I looked down on my lap, I was surprised to find a jacket lying on it. Joonmyun reached over and took it.

“You looked cold,” he stated calmly, slinging it over his shoulder as he stood and reached for our bags in the compartment.

I sat there, momentarily dumbfounded as my head worked to process everything that had happened. Did what Hyunji predict really come true or was I only dreaming?

“Come on,” Joonmyun said, extending a hand to me with a smile in order to help me up. “Let’s get this trip started, shall we?”